Hello, Panky! first things first- HAPPY 68th BIRTHDAY! I want us to go to dinner to celebrate!

One year has passed since I've visited this page to document my feelings. Not quite sure why it took me so long, but needless to say, in my heart, there you have been, every second of every day of this past year. And, wow, what a year it has been! The world-wide pandemic still rages on, world-wide civil unrest persists, and to top it off, REAL government tyranny has taken hold, with no relief in sight. Only getting worse by the day.
BUT, as we Christians know, from the mouth of our all mighty God, His word, the Bible, these happenings all prophesied, coming to pass before our very eyes! Horrifying for the unbeliever, but joyfully magnificent for Christ's followers! AMEN.

On a different note, Snoopy turns 12 this month. He's slowing down some. I've been retired 13 months now and we both have adapted to our new lifestyle quite nicely, to say the least. I actually can't think of a descriptive enough word to describe it, even awesome isn't good enough. Only one (major) thing missing, that's right - YOU! I drive around every evening, but sadly, there's no where to go. Seems like I'm just biding my time, patiently awaiting our Lord to show me the way to my next "season". He's given me a glimpse into it, but has not finalized anything yet. I'm strongly praying for discernment though, so I'm sure not to miss his clues, as I have a strong feeling the time is near for him to close one door and open the next. You'll be the first to hear all about it.

Well, I don't see much of Chelle, still, but I sure do miss her. I wish she can retire soon, she's aiming for a year from now, next Sept. It would be great if she would want to spend time with me, I hope she'll want to.

Charity has a baby boy, Myles, not quite 16 months old, cute as a bug, and she's planning her wedding! Isn't that great news?! As far as I know, things are the same with Trin, Sis, Andy, Justin and Ty.

Mom's doing well, all things considered. I see she wrote to you yesterday, your actual birthday. I sense it was hard for her, by the things she's written on these pages through the years. I never noticed it until this time though. I guess the Lord has intentionally softened my heart about the way I've viewed our (hers and mine) differences in the past. Perhaps in preparation of my next season, I suspect.
Oh my dear Brother, I'm bursting into tears right now, will you hug me? I need you now, during this time of transition. It's somewhat uncertain and difficult to cope with. As much as I appreciate my circumstances, I feel very alone at times and long for a meaningful conversation. You know, like we used to have.
Not to change the subject Brother, but.... whew hew! Man o man, SNOOPY!! He tootered! Holy cow! Ok, that really woke me up! Got me down off my soap box, I guess! Tee hee! On top of that, he's down here on the floor sleeping at my feet, and having a really wild dream, barking up a storm and his little paws are going 90 miles an hour. I got it on film. Sooo cute. He just got a short haircut to finish off this long hot yucky summer. I'll be so glad when winter and the holidays arrive.
Well, Pank, I guess I'll say goodbye for now. Thanks for listening, I really felt your presence. It was so nice to come here again, after waiting so long. Almost feels like we did have that birthday dinner together, doesn't it?!!
Can't say enough how much you're loved and missed. It goes without saying.
Rest peacefully my Brother, in the presence of our Lord.
With all the love in the whole wide world, your little sis, Cherre.
(Snoopy just woke up, he must have realized we're done!) LUV U!!

Well Mike, it's been 6 years today since you left us. We still sure miss you.
Loving you, Mom

