Dear Molly,

Today is your birthday.  And the anniversary of your death.  A day which will forever be memorialized as containing the greatest joy and the greatest sorrow of my life.

I continue to miss you terribly every minute of every day, my darling baby.  You would be two years old today if you had lived, and I wish you were here to hold hands with, and to laugh with, and to play with, and to teach, and to be amazed by, and to learn from.  We knew each other for such a brief amount of time--in the scheme of things--and yet my love for you is immense.  As is my grief that you're not here.

I'm trying to make the best of life, baby...however much I can while still feeling the ache of your loss.  Life is a great treasure, and I don't take any of it for granted.  I have you to thank for that.

You also taught me to love more and to love deeper, and I'm so grateful I got to spend time with you--watching you suck on your hand, feeling you kick, and holding your body close to mine as your heart beat slower and slower and finally stopped.  You left this world so silently, we didn't even realize the exact moment of your passing.  

I'll always, always wish we could have had more time together.  I wish....

My precious one, my child, my love....I miss you.  I love you.

Love, 
Mommy          

Dear Molly.

Today is Father’s Day. My heart is so heavy with sadness because I cannot be the kind of father I wanted to be for you. I wanted to be the father that held you, nurtured you, and helped you grow. I wanted to console you when you cried. Instead, the only sound I have from you is the beat of your little heart on the ultrasound. Seeing you alive inside your mother brought tears to my eyes. I was so amazed that your mother and I created you. I was excited about what you would become and how you would carry the spirit of your mother and me into the future. I’m so sad that your life was so short. Father’s can be so very proud of their children and I am no exception. I only wish that I could be proud for the same reasons as other fathers. Proud because they did well in school, or could sing or dance, or bring joy into the hearts of others. These are all things that I believe you were capable of, things that would make this world a better place because you were in it.  Sweet Molly, you never got the chance to do these things. For that I am truly sorry. I may never understand why things turned out the way they did. But I know in my heart that I love you unconditionally. Just like the other good Dad’s do. When I think about the others in my life that I have a strong love for, your mother, your grandparents, our cat, I can easily think of the reasons why. The things I adore and am grateful for. But for you sweet Molly, our time together was so brief, so short. It is hard to describe why I love you beyond the fact that you are my own flesh and blood.  The other things that make you, YOU never got a chance to be developed, to be appreciated. You and I were cheated out of a life together, and for that I feel both angry and very sad. I have never felt sadness the way I do now. I have cried a lifetime’s worth of tears since you left us. I miss you and I want you to have your time in this world so badly little girl. I am your Father. I always will be. I love you little Molly.

From the moment I heard that your mom and dad were expecting, I was so excited for the three of you, for I knew your life would be filled with love, laughter, and adventures.

See I have known your dad for a while now--he has been my husband's friend
since they were little boys. When I met Scott my daughter was about 4 years old and I remember how he played with her and made her feel special. And it made me feel great too, to know that he was so accepting of her and someday he would make a great dad.  And to this day, she has high admiration for your dad and mom too, as do I!

  I always knew that Scott would find his perfect soul mate in life, and he did, with your beautiful mom. And I knew instantly when I met your mom that they would someday make wonderful parents. They have such a strong bond and are so very caring and loving that I knew you would have a wonderful life. 

I am sad that your life with us here was so brief, for I would have liked to have held you as a baby, got to watch you grow as a toddler, and see you grow into a wonderful young lady. But I know that you are our Molly angel who is looking
down upon us and one day I hope to meet you in heaven.

You will always hold a special place in my heart Molly and will never be forgotten. 

With love,
Melinda   

My precious neice Molly...  
 
  Today is the day I have set aside to remember you. I was so excited to meet you.  I imagined all the great fun we would have together.  All the ice cream cones, the exciting outings, all the crazy things you and Mel would do together.  I pictured your mom, dad and I taking you to your first Rush concert.  I could see your smile and bright eyes, I could even hear your laughter.  Please know that I would have done my best to spoil you rotten (hey - it's an uncle's prerogative!).  Even though we were never able to see these dreams to fruition, I will cherish these thoughts every time I think of you.  

  I love and miss you so much, 

Uncle Phil

i carry your heart with me
~e.e. cummings

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
                                  i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

Written for Molly on Valentine's Day 2012

To Molly, my missing Valentine,

I love that you danced in my belly, twirling, springing, spinning,
my womb a big bounce house, just for you.
I love that I got to spend every second with you, learning your rhythms, 
your likes and dislikes (you craved fruit and hated meat, my little vegetarian).
I love that I would see my belly bulge with your roundhouse kicks 
because it meant you were alive and well, 
and you were letting me know that you were still with me.
I love your plump little toes and wish I could kiss them, each one.
I love that you looked so much like your daddy, with your long, blond eyelashes, the curve of your cheek, the length of your legs.
I love that you had an extra chromosome, which to me represented
extra: sweetness and love, commitment and devotedness, smiles and hugs. 
I love that you had my heart-shaped mouth....heart-shaped.... 
I love that your daddy and I made you, my beautiful child. 
I love everything about you.  Except that you died.

There is a sound pulsing in my ears that, only a short time ago,
kept you constant companion.
LUB dub LUB dub LUB dub LUB dub
Did the rhythm of my heart soothe you, my precious baby, my love?
I bitterly regret that my body failed you, that you were cut out and cut off
from that red river of nourishment.
Your little heart couldn't keep going without mine, although you tried
for three whole hours, while we watched you starve--for breath, for blood.
I would give you every single molecule of my own supply of oxygen, 
every last drop of my blood if it meant you could live again.
Now my heart vibrates to the beat of your name, 
soul deep and turbulent, painfully sweet:
MOL ly, MOL ly, MOL ly, MOL ly.
  
Even if it's only a whisper, when your daddy and I say "I love you," 
the emotion rings so loud and clear, it travels vast distances.
Because our love for you is THAT BIG.  
Somewhere across the universe, perhaps you are dancing, and listening.  
Can you hear us?

Your daddy and I love and miss you so much, darling baby.

Love,
Mommy