Today marks ten whole years without you on this earth. It’s feels like an eternity. I don’t know how I’ve survived this long. You were my best friend, my confidant, the one who always had my back even if you didn’t agree with my choices. You would have fought a war for me if anyone ever hurt me or said anything about me. You were always in my corner. I miss that, I miss always having someone. I didn’t always understand your ways or your choices and maybe that wasn’t for me to understand but I hope you know I was always in your corner too, I would always have your back, and I would have fought a million wars to keep you safe and here with me. I miss you Moma from the depth of my soul I cry for you now and often. Everything makes me think of you and reminds me of the time with you that was stolen from me. I should be getting ready to celebrate your birthday and instead I am memorializing you on a website dedicated to remembering the ones you love that are no longer here. I really really miss you Moma.

Nine extremely long years since you left this earth. Some times it feels like you’ve been gone a life time and then sometimes it feels like such a fresh loss. I think it’s because there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t think of you and miss you. When something good happens or when I’m sad and I wish I could talk to you and when I just don’t know what to do, I wish I could just pick up the phone and call you. I go through various stages of grief on any given day. I still feel in shock sometimes that I’ve made it this long without you and I’m angry that I’ve had to. Thankful you’re not suffering anymore and guilty for wishing I had more time with you. For those that still have your Moma, hug her tight and treat her well because one day you’ll be like me and replay everything you ever said in your head and wonder what you could have done better.You will hear a song on the radio and feel a tightness in your chest and then burst into tears. You will cry when you see your child’s graduation picture because she was supposed to be here for that and you know it would have meant everything to her. You’ll pray every day that your child doesn’t face the same loss that you did,way too soon.

They say you never get over the loss of a parent but it does get easier. I’m waiting for the day that it will get easier because just the sound of your name brings tears to my eyes. Not a single moment goes by that you are not in my thoughts. I think about the Moma you were and wonder what you would have been like now. I think about what if’s that probably wouldn’t have changed anything but I still wonder. What if I hadn’t been so far away, what if you’d just came to stay with me when we talked about it? What if? I don’t know if that would have changed a thing but it doesn’t cancel my guilt or my extreme sadness of missing you. I love you so much and I hope I make you proud.

The first two years passed so quickly but now time seems to drag on and it feels like an eternity since I’ve seen your beautiful face, heard your voice and held your hand that looks almost identical to mine. I miss you more than any words could ever express. I know you are looking down on me and I hope I am the daughter you hoped I would be. I love you!

It's been two whole years now Moma and I miss you just as much today as I have since the day you left. I love you!