Well, I finally made it back my Brother. You have my deepest apology for not taking time out to physically sit down to write but please know that in my heart, each moment of each day, there you were, with me in my thoughts.
You will always be my best friend in the whole wide world. Nothing can ever change that.
Michael, work got to be so bad, they moved me over to the research labs and I had to purchase live animals for their lousy experiments, and even worse, I had to purchase the euthanasia drug they used to end the precious little lives once they were done with their cruel tests. It was a nightmare for me, I felt like a hypocrite advocating to end laboratory testing on animals, and all the while having a hand in the evil doings of it all. Well, I couldn't take it any longer so I planned on retiring this year, 2020, which has now come to pass, PRAISE GOD!! I can't shout it loud enough! But there's something missing in all this joy, and that, of course, is YOU. I'm sitting here like I always do, on the couch, Snoopy at my feet, wishing so, so much that we could be sharing retirement together. I have time on my hands now, time to be shared with someone I adore and spend time in really meaningful conversation, like we used to do, back when life wasn't so demanding, and times were easier. If only, I always say to myself, if only Michael and I could be here, now, together, he would enjoy my company again, because I would have time, precious time.
You know when you started to stray away from me, when you didn't like me to call you while I was walking, or you didn't want to hear about Snoopy, I was mad at you because you were always bored, while I was so stressed out with my job and all of life's demands, remember when I said you should come to my place during the day and be with Snoopy, you could watch my bigger TV with great cable channels and DVR and have a nice lunch? You know I hated leaving Snoopy alone all those hours day after day. I couldn't understand why you wouldn't want to do that. It would have meant so much to me. Little did I know, you would soon be swept up in God's loving arms to never been seen again, at least here on earth. Oh, how painful this is to write, my heart is aching so, the pain is unbearable. But now I take a deep breath and remember who I am, a beloved child of God, and now the pain has subsided. What a wonderful feeling, to have the love of God right here in my heart and at a moment's notice, he whisps away my pain too, kind of like he did with you 5 long years ago.
Michael, you know how I told you back in 2017 how bad things were getting here in our country and the world, we'll that pales in comparison to now. It's just a few months to a presidential election and all hell is breaking out. Not only is there a world wide pandemic, big city streets all across the country are a raging ball of fire with mass chaos, looting, and emboldened thugs murdering our heroic police officers, and murdering even innocent white children, all in the name of black lives. The democratic leaders are turning their backs on their constituents and cheerleading these horrific events that were birthed by the Muslim Brotherhood back in the 60's, and is now, 50 years later, rearing its ugly head, only 10 times worse. As Christians, we see exactly what is happening all around us and we understand, while others are dumbfounded by these turn of events.
In my mind, it was all so well orchestrated - intentionally letting out the virus - all in the name of bringing down our President, so the evil leaders of the world can have the power to start the one-world government their bitting at the bit to have, which we as Christians know, will trigger the events of the End Times as described in Revolation. SO glad we have our hearts right with God!! Amen!
Ok my sweet Brother, it sure is good to be back here with you, if not in person, in spirit. I'm going to lay down now and get some rest before the sun comes up and Snoopy wakes up.
I love love love YOU, Panky. Until we meet again, rest peacefully, as I'm sure you will, Jesus is all about peace! Bye for now, Gina.

So fun to work with at the Walt Disney Travel Center. 

Today is the 3rd year my sweet son Michael has been gone. I miss him so much. His sister Chelle has taken on his responsibilities of calling me every day just like he used to do. Life goes on around here. Church again tomorrow. Mike drove all the way out here 5 Sundays in a row just to go to church with me. The list one he said, "Mom it's just so hot I won't be able to make it back out until the weather gets a little cooler". I kissed him and said good bye. Not knowing it would be my last good bye to him. Now I wait for the day I will be with him in heaven with our sweet JESUS!

Happy Birthday buddy. I don't know if you hear me in the car as I drive to work. Remembering the memories we shared.

Hey Panky! I won't talk long cuz I'm on my cell phone, for some reason my WiFi in the apt is not working, I see the green lights aren't blinking, so what that means is I can't use my laptop so using the cell phone is much harder to write anything lengthy. Anyway it's been a very challenging year so far, that's all I'll say about that. I'm thankful though for this season cuz it'll represent a lot of growth in my spiritual walk. I wish you were here for me to share all I've learned about the Christian faith and how my relationship with Christ has flourished. What a huge change from just being his fan to becoming his follower. Today marks the two year anaversary of your passing. It's been a long hard road to this point. What keeps me from falling apart is that I know we will be reunited in heaven when my time comes. So glad you're resting in peace. I miss you tremendously. Love to you my precious Brother, your Sis, Cherre.

Hey brother!

