Mom-mom,


I wish i could turn back time. I'm wishing i could relive all the great memories our family shared. I'm wishing things were how they were when i was a little girl. We would go all out for holidays and truely enjoyed each others company. We were closer then ever. When did everything change? I think those 6 months we helped you threw your battle, was a time where we all wished we had been that close always. No one's family is perfect by any means..but we have a pretty good one. Theres just a big piece missing, you. No matter what, all of the things that were meant to tear our family apart..in the end it made us that much closer. It's times like these where i miss you more then ever. I'm having a hard time right now. Basically starting over completely. I know you taught me from your own experiences that no battle is too big to fight. I'm trying to be strong like you and keep fighting. I didn't expect my life to end up this way. I wanted isabella to have her parents together. Even though she has a great dad, this isn't how things are supposed to be. I miss MY family. It's hard knowing what she'll go threw and alls i can do is try and make it as normal for her as possible. I just think by losing you i truely can understand how short life can be. It's too short to argue over pointless things. It's definitely too short to let the ones you love slip away. Each trial i go threw makes me appreciate life even more. I know one day all the answers will be laid out in front of me and it'll all make sense. Right now i can't help but ask why. Why aren't you with us. Why aren't jimi and i together..why is everything so hard right now? I'm hoping its all a blessing in disguise. I know i have a locket that allows me to carry you with me everywhere i go..but i wish i could come visit you somewhere. I can't believe it's almost been 3 years since you've left us. I wish you were coming back. I know each day that passes is a day i am closer to seeing you again..in that i am comforted. I love you. I miss you. I pray for you always. Keep watching over isabella and i. Continue to give me the strength to go on and be the best mommy and person i can be. You're my inspiration. Rest easy my beautiful angel. 

Love your duckie  

Hey mom-mom! It's now been 20 months since you've left this earth, but never will you leave my heart. You told me to take you everywhere i go and that i do. I honestly do miss you every day. I'm doing good and not so good right now. I moved out of mommy's, got my own car and should be starting a nursing program to becoma an LPN October 1st. I decided if i was going to use a year to become a medical assitant why not take 15 months to become a nurse? Seemed logical to me! I so badly want to work with people who have similar illnesses to what you had. Cancer is such a heart-breaking word..i hope and pray one day that word no longer exsists. I love being able to come on here and right to you whenever i want. Although i should write to you more, you know you are ALWAYS in my thoughts. I make that known :) It's still difficult for me knowing i won't see you til i go to the other side, yet comforting knowing i WILL see you again someday..just not in this life. I just really wish you were here to play with isabella and see her grow, here on earth. It does make me very sad but i am happy knowing she has such wonderful angels watching over her. That puts me at great ease. You and isabella are still my drive, my motivation and my reasons to get out of bed each day. I can never thank you enough for giving me something that i will always carry with me..courage. Courage to be who i want to be and courage to fight. Never did i think i could be the person i actually wanted myself to be. Thats not til i saw you fight, like ive never seen anyone fight before. You fought for your life the best you could and i can say that with absolute honesty. You didn't give up, you let yourself finally rest. You didn't let us down, you gained more respect then you'll ever know. I look at isabella and know nothing so beautiful could be here if it weren't sent from a beautiful angel in heaven. Thank you for her. It might have been unplanned but it was what i needed not only to help me get threw greiving the loss of my mom-mom but to make myself a better person. And every day im trying...trying to better myself in any way i can. I know no one is perfect. I try and live my days like you lived the last 6 months of your life...like they're my last. The truth is we never know when our time will come..we can only make our time on earth time that people will remember us for the better..and hope we make the world a better place before we leave it..someway somehow. You have taught me so much. Isabella is going to be a year old already. Time does really fly. She's so smart and beautiful, just like you. You are truely missed by all of us every day. I hope you know that. Another young life was taken this past saturday. A childhood friend of mine. It is sad the world that we live in. But it isn't all bad..the thing is people have to want to better the world. Everyone is here for a reason wether their here for a day or 100 years...that person makes an impact one way or another. I see my purpose was to be your care giver in your time of need, be isabella's mommy, and help to nuture and care for all those that are ill with cancer. That is my passion and that is what i am here for. I love and miss you! I will stop ranting now :) no matter how much i write to you i'll always have so much left to say.


