ForeverMissed
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This memorial website was created in memory of our loved one, Michael Bragdon, 26 years old, born on July 2, 1980, and passed away on May 19, 2007. We will remember him forever.
September 29, 2019
September 29, 2019
I've been thinking about you a lot. I had a cramp in my shoulder near the heart area. My mind went straight to you and the tears came from missing you. I do paint by number on my phone. Yesterday and today there were 2 photos that said Michael and all Angels. I hope that is a sign that you are watching over me.

I had shoulder surgery 9.17.19. Everything went ok. I have some pain and cramping. The anesthesiologist used a nerve block. Boy did that hurt. It felt like he stuck the needle in my heart. Afterwards I as numb for a few days. I'm doing physical therapy 2x a week for October. It hurts so please watch and help me get it done. It's the little things I can't do alone.

Please keep sending those signs letting men know you are near. I love and miss you always.
Mom
September 16, 2019
September 16, 2019
Hello my Angel

Sorry it took so long to write again. It has been a busy couple months. When has had some medical tests.

Dad had his final cancer shot after 3 years. He just needs to keep a eye on his PSA. His urologist will do that.

I've had some issues with my left arm. Lots of pain. We've tried physical therapy but it did not help. I have surgery tomorrow. I know you'll be looking down keeping me company. The Dr has a good reputation. He's young.

We are going to Disney for Christmas. I've finally begun paying for tickets.

I wanted to tell you that I miss you. Some days are really hard. I am in a group for parents whose child has died. Sometimes it's really hard to read what these parents write. My heart breaks for them all.

Well it's time to pick up dad and Ethan. I will write again soon.

You are forever loved and missed my Angel.
Love
Mom
July 16, 2019
July 16, 2019
Hello my Angel.
My heart is breaking again. Wanda Rosado passed away July 10th. I didn't have long to process that she was ill. It came up fast and she was gone soon.
It brings backthe pain of losing you. No warning. Boom you were gone.
I was talking to Matt about the crush you had on Wanda. It brings a smile thinking of you both.
I couldn't attend the funeral back home. Ethan had a couple medical test which took some time to schedule. We sent beautiful flowers and I spoke with her sister and daughter.
I miss you so much Michael.
I put a smile on so no-one knows how I feel unless it's your birthday or anniversary. I can't hide my feelings then.
.you are forever in my heart.
Love
Mom
July 2, 2019
July 2, 2019
Happy Birthday my Angel. Dad Ethan and I went to steak and shake for lunch to celebrate you. Ethan and I are now watching the new spider man movie for you. Matt Miller also went to see the movie today in honor of you. We miss you very much. I hope the angels are celebrating big time.
Love you
Mom
May 20, 2019
May 20, 2019
I'm sorry I didn't post yesterday. It wa a very difficult day. I was very emotional. We spent sometime with your brother Matthew. I wish your other brother could had been there. 12 years without hearing your voice or seeing your face or hearing you laugh. We all still miss you every day. I guess it will never get easier but you are in a happier better place.
I love you with all my heart Michael. I wish I had the chance to tell you things I didn't while you were here. That is my burdon to bear.
4 ever in my heart
Mom
December 9, 2018
December 9, 2018
Today is the world wide candle lighting ceremony remembering the children who passed away throughout the world. We did not attend the annual compassionate friends service this year. Last year's service was quick and uncomfortable. Not like years past. We lit our own candles at home this evening.
We miss you everyday Michael.
I wish you were here so I could express properly how much I love you.
4ever loved
4ever missed
Mom
November 22, 2018
November 22, 2018
Happy Thanksgiving in Heaven Michael. We hope you and grandma are enjoying a heavenly feast. Wish you were here to enjoy Turkey and pie with us. Ethan made pumpkin pie cupcakes and cookies.