Well, it's after midnight, Saturday January 7th, 2017. I didn't make it back during Christmas break b/c I didn't take extra time off this year so it went by really fast and I did hardly nothing. I guess this visit will serve as our time together for your b-day, Christmas and New Years too. Although I only visit you here a hand full of times a year, you are actually always in my heart and thoughts every day in some way. Just by going about my daily routine there will always be something that I see, hear or read that will remind me of you. It's a blessing from God that he sends my way each day, just to give me a warm feeling in my heart and put a smile on my face.
The holidays come and go so fast it's unbelievable. The first of the year is always my hardest time b/c I always think what a long time to have to wait for them to roll around again. And I always dread the long hot summer. Although this past summer wasn't so bad.
I'm just 2 months away from the big 6-0. From the time when I was just a teenager, I remember always wondering what it will be like when I get to be 60. I knew the day would come, but I had no clue what it was going to be like and I always wondered - and now I know. It's pretty good I must say. I look at the young people and think ugh, they have it all ahead of them - all that drama, heartache, confusion, uncertainty, struggle, hard times - and I'm so glad it's all behind me! I like the fact that retirement is just around the corner. I'm so glad that I don't mind aging. I actually like it, I know, I'm weird, right? I like having the wisdom that comes with age, I like how my priorities have changed from that so very superficial way to my, now, very focused and down to earth way. Some would want to argue with that (tee hee!). No, really, the real difference is that in my young days I wasn't following Christ and my life showed it, but now I am a follower of Christ and I have complete peace with life now. It's so amazing. If I only knew how to share with people what it's like to follow Christ. I'm praying every day for the good Lord to give me the confidence and gift that I need to be able to share with all those who cross my path and don't know the love of Christ. I've experienced the power in prayer so I know he will show me the way to do his good work here on earth.
I might be moving in March to a different apartment but in the same complex. It's a more secluded area and I think I will like that. It's saving me some money so that's the reason.
Mom and all of us are well. Andy is starting to come around for family get-togethers now, it's a really good thing. I think it's the responsibility of Ava and Hailey that has matured him. Can't say much about Justin because you can't say much about someone that you never see or hear from. But he does check in with Mom a few times a year and I get to hear all about it then. I should pick up the phone and call him. He was always so nice. I still imagine him as if he was like 23, but that's not the case so it would be so strange to see him in person after all these years. Especially now with an (almost) grown Son.
Work is still so busy, it hasn't let up in over 3 1/2 years. I don't know how much longer I can hold out. It's just on a prayer each day that gets me through it all. I have a new boss and he's really nice, thank goodness.
My four-legged furry friend is right at my feet in his cozy little doggie bed with his blanket over him (the one Mom gave us that year at Christmas). It's so funny, when he gets up the blanket stays over his back and then gets caught in the doggie door when he goes out. When I come home from work each day I see his blanket in a different spot each time and I know which way he went after I left the house. I wrap him up in it on the couch right before I leave for work and we say a prayer together, it seems to make him at ease when I leave him alone, and of course it's just the most precious thing for me to wrap him all up in his little blanky and cuddle with him as we say a prayer to God. It's a great way to start our day.
I took Snoop to the prommanade tonight for his walk and I looked in the windows at Disney Travel. There were a lot of people there taking calls and it got me to thinking about all your stories about that place. It's a sore spot with me because I know how badly it ended and how hurt you were after so many years of dedication. I have to remind myself that I have the righteousness of Christ in my soul and we're to love all people as Christ loves us.
Ok, Brother, I'm super tired now, it's 3:15 AM now and I have to be at church at 11:30 so I'd better get in the shower. Snoopy just got up and looked back at me, then waked into the bedroom to his fort. I guess that was him saying good night, he couldn't wait any longer!
I love you so dearly, my sweet sweet Michael in Heaven. Say hi to Dad and Steven. I was thinking the other day to start a memorial for Dad, even though it's a decade later, that shouldn't matter. Rest peacefully in the arms of our Dear Lord, my Brother. You are so very missed, if you only knew. I will be back soon to have another wonderful conversation with you. Love to you always, your Sister, Cherre.

Well, here we are again. Another year and you would be 64 if you were here with us still. We have such trouble deciding what to do with the holidays, we miss you being here to decide what we are going to do. I thought of you all day your birthday and cried most of the day. I just miss you so much. Little Dottie is sure coming along. She goes and comes through the pet door and runs around the back yard. She is so cute when she gets mad at me for brushing her and she runs away from home (she thinks) she hightails it to the back patio and sits on the lounge for an hour or so and then sneaks back in the house. Uncle Jerry was here today, he's back in Ca. for the winter, too much snow in Montana. I don't know why God is keeping me here but I guess he has a good reason. Someday we'll be together again! Mommy loves you!

