An unfinished conversation...
Hi Baby,
Since you were often about tough love, I have some of my own to get out of the way too.
Firstly, I can't believe that you continued to be fashionably late even after leaving me along in Porto! Your parents and I waited for you for 8 days but you didn't show up till we were safely back in the U.S. When I told your parents how you arrived more than 40 minutes late to a couple of our early dinner dates, they looked at me in disbelief and asked me with straight faces "What on earth did you see in that guy?" Not a good endorsement I'd say!
Secondly, you do know that I live directly on a river bank right?
Lastly, how dare you wiggle your way out of buying me a fabulous gift for my big milestone birthday??!
Needless to say, we will have quite a few scores to settle once I see you again!
I don't really know where to begin about the things I love and admire about you but amongst the many things that make up that list are how you truly lived a purposeful and meaningful life, defying the urge to be comfortable and just go through the motions like most do. Your insatiable appetite for learning and expanding your mind was truly outstanding - whether it was learning languages or taking Latin dance classes or poring over human anatomy and behavioral texts. I loved your hunger for immersive experiences no matter where you or we went - well I have mixed feelings about that now - I wish you had been happy with exploring the world's fanciest McD that just happens to be in Porto rather than wanting to mimic local fishermen's kids who jump into the Douro for fun. I joke - I wouldn't have been with you if you were into the former and I'm trying to find some solace knowing that you died the way you lived - making every moment count, seeking thrills from new experiences and in one of the most beautiful cities we've both visited. Some people called you classy and you lived up to that in the end with your choice of places to breathe your last. Above all though, what struck me the most about you was that you are one of the most gentle and kind people I have ever met. You cared deeply and genuinely for your family, friends and team in a way that I haven't witnessed a whole lot in my life - going to great lengths to do little and big things for them. You gave everyone the benefit of doubt because you believed there was good in everyone.
So, I am really going to miss you like I have not missed another!
I'll miss
Our conversations about literally any topic under the sun: body alignment(relating to your dream of being a PT), sustainability, biases, and even end of life plans
Our love for nature, gardens and a myriad of outdoor activities
Our love for travel and experiences over material possessions
I'll miss
Your karaoke performances
Your super quick wit and humor
Your imitations of others including of my accent
The way you tied your shoe laces down on one knee and the ensuing confusion or alarm as the thought "is he asking me to marry him already?!" raced through my mind
Your unusual compliments that made me laugh instead of blush - I mean it's definitely not everyday that I am told I have very "impressive" eyes, "a nice shape", and that I'm funny despite being a girl
But most importantly, Michael, I'll miss
Your unwavering sympathy, understating and support for me when I was going through really hard times in life
Your willingness to put yourself on the line to help me
Your genuine interest and curiosity about me - from littlest of things I like or dislike to what truly drives me as a person
The way you always held my hand everywhere we went
The way you held my face when you kissed me
The way you heart beat in my ear when you held me close
So yes, I will miss you terribly, mourn the life together that we dreamt about and planned but have been robbed off, and will always wish there was more that I could've done to save your dear life.
Since the night of Sept 7th, my dear and wise cousin has been repeating this mantra to me --> cry, pick yourself up and keep walking, because every day gets you closer to being with Michael. I can't wait to see you again my love. Be good till then and try to stay out of trouble on the other side!
Rachelle