We are thinking of you today as we do everyday. We miss you so much
May 21, 2018
May 21, 2018
It is high school graduation time again. I always think of your graduation. Gosh it was so hot that day. Moving the graduation
May 19, 2018
May 19, 2018
Another year has passed. 11 Years without you. My heart is still broken
May 10, 2018
May 10, 2018
Well it is getting to be that time again. The years pass by so quickly yet also stand still. Mothers day is also approaching. I was thinking about us going to the renaissance fair. It was a great time. You were kind of tired playing those games. I wish I knew then in a week our lives were about to change forever.

High School proms are also nearing. I was just laughing over your Junior prom. Sitting for hours waiting for to be called in to alter your tuxedo. It was a long wait and you were tired so after being called in you lied saying the tuxedo fit fine. The day of the prom Katie and I had to pin the tux because it was way to big. You could not take your jacket off all night. My nutty boy. Thank goodness you were a bit more patient for his senior prom.
I miss you so much my first born boy. I think of you all the time.
4ever loved Mike
April 1, 2018
April 1, 2018
Happy Easter in heaven my Angel. It was a decent day. I wish you and grandma were here I miss you so much.
Here are your balloons
December 5, 2017
December 5, 2017
Well Christmas is 3 weeks away and I feel heartbroken as usual. It's really hard to get in the holiday spirit without you and grandma. I will go thru the motions. This weekend we are going to see some new Christmas lights in grand prairie. Last week we went to the ice sculpture at Gaylord. I'm sorry I didn't write for Thanksgiving. The day for away from me. I wanted to take a moment to let you know I am always thinking of you. Sunday is the candlelighting ceremony. We will be there lighting one in your memory.
I will write again before Christmas.
Love you always❤
Miss you says
October 27, 2017
October 27, 2017
We are a few days away from Halloween. You liked this holiday. I wish we were back home. Maybe you would still be here. We could take Ethan on the haunted train ride in Essex that you and your brothers went on. I loved that train. I wish we could go to Jones farms for pumpkin picking. Dad was talking about all the pumpkins, warm cider and cookies. I haven't found a fun pumpkin patch around here. Tomorrow we are going to Dallas botanic gardens. 90,000 pumpkins. They have a wizard of oz theme. We don't go to Dallas often but It should be fun. I love the holiday season but I also get depressed. I miss you so much. I wish you were coming to Dallas tomorrow. I wish you could come to ICE at the Gaylord and this new Christmas light show in Arlington. The holidays are magical. Too bad there isn't enough magic to bring you home. Enjoy Halloween in heaven. I'll bet the angels have the biggest best carved pumpkins.
You are 4 ever loved❤❤❤
September 23, 2017
September 23, 2017
Today we went to flight of the monarch. They released monarch butterflies, had music, food. We were unable to get butterflies for the 12:00PM release. Shortly after the release a woman said excuse me ma'am but you have a butterfly on your back. It stayed there for sometime before landing on our lunch table. I heard if a butterfly lands on you it is a sign from heaven. I wondered if it was you? It would have been great to have a visit from you.
I miss you more then anyone knows.
September 4, 2017
September 4, 2017
Happy labor day in heaven. I hope all the wonderful angels had a huge picnic. We grilled out yesterday and today. We took Ethan to a waterpark. It was small but nice. The lazy river was nice. I was just looking at a photo of you under the waterfall in Allentown. Better times before our move here.  I wish you and Grandma were here. We could have went to the lake. 
There is so much going on I would love to talk to you about. This world has gone crazy. 
Love you.
Miss you.
Mom.
August 30, 2017
August 30, 2017
Well Mike summer is coming to an end. School is back in session. This weekend is labor day. It got me thinking of a time at the amusement park. Michael and I were on the spider ride, Dad and Ryan in the car behind us. We were stopped leaning backward. Michael asked if I was scared ( Yes I was) because he was also. Lol Ryan was screaming and trying to climb out of the car as it spun around. It was a fun day. We played games and won a stuffed animal. Those were the good old days.
They ended way to soon.
I miss you my son. 
Love you ❤❤❤
August 13, 2017
August 13, 2017
I still wake up sick to my stomach. My mind screams out to speak to you. The tears still flow frequently. So many people get second chances at life. I don't understand why you were not given one. Parents should never outlive their children. 
My friend Lori lost her daughter 3 years ago before Christmas. She struggles every day. My friend Debbie lost her son and daughter in a car accident right before Christmas last year. I can't imagine losing 2 children. So many times I want to tell you something or ask you something only to remember you are no longer here. I use to feel you here, notice some sign but not in a long time. I wish you would visit moor. I miss you every minute of everyday. I wonder what you would have become. Job, wife, children.  10 years, 1 decade, yet it seems like yesterday.
4 ever loved missed
4 ever loved.
Mom
July 8, 2017
July 8, 2017
Hello my angel. A new Spiderman movie came out yesterday. Dad and I are on our way to purchase tickets. We will be bringing your small urn. Wish you could be here to see it. We got you covered.