<3 your little name sake,

mittie  

Hey mom-mom. It's been a little while. But of course every day i think of you and miss you more and more. As you know whitney houston has passed and is now with the greatest in heaven. I'm listening to her songs and clicked on one i've never heard called i look to you. I teared up listening to it because it reminded me of you down to every word. Mommy said it was one of your favorites from her. I hope you know im trying my best to keep each and every promise i made to you. I start college today online to become a medical assistant. I'm going to have to get over taking blood! lol. At the end of my training i'll have an externship and it'll be a dream come true if i can get it at dr. minnitti's office. I'm going to try my best! I want to give back to everyone else and make sure they have as great of an expeirience as you did during treatment. Thank god for that because that really kept your spirits high, having great drs. So i WILL finish this course, it takes about a year. Not only to keep my promise to you and make you proud but to give isabella all that she deserves and more. So the other day i was in kmart with katie and isabella. I saw a woman who clearly had cancer. She was bald with a cap on like the one you used to wear. For a minute i thought it was you. My heart sunk and i couldnt help but look at her. I really wanted to go up and hug her and just cry. I don't have many of those moments..but when i think i see you or see someone who seems to be going threw something similar that you went threw something just comes over me. It's times like those where i miss you more then ever...I really wish you could just come back but i understand that wont happen. I hope your waiting for me at the beautiful gates of heaven whenever it's my time. And since you've passed, i'm no longer afraid of what happens after i pass..because i know no matter what i'll have you. I want to start the scrapbook with all the pictures of you in it...Ever since your funeral i've wanted to and just can't bring myself to do it. I think it'll comfort me actually. Isabella is getting so big so quick. She'll be 6 months on the 18th of this month. She has your nose, LOL. she's too cute mom-mom you would of loved her up. Sometimes she looks up and stares but theres nothing there..then she giggles and i know its you and pop checking up on us. I couldn't ask for better angels. You really help me to continue on no matter how hard life gets. I think about everything you've gone threw and how you still kept a smile on your face no matter what. Thats what makes me keep fighting. So thank you for all that youve done for me and continue to do even though your no longer here. Continue to watch over all of us. I love you with all my heart & soul.

Love your little name sake,
mittie  

Hey mom-mom! I can't believe the 28th it'll be a year since you've left us. But i am glad it has a been a year for you with no suffering, pain, or stress. As i'm sure you met my pop up there, he passed and today is his funeral. I'm starting to understand god takes the best and thats why the two of you are now with him. Isabella is already 3 months and time is flying by. I enjoy every single day i have with her. I'm trying my best as a mother and to be the best person i can be..because i promised you those things. Im realizing what and who i have. Im appreciating those things. I see how short life really is and you never know what tomorrow will bring. I try and live each day as if it were my last. I love you with everything that i am and i am at peace knowing you have been now for some time. I never will understand why it had to be you that went threw all you did, but it surely made me a stronger person. I will always be your little name sake and will make sure your spirit lives on forever. Continue watching over me and bella. & let me know your here <3 rest easy

Wow...I cant believe that you would have been 60 yrs. old! You didn't look a day over 45....hahaha. I hope your good genes were passed on to me, among other stuff. I think about you every day and I know your watching me and the girl's, they are growing up to be such wondeful little people. We miss you, I especially miss your laugh. You had a laugh that everyone knew from a room away...lol.  Please give me more strenghth to continue on without you. it's been so hard. I feel better when I remind myself that now your happy & carefree. One day, we will be together again, but until then....you will always be in my heart.

