ForeverMissed
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His Life

Saying Hello & Goodbye

January 13, 2014

we never got to hold our sweet baby boy while he was alive, the first time my fiance and I said hello to our baby boy was two days AFTER he was born, i was so scared but when we finally held our baby and admired everything about him it was heaven, i got to hold a sweet angel i can never describe the feelings of emotion i had that day when we said hello and goodbye all at the same time, he was so perfect i couldnt wrap my head around the fact that he was so perfect and taken from me, all i wanted more than anything was to leave that hospital with my son. take him home in his going home outfit strap him in his new car seat and head home to start the rest of our lives together, but we didnt do that instead we left empty handed without pur baby boy, just a memory box the hospital gave us. and the memories in our head and the pictures on our phones. when my son finally came home it was in a small pretty light blue urn with a teddy bear on it. i cried and cried as i held the ashes of my son when a month before that i was feeling his sweet kicks hiccups everything, now all gone... 

Living

January 13, 2014

Living without my baby boy has been unfair, I see other beautiful children born near the same time he was growing, learning, loving, smiling and that hurts... i will never see my son my first born child ever do those things..I can only tell the parents that have their children to take time to be grateful to thei children, appreciate them because you never know what could happen, one day my son was with me happy alive and his heart was beating the next minute it was all torn away from me, all of my dreams and wishes for my son GONE in a matter of seconds. one of the biggest challanges ive had since losing my son is continuing on to live my life, the loss of my son took an extreme toll on his dad,my family his dads family, everyone who was awaiting his arrival was torn at the loss of a life short lived. not only has it effected his parents its effected his whole family. living without the sweet boy we all anticipated to be here will forever be hard. 

Shock of a life time.

January 8, 2014
So after he was born I didn't get to see him they hooked him up to the ventilator I have pictures of him when he was born that one of the nurses took for me. They took me to my room while they got ready to transfer him to a children's hospital. Finally they were switching my to a different room into the post partum area. On my way I could see the crib he was in and they had blankets over it I immediately asked the nurse is that him? Is that my son? And she told me yes. I asked can I please see him and she pulled my bed towards where he was the paramedics told me I had a handsome little boy and congratulations I signed the papers for the ambulance to take him and I sall my precious little boy for the first time I instantly cried tears of joy o didn't get to hold him or touch him though:( I just got two more pictures and then off he went to a different hospital and off I went to a different room. They told me I needed my rest and turned the lights off and walked out.. hours passed with no word about my son I called the hospital and was told my phone call would be returned. At 1:00am the doctor called me and told me I'm sorry but he didn't make it. Those 7 words started the worst nightmare of my life.

Birth of an angel.

January 8, 2014
On September 11, 2013 I woke up early in the morning to breakfast as usual and taking my vitamins when I got up to use the bathroom I had peed and with it was pinkish fluid I immediately called the nurse in she checked it out and called the doctor by the time the doctor came in I was bleeding heavily. He did a pelvic exam and told me more than likely my placenta detached and I would need a csection ASAP! Mikey was breeched due to lack of fluid so I had to get a csection I called Michael unfortunately he was 8 hours away because he had to take our dogs to California to our friend who would watch our dogs until we were released from the hospital he got ready packed mikeys car seat and hit the road unfortunately since he was so far away he wouldn't make it for mikeys birth.. the doctor told me I needed to be prepped immediately for a csection. Doctor left the room and nurses filled everywhere to help me get ready to have Mikey. I called my mom and cried to her and told her how scared I was and she told me to be strong and that she loved me. I knew being strong was the only way I would get through this especially since I was by myself. Finally the nurses came in and told me we were ready they wheeled my bed to the operation room I sat there for a minute with nurses and doctors surrounding me getting ready aggroup was for me and another group was for Mikey they grabbed a diaper and blanket to wrap him in when he was born while the anesthesilogist gave me the medicine to numb my lower half of my body then they laid me down and put up the drape between the doctors and I. And began the csection. At 4:22pm I heard the softest sweetest cry I've ever heard in my life my son was finally born he was finally here!!

Problems In Paradise

January 8, 2014
We were living in Texas and were about to make a move for work to California, it was a very eventful move when we were in Arizona I knew something wasn't right so we stopped in Phoenix Arizona I waa so nervous and scared something was really really wrong with my baby I did not want to lose him. After a few hours I was finally seen by a doctor and checked when they came back they told me I was leaking amniotic fluid at 27 weeks and 6 days.. :( I was transferred to a hospital with an Obgyn through the ambulance while Michael followed behind with everything we owned and our dogs Sparky & Bella when I got to the hospital they fixed me a room in labor and delivery and told me I would be seen by a different doctor in a moment. The doctor told us I was leaking amnotic fluid and that I would need to be put on bed rest in the hospitaluntil he was born I was 28 weeks and they wanted me to make it to 34 then they would induce me due to risk of infection for the baby and myself. The first night in the hospital was horrible I couldn't help but cry I was so scared just my fiance and myself all alone without family.my total stay in the hospital was exactly 2weeks long everything was going great those two weeks I was taking plenty of vitamins I had the IV in to help my fluid amount go up and I had an ultrasound every few days to check on Mikey and make sure he was ok.

My baby boy.

January 8, 2014
Mikeys Mommy is Andrea Mikeys Daddy is Michael We found out we were expecting Mikey at the end of February I remember being so shocked yet so excited and scared. My head filled with emotions but as soon as we found out I was going to be a mother my love began for my sweet boy. When I was about 8 weeks pregnant I bought a fetal Doppler online when it came I was so excited to use it. I didn't find his heart beat until I was 11 weeks. The first time I heard his heartbeat I cried it made me so happy. I found a place that would do an elective ultrasound which ment I could find out 4 weeks before my doctor would tell me so I scheduled the appointment at 14 weeks and patiently awaited the appointment finally I was 16 weeks Michael said from the moment we found out that it was going to be a boy I said it was girl. When we started the put the probe on my stomach it was a privates shot I knew instantly it was a boy then just confirming more about a minute later they told us we were expecting a boy