Will write again after the movie.
Love
Mom
July 8, 2017
July 8, 2017
Ok so dad and I went to see Spider-Man as promised. We took your little urn with us. I remember joking with you back home about Spider-Man movies being better then a sleeping pill. Well my Angel this time I am not joking. I was so bored. The movie did not make sense to us. But my son as long as they keep making Spider-Man we will continue to watch. Maybe on DVD.
I wish you were here to fall asleep in the theater with me. I am thankful your brother took you to your last show in 2007.
Off to bed.
4 ever missed
Mom
July 4, 2017
July 4, 2017
Happy Independence Day in Heaven my Angel. It has been a quiet day. Going to an event in a couple hours. Food, music, fireworks. The other night we went to the after park to see fireworks.  Dad and I were talking earlier about the past 4th of July' s at hammonassett park. We would celebrate your birthday, the 4th, and your brothers birthday. Cooking out, playing horseshoes, swimming. Everyone is gone now. Times are different. 
I miss you. 
I think about you everyday and what your like now. 
Frisky is having a hard time with the fireworks outside.
4 ever loved
Mom, dad and Ethan
July 2, 2017
July 2, 2017
37 years ago I have birth to a precious 5lb 6 ounce bundle of joy. You were so small for awhile people asked if you sound be out of the hospital. I remember it was raining and a police officer asked if I was carrying a doll. Seriously?! He took us home so we wouldn't have to walk. I have such memories. Cheryl and I walking you in your stroller when it began to snow. You looked like a tiny snowman.
Going into labor cousin Patty driving me to the hospital her husband called out to a police buddy of his and we got a police escort lol. Happy birthday my precious son. I miss you beyond words.
Love
Mom.
May 29, 2017
May 29, 2017
Happy Memorial Day my Angel.
With mother's day and your anniversary so close together I spent days looking at pictures. I was chuckling over the one of you in the parade. There was an issue with the musical instrument so you carried a gun instead. You looked so happy. 
Dad, Ethan and I went to a memorial Day Ceremony. It was nice. A different way to spend the holiday. A 21 gun salute, ww2 planes, bag pipes. I think you would have found it interesting. 
I wish I could have brought you home for the day. 
We miss you.

4 ever loved❤
4 ever missed
May 19, 2017
May 19, 2017
Ten years ago our lives changed forever. I can not remember What I had for breakfast but the day you left is forever etched in my memory. What I wouldn't give to see you smile or hear your voice. Just one more day.

Thinking of you Today and everyday.
4 ever loved ❤
4 ever missed
April 17, 2017
April 17, 2017
Happy be lated Easter my Angel.
Easter was ok. I wish you and Grandma were here. Dad , Ethan and I went to the Renaissance Festival. We went to a 16th century Easter Church service. It was interesting. Ethan and the other children layed lilies at the cross. We didn't get to see the jousting. Time went so fast.
Ethan went into the spooky castle. I remembered the time you and Matthew went. We saw some shows and Ethan bit my toe. He was only 3. It was a fun time. Little did we know the following weekend our lives would change forever. You would be gone.  The festival has changed some since we all went. We have only been back twice. I remember us all gong to Sterling Forrest Festival in Tuxedo New York. That was a fun festival. The shows were great. 
I miss you
April 8, 2017
April 8, 2017
Even though you went away. I think about you everyday. 4 ever loved.  In my heart you will always stay. Until the day we meet again.