                 Love always,

                                            Muffie

Happy 60th MOM!! I made your spup for you today.. just to remember you.. Bean Soup!!! of course it is not as good as yours. :)  I am going to send a balloon up to heaven for you. The fall festival is today and you would have loved it! I will think of you all day and then we will celebrate with your favoirte cake  STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE. Wish were able to have the surprise party that we wanted to plan. You know that you would have been heckled all day :)  What a void I feel.. I can't believe that you have been gone for 10 months already.. Baby Bella is so beautiful and i know you can see her. She was a gift from God.. I know your spirit lives in her. Mom..... We all love and miss you very much!! This will never get easier, but I know now you are pain free and with so many that you love. Please continue to look down on all of us. I feel you around me all the time. Send me a sign and that weill make my day!  I love you mom... so very much.. Rest in Peace now and tell my dad, Nana and Pop pop I said I love him and miss him too. xoxoxoxoxoxoxo Love your daughter, Rachel :)

hey mom-mom. so i just got back from the dr and he told me if i don't have her on my own i'll be getting induced sometime this week! it's crazy how time has flown by. it really bothers me you won't physically be here for all of this. But like i said before i'll have your picture with me at the hospital & your spirit in my heart with me that day. You're gonna be what gets me threw. send me a sign that day so i know you're there with me! i love you so much. i miss you even more. continue watching over all us and i'll be writing to you again sometime soon.

love your little name sake,

mittie.

Hey mom-mom. I miss you SO much! I think it's finally starting to hit us that your really never going to walk threw that door again. Time has helped a little bit. What keeps me going is knowing how happy you must be and that your not suffering. What we had to watch you go threw was something no one should go threw or have to watch someone go threw. Those were the worst yet best 6 months of my life. They were the worst for having to watch you suffer. They were the best because of how close we got & because you really showed me how to be strong. If i didn't see that fight in you im not sure id still be functioning right now. You have really been my inspiration in life & of course baby isabella. I have kept all the promises i made you and i am so glad i did. You really gave me the drive to get what i deserve in life. I got my ged, my license, and now im enrolled in college. I cant thank you enough for helping to shape the person i have become. Thank you for this beautiful blessing of a daughter on the way. I know she was sent to us from you. She will help balance out the pain and hapiness around us. I have now gained two angels..one in heaven and one soon to be on earth. I love and miss you dearly and no one can ever replace you but i know she will have a little piece of you in her. We are going to make sure she knows everything about you and how strong of a person you were so she can grow up to be successful and strong-willed. I am doing great with school which im sure you already know :) I actually surprised myself will how well i'm doing. Please continue to look over me and our family. Mommy and aunt heather have their days but were all getting by. I promised you if you were too tired that you can go and even though we'll be sad we will make it through with the strength and guidance of you. & that's what were doing. Rest easy knowing were okay. We all have our days and times where we get upset or wish you were still here. But knowing that your in a beautiful place with your parents and free from any sickness, that keeps us going. Enjoy your stay :) One day we will meet again, until then i love you. Let me know you're with me.

LOVE ALWAYS,

your name sake.

Hey mom-mom..so its almost been 4 months since i saw your beautiful smile. it seems like so much longer :( .. i cant believe it. i need you here more then ever. nothings going right and im always sad. if you were here i know youd make me feel better. you have a way with words that just makes it not sound nearly as bad as it really is. i wish i could just have you back..its unreal. its depressing and all this happening isnt the right time. its like once i overcome one obstacle another one comes my way..most times im not even done overcoming the last one. its just too much. i just feel like i have no control over my own life and everythings spinning outta control. i love when you visit me in my dreams. it gives me that little ounce of faith i still have knowing your still with me. i wish things were different in so many ways. its a shame that i feel more comfortable writing down my feelings rather then talking about them with ppl but thats okay by me because that means i get to tell you about it. Im trying i really am and i know you see that. i did what i told you i would..i got my license and i got my ged. you and this little baby girl inside of me pushed me to get those things. it did make me feel alot better about myself but i still dont feel complete. im sure i will when she gets here. but at the same time idk i feel like im not where i should be in life even though im trying in every way i know how. my mom says i need to give myself a little more credit then i do. im trying to. im trying to be proud of myself and just get through all this mess. not only am i pregnant with all those issues with jimi and worrying about how its gonna be when shes here but im still trying to figure out how to deal with you not being here. i dont think anyone realizes that. along with other things that have been going on before we even knew you were sick. im going to the psychologist this week and i know i need it. i hope it makes me feel better.  i cant keep everything in anymore.. just seems like no one has the time to listen to what i have to say and that no one wants to help me in any way.. hurts my feelings that i help ppl when i can and its not a mutual thing. i just really wanna hug you, give you a kiss and never let you go. please help me to figure out all this..i cant do it alone anymore. i love you and hope to see you in my dreams very soon.

