It has been 17 months since you left us mum ,and really while many new chapters have started the old chapter remains open .Its nearly Christmas time 2016 ,how does life carry on ,when you didn't carry on ? We just try to carry on with our lives the best we can .The children get older and life events keep happening ,then why does it seem that since you died our lives stood still and sometimes stopped completely .

There is no need for material possessions or the things we think we need ,all that matters is being kind and remembering how to give and receive from the heart ,it is just an exchange of energy .I really miss not choosing gifts for you ,it was my most favourite thing to do ,that and Christmas carols and cake ,you know we loved cake ! 

The pain of your loss comes at really strange moments for me ,when I am least expecting it , but when it does ,it is so raw ,I cannot catch my breath .People say it will get easier ,I am not so sure really ,a girl needs her mother ,I need you mum .

Watch over me when you can and let me know you are near ,you know I can read the signs .Happy Christmas mum ,I love you xxx

Mum and Dad were married a very long time ago, I can't exactly remember when , but they were young and handsome as a couple , guess that's where we get our good looks from!!!! They were equals in every way , although in true Indian style mum had to let dad believe he was in charge , that's funny now.But mum definitely wore the trousers in our house .They both worked really hard, never had any debts saved and spent in equal measures.My mum and dad both worked full time and looked after a family of 6 , I just don't think modern parenting could ever be as good .But back in the day on Cannon Hill Road, life was good , I have such good memories of our young lives and I only ever remember being happy .The Lorry used to come with fizzy drink bottles on the back ,all I ever wanted was a bottle of cherry aid , it was so red, Until this day ,cherry aid evokes the same memories.We weren't allowed to buy off the lorry, but we were allowed to buy whippy from the ice cream van , my mums purse always had change in it ,and mums supersonic hearing meant she always heard the ice cream van ,best memories .Dad was much more flexible and easier to win over than mum,he just didn't like saying no ,whereas mum always required much more persuasion.

I think it was hard for our parents raising children in the UK when they were born and bred in India , but even though the four of us presented our parents with lots of challenges, fundamentally we have carried forward the same beliefs to our children .Mum always told me and my sister that it was very important for a woman to have and earn her own money and not to be dependent on anybody else .I have lived my whole life by this mantra without even realising .Save your money ,no one will let you on the bus if you are 5p short ,do you know how hard it is to earn money ,at the time we used to think yea yea mum whatever! But now I say the same things to my son ,we are defined by the values our parents gave us , we are their map ,their beliefs,without these we would be adrift not knowing who we are ,

Mum worked as a dress maker ,at home when we were little and then at the factory DP Hallam and sons ,she worked for them for years on Bromsgrove Street in Birmingham ,until one day there was a fire and the factory burnt down .She carried  on working for them ,but in a factory off Ladypool road .When I was young I was always worried if mum was late coming home ,I was always worried something would happen to her ,I think I have been worried all my life something would happen to her . In the factory there were the best clothes and mum used to bring us the samples from the warehouse .Both mum and dad worked really hard ,long hours to create a really stable nice life for us .We had family rituals ,dad went to the pub on Thursdays and Saturdays ,and mum cooked the same food every week ,it was great ,we always knew what to expect and the shape our life would take .I thank our parents for the love and stability they provided and many many happy days xxx

Mum in law to Gary Moyler,Ann Panaser and Alicea Panaser

Born in Sultanpur Punjab India ,married Madan Gopal Singh Panaser.Mum to Balbinder Singh Panaser,Balraj Singh Panaser,Manjit Kaur Matharoo and Surrinder Moyler.Grandmother to Pavandeep Singh Panaser,Simrath Kaur Panaser,Niraj Kaur Panaser,Nisha Kaur Panaser,Shirin Kaur Panaser, Sonam Kaur Matheroo,Kirandeep Kaur Matharoo,Rohith Singh Matharoo, Nicholas Panaser,Benjamin Panaser ,Harriet Panaser and Alexander Moyler .Great grandmother to Jaivan Panaser and Sienna Panaser .

Arrived in the UK in the 1960s ,worked so hard to give us the best life , we are so proud of our parents