4 ever loved ❤
4 ever missed my Angel.
January 1, 2017
January 1, 2017
Happy New Year in heaven my Angel.
Today is our 10th new year without you. I miss you sooooo much.
Every year I wonder what your life would be like. What kind of job? Wife? Children?
You left this earth far to young but you have no pain no stress.
Love you forever
Mom
December 25, 2016
December 25, 2016
Merry Christmas our Angel. I don't why I am having such difficulty leaving messages lately.
Another Christmas you are spending in the clouds with the Angels. It must be amazing. I wish you could visit for awhile.

Ethan had a great Christmas. It was a nice day. We made dinner Christmas Eve and finger food today. At the last minute dad wanted a dinner so we made a turkey. It was a good thing I did not freeze it. Dad loves his Turkey.

❤u miss u always
December 16, 2016
December 16, 2016
Again I am trying to post and it will not. This will be my 5th try since Monday.
We miss you Michael. Christmas is coming soon. Another one without you. Look out for your balloon.
Dad, Ethan and I went to the annual worldwide candlelighting ceremony Sunday evening. Candles are lit at 7:00pm in every time zone beginning in New Zealand in memory of children lost. It was nice to speak with other parents, hear their stories and to share the story of you.

You are 4 ever loved
November 24, 2016
November 24, 2016
Happy Thanksgiving my Angel. Could you give your grandma a big hug from us please?
We sent you a balloon as always.
Dad and Ethan put up the tree. This year it is artificial. Dad did not want a real one.
We bought a huge turkey. You know dad loves his turkey.
Matthew is doing well.
We all missed you today (everyday).
Ethan went snow tubing today. He had a great time.
4 ever in our hearts.
Love you
Mom
November 19, 2016
November 19, 2016
Hello my Angel.
I wish you could come back and stay awhile. What I wouldn't give to hear your voice and see your smile. Just one hug and I would never let you go. I would just continue to tell you how much we love you so.

4 ever loved 4 ever missed
Mom
November 6, 2016
November 6, 2016
Hello my Angel. Thanksgiving is fast approaching. That is dad's favorite holiday. We have plans to eat out this year. We are going to a Thanksgiving brunch. I want everything festive for dad. Tonight we are having Turkey for dinner. He is so happy.
Dad wants to take a trip back home and to NYC.
I recently saw a photo of the steam train and boat. It made me think of the brunch cruise we took. Me, you, Matthew and grandma. After eating sitting on the deck listening to the music. I don't think they have the brunch cruise anymore. It was a beautiful afternoon. A lovely memory.
I miss you my Angel.
Love you to the heavens and back
Mom
October 16, 2016
October 16, 2016
Friends on FB posted about their weekend McMahon reunion class of 81. They posted pictures of the school. Wow it has changed since you were a student. It looks like there is a game room. Beautiful pictures on the walls.  I started thinking about your graduation. It is hard to believe that was 18 years ago! We were so proud of you. 
We miss you Michael.
October 13, 2016
October 13, 2016
Hi my Angel up in heaven. We talked to Matthew yesterday Things are looking pretty good for him.
Your dad goes for a scan next week then treatment will begin. I will be buy his side every minute just as I wss with your grandmother. Dad and I did not leave the hospital once grandma was taken off life support and hospice took over. Jason dad and I slept in the same room with her for days.
May I ask a favor? Could you ask our great God to watch over your 1/2 brother Ryan? He is very misguided. He has a lot of trouble getting stories right. He claims to be happy but is a very angry man. When happy you don't lash out. Maybe if our great Lord reaches out to him he can help him to become a happier person. A better person.
Ryan spent his life making you feel unwanted and now you are his brother. To use this page to spew his misinformed misguided stories is disrespectful to you. I will block him if I see it again. This is to be used for memories of you. He was right about only one thing and that is you helped to keep the family together. The one thing that had helped me during these years is that toward the end you found out what I had to live with. It was great to hear you say you finally understood the lack of cooperation I received.
You tried the last week to get certain people to be agreeable. You wanted to show me that you all could run the house but you also received no cooperation. I love you and miss you more than anyone will ever know.
I will be busy with dad for a bit but I well write again on Halloween.
October 11, 2016
October 11, 2016
Halloween is fast approaching. We took Ethan pumpkin picking. I was remembering all the Halloweens we went to Jones farm for our pumpkin. So many to choose from. The Apple cidar and cranberry cookies.
Dad & I were Talking about the haunted train ride in Essex.
Good memories. I wish we could turn back the clock and do them all over again. I miss you.
Chat soon
Love mom
September 25, 2016
September 25, 2016
Thankfully, Michael doesn't have to put up with the last nine years of what his family had become. His youngest brother sits in jail waiting to spend his life in prison, using Michael's death to excuse behavior the preceded his death. His other brother had to flee from the house because his mother threatened to kill a newborn just because he felt uncomfortable with her holding him. His nephew has grown obese and vulgar. His mother has used every opportunity to exploit his death for attention. Now his step-father, who broke vows to stop drinking is paying for those broken promises made on Michael's memory with deadly prostate cancer.

