My granddaughter is 1 mom. How I miss you, my best friend.  :(

We have a new baby mother. It's painful without you. I can't talk about it yet and it's 4 years now. Every single day I think of you and what we would be doing, going here or there. Thank you for everything you have been and done for me. 

You would roll your eyes and say, LINDYYYYY...................because I put your pictures on Facebook with a revised Obit. Too bad mother. As long as I am alive you will be too. I miss you so much. You have no idea how hard life is without you. 

I love you mom.

Taylor had her beautiful baby girl today. I wish you were here mom. I'm a grama now. I can hardly believe it  Our new baby is just darling.  xoxoxx I love you mother.

I have not come here in a long time. It's so painful living without you. I talk to you a lot but you have been gone a long time now...almost 4 years. How can that be? 

Taylor is about to have our newest baby. That will bring me so much happiness. We had a wonderful shower for her that you would have planned along with me. I hope you still came. 

I'm coping and trying to make you proud Mom. I love you so much and not a day has gone by that I have not thought of you and how good a Mother you were to all of us. Five out of 6 knew that and appreciated evey single thing you did for us. You were a generous, loving, kind, funny mom. We were blessed. Thank you Mom. 

I love and miss you so much,

Lindy

*I can just imagine what you would be saying to me now Mom and it would not be good. What else could I do? 
I love you mom. I miss your advice, your guidance, your wisdom, your drinks.  We invented a drink and named it, remember? "Fall Back Jack!"   Apple cider, Jack Daniel's and i forgot what the rest was, I didn't pay attention because I thought you would be here forever and i didn't need to. 

The thing that still bugs me about you dying is you did it so fast. You were tired, you didn't want to watch Jimmy die and you didn't. I did. 

You put me in charge of things and made me promise to do exactly as you told me to. I have followed your words and expectations of me to the T. 

What I wouldn't do to see you sitting at the counter working on a puzzle or standing in front of the stove making something amazing. I miss you so much. My friend, my mother. I wonder when i will see you again. 

I loved you mother and i always will. Thank you for the billions of things you did for us. You were a forgiving soul, even when it was not in your interests to forgive. You did it anyway until that one cold, miserable day when you finally said, "That's it, I am done."  I finally got there too Mom. Enough is enough. I too am done and happier for it. Toxic poison that one. You would be proud of me. xoxoxoxox

If my mom was here, she would call me to sing Happy Birthday tomorrow. So cute. We would go out to dinner somewhere special and she would make me get the most expensive thing. She loved to go out to eat. I loved going with her. She would give me a card with a check in it. My sweet mom. I miss her so much. Thank you for singing Happy Birthday to me every year mom. I will think of you tomorrow. I love you.

It's been a while since I have written about my mom. It just got too painful and I had to go away from it for a while. There are no words to describe the pain I feel sometimes. I really loved my mom. She was my friend and mother. She was fun to be around. To confide in. She listened and always gave her two cents, made you feel better.

We lost another family member 2 days before Christmas. Our beautiful Jessica, Jamie's fiance checked out. We were stunned, shocked and in disbelief. She seemed so happy, had plans, was beyond thrilled to become a mother at long last to Tracy's little girl, Ana. Ana has now lost 2 mothers and she is only 3 yrs old. Tracy had to give her daughter up. Tracy is not the Tracy you would remember. Ana had to be placed with Jamie. Now Jamie is the single father again to 5 children. Hard to believe the luck that kid has. I try to help as much as i can, bring dinners over, clean his house, get the laundry caught up, take Ana home on weekends. (I just moved right in with Jamie the day we found out. I couldn't leave him.

The whole Christmas season was a nightmare. Poor guy is trying to hold it together for his kids and hide his shattered heart.)  Ana is not exactly where she should be accademically, but she's almost there.

Mom so many things have happened that i am glad you have been spared with. We seem to be like the Kennedy's, cursed. Or maybe there are just so many of us and each has a story. I don't know. The good times outweigh the bad, but it still seems unfair. You can't imagine how hard it was to watch Jamie in so much pain, his children too. They loved Jessica. We all did. She used to say we saved her. The Welch family was so loving and kind that we took her right in and saved her. But her little heart was broken before we ever knew her. She did the best she could. She's free now.

