Here are the words that I spoke during Dad's funeral service earlier this week.
No son ever wants to be stood at a moment like this, at a time of deep sorrow and shock. Dad was always the one that offered to be the shoulders of responsibility to take on such a task.
But just as life has its fleeting moments, death too can be just as flashing in its occurrence but so long in its effect on those left behind. And so, it is in these moments that it is important to reflect and to celebrate Dad and to remind ourselves how important life is to embrace and cherish each and every moment we have together. Dad celebrated life in every which way he could. He lived a full life, with a loving wife, three amazing sons, and five adorable grandchildren that filled him with pride.
When Dad’s own father passed away, when he was still a young boy, he inherited a huge burden of responsibility upon his shoulders. He dealt with his own grief through sports. Something he particularly excelled in – pretty much all the way through his life – much to his son’s disgruntlement whenever we partook. His love of rugby and Athletics, in particular, played a big role in his earlier years where he reached a high level of capability and raced alongside Olympic greats such as Herb Elliott. But after his running shoes were put aside, he found joy in competitive moments during family get-togethers. Whether we were playing bowls in the garden family competition in the summer or pin the tail on the donkey during a Christmas get-together. Or he would demonstrate his graceful moves through dancing with friends in black tie suits and glamorous ball-room attire. Times and memories that may seem long ago to us now, still are rich and vivid in their impact to all of us in our fond memories of Dad. We must hold on to those.
My Dad was my hero. To many of us he was our hero. To some, he was a leader, a calm authoritative voice who demonstrated an abundance of integrity and poise with each and every interaction. He served his community throughout his life. From leading the UK’s first sport & leisure centre in Harlow, through to his leadership roles in local government at both the London Borough of Enfield and later, Redbridge. There he held many responsibilities but by far the one that tested him the most was running events with tens of thousands of people listening to the likes of James Brown singing at one of his popular Redbridge Show concerts.
To others, he was not attributed a role, but he was seen more as of a voice of reason, an orator that could capture a room with a kindness that always showed he cares; and he was a teacher that always spared time to impart his knowledge – especially outside the classroom. In his later years, he ran his own business to share that wisdom, and through City & Guilds inspect the quality of teaching at learning institutions across the country. He also taught classes himself and shared a plethora of business and leadership skills. His sound reasoning capabilities helped him become a successful magistrate to demonstrate his apt ability to judge fairly but firmly. Dad’s wisdom wasn’t born from a god-given gift. It came from sacrifice and hard work, with a drive to give much more than he ever received. And of course, most recently, he gave up so much of his time, without regret nor complaint, to be Mum’s carer as she battles Parkinson’s.
To me, Dad could be described in so many ways but he has lived a full and rich life – a life that has touched so many people in so many amazing ways, he truly has set the standard of how to live a good and wholesome life.
I feel so blessed and humbled to have had someone like my father to be my Dad. To have all that time with him is such a gift that my family and I have each been bestowed. As I have grown older, I became more and more amazed by how special Dad truly was. But even for the young amongst us, you could never miss how immense his sense of fun, his love for his children, and grandchildren warmed his soft centre and kind-spirited heart.
Dad was so very content with his life. He traveled to scores and scores of countries, made friends in every country he visited, listened calmly, spoke softly, and always treated people with respect.
Dad gave his time to everyone, to always support and care – that is unless there was an England Rugby game on and in those moments, there could be a volcano erupting outside and he wouldn’t budge.
Our website which memorializes Dad is going to be a wonderful place for each of us to share our stories and memories of him. I’d encourage each of you to put your own words down on it – not just for us as we come to terms with someone that we will miss so very very much but as someone that we will celebrate, aspire to be more like, and ask ourselves in times of pain or struggle, ‘what would Dad, Grandad, Uncle Mike, Mike do in a situation like this? Those thoughts will often help us make the right decision.
And so now, our minds turn to Mum, Betty – his most dear wife who made a great man, greater. Who brought him out of his shell, who encouraged him to try new things, and challenged his, let’s be honest, stubborn ways. Mum is coping with a huge void in her life but in her own selfless ways, she’s demonstrating the strength to carry on, to strive forward, and to live a happy life. Dad would want that for you Mum. And each of us, here today, and all around the world listening in, will be there for you. A simple call, a letter, a card, and of course once COVID allays, plenty of hugs and time together.
We will get through this. Dad expects it of us and we owe this fine gentleman a promise. A promise to look out for Mum, for each other and to take the steps he took in his life with as much impact and kindness as he took in his own.
We will miss you Dad. We love you – forever.