If Michael had been alive, he would have been disgusted to see his mother abandon his dying grandmother so she could go to Disney. He would have been appalled that his mother and step-father scammed one of his brothers out of a lot of money to upgrade that Disney trip. He would be sitting in depression while his mother ignored his feelings to make his step-father's cancer all about her.

Michael's memory deserves a lot better than the exploitative ramblings of the people who took it upon themselves to co-opt it. He was a good person who was in tremendous pain every day of his life in his final years and was mostly ignored by the people moaning about how much they now miss him cuz he's gone. He was a good man broken by bad decisions and time spent in a private school that returned him to his family as an angry and violent kid. But he loved his family and did all he could to keep them together in the end, but he was fighting for that goal alone. His mother wanted to mean something as a jobless wreck without any control. His step-father wanted to chug a six pack every day and preferred that over family. His youngest brother wanted to get away with being a criminal but never learned how to cope with loss and was so guilted with the thought that his dead brother was punishment for his actions that he imploded on drug abuse and crime. His other brother just wanted to survive it all.

Michael's family was a jumble of selfish people held together by him and with his death, there were no more excuses to continue. No more obligations. No more emotional or familial leverages to be abused. I miss Michael all the time but it never crosses my mind that he wasn't the lucky one. You deserved better in life, Kakarot. You deserve better in death.
September 14, 2016
September 14, 2016
Hi Mike.II have been thinking of you and grandma alot. I am having a really difficult time and could use you and grandma here. We found out dad has stage 4 prostate cancer. I am so scared. You were always the voice of calm. Dad is trying to be positive. He doesn't want us to worry. Like that will happen. I have never been able to hide my feelings. I am trying to be strong for him. I am at every test. Every Doctors appointment. I wish you could come down and visit for awhile. It would be nice to have you here. I have been looking for signs from you or grandma. It has been a very long since I have seen any.

I miss you very much. 9 years and my heart is still broken.
August 11, 2016
August 11, 2016
School will be starting soon. I can't believe he is in middle school.  Ethan is taking band as you did. It is sooooo hot here. The humidity is awful. I was remembering your high school graduation. It was so hot that day also. They moved the graduation inside. If course with no AC it did not make much difference. Matt and Ryan had top sneak in since we didn't have enough tickets. We were so proud of your accomplishment and proud of you. I chuckle when I think of your junior prom. The issue with the tux. You looked so handsome. 
I really miss you.
4ever loved
Mom.
July 4, 2016
July 4, 2016
July 4th independence day today. We really didn't do much. I have been very irritable the past 2 days.