I love you mom. I wish you were here to talk to and have a glass of wine with. I'm very lonely without you. Thank you for everything. xoxox

Today was a day my mother looked forward to every year. She loved getting up in the morning, making coffee and starting her Thanksgiving Day cooking. Much anticipation and planning went into her dinners.  She and my grandmother would discuss the dressing that would be made for days ahead.  Grama wanted cornbread dressing that was traditional along with all her southern recipes. Mom would want to try something different. Each one insisting that we all would want only what they made.  So many times, there would be two different dressings on the table, all of us assuring both that we wanted theirs, so as not to hurt one or the other.  However, no one, NO ONE made mashed potatoes like my mother.  I can’t even describe how good they were. Turnips made by my Grama, creamed onions, her amazing sweet potatoes with orange in them, things special to us.  Every year the rolls would be forgotten and burned as they were warming.   My mom swearing that she will not forget next year but always did.  So much work, love and expense went into this day each year.  You never really know how much goes into this meal until you are the one doing it. (Which, you never, ever think that day will actually come.)

Walking in the back door of my mother’s beautifully decorated house… the intoxicating aroma of wonderful things cooking…heaven.  Table set perfectly, so beautifully done.  Mom always had a blender going of her famous margaritas and a glass was ready and waiting, just for you. The sound of that blender was one of the things you loved hearing.  A huge platter of prawns were always on the table. My mom skimped on nothing.  Then walking in the family room… and there were your favorite people in the whole wide world.  Your brothers sitting on the couch. Big smiles and welcome! Hey, you are here!  We love you, on everyone’s face!   That was always the highlight for me.  Seeing Terry, Chris, Jimmy, Michael etc., everyone there. Football on, the guys and Leonard discussing teams.

Leonard would be called on every year to carve the turkey, he would always balk and say, that it wasn’t his place, it was Jimmy’s place. We never got that; we aren’t that kind of family.  You know how to do it best, so go ahead, nothing is or was a big deal.  He would do it, sneaking bites of turkey as he carved.     So many fun conversations. My family is funny, so a lot of laughter happened. Jimmy and Terry bounced off each other with their sense of humor. Mike threw out funny comments here and there. The occasional sarcastic, funny comment from the kitchen, from my mother still bringing things out or preparing, but listening. .   Lots and lots of happy memories. My mom would then order us out of her kitchen when dinner was done; she didn’t want us handling her very expensive china. (Brandy has it now.)  She cherished it along with her Waterford crystal, $150.00 each wine glasses that we were nervous using, they only came out at Thanksgiving.

These days, it’s a very different scene.  My Grama is gone, Mom and Jimmy are gone…and my Leonard is gone. Chris and Mike are in Florida, not sure where Terry is. We aren’t quite sure how to have this dinner anymore. So many are missing. So closes another chapter of a fascinating book.

 So, we are going to Jamie’s house this year. Jimmy’s only son.  He opens his house to every birthday, every celebration. Such a dear boy. He is the glue that keeps us all together. Organized chaos. Kids everywhere.  His mother’s side of the family, the Kruse’s. (My mother had 2 children who married people with the same name, different spelling, Kruze and Kruse.)

On this day to be thankful, I am thankful for my mother, my grandmother, my brothers, and my husband, my children and step children. My many nieces and nephews and so many friends it’s hard to keep up with. We have been blessed with the hardest of times, but the most beautiful times. Learning curves, lessons, heart ache and joy…we have seen it all. But we stood by each other and still do those of us left. We learned from the best.  Mona Claire and her mother Mary Louise Flagler Upchurch, the ones who loved us till their last breath, mom and Grama, thank you for everything. You are missed more than you could ever know.

 *And my beautiful Leonard that I loved so much. We have no idea how to go on without you. Still.

I figured out the key to gardening is pruning. As hard as it is to cut things back, they make the plant fuller, stronger and perfect. You told me this many times. I finally listened.

I saw one of your in laws the other day. Did not go over and say hello. What for? They do what they do best. Cut you off when you dare to get out of line. They are mad about your obituary. "After James abandoned his family" Hahahaha. Too bad. He did.  You got the credit you deserved for raising 6 kids by yourself after being traumatized by those jerks. I grew up not knowing them, it's no loss to any of us. They are everything I never want to be.