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to comment to Joie about your tribute. Yes, I know Michael did love being a trainer and I have a feeling he was so very good at it and I think everyone loved him there, except for this one very mean, evil person, Marguerite. In my opinion, she played a big part in his demise. After he left Disney he never really got over it because of the way he was treated by her. He was so devastated and he never bounced back. He shared with me all the things that went on there with that woman, and how she really had it out for him. Before she came on the scene he had only good things to say about his job, but then, she came along and really made his life miserable. I guess she can think to herself "mission accomplished", but I know what lies ahead for those who are deceitful and hurt other people with their bad intensions. When her time comes she will have to face the good Lord and be held accountable for all her wrong doings. I only pray for her to turn from her wicked ways and fall on her knees and repent of her evil, wicked ways, or there will never be any hope for her. If she's still there, feel free to let her know so she can have that on her conscience and hopefully think twice about how her wicked ways and evil words can affect a person's life for the worse. She needs to take a long look at herself and do some real soul searching.
Joie, I walk my small dog, Snoopy, along the Promenade frequently and I see all the reservationists thru the windows sitting at their desks booking flights and packages. I reminisce about how Michael would always share with me about all his tactics on booking in order to accommodate each family and give them what they want most for a very memorable vacation. It was so intriguing how he was so very ingenious. Marguerite needs to see the better side of people, like this side of Michael. I have a feeling she is very much of this world and only desires to associate with the beautiful, successful people, and shun the less desirables, who in reality have so much more to offer than the phony people like herself. I'm sure you're not like that if you were a friend of Michael's. He was a very very special person and I know that all of those who came to know him as a friend were inspired in some wonderful way. His thoughts were very deep and felt with such emotion. I truly do miss my Brother. I hope to hear back from you. Cherre.

My most beloved Brother, I didn't forget your birthday on the 19th, today is the 21st. I was thinking about you the whole time though and was waiting until I have enough time to share a meaningful conversation with you. But I won't have that time until my Christmas break starts, so I just wanted to check in to let you know I didn't forget about your most special day of the year. I'm going to sit down one evening next week and we're going to have a wonderful conversation. It's so busy at work I can hardly take a breath in between 7:00 AM and 4:00 PM. I see a friend of yours made their way to your memorial website, Joie? I'm sure we had conversations that included him/her, but I'm not remembering right now. I look forward to writing to you next week, and until then say Hello to Jesus for me and let him know that I am highly anticipating meeting him in person. I looooooove and miss you so badly, my Brother. Talk next week, Your friend and Sister, Cherre.

Hello Michael. I hope your birthday in heaven is glorious! You surely are missed down here on earth. Thinking of you and your smile and our wonderful breaks and laughter by the fountain outside the Disney Travel Center. You had a great sense of humor. Remember lap nose? You and I and the training team were hysterical. For those of you that do not know, when booking air for children we would call them a lap child if they wanted to fly for free. Well, some how we got on the subject of noses and said "if someone had a big nose could we call it a lap nose. You had to be there but we laughed so hard. Michael loved being a trainer at Disney! Heck he loved all things Disney. I loved working with him. We all did. He was smart and funny.  He would come out with the silliest things. I was so sad to hear of your passing. Wish you were still here! Love and hugs. Until next time.

I remembered. I said a prayer for you.

I seldom visit this place because it is so hard for me. One year ago yesterday was the horrible morning I was called and told my son had died. I thought it was a joke, I hoped it was a joke. However, it wasn't, it was real. I still have a hard time accepting it. I expect you to call me at certain times of the day. I just can't do this. Today is your brother, Stevens birthday. He would be 65 yeas old. He could get Social Security and Medicare now. He left this world just 4 years and 10 months before you did to the day. I love you so much my baby boy and I look forward to seeing you again on the other side where there is no more tears or pain. I love you baby! mamma

Well, my Dear Brother and Friend, today marks the one year anniversary of the glorious day you entered into eternity with our Savior Jesus Christ. i try to imagine what that feels like, but it's just way beyond comprehension. We've thought about it all our lives, and the thought still leaves me in complete and utter awe. I'm so happy that you are resting in peace, but for me it's been very lonely because there's been hundreds of times this past year that I have wanted to reach out to you, to experience just one more time, one of those endearing conversations you and I would share. I always loved spending time with you, even those times we had nothing to talk about, but just sat and enjoyed the company of each other.

Michael, I have a permanent image in my mind, it's one of your eyes, looking so deep and dismal, my heart bleeds with sadness every time because there seemed to be nothing I could do to cheer you up and I can still feel your pain, its embedded in my heart, but I wouldn't give it up for the world because it's all I have left to remember you by. For the last many years happy times were few and far between for you my dear Brother. With that being the case, losing you has been somewhat bearable for me, knowing that you are now in the best place that anyone could ever be, and here on earth you we so miserable. Even though this world certainly isn't how God intended it to be, sinful man has worshiped satan over God, making the world so corrupt and evil it's hard to even live in it anymore. I'm so happy I'm getting closer and closer to my time to leave this earth. I'm feeling like you did, so sick of all the hatred, such division, pain and suffering and disgusting filth. Even though I'm protecting my heart and keeping far far away from any of that as humanly possible, I still know it exists because there's no escaping it totally when you have to go out in the world to make a living. But I will continue to struggle and do as God has instructed us to do, that being see the good in all people and in all things and share the gospel with anyone and everyone. I learned a new saying just the other day that's worth repeating to myself several times in a day: "Christian joy isn't found in a perfect world, rather it's found in the way we think. That is a very powerful statement and it really straightens me out when I start to revert back into my old way of thinking. It has really helped me while interacting with my peers at work, and just general interaction with friends, family, and people in public places.