I was thinking about all the years at the beach watching fireworks. They were beautiful. You kids loved them. The traffic leaving was horrible. I thought about the birthday/ holiday picnics at the state park playing baseball and horseshoes. You and your brothers swimming.  Those were good times.
Macy fireworks are coming on now.
I love and miss you my angel.
July 2, 2016
July 2, 2016
36 years ago I gave birth to the most perfect little baby boy. 5lbs 6ounces. That tiny perfect baby grew into a wonderful sweet kind man. I am so grateful for the 26 years that we had you. Happy birthday my sweet angel.
June 23, 2016
June 23, 2016
My Angel up in Heaven. I am sitting here thinking about your birthday coming up next weekend. We will be sending your birthday balloon. Family dinner and cake to celebrate your life. You would be 36 years old. I often wonder where you would be in life. Married? Kids? You would be a great dad. Would you had finished school? You were getting ready to begin pharmacy tech courses. We were so proud of you. I don't think I said that enough. 
I don't know what happened to compassionate friends. I can no longer find our chapter. We really miss releasing butterflies in your honor and the worldwide annual candle lighting ceremony.
I will write again on the 2nd.
Love you always
Miss you always my Angel.
❤ mom.
May 30, 2016
May 30, 2016
Thinking about you this memorial day. I miss the parades we use to go to back home. I was looking at the pictures of the parade you were in with the junior high school band. That big grin and fluffy hair.

I miss you today and everyday.
Love
Mom ❤
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Recent Tributes
March 15
Hi Michael
It's been a little over a month since I last wrote. It seems so much longer. 
Today was a sad day. Carol Wassman passed away this morning. She had breast cancer and Parkinson disease. Tonight Velma's mother passed away from Pancreatic cancer. Velma's mother was only diagnosed 2 months ago. 
Carol was only 2 years older then your father. She's had a rough few years. 
Stuff around here has been stressful but doesn't compare to what others are dealing with today so I'll write again about it. Maybe I'll have better news then. 

I'm really tired. I'm not sleeping well.
I'll write to you again soon. 
I use this as my diary to you. 
Love you
February 6
February 6
Hi it's me again
Dad and I took Maya (our dog) for a walk at benbrook Park yesterday. We wanted to give her a change of scenery. I haven't been there in quite a few years.
It brought back a lot of memories. We were over by the water with the ducks and I thought about Ethan's 1st birthday when you, my mom, Jason and Ryan were all there. Ryan walking along the water. I think you had pink eye or something was going on with your eye. 
I remembered when we first moved to Texas and we had a Easter picnic with Jason, Carol, Alisa and the all the kids. I have a photo of you, Ryan and Amber, your hair was lighter or orangish because you tried to dye it.
Walking past the slide I remembered my last visit there with Jason and his grandson. 

There is a park near silver creek We use to go to when Ethan was small for picnics and play ball. We went with the dog last week, it's a great place for her to run. I suddenly found myself thinking of the state park in CT when we played a little softball, you and your brothers went swimming. It was a nice park. I'm trying to let my memories good and bad return. It is a very slow process. I have a difficult time remembering the present but the past keeps popping up. 
I was recently looking at that photo of you dresses as an astronaut. I thought that was fun. Some years back dad, Matt and I took Ethan there, it was pretty boring. I guess nothing stays the same.