We miss you mom. We loved you so much. Such a huge presence you were in all our lives. We feel like orphans. We can't  be the grown ups????  Yikes, we are!  I miss you mother. xoxoxox

Lindy Pooh Aka Pooh Do. Your 4th child, who loves you so much.

I have not written anything in a while. It's painful to think of my mother. So I avoid it. She is missing so much. She was the kind of mother who jumped in any project or party or whatever with 1000 ideas and the desire and energy to almost take over to make things happen. She is missing the wedding prep for my daughters wedding/ showers etc. I think of her so much thru it all and miss her input.

 There are so many things I miss about my mother. I still feel a shooting pang of shock that this even happened and that she is really gone. It's still very painful. Her youngest son, my baby brother has not recovered and is a constant worry to Chris and me. We love him so much but are helpless to do anything but watch. 

My father is to blame for the damaged souls of his sons. I don't need to get into it anymore. It takes too much out of us. But the blame is his.

I miss you mom. I love you and look forward to the day I can see you again

Lindy. #4

It's an everyday thing the missing of you in our lives. Love you so much it hurts!

Just missing my mom. 

My adorable mother. Going in the Mapletree Inn. Tradition for years. Bringing her children and grandchildren every year. Happy times.

Forever in the kitchen making something delicious for us.

One one of a million lunches, dinner, breakfasts, day trips with my mom.

Happy Birthday to the most beautiful, caring, devoted mother. We miss you mom. It's not possible to describe the void we feel without you. 

Mother's Day is Sunday, Mother. I still miss you so much it's painful to breathe. I think of you in the kitchen, cooking. Or see you in the family room watching Jeopardy with Jimmy or Leonard. 

I would have surprised you with a wonderful day. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you and wish you were still with us. Your little shoes are still right where you left them. Gramas are next to them. 

Thank you for being my mom. Thank you for not running out on us like Dad did. I know you did your very best. How much can one little person take in life? You finally had to die to get a break. 

I love you more than words can express mom. 

Lindy...#4

My mom was a writer a poet. This is one of her creations.

You walked into my world and it changed things forever.

But, if asked to part with memories of you, could I do it... No, no never....

I knew that moment I looked deep into your eyes, there was heartache ahead, and pain.

And I tried to be cautious, to guard my heart, but it was much too late, and in vain.

When someone you love, loves another, there is a very high price to pay.

And all too soon, I paid that price with sadness my dear, each day.

Still...I loved you.

Life took its course and I found someone new, someone good, someone kind, but still, not you.

But the days that I didn't have thoughts of the past, were not very many...no few.

It's the same today as it was in the past, this love still wells up, overflows in my

heart, and I know for sure, for the rest of my life...that you'll always play a part.

As time goes on...and the hours tick by, my only moments of bliss, are when I can

recall the touch of your hand and remember your warm tender kiss.

I hear of your life and wish you the best, more than that I'm unwilling to do, for

anything else would expose my poor heart and open old wounds anew...But, I loved you.

You'll never know of the ache in my soul thou I've seen you from time to time, nor

the dreams that I have when wishes come true and you are finally mine.

No, you won't ever see my trembling hand, nor hear my heart pounding so, but

always know someone cares for you dearly and will wherever you go.

And though the day will never come, when I hear you say, I also love you, 
 
When  I take my last breath, at the end of my life, I will still love you.

I miss you mom. All these wedding preparations, you would be right in the thick of it. I feel your absence so much. You would be all wrapped up in every detail. We are going to bring you along. Taylor will pay tribute to her best friend, her Grama Mona. 

Everyday that goes by, I miss you more. I manage the pain well. No one would know. But you were a special kind of mom. And we loved you and wish you were still here. It's so painful to not see you here. 

Thank you for everything Mother. 

Devotedly,

#4 Lindy Pooh

A little girl was kidnapped by her father, it's been all over the news. They issued an "Amber Alert,"  the public is informed, pictures flash across the TV screen. So different now. 

When your children were stolen from you, no one lifted a finger to help. You begged your in laws to tell you where we were taken. They wouldn't budge. Finally Lillian, my fathers brother, Goodwins wife told you we were in Fort Lauderdale. Judges did not care back then. My poor mother was told,, "A father has the right to take his children." My mom told me she picked up our little clothes and smelled them, sobbing and sobbing. What those people put my mother thru. I wonder how my 2 Aunts who helped and are still alive can live with themselves.