Michael, I was only going to say a few words tonight because I have to get too bed and I was going to save all this for tomorrow night, since tomorrow's friday night and I will have all the time in the world to chat with you, but I always get carried away when I get on your memorial site, it's like actually being with you and I just can't get enough of that. But it's 11:00 PM and I still have to take a shower, then get up at 5:00 AM, so you can understand why I have to cut our time short tonight.

I love you so much my dear Brother Michael. Just one last thought I want to share - there's so many men I come across that remind me of you and I just want to go up to them and have a conversation with them. Even here at my apartment complex, a guy named, yes, Michael. He was sitting on a bench, and when I passed him while I was walking Snoopy, I had to turn around and have a conversation with him. I told him he reminds me of my Brother, who's name is Michael also. We talked for a long time, but turns out, he's nothing like you, so that was not fulfilling.

Oh, now I really have to say good night and until we talk again, my thoughts will be with you, my Brother Michael. I love love you and miss you so terribly. Love from your Sister, Cherre. Snoopy just turned 7 years old. He's the apple of my eye, a little dog, so much joy.

Hi Sweet Pea, Sam and I are going to Orange County today and I thought of you. I would love to come over and see you and take you to dinner with us. I want to let you know I call Mom everyday for you. I so miss our times we talked, there are so many times I want to call you. When I'm at work and something happens I know it would be something we would talk about and laugh over also cry. I know you wanted me to retire, but I have 3 more years. I am taking your advise you always gave me to just drive and let everyone do what they want. Its hard sometimes, but God is giving me the strength to endure.. 
 So many times I see your phone number under Moms and I have accidently hit yours, and than it makes me cry because I know you will not be there. I MISS you so much it hurts, I want my phone to ring at 3am and hear you say to have a good and safe day. I know you are healed now and for that I am so so so thankful. I have felt so helpless all the times I couldn't help you, It has always hurt my heart. Now I don't worry about you anymore, I just have concerns about Mom and the rest of our family. I know I will be with you, and it wont be to far away. I cant wait, I love my family, but everyone is so far away, we talk on the phone but its not the same. We had another Family picnic when Trinity was down, it was nice, but VERY VERY lonely with out you.
  Mom is so lonely and no one visits her and she need help with everything, she is getting older and its not easy hearing all the things she cant do anymore. I told her we might in the near future have to think about moving her out here, so I can help her more. She agreed, but I know it will be so hard for her. 
  Well I have to go and get ready now, I do miss you so much and Love you with all my heart all my Hugs and Kisses big Brother

Oh my Dear Dear sweet Brother Michael, you have been so heavy on my mind now for quite a while. I've longed to reach out to you but I always allow life's little distractions to get in the way, it's a bad habit I have that I've been trying to break,because it also gets in the way of my time to devote to the Lord in prayer each day.

Michael, you have no idea of how comforting it has been for us to know that you went forward publicly to give your life to Christ, and how ironic, just days before he wrapped you up in his strong arms and whisped you off to the heavens with him to rest in magnificent peace for eternity. I can't praise Him enough for waiting for you to go forward so your loved ones can also rest here on earth knowing you are certainly beholding the face of Christ right now as sure as I'm writing this to you!

Michael I have to let you know that if I could, I would do it all over again - the tough love I was displaying just months before you went away. Had I known, my Brother, I would have spent every waking moment with you and loving you, caring for you, catering to you, doing all the things we enjoyed doing together, sharing our thoughts, having a nice meal, reminiscing of years gone by, watching a good movie, oh, if only I could. I don't think I will ever practice tough love ever again because you just never know. Our last years were not so great, you and I, we were going down different paths, I wanted so desperately to take you with me, but you resisted and eventually abandoned our friendship. I'll never understand why that happened. It is very sad when I think of it because we were so close, I can't imagine what when wrong. But it will be so good again when we are reunited,when I get to heaven.

It's 2:00 AM on the 4th of July, 2016. Fire crackers have been going off for the last 2 weeks and is really rocking Snoopy's world (in a bad way!). I'll be so glad when it's over so he can have a decent walk. He always hi-tails it home when he hears the first fire cracker.