love your name sake

Hey mom-mom. It's been a while since i've written anything to you. I can't believe its been 3 1/2 months since the last time i saw you. i cant even stomach it. i should probably talk about this more but i dont. i know its my hormones too but wether its happy or sad times we went threw...if they get brought up..i tear up. i told mommy today..when i got to the hospital to have the baby im bringing a picture of me and you..i think thats how i'll get through it. i know you'll be there with me too so :) my birthdays coming up and its gonna crush me your not here to celebrate with us. again, i know youll be here but being able to see you would be so much better. im hoping i get a locket to put your ashes in for my birthday..that would complete me. i know talking about all this would be better but writing it really helps me. and i think its a more comfortable way to express myself. like i've told you before...id much rather you not be suffering..but i still have that selfishness which i dont think will ever go away that i wish you could come back..but i know your in a much better place now where nothing can hurt you. its still a bit unreal. i mean we know your not gonna come walking threw the door, but we often catch ourselves talking about you in the current presence. alot has changed since youve been gone..but dont worry youll never be forgotten. your with us in everything we do. well your great grand baby is wants some sweet italian sausage w mustard so im gonna go :) i love you with all my heart and soul. keep watching over me. i'll take you with me everywhere i go just like you told me to <3

i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu.

love your duckie,

mittie

Dear mom-mom,

Its been almost two months now and i can not believe this. I need you here right now..everyone tells me to hold on to those great pictures and memories..but im sad to say their not enough right now. Some of those things we had to watch you go threw i'll never be able to erase from my memory no matter how hard i try. i am thankful i was there though with you threw everything and helped you as much as i knew how. It's just horrible because you telling me you were scared the night b4 you passed just isn't going away and i keep having dreams about you and your sick and its like its my chance to try and save you but i cant and its horrible..i dont think ill ever understand why god chose you to take that tough road and battle what you did. The thing that makes it ten times worse for me..is that i'm pregnant and was while you were still here but didn't know it. i know you know but i wish i was the one to tell you. i wish you were here to be a part of it. it sickens me i know it sounds selfish and im sorry but i really need you..theres nothing i can do to bring you back and nothing i could have done to of kept you. i need you now more then ever. id ask you to come back but i know that cant happen and that i just have to wait til my time comes to see you. I talked to you about everything, i wish you were here to give me advice and hug me. i knew id be torn up inside and out when you left us but never did i think it would hurt this much. it's like theres a hole in my heart. You were too young, you should still be here...for your first great grand child coming into the world. you were just here, and all your things are still here it doesnt make sense. i cant even talk about you without getting hysterical. :( I can't keep getting myself too worked up so im gonna go now but please give me the strength to get threw this and continue to let me know you're with me. i love you mom-mom, rest in peace.

love,

mittie

Dear mommom,

I miss you so much...I'm still having trouble grasping the fact you're never coming back. I am at peace with this, knowing your in a much better place now and no longer in pain. At the same time im torn knowing i'll never see your warm smile again. I feel useless now that you're not here to need me...i feel empty. I know you don't want us to be sad but its almost impossible. Who's going to make us laugh now? =( i haven't really let it all out yet to be honest with you. I've been holding alot in to stay strong for everyone else. I know that isn't right but idk what else to do. You're really gone, when did all this happen...i can't believe that you've been gone over a week now. But like i said before at the same time it feels like you've been gone forever. I know you're having a great time up there catching up with everyone. I really hope it's how everyone makes it out to be..but thats the thing we'll never know. I just remember you saying you were scared..i hope you're not scared..thats what worries me most. We had a beautiful service for you, and you had a great turn-out. You touched a lot of people, and were apart of many lives. I'm home all alone trying to clean and stay busy but it's just not the same with out you here...i'm used to you being here and me helping you and making you something to eat and us hanging out and laughing. i miss that..i can keep those memories with me always but it hurts so bad knowing we'll never have any more. Theres nothing i can do to bring you back, i want you back. I know thats selfish but i cant help it. You told me to take you with me everywhere i go and i do but its not good enough. I just wanna give you a kiss and hug one more time and tell you i love you. one day that will be able to happen but thats too far away. its just all so sad..what we had to watch you go threw and there wasn't anything we could do to stop it or make you healthy again we had no choice, its not fair. In my mind your just in the hospital like you were and you're gonna be home soon. What am i supposed to do without you? i know i said we'll get through it, but its gonna be a lot harder then i ever imagined. But nathans home from school now so im gonna go and i'll be writing to you more often...i love you more then you know...