Mother I really feel irritated with you. Taylor is getting married and you should be here planning and brainstorming with us. But no, you had to race out of here. This wedding is going to be so beautiful and you won't be here. How dare you mom? You have been part of everything we do. Now you leave?  I expected you to be here for 20 more years. I really need you to come home and help us plan. You have a lot of nerve mom. We will set a place for you if you can honor us with your presence your highness. 

I love you, even though I'm irritated with you to no end. Lindy Welch,  to you! 

I went to a funeral service yesterday. Jerry Doberstein Sr. died at 91. Your former son in laws, father. He was such a nice man. He and his wife Alma really did practice what they preached. True Christians both. They always came to see my mother when they came to town. Made the effort to stop by and visit her and even came to see me and Leonard, one hot summer day. Alma had trouble walking but had her beautiful, dimpled smile on, as always. Jerry Sr as sweet as his son. Happily catching up and telling us his latest doings., Leonard thought the world of them both and was so amazed that they would come visit us. 

I will miss these two. Darling, kind, just plain good people. I don't think I have ever heard an unkind thing said by either. They loved their children and loved their grandchildren.

Alma sent me a thank you card to give to my brother Chris, who went out of his way to help one of their granddaughters who was in a very bad situation in Florida. He helped this girl he did not even know, just because he was asked to. It was not easy and it was a little dangerous. But he did it, because that is who he is. He got her safely out of the situation she was in and to safety, and the Dobersteins deeply appreciated his kind heart.

It was my honor to support my former brother in law Jerry and be there for him and his daughters, and to say goodbye to a very good man.   

Taylor you should have been a writer. You pull people right into the point you are making. You know, I worry so that I am imposing, bothering people. I should have made that happen, seeing Rooney. I wanted to see her too. 

I have a bone to pick with you, Grama.

Why did you never introduce me to Rooney!? I'd only heard wonderful stories of her growing up, but just recently I contacted her and since have been privy to amazing stories, wonderful memories, and cherished relics of our families past.  

Rooney is a master of geneology, and her knowledge of our family is absolutely incredible. I get so excited when I see I have a letter from her, and I read and re-read them over and over. She recently sent me a huge packet of information about the Flagler's, and in it there was a photo of Alonzo's wife which I'd never seen before! I think these memories and stories need to be preserved and protected...and lately I feel like a sponge trying to soak up as much as I can.

I worry that I'm bothering Rooney, or bugging her by asking her my never-ending questions. "Tell me about Chester!" "Tell me about my Grama!!!!", but hopefully my inquiries bring her more joy than annoyance. I think it's very important to remember where we came from; and I only hope that my own daughter will have this type of appreciation when she grows up.

We were recently in Florida and I was so looking forward to meeting her, but unfortunately the stars didn't align for that to happen. On the phone she has such a beautiful Southern accent. Everything is "well, bless yo' hahht". I wish we had charming accents like that.

I am working on a book for Mom about our family. Kind of like how she made one for you, now I'm making one for her. I'm hoping I can get it finished soon so I can send a copy to Rooney too. I just sent her a CD of Grama Upchurch talking; I'm wary to send her your CD of you talking...because you were such a brat that day and refused to cooperate, haha.

I miss you and Love you very much.
-Love the Original Mouse  
  


          

Taylor you bring me not to tears, but to sobs. You so perfectly describe my wonderful, precious mother. I pretend she is in Florida too. Because like you, if I think about her and Daddy being gone too much, I will crack too in a million pieces. 

Weren't we blessed though? Weren't we blessed?

My Grama was one of a kind. She was kind, generous, thoughtful....she was my safe place. Anytime I was around her, I felt safe, taken care of, and very protected. 

Grama was known for many things. Her delicious meals, her love of antiques, and her intelligence; but what made her unique was her sense of humor. I'm working on a geneology book for my Mom, and last night I was reading through papers that Grama's cousin Rooney sent me. One story I read in particular made me laugh because it described Grama's sense of adventure and humor perfectly. 