But more significantly, it's just days away from the one year anniversary of your passing. It has been a really tough year, but God has given me the strength I need to endure such a great loss. So many times I have imagined you and I spending time together, going to Starbucks and sitting talking for hours, we had some really great conversations, didn't we Brother! Living alone really gives a person a lot to think about, I feel it's an enriching lifestyle when I can spend time meditating on things that will either bring a smile to my face,or a tear to my eye - thoughts that have great meaning, and a lasting impression.

Michael, I love growing old, I feel such wisdom and meaning in my life, all life's experiences that I learned from are bundled up inside my thoughts, mounting to the wisdom that I always wished I had, but never did. Mostly though, it's because I live for Christ now, and not the world. Learning His wisdom - that's the most sure way to bring great joy to your life. I know he has kept a close eye on me over my "lost" years. I felt it in times when I should have had devastation, but instead I felt cared for and protected. He is a merciful God and I praise Him every moment of the day for his goodness and mercy, and for our salvation, what a monumental sacrifice that was. Michael, now that I'm a follower of Christ, and not just a fan, I'm experiencing his promises coming to pass in my life and it is the greatest reward of all time I strongly know. I wanted us to experience it together, but little did I know you were already on your way to be there in person, to touch, and feel His warmth and compassion engulf you, just like you longed to feel here on earth, but could never quite get there. Oh, my goodness gracious, Michael, my heart always bled for you when you shared with me the times you wanted so desperately to feel God's love but could not. But like Chelle said to you, it's not a feeling, it's a choice - the feelings come later - and thank the Good Lord that you made that choice in your final days.

When I think about where you are right now, and back when you first laid eyes on Jesus. I can hardly fathom it, it seems so surreal, but I'm in such awe to know that I too, will someday see Jesus face to face. Ahhhhhh! It makes me want to scream and shout!! And throw my arms up to the heavens and just praise Him. It's like when you're going to see someone you've anticipated for so long, and you know the time is nearing. WOW, Michael, what is it like?

Ugh, i's so late and i'm starting to feel tired, so perhaps I should think about going to bed. I could talk to you for hours, like we used to do. I miss you so terribly, but God is making it tolerable for me to still be here and you be there. He is so good to me, I can't say it enough.

Good night my Dear Brother. Say a prayer for me and all our Family because things are getting really bad here and we need God's protection to keep us safe in this uncertain world. Love to you forever and ever, your little Sister, Cherre. (Snoopy loves and misses you too!).

Happy Valentines!

Happy New Year my Brother in Heaven. Well, it's the eve of 2016 and I'm praying for a great 2016 filled with bounds of God's glory, mercy and hope for all of us. I've been thinking about you all day, I know we would have gotten together for a nice dinner and then watch the ball drop, like we always did. My first new years without my panky, that is very very sad. I'm sitting home tonight with snoop and watching fox news at time square. I'm glad that you are where you are, in heaven, because this world did not make you happy at all and I know that heaven has got to be the most peaceful place ever. I love you Michael and will say good night for now. Rest in peace my Brother. Love Cherre.

Michael, my Dear, Merry Christmas! It's 3 AM the morning after Christmas. I got home from Chelle's at midnight, got situated and now ready for bed. I have to tell you, there were so many moments today that I missed you not being there. I would tell myself, "Michael and I would be doing this right now". I knew it would be hard, and very different and it was, but we had a very nice time, even though you were very very missed. Chelle said a wonderful prayer before dinner, you would have been very emotional like me and Mom were. Michael, I miss looking into your eyes, it's almost like I could see into your soul, I saw and felt so much emotion through your eyes. To this day they are embedded in my brain and when I wander off in my mind I reminisce about just gazing into your eyes and longing to feel and understand what you were going through. I know it's selfish but I want you back here with me, like it used to be, before things got bad. I ache for that. If only God would give me just a short time to have you back, I would be so different than I was towards the end times. I'm so regretful that I chose to use tough love towards you. I'm so so sorry, Brother, I knew things were bad, but I had no idea you were that close and ready to leave his earth. Michael, now that you're gone, I feel so alone. I see myself feeling like you would describe to me how you felt. I'm so sorry I couldn't understand you better and be more comfort for you when you needed comforting so desperately. You would love the song I chose for this, your memorial site, it's the theme song from Romeo and Juliet, all in piano. I can just see you sitting at the piano playing it. Michael, I have to go to bed now, my tears and sobbing have given me a headache and I need to lie down. Snoop's not much comfort during my emotional times, but I know he would be if he only understood. There's no words to describe my feeling of loss Michael now that you're not here with me. It was comforting to know that you were just a phone call away. I love you so much, Brother and I look forward to the day for us to be reunited. In Christ, your Sister, Cherre.

