April 16, 2023
April 16, 2023
Mike......my brother......a decade......everything seems like just last night I was driving to charter oak to read you're newest poetry.....just yesterday I was sitting across from you in your room enjoying catching up after me being gone six years locked away.... reading the words from the depths of your destroyed heart layer in ink,some in pencil almost can hear your voice giving me the all intimidator chuckle fuck Albert after I tell you army shirts are for army ppl brother. It seems so real.......almost can't accept that it's not,that you're not gonna say fuck you Albert....with ur chuckle tone of attempted intimidation,you'll never pass me one of your notebooks or 1 inch 3 ring binder of words you felt which after reading them always had a way of teaching or guiding me out of the hurt I was in at that moment. I never get to look at you and tell you knowing you might hit me that your over priced man spays made you smell gay....remember that time you were walking me home from school in manilla and I decided to be a tough guy n snatch you booked from ur shoulder n poorly attempt doing keep away in front of the black Smith shop? Very first time I tossed that fucking backpack it came nowhere close to where I wanted it to.......in my mind I just heard the shattering thud of that fucker hitting the concreate breaking ur brand new bottle of overpriced gay spray.... Tommy Hilfiger I can smell it right now like I'm there. I almost literally shit my fucking pants because I knew you was gonna kill me. Only thing that saved my skinny ass was you snatched ur bag first before me n I always been faster than you so I ran like hell to wellers......YOU WAS SO PISSED BRO! I laughed till I cried when I was done wiping my ass of the mess I made out of terror felt. WHY of all ppl can I not accept that your gone brother that your not ever coming back in your flesh Mike? Why after all the years I was gone and wasn't able to be there for any of my family in any of there times of need was I so blind ignorant and arrogant that when I was give the chance to be there for my brother in deepest time of need I was a nothing more than a washed up skin from a prison yard to tough to see your need and help instead of say all the untrue hateful shit I said to you the day after the wedding bro. I meant NONE OF ANY OF IT!!! Today is ten years to the day that we sat across one another n I read and we laughed cried ten years to the day we was family.....BROTHERS!!!! That night was the last bro time we had everything else was short visited. April 16th of 13 you became the first person to ever tell me that I had some talent in my passion of art ink and bikes. You told me do it build em let nothing stop you.......I thank you for those words everything I look through pictures of the bikes I've built sold ect. Mike I miss you so damn much I looked up to you trusted you and I feel like I failed you in not being there. I never got to hug you goodbye tell you that I Apologize from my heart of hearts for every word I said to you. Please forgive me Mike I didn't mean none of it big brother. I know you're freaking looking at me right now Mike......I feel you looking and I'm not a pussy for sitting in the cold letting my eyes run like faucets with tears silently waiting for your ears to hear all this pain away. I miss you Mike and I love you always. Hope you never leave my side brother.
