Dear Ma,

It’s been 2 years since you left us, yet it still doesn’t seem real. You are constantly in my thoughts. The first thought when there is any special event, is the instinct to share it with you. When your grandkids do well, I wish you were here to celebrate their success. In every action, success and failure, I wonder on your reactions if you would have been here. This January, on your birthday, I wrote in my letter here that I enrolled in a 21 day poetry challenge. I wish I could see your face as I tell you that I completed it, and it will soon be published! Rupesh added his sketches as illustrations, and of course it is dedicated to you and Baba. It is titled January Greys, and indeed I felt very low this January, with both your birthdays that month. Writing was cathartic in a way and I seek blessings from both of you for its release.

The children are growing up so fast, Saisha is taller than me already! Misha is the life of the house as usual, and I see so much of your energy in her. Of course, this leads to many clashes (already!!) and in my mind I hear your I-told-you-sos!!

We finally took a vacation, our first big trip since the 2019 cruise with you and Tuki. At Boston, Rupesh finally completed his 6 medal World Marathon Majors quest, and I wish you were here to celebrate his achievement. You were always so proud of him! I remembered your visit to Boston and work at Harvard Medical College and Brighams Hospital. While we couldn’t go there, we did go to Harvard Yard and walked the Charles river memorial esplanade. I remembered you telling me how you would walk all over Boston and for a few days, we were there, retracing your steps. From there, we took the kids to Disney World, Orlando … and if Boston had us walking miles daily, Orlando had us on our feet 12-14 hours everyday within its amusement park boundaries!! It was quite the opposite from the ‘slow living’ vacations we have had lately! My step count average for the entire year has gone us due to this one 2-week vacation!! Reminded me a lot of the trips you and Baba would take us on every year, and how we would try to pack in as many sights and experiences as possible! Tiring but so memorable, and as we enter a similar life phase with our kids, I wish you were here to guide us, share your experiences and celebrate our achievements (and also keep us standing when the feet say no more!!) I should say, I remembered how painful Tuki and I were on our UK trip that you would make us walk so much everyday! Now, I understand how you must have felt, I’m sorry for being so difficult! Thankfully, Saisha and Aria were much more cooperative… phew! 

This letter started with feelings but has become a chronicle of all that we have been up to since the last letter. It reminds me of the letters you would write to us during your fellowship in UK, telling us about your experiences and guiding us from afar. So many memories each leading from another…my thoughts are just all over, jumping multiple life phases and experiences we shared. I could keep writing all day! You lived your life to the fullest and made my life memorable. Thank you Ma. Rest in peace and please continue to watch over us as always. No matter how much I struggled against your authority, I know I’m a better person because of it.

Love you
Tina

One of my oldest friends was Moon. Memories go back to 1961 when my family moved to Delhi. We stayed in the same area, went to the same school with the same school bus, were in and out of each others houses..our parents, respective brothers were friends. Moon was smart, intelligent ( one sees her genes in Tina and Tuki) extremely helpful always and a very strong person. Even though we didn't manage to meet in the last few years, we stayed in touch.I will always miss her. Tina and Tuki, you were lucky to have such a mother. The beautiful memories that you have of your mother, and I, of my friend will stay forever.

A year has passed and today my eyes float in tears for a birthday that we cannot celebrate.  I never expected to see your birthday without you.  After all you were younger than I and I ought to have gone away before you.
But God has his own ways which humans can never fathom.

Today you float on on a serene lake that floats into infinity and I look on wondering when I will join you to gambol in the meadows once more as we did when we were children.

The last time I met Moon was in January 2013 just after her birthday. She had come with Panna to Kolkata for a conference. We were meeting after 45 yrs, and it was just wonderful. She had lunch with us and enjoyed the "shukto". The last time I spoke to her was just before she was hospitalized for covid. Happy Birthday Moon!

Hi Ma

You would have turned 70 today. I wonder what your thoughts would have been on reaching this milestone. Despite your health battles with diabetes and related issues, you always had a zest for life, for seizing the moments and enjoying every one of them. I used to wait for January 10 - the first day of the year with a family birthday, starting a new calendar year of birthdays and celebrations. Followed immediately by Baba’s birthday on Jan 11. How we enjoyed the close proximity of both your birthdays! The ‘Happy Birthday’ decorations that would have gone up in August for Tuki’s birthday, would extend right through mine in Dec , Christmas, New Year and till the double Jan10-11 finale. Now they end with the change of the year, and January brings bittersweet melancholic memories instead of the anticipation of a double celebration. As I was writing this, feeling fairly morose, Rupesh just asked me are we cutting cake for Ma and Baba today? My first response was Baba’s birthday is tomorrow. To which he reminded me that we had always cut cake on Jan 10th anyway, sometimes separately, sometimes both together. So I decided, today, we (kids and I) will make cake for you, just like you would bake one for us. Over the last year or so, Aria has found a cake mix that she likes to help bake, and everyone, even Saisha (who doesn’t like creamy cakes) likes to eat it. I started this letter feeling morose and feeling like there was nothing to look forward to, but I’m ending it in anticipation again, with a plan to bake a cake with your grandkids. I like to think that’s how you would like it. January weather may be grey, but your flowers are blooming, and there will be cake. I miss you. Happy 70th Birthday Ma. 

PS: Rupesh enrolled me into a 21-day poetry challenge - one poem everyday! My first thought was that the deadline is on Jan 10 and the competition starts from Jan 11 - both important days for me. I haven’t written in ages. And frankly, I don’t know if I can or how it will turn out. But these dates are significant to me. You were both proud of my writing. I want to do it, for you. And I think it will be good for me too. Wish me luck!  Love you both.

Dear Ma

It is your first anniversary and it is still hard to say the D-word. It still feels unbelievable that you are no longer here. Still feels like you’ve gone on a trip and will be back soon. It’s still impossible to watch your videos and hear your voice. Or write this post without tearing up. You were the driving force of my life. At various life stages I ran the gamut of the continuum between obedience and rebellion. But you were always the stimulus. Knowing you, you’d probably read this as blaming you for my faults! But actually I mean this as crediting you for my achievements. For a mostly unambitious person, you were the one who brought performance out of me. Who taught me discipline, organisation, and had me take every class and exam under the sun to broaden my scope of knowledge! You took me travelling and taught me to appreciate different cultures. You let me be free of expectations in developing friendships and relationships. No matter how much you yelled at me, no one else was allowed to yell at me! You were a tigress in my defence. And you made sure to raise us up to stand firm on our own feet. But now … you are gone. And I’m standing here … but I don’t know where to go. 

Miss you Ma