love your little name sake,

mitie <3

Dear momom,

              You know that i loved you very much, you will always have a place in my heart. When i would walk in i would only see your smiling face. That is what made me smile. This is so hard on me, i never would have picture you not being here. And when i walk into your room and not see you it just really breaks my heart. I wish i could see you agian and that there was nothing called death. I miss your smiling face. I cant help but cry my self to sleep every night. I know you are shinging down on me. You are the one who brought the happinest into the room. I knew the time was comeing. But i just would keep praying. Gabby is holding it all in because she said she knows you are watching, and she does not want to make you sad eather. I wish i could tell you i love you one more time and hold you and give you the best hug ever. Please dont ever worry about us we will pull through. But it makes me really happy that you are not suffering anymore. And that you are in a place called heaven. Where you can run agian. HEY, you could play fetch with buddy. Please tell nanna and popop that i also love and miss them very much. For 12 years you have been great to me, and i never thought this day would come, but it did. It is all a night mare down here, but at least you are happy agian. I LOVE YOU SOOO MUCH!!!!!! Dont ever stop smiling. Every were i go i see something of yours. But i thought that ment you are always going to be with me, and everybody else.You are always going to be my sunshine. I know in the furture i will see you agian, but that is to long for me. I mean i miss you and you will always be a piece of me. I really dont want it to rain because gabby said that is you crying wanting to come back down to earth. That broke my heart. I LOVE YOU AND DONT EVER FORGET THAT,OK.

                    Love Brooke.......[ A.K.A ] your littile duckie! <3333333333333333333 see you soon

Mom- mom we miss you  your the best grandmother too. I wan't to see you again.I can't beleive this is happening i miss you so much.i feel devistateied and sad because i love and your my mom mom and i will always keep you in my great heart and think of you to. and somtimes when i eat lunch at school  i prey. love you  mom mom have a nice time in heven and think of me and i'll think of you like i said at least your not suffering any more know you get to see your mom and dad and aunt pam and every whon else. be happy  becuse your not suffring any more like i said.god bless you mom mom.   

love nathan

Mom,

You tucked me in, turned out the light.

Kept me safe and sound at night.

Little girl's depend on things like that.

You brushed my teeth and combed my hair,

Had to drive me everywhere.

You were always there when I looked back.

You had to do it all alone,

make a living, make a home.

It must've been as hard as it could be.

And when I couldn't sleep at night,

scared things wouldn't turn out right,

you would hold my hand and sing to me...

Caterpillar in the tree,

how you wonder who you'll be.

Can't go far but you can always dream.

Wish you may and wish you might,

don't you worry, hold on tight

I promise you there will come a day,

Butterfly fly away......

Butterfly fly away

Got your wings now you can't stay.

Take those dream's and make them all come true.

Butterfly, Butterfly, Butterfly, Butterfly fly away.......

I was working on singing this to you, while you were resting in your comfy bed. I'm sorry I didn't get there in time to, but Im singing it now.

I love you and miss you and I know that you will keep us safe.

Im going to tell you what you've told me my whole life.....

God Bless You, Keep You Safe     :)

Love, Muffie

Mom, You are not here anymore and I cant stand that feeling. I know now you are free of pain and suffering.  Your battle and determination is something I admire so deeply and will treasure that forever. You gave your children and grandchildren something to be so proud of. You were my mother for almost 38 years and I thank you for giving me life.  I ask that you watch down on me and my children and husband. Please make sure that Heather and Billy (your 2 other babies) are protected as well and there families. Being there oldest sister I will make sure I take good care of them and continue my motherly nature :) So now mommy you are free as a bird and free of pain and suffering. I thank God that I was able to hold you in my arms the last minutes of your life and at that time I didn't even know it was the last minutes. You fought a tough battle as you have always done with many other things your whole life. You were tired and God took you home with him to rest now. So please do that. Your spirit is forever within us and will never die. I love you mommy~~~~~ love Rachel