This is a paragraph taken from the essay that Rooney wrote. I don't know when she wrote this, but I found it fascinating and hilarious:

"The summer that I was two years old, I spent most of the Summer at my Granddaddy Flagler's. He lived on a farm in Williamburg County.  My Aunt Luttie (Mary Louise Upchurch), and Mona Claire were out there with us too, and Mona Claire and I had a great time together. But like natural children, we fussed sometimes. Mother and Aunt Luttie thought we did some very funny things that Summer- Mona Claire would run the pigs and sometimes she catch them, and what a fuss they would make as they would squeal until she would let them down. Sometimes we would run away and this would peeve our Mothers very much as they would not relish the walk in the hot sun, when they would have to come for us. When it would rain, our mothers would let us go out to play in it and sometimes our clothes would be in a frightful condition when we would come in, as we would sit in the mudd. One afternoon they were looking for us and found both of us sitting up on the roosts in a small chicken coop in the side yard".

I found these stories to be hysterical, because as much of a lady that my Grama was, she also had a sense of humor that could bring you to your knees.

I remember when I was about 6 years old, Grama would take me to McDonalds where we would eat inside the restaurant quietly discussing our surroundings. Afterwords, we'd walk to the "towel store" to look at towels and other knick-knacks that weren't needed but seemed a necessity once seen. We'd then make our way to Jo-Ann Fabrics where the real fun would begin.

Grama and I would browse the aisles as the innocent shoppers we were, however once we reached the "wooden letters", we turned into true riff-raff. One of us would be the "look-out" while the other did the dirty deed by writing "poopy" or "booger" with the wooden letters. We'd survey our work and laugh hysterically while we ran out of the store, careful not to be seen by other shoppers. At 6 years old, this was naughtiest thing one could do because in our household, the word "Fart" was a swearword. 25 years later, Grama and I would reminice and laugh about our adventure.

I have many more stories, but writing about Grama in the past tense is something I still cannot fathom. Losing Dad was hard enough, but the denial is thick with Grama's passing. I miss her more than words could express; it's almost as if my psyche is trying to protect my soul by pretending she's just "down to Florida" because to acknowledge she's really gone would break me beyond repair.

I love you, Grama.

Love, the original Mouse.  

My mother had a second home in Fort Lauderdale. She shared this home with Chris and they shared expenses. It's his house now. They painted and along with Terry pulled down ceilings, put up new trim, carpeted, landscaped. Chris has made some great improvements this last year. I didn't know he was a gardener but he is! What he has done with the yard is gorgeous. My mother loved, loved, loved projects and decorating. She had so much fun buying new furniture and things for this beautiful little place. Chris found it. It's on a golf course and a fountain is in a pond in the back yard. A beautiful patio in the back off a beautiful sun room. A wonderful front porch with a glider. My mother had her morning coffee on either or. 

I just returned from there. I brought Taylor and my brother Jimmy's 11 yr old granddaughter along. We had such a great time with Chris. He took us to the best pizza place I have ever had in my life! We spent a day in the very warm ocean. He had a very expensive gift under his tree for Emmy. She was thrilled! He took us on a bumpy ride in his golf cart! Haha. We toured all the Christmas lights in his neighborhood. Such fun. The girls adore him.

We went to the Flagler Museum and The Breakers Hotel across the street. You can't even go in that hotel unless you pay 30.00 valet parking. It was spectacular. 

Prior to that we were at Disney. My gift to Emmy. A deserving little girl who takes after her Grama Mona in her talent with sketching, drawing and love of art. She can go far with a little guidance. I planted so many seeds in her little head and see them already starting to grow.  We are going to take her to UB so she can see the college and flip side of life. Where her choices can take her. 

I was worried about walking in that Florida house. Without you there Mom. But it was okay. I slept in your bed. Opened your drawers just because you did. Sat there looking at the shrine Chris has of you, your things. It made me happy, not sad. Your little shoes there too.

We are home again after a beautiful adventure that I planned. Just like all the ones you did for us! Thank you for being such a good example. I paid attention. 

Mom, we all know Terry was your favorite so quit trying to deny it. Terry is everyone's favorite. He is the golden child. Your funniest, most talented child. He has more charm and charisma than anyone who's ever lived. We all know this. Anyway, no matter what, we all just love him. I got to see him today! The best! You just melt when you see him. I do too. I get it. He's home. Finally.