Merry Christmas in heaven, Michael.

Good Morning Dearest Brother, it Christmas day now 2015, I was just sitting looking at the Christmas tree and missing you. I know how you love Christmas. I have the lights on outside and I will leave the lights on the tree all day. I'm cooking dinner in the crock pot, our little Charity helped me with it tonight. 
I wonder what you will be doing on Christmas in Heaven, will there be a celebration? If there is I know it will be your best Christmas ever, and I know that you are praising our Lord Jesus. Today will seem empty to me without you here, I miss you so much. I have no desire to cook any more but I do for the Girls and Sam. I'll put on my happy face and I know that God will give me the strength to have fun with the rest of us here. Know that I love you so much and my memories make me smile Hugs and Kisses

Happy 63rd birthday Panky!I It's 1:15 in the morning on the 20th, but since I'm still up and awake from the 19th, to me it's still your birthday! I spent most of the day cleaning my balcony so it would be pretty for all the lights I put up. I bought them last Christmas when everything was 75% off. I sure did miss spending time with you today, We probably would have gone to Norms, right? Well, Christmas is just 5 days away and i don't know what I'm going to do. You were the only one who seemed to be interested in making plans. Mom and Chelle are tight and I'm the outsider. Remember when you said that you and I are the black sheeps? Well, it's like that more than ever for me now, now that I'm a lone black sheep! Mom and I have experienced some differences and I feel more distant than ever. I wish you could come over and we could talk for hours and hours. I have no one who wants to hear what I have to say. You were always interested in my thoughts, everyone else is only concerned about their things. I must say, I never did feel lonely, but since you've gone away, I feel all alone many a time. I guess I always felt comforted just knowing you were there if I wanted a friend to talk to, one who was sincere and not judgmental. But Snoop is  always there, what a blessing he is. God knew what was ahead for me, and he made Sissy not sell her puppies on the internet, just so I would get Snoopy. Praise God! Right?! Guess what? I finally got an assistant at work! What a relief. You know how crazy it's been for the last 3 years, and now I can finally take a breath here and there throughout the day. I'm also going to try for a reclass since I'm a trainer and a reviewer now, that puts me in a whole different class. I hope I get it since I want to retire in 3 years and social security is based on your highest 3 years of pay - what a blessing from God that would be! Michael,God has been so good to me. All my adult life I've been self reliant, able to make it in this dog eat dog world by myself. Remember when I rode my bike in the rain to go to college? And I know just as sure as I'm sitting here, it's all God's doing, I'm following the Presidential election closer than ever, Trump is really taking them by storm. just might vote for him. Him and Ben Carson are the only ones I trust to really come through. The world is getting worse, we're this close to having a world war III. I might meet you in heaven sooner that I thought since ISIS is beheading Christians, and now they've infiltrated the United States. I'm actually living in the beginning of the end times. There are so many signs being seen now that the bible speaks of. It's scaring in an way, but amazingly enough God has given me comfort and put me at peace. What an awesome God we have! Well, my dear dear sweet Panky, I should think about getting ready for bed since it's Church in the morning, luckily mine doesn't start until 11:30 so I can stay up late. I'll say good night to you on this very special day, your birthday. You were brought into this world 63 years ago on this day, what a wonderful day that was because I know for those years you touched many a persons hearts with your kindness and compassion, and one of those hearts was mine! I miss you with all my heart. I have many bouts still of sorrow and grief, but I suspect that's going to become the norm because you were the closest to my heart out of all I've ever known. Good night for now, and I will be back to spend some time with you very very soon. I miss you so much it hurts but we have to carry on and just have faith in Father God that he knows what he's doing in the lives of those who follow him. I love you dearly Michael, your Sister, Cherre.

Happy Birthday Michael!!! How does Parque Santiago look from up there? Can you see Laura and I waiving to you? Have a great day.

Happy Birthday in Heaven!

Happy Birthday Michael! Hope you got a chance to watch the Disneyland fireworks.