Dear Mom-Mom Mina<3,

I'm not even sure where to begin, these past 13 years you've truley treated me like one of your own grandchildren. Theres definatley one thing that you've loved to do, and thats laugh. You've made everyone put a smile on their face from your jokes and sence of humor, even up to the last days you were still your crazy self:) I admire how strong you were thru all of that, you delt with everything so bravley, and it really showed how strong you were. This isn't gonna be easy, going from seeing you everyday, to not seeing you anymore. Its really heartbreaking. I want you to know im gonna watch over Mina, Rachel, Nathan and everyone else for you. They're being as strong as they could possibly be, and i'm trying to be strong for them. To me, you'll always be remembered as a caring, loving, beautiful person. You've always seemed to keep your head held high, even when the going got rough. It's not fair that you had to leave us, but now God has another angel up in heaven. I know you'll make sure were protected & safe at all times. You may not be here physically, but spiritually your next to us at all times<3 Thanks for always being there, for the laughs, and for all the love. I love you, and miss you dearly.

Love,

Katie, xoxo <3

Dearest Mom-mom,

   Where do i even begin to explain how amazing of a person you truely were? I really hate talking about you in the past tense. But you are no longer suffering. You're with the angels now, now you're my angel. I don't have to be afraid anymore.. i know you'll watch over me forever, you told me so. You fought this battle til you couldn't anymore and you made sure you did all you could to fight this off. When you hear the word cancer it just flips your world upside down. It's only been today that we've gotten this news..i know you were just hear yesterday which is why i think it is still so unreal but at the same time i feel like you've been gone forever :( I know you're still up there joking around and now especially more then ever smiling! I love you mom-mom...like i said if it weren't for you none of us would be here. You made 3 beautiful children and from that came all your lovely 8 grandchildren (: You gave us all  life and a chance to love. Like i've been telling you..our heart aches that you are no longer with us but we will go on and we will make it somehow, some way. You are what i can call a true trooper. You hung in there even when it seemed like we had lost all hope. Don't worry, i'll make sure everyone is okay, i promise. I'll do all the things i promised you i would. Your my inspiration. You are a true example that even when things seem like they can't get any worse, life still goes on. I know you're in a better place now. Tell nana and pop-pop i love them and i know they greated you with open arms along with all of our friends that are now angels with you. It's strange how quick this all came about even though we knew it was bound to come. It's just so surreal..you were so young and still looked so beautiful. Everyone loved you..you could make someone laugh when they didn't even want to smile. By the way you know i had to write in you're favorite color. You've been my buddy these past 6 months and i don't know what i'm going to do without you..but like i said we will all find a way to be strong and go on. I know you'll be shining down on me from heaven. You're with me always and no one can ever take that from me. You were definitely a character. I know you're here with us and have been all day. Please don't worry because were sad, we'll get through this with your guidance, faith, and love. You have always been so boldy beautiful inside and out and even when you were at your weakest so tired and sick you still made sure we were okay. You never complained you just hung in there. I'm sure you already know this but Annalise was talking about you all day. We all were. When i saw you i was just wishing you would wake up. But you didn't and even though that tears me apart its okay..because you need your rest. We love you and that will never change..if anything our love for you will grow as we carry you on and on until we see you on the other side..and i know you'll be waiting there for me with open arms saying i missed you mittie. I know you'll check in on us from time to time. Nathan's doing so great with this..help him to continue that and be strong enough. Hes worried because you won't see him go to 5th grade or graduate..but i told him you might not be able to see her but she'll be there clapping and whistling and giving you big hugs and kisses and letting you know how proud she is of you..and that's what will get him through. You're not just my inspiration..you're an inspiration to all of us to make you proud and become all we can. I'll be writing to you pretty often and talking to you of course..i know you'll get the messages :) Well nathans all snuggled up on your bedroom floor so im gonna go join him. I love you mom-mom always and forever more...

Love your little name sake,

Mina (mittie) xoxoxoxo