We heard from Terry. Finally. It's been a year. Terry called Jamie and Jamie handed me the phone. Was it ever good to hear his beautiful voice. He started to talk about you and cried. He is not doing well without you. Too much we lost, too fast, too soon. He kept asking how I was. Kept saying," You lost your mother, you lost your husband, you lost your brother, you lost your home." I told him over and over we are all okay. We made it thru. Come home. He is so lost. He has some health issues he should be addressing ASAP. But... He's in Miami. Enjoying now. Not really looking forward. I understand that. The older you get, it's all so clear. You remember what you forgot when you hit this planet. Everything is for a reason, we are all here to learn from each other. We all picked our battles. We all end up together again a little wiser, full of depth. It's temporary. It's a big school down here. I get that now. Keep your eye on him through his journey. He picked a hard lesson when he was born. Me too.

Love you mother!

I am learning thru experience now how much a phone call from your children means. How much time you actually spent alone. The work involved in every family dinner you put together for us. Not to mention the cost because now I am you. I am grateful for every dinner you made us. Every perfectly set table with your very expensive dishes. Brandy has them now. She loves them and was thrilled to get them. I am grateful for every time I walked into your beautifully decorated house smelling the most wonderful things cooking. For every time I walked into the sun room seeing you sitting on the floor, playing solitaire. Your little dog in your lap. For every time you had a picnic in your backyard, for the Christmas breakfasts you'd have making Eggs Benedict for us. Uncle Bill Upchurch and usually Leslie/Carolyn too. I am grateful for the compassion for others you taught us by example. For all of the times you'd get us all together to work on Terry's house, Cheryl's yard, my house etc., we all jump right into anyone's project and help paint, brainstorm ideas, whatever is needed. We do it without a second thought. You did that. Taught us by example. What an amazing woman you were.

I am thinking of you and Grama as I am making her cornbread stuffing, her sweet potatoes, no turnips.... That southern dish is one I haven't tackled yet. But as I prepare the same foods that you and Grama prepared with such love, I just pray to God I can make your gravy! Haha. You were the masters, you two. I miss you mom. Thank you for all of the little things I never really thought about that you graciously shared and did. There is no one like you. Thank you for everything.

My mom was a forgiving person. I think most of her children are too. You can pretty much hurl us down a flight of stairs after spitting in our faces and we will get back up and ask if ,"YOU" are alright. My mother only had one person hurt her beyond repair. Where she finally said," enough" and gave up. Quietly went along in her life and let it go. You eventually live with it and adjust. Then so much time goes by, it doesn't even hurt much anymore. Then you are able to look back objectively and see it for what it was without emotion. It's actually a relief to see that life is better, kinder, safer without them. I learned that thru out this last year. Actions define you. Words mean nothing without them. Your actions thru life paint a picture of who you are. I'm very particular of the art work I have in my world. It might be a masterpiece or it might be a scribble worth only something to me because it was drawn from love. But there are 2 paintings I never want in my home again. You can try to dress them up, erase a few parts, do what you have to do to ease your soul. I don't know their names anymore. It's too much, too little, too late. Don't go away mad, just go far away from where I am cause I gave up years ago and this last year sealed the deal. 

Mom you have to see what all these kids are doing. Jamie's house burned down. On top of everything else. Poor kid. He is staying in a beautiful place but he is rebuilding from the bottom up. He so wishes Terry was here. He told me he wishes so much, he'd pull in the driveway and see Terry standing there. Terry has a way of making everything better when he is straight. Everything will be alright. Terry would single handedly rebuild that house, cracking jokes the whole way. Sneaking a few games of golf in between projects. I will get everyone over when the painting commences. We will all paint and at least save money there. 

I finally wrote to Terry but my letter came back. Wrong address. I got it right now.

Taylor has written 9 separate manuel's that will and are being used nationwide. Kid is a genius. My boy, he did in 3 months what takes the average person a year to do. His flight instructor told him that. 

We are all okay mom. We made it. We miss you. We love you. Come home!

xoxo

Donovan is flying! He got his pilots license today! I can just see the smile and pride on your face! My boy, a pilot!  Wow. 