Well I just wanted to share that memory with you. 
Love and miss you
Mom
January 15
January 15
Oh boy is it cold! Woke up to snow this morning but it was gone in a few hours. 
I booked our next cruise. It is the end of November. Going to the Virgin Islands, Dominican Republic and Puerto Rico. I hate waiting until November but 2024 is a busy year for cruises. Most I saw were from 2025 and 2026. Ugh. I told your father if we are going to continue to cruise we need to move closer to port. The drives are long and we are old. 
Dad's birthday is tomorrow. He'll be 71! Wow time flies. He was only 30 when we got married. 
I worked the past 3 weeks at church so now I'm off until next month. I was OK working it. Yesterday I walked 4 miles in 2 hours. It's been difficult for me to find a job even though I did well in all of my classes and did great on my certification. It's very discouraging. 
I got a call for Ryan on my phone. I don't know how these people get my number. I just emailed him the info. No words no arguing. 
We changed our health insurance and hate it. It's nothing like the sales person said and charges are higher then our last insurance. Nobody cares about the elderly or just doing their jobs correctly. 
My dog scratched my arm while we were played. 3 chunks out again. It looks awful. I might have to call the Dr tomorrow. I don't want any infections. 
Well it was great "talking" I wish I could hear you. 
Chat soon
Love and miss you
Mom
Recent stories
January 1, 2022
Happy New Year Michael!
Our trip to Missouri was nice.  We saw a Christmas concert at Dick Clark's arena,   went to table rock lake for a picnic,  went on a dinner cruise which had music,  dancing and comedy.  It was really nice.  We saw an illusionist.  It was a nice show for any time other then Christmas.  
I wanted to tell you dad and I went to see the new SpiderMan movie no way home for you. I have a necklace with your photo on it. I wore it so you were kind of there.  There were a few I didn't see that coming moments in the movie.  Aunt May dies . Sad.   It was pretty cool that 2 other SpiderMen came back from their own time. Everyone in the theater clapped.  
So 2021 January I began in the hospital with covid and pneumonia.  2022 I am at home with pneumonia.  The last 2 days in Missouri I had trouble catching a breath.  I thought it was the air and the million hills there. I was wrong.  I still had issues when we returned to Texas.  

I  miss you my Angel LOVE YOU

Church

August 2, 2021
So Dad and I went to church yesterday.  I was very surprised that he came.  I prayed for guidance for Matthew to help on the downward spiral he has been on for far to long.  
I prayed for Ryan to get help to over come his anger and resentment so he can live a happier more fulfilled life.  
For some reason he's under the false impression that you came to the hospital with me that fateful night. Grandma came.  
He also believes I've blamed him for years regarding your death.  I was angry at first over the fighting he Matt  and Velma were doing with you the whole week prior. Stress your heart didn't need. Then I found out the 2 of you were playing Wii the night before.  I know he tried his best to save you. Maybe he can't forgive himself and it's easier to say I've blamed him. He hasn't spoken to me so he has no idea what I think or feel.  He sent me another nasty email which I didn't read in the entirety.  I have never been a Trump supporter and since I've had covid myself and been hospitalized  I told him he was an asshole.  He isn't really,  he's just an unhappy angry young man.  I can't apologize for a lot of his anger because some of the stories are just that. Stories.  I wish you could come to him in a dream and somehow help him.  He had good in him.  Everything I look at my dog I am grateful to Ryan.  Frisky has helped me through many things over the years.  
Ryan is angry because you were cremated.  I had no choice.  I'm sorry he can't understand that.  He thinks I left you.  I didn't,  I went to Carol for help.  The ambulance was taking far too long.  I won't apologize for trying to get help.  For many years I wished it was you who came to the hospital with me. If this happened there you would have had the help you needed.  You needed the paddles within 5 minutes from what I've read.  I know Velma did not kill you but I will never forgive what she said to you.  In a way I am grateful that they gave you a hard time.  You and I talked about it.  You then understood some stuff and why I was angry at home. I'm thankful you were able to understand some.  I wish you had more time on this earth.  You could had become something.  Matthew can become something if I can find away to keep him off of the substance abuse.  Ryan can have a great life if he let's go of the anger.  
Your dying so quickly.  Jason dying so quickly has taught me to live as happy as we can each day because you never know. 
I love you Michael.  I never ever said it enough and I'm sorry for that. 
Chat soon
Mom

Jason

July 31, 2021
Well  your uncle Jason died last night.  I am in shock.  His girlfriend is shattered.  His kids heart broken.  This virus ravished him in just a matter of days.  I don't understand how these monsters can be left walking the earth and good people don't stand a chance.  Innocent children with horrible illness.  I'm really really angry.  His life was changing for the better.  He was happier then ever.  I asked you and grandma to talk to the big guy to make him well and send him home.  What happened?  How much more do we have to lose?  How many more people do I have to miss?
This virus is horrible.  It's scary.  It has killed so many people.  I worry about ryan though he would never believe it.  I couldn't tell him about Jason because I don't know how to find him.  He was angry when he wasn't told about Bill.  He makes it difficult.  
Please watch out for Jason up there.  


Love you
Mom

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