Dear Monica,
Yesterday was your birthday. I think, in true Monica fashion, you were a busy bee spending time with the many people on this earth and elsewhere who love you.
This morning I was leafing through an old journal and came across your name. A sacred pause. Of the many gifts you shared in your life and beyond, this one I feel especially grateful for.
When you sidle up in my heart, there is no other option but to pause. I close my eyes, feel my eyelids fluttering as your come into my consciousness. In my chest, a kind of hum--which is so fitting and makes me smile. This vibrating, hummingbird energy spreads through my body and there is a sense of being connected to you.
In my mind's eye, we are side by side, surrounded by this big, beautiful, fuchsia energy.
I miss you Mon. I'm going back to Vancouver for a visit this week and feel a heaviness knowing that I won't get to see you, at least not in the traditional sense.
I'm remembering how on past visits we would often meet at Starbucks on Kits Beach. I would always get a coffee of some variety, but you, being the sweet-loving hummingbird woman that you are, would get some unusual creation, like peppermint tea with a few pumps of chocolate-flavoured syrup.
We would walk along the beach and talk about our work and relationships, foods we were into, random things that had happened, plans for the future...
Lots of laughter but always too, some foray into the bigger questions. A comfy swing between the mundane and profound. Never a dull conversation with you Monica. And always, your incredible ability to lift me up from some of my darker moments, into the bright sunshine-y light.
It's a beautiful day today. In a little while, I will take my coffee down to the secret garden, a lovely shady area in the backyard that I think of as our spot. I will sit on the wooden bench, listen to the wind riffle through the pear trees and the hum of the highway (you would have a positive spin on this particular sound I know).
Pause. Feel the weight of this grief.
But feel too, the sense of magic and tiny bubbles of joy that arise when you are near.
I miss you friend, today and always.
I'll be here in our spot, saving you a seat beside me.