I hope you were with him today. I bet you were. You and Leonard and Jimmy sitting, not saying a word. Just proud!

I'm sorry we didn't get Jimmy up there somehow. If he had been able to come, he would have been sitting quietly, observing. Not saying much. He wanted to be there. You guys spent so much time together. Unusual to have sons so close to their mother as yours were to you. You were not just a mother, you were a friend to us. You are together now. We will all be together again one day. We won't let you down in anyway mother. I wish now looking back that I made that happen thou.

Taylor reminded me of something that happened in the hospice home. You were staring at the corner of the room. You said there was a man there and he wanted you to go with him. You waved your hand and said you didn't want to go with him. I had forgotten that. I told you, you didn't have to go with him. "It's okay, you stay right here with us."  Much later,  I would tell you that your sons were here, "Chrissy is here and Michael is here. Terry is here. We are all here with you mom. We will never leave you"  We never did. Jimmy was too sick to come up, but I told you he was there too. That, "It's okay if you leave now. We will be okay." You waited. And we waited. It was an honor and a gift. So proud to say we never left your side. 

You also said, some funny things. "When I say, waa waa waa, you better listen...What is that brown noise?"  Terry and I laughed, looked at each other and he says," I don't know Ma, but thank God it's not a purple noise."  Funny. You were adorable to the end. xoxo

My goodness mother. You have been gone a long time now. The silence is deafening. You took up a lot of space for a tiny person. 

My mom wore a size 5 shoe. She actually could wear 4 and a half. We called her feet, "toy feet." They were so cute. Pretty. Everything was pretty on her.  Her little, toy shoes are still by the door.

More good days then bad now. The bad ones hit me hard. But it's getting better. I try to keep busy, fill the space. Grief is a strange thing. It's more of an ache that never goes away now. It hurts but you learn how to limp without too much pressure. No one can really tell you are limping. We are all actors in a play. You play your part. 

My mother and grandmother. Two generous, giving people. I try to emulate the character of each. Reach out to others, share the gifts I have been given. 

Life goes on doesn't it? It will go on with you, or without you. No other way, you have to participate. I am going to stop by to see your cousin Rooney soon. The last link to the Flagler line of your generation. It will be an honor. 

My mothers nick name was Petie. My Grama called her that, "Pete or Petie." I wonder why.....why did she call you that....why didn't I ask? Hmmm....

 We miss you, Petie.

I listened to a CD Taylor made of you on my way to work. Didn't even cry. You are so funny. Stories about you and Joyce, how you met my father. Too sad, if only you didn't go into that soda shop that day.........haha.

Your opinions on art. I agree. A splot of color on a canvas is not art.  Sheep following a nut. My kids did all of that stuff in 1st grade.

We miss you mom. Your voice, everything about you. You are so calming. I felt calm, like i was in your kitchen drinking one of your amazing drinks.

xoxoxo   

It's been a while since I have shared a story. It"s hard to believe you are gone still
So many things have changed. We went out to eat a lot my mom and me. She loved going out to eat. We loved shopping and exploring new places together. We loved day trips. We loved just talking about this or that or nothing. My mom had such a sense of humor. It popped up at different times and could make you almost wet your pants she could be so funny.

I have missed her so much lately. The reality of my life without her, without my husband and without my brother Jimmy has set in. It's unbearable still. I go along thru life, but it's incredibly lonely without these three. So  much personality in all three.

No more day trips.  Well, Taylor and I do the McKenzie/Child's thing still. But my buddies  that I went to the movies with, ate out with are gone.  So many beautiful times.

I'm proud that I followed your wishes to the T. I went overboard actually and shared even more than you asked me to. I know you smirked and smiled. I did the right thing.

We are sad without you mom. But if anyone deserves to be in heaven, it's you. "She is with the one she loves,"  That lady told me that on that day with Karen. I'm happy for you mom.  As much as I would give my right arm to have you here, I'm happy you are free.

