Michelle came into this world like a fire cracker on November 14th, 1984. I woke up at 3:00AM with my water breaking and there was no time for a leisurely trip to the hospital. While I am making my way up to the car, her dad swooped her older sleeping sister, Stephanie out of her crib and rushed out the door and off we went.

There was snow all over the ground and it was cold. There was no time that the car had to be heated properly, so the windows were fogged up. I was in full blown labor and I thought for sure that my lil one was going to be born in the car. With my feet up on the dash of the car, I was huffing and puffing and focusing so hard to not push. Thankfully, the hospital was only ten minutes away.

I was put on the hospital gourney and rolled through the halls and into a birthing room, still panting with all my might. An Emergency Physician on duty was already there waiting. He checks me real quick to see how far I was dialated. He looks at me and asks, "Do you know you are going to have this baby natural?" I was baffled beyond words because of course I knew I was about ready to pop this baby out and all I could get out in between breaths was, "Yeah! And are you gonna catch her or what?"

With only three pushes, Michelle came out into this world, screaming her lungs out. I can't say as I blame her...after all, we both were sound asleep, all warm and cozy just only twenty-five minutes ago. I am sure she was just as in shock as I was. The next six weeks were spent getting to see, touch, smell and bond with the other and we became so part of the other. Her sister adored her and loved holding her baby sister. It was a true Hallmark moment to see them bond as well.

She had not once smiled during this six weeks. She was a tough cookie and all the antics I went through to get her to smile just didn't do the trick. But, the morning of December 20th, 1984, my oldest daughter and I were eating breakfast and Michelle was in her baby carrier on the table, so she could be with us. I happened to look up and smile at her. Then, the magic happened. She smiled back and her eyes as well as her face lit up and I got so excited and stopped eating and picked her up to just hug and praise her for that special moment.

We three spent the rest of the day together bonding and had a great day. I had put the girls down for a nap that afternoon and went to the bathroom to get ready for a family supper at the grandparent's house. However, as life would have it, after I had got me and Stephanie ready to go, I went to get Michelle up and get her ready to go. As I approached her, I saw that her color wasn't right and felt in my heart something was wrong. Fearfully wrong.

As I reached to touch her head, I felt her lifeless and cold touch. "Oh my God, Michelle!", I yelled out. I turned her over and to my utmost horror, she was gone from me. I immediately dialed the phone for medical emergency and while they sent out a Medical Emergency Team, they stayed on the phone to coach me through to try to revive Michelle. The Medical Emergency Team was there fast and took over and tried all they cold to bring my daughter back to life. But, no matter how any of us that thought she should live, Michelle's journey on earth was through.

The pain and anguish was so horrible. I cried out with everything inside of me. There was horrifying shock as well as questioning the Great Universe for taking her away from me. Few days later, after the memorial and burial service was held, I got a call from the Coronor's office, they confirmed from the autotopsy that she passed away from this earth from Sudden Infant Death Syndrom, which still to this day there is no known cause and no known way to test if a baby is at risk for SIDS.

As the years have passed by, I still have pain in my heart and miss my Bell so much. I long to hold, touch, smell, experience and love her. It's not as hard as it was in the beginning, because I have learned how to live life to it's fullest in spite of losing her. However, a part of my heart will always feel a loss, because that's the part I gave to Michelle to have forever and it still is with her.

May all the Universe and everything in it always bless my little Bell, Michelle!