"To you my Brother, today is your Birthday and I want you to know that I have spent it with you in my heart. So many times I reach for my phone to call you, and than for awhile my heart is heavy because I miss you so very much. I know your in such a wonderful place with our Lord and that you have no dark days anymore only glorious days and that makes me happy. I long for the day to hug you again, until my time comes I have my memories and I hold on to them dearly. Hugs and Kisses

Here is a flower for you on your Birthday. I know I would have been making your favorite dinner tonight Meatloaf with mashed potatoes and gravy. We could have topped it off with Chocolate cake. I do miss you so very very much I know your enjoying your Birthday, the best one ever Right.  Love you so much  Bye, Bye, Bye, Bye for now

Well Mike, here it is your 63rd birthday. We would be having A good time together wouldn't we. The girls would be here and Ty. We've had a lot of good times together over the years. Your little Dottie is such a good little girl. You knew I would keep her didn't you! I miss you so much. I''ll see you again some day in Heaven with Jesus. I'm glad you don't hurt any more. I love you, mama

Hi Micheal . Rain expected today this afternoon. Chilly nights. It's almost Thanksgiving and Christmas is just around the corner.....

Happy Tuesday, my dear sweet beloved Brother. I'm thinking of you every day, as is Mom and Chelle. We all are still so so very sad to not have you here with us. The holidays are approaching and I'm wondering what it's going to be like without you making all the arrangements. I finally got a picture of you to add to this site. My old phone had all the pictures and it broke and I couldn't retrieve them, so I'm having Mom and Chelle forward me theirs, but it's taking time. We're all still in a state of shock at your passing. I remember when we used to wonder what it must be like to be in Heaven with the Lord. Now you know for sure. I can't even imagine what it must be like. I wish you could come down for a week and tell me all about it!! We could go to Starbuck's and sit and have coffee like you always loved to do. I'm so sorry I used tough love on you at the end, if I had only known you would be leaving soon, I would have done it all so differently. I don't know how long it will take for my heart to stop aching, I wish I could just give you the biggest, longest bear hug to last for all the times I was being tough on you. I just wanted so much for you to snap out of your depression and start living again, but I guess I had no idea how deep your condition was. I'm so so so sorry I didn't understand. My tears are never ending for the sorrow I feel about losing you. I look to the Lord for strength each day and I know he will take good care of me. Mom, by the way, is absolutely loving having little Dottie Girl there with her. She just adores all the cute little things she does. I think it's because it's a way to keep you with her physically and in her heart. But she says Dottie still waits for her Daddy to come up the driveway to take her home. I don't want to leave you Brother, but it's time to get to work. I will write to you soon. Just remember, our thoughts and love are with you each and every moment of our time here on earth. My love runs deep for you my Brother. Pray for me and Mom and Chelle to endure the trials and tribulations of life. Forever missing and loving you, your Sis, Cherre.

Michael was great fun to work with at Disney!. I am sad to learn of his passing. Love and prayers.

Hello my good Brother, I am thinking of you today, as I am every day. So many things throughout the day remind me of times we spent together and it brings a tear to my eye. Dottie Girl is doing fine at Mom's house. She is adapting well, but Mom says she still looks for you coming up the driveway - bless her little heart! The holidays are approaching and I'm wondering what it's going to be like without you here with us to share in all the festivities. You were always a big part of our family time during Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love you and miss you more than even I thought possible. God is giving us the strength to persevere through all our sadness. Rest softly My Dear Dear Brother. Until next time, Love from your sis, Cherre.

Hello our dear friend. Jen and I are well. We miss you greatly. We met your wonderful family and loved ones at your service. It was beautiful. We missed you so much that we went to go see the Long Island Medium at San Manuel and was hoping to get a reading, but there were a lot of people waiting to hear from their loved ones too. It was still worth it because We felt your presence was with us there. 

Hey buddy, Thank you for leaving me that one last message. It meant A LOT.  Chat with you again soon.

Michael, we your neighbors, Laura and I appreciated you as a friend in our little community. Although you in a better place, we will always consider you in our hearts and thoughts as a good friend who would also include us in your prayers. Thank you Michael for allowing us to know you. Michael, please continue to pray for us from your loving position of God's heavenly court. Yes, we miss too!

Oh how I miss you so, Michael, my Brother. You left us all way too soon, but I know it wasn't too soon for you. How glorious it must be to have the heavenly love of our Father God surrounding you in peace - how you longed to have peace. My heart is joyous to know that you now have no pain or sorrow and am now resting in glorious comfort and restful peace. But still my heart is aching for the loss of my friend, my pal, and our wonderful times spent together. It's going to be a struggle for us who will miss you, but your restfulness is a comforting thought to us also. I love you dearly and will miss you so. You were always so special to me and you will continue to be forever. Love from your Sister, Cherre.