It's me and Chris now. We talk on Sundays and thru the internet. We will always be close. He is my family. All the kids too, What a hit last year was. Like a hurricane. Three adored people ripped from us so fast. I can still cry at the drop of a hat. Yesterday an RN I ran into at work asked me how I was. She is so real, you could tell she really wanted to  know how I was. I burst into tears. That still happens. It probably always will. I'm okay, then not okay. A few weeks ago, I stayed in bed all weekend. It was too hard to get up. But i have better days than not. So progress is being made. I put on the happy face, no worries. I will never get over you three gone. I have never gotten over losing Grama.  We had extrordinary people in our family.  You don't get over that kind of love. You live thru it, but never get over it.

We love you Mother. We miss you. We will make you proud. At least  Chris and I will. HaHa. xoxoxo

We love you Mom! Happy Birthday! Not a day goes by that I don't thank my lucky stars to have had  you as my mother.  xoxox

Tomorrow is your birthday mom. I will not be happy. I will want to give you the best gift i could have given you and the most beautiful card. I would have  taken you to a nice restaurant so you could order your martini and have lobster or whatever your heart desired. 

Jimmy isn't the only poet in our family. Here is my gift to you. A poem I wrote long ago.  Thank you for showing us the joy of turning a phrase!  I love you Mom. Happy Birthday!
 
                                            MOLLY


I had a little rag doll,
an Molly was her name,   
She was all torn and tattered, 
But, I loved her just the same.

She didn't have a nose,
and her hair had fallen out,
She had two pretty eyes,
and a little mouth that pouts.    

I loved my baby Molly,
She was always there for me,      
I cried a million tears,
That only Molly see'd.
   
She'd hug me in the night,
An she'd hug me in the day,
We hugged each other all the time,
Even more than I can say. 

We had a lot of secrets,
That Molly doll and me,
She never telled anyone,
The things tween me and she.

She was my bestest friend,
An my very bestest dolly, 
I'll never love another,       
The way I loved my Molly.                                     

I planted your precious flowers mother. I wasn't going to and it's not what you would have done. But I tried. If it doesn't work out, next year i will try again.


I will post a picture when it gets going.


I am watching your dog for 4 days. It makes me so happy to see her roaming aound the house. Almost like you are here too.

The pool is open. Remember we were going to spend our days there?

Love you much and miss you like crazy. xoxoxoxx        

Happy Mothers Day to my beautiful mom. Thank you doesn't come close to expressing my gratitude for everything you went thru to raise us. Both mother and father to six. Teacher best describes you. Then unconditional love, beauty, talent, generous to a fault, and one of the funniest people I know.

I remember just months before you left us, you, Chris and I were on the beach in Fort Lauderdale sitting at an outdoor restaurant. When we were leaving you quietly tripped to our surprise and the goofy face you made at us, had us hysterically laughing so hard we couldn't go on until we got control. You were so fun to hang with. I miss that. You and the faces you made!

As hard as life has been thru the difficult years, I wouldn't trade them for anything. You taught us by example, how to get up and keep smiling, share what you have and make the day a little brighter for everyone around you.

Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I love you Mom.

#4........Lindy aka Lindy Pooh,

A year ago today I came home from the hospice place with Terry. Chris too. Terry came in the house like a tornnado and threw a roast you bought in the oven.Then he tore into the garage and started reorganizing, then left to go work on a deck.Terry didn't make it out of this. He is fragile. I wonder if the Terry we knew will ever be back.

It's Mother's Day tomorrow. We would have done something wonderful, you would have loved. I'm going to breakfast with the kids and they have both been so generous and caring thru the entire year, not just for this day.


We miss you mom. You meant so much to us all. You were the foundation we were built on, it's so different without you.But you are safe, happy and free. I'm happy for that. Give Grama a kiss for me and keep Leonard close too. He loved you so.
Jimmy, what the heck is he up to I wonder? Kiss him for me. I love you all. xoxox


Lindy Pooh aka Kelly Welch #4      
  

I was so sad last year after you died. The trees all opened up and the flowers were popping, your favorite time of year. You missed it, and again... you are not here. 

The patio furniture is out and deck furniture too.  I loved, how you loved sitting out there... on either or. Gliding on your glider drinking one of your drinks, or out on the deck reading.

Terry bought 4,000 plants last year,  it seemed like. I'm going to do you proud this year. I'll show you pictures. It's so pretty already and there is not even one flower yet. I will plant some things and use containers for others. It will be Mona-fied don't worry mother.


We miss you and love you so much. Pop in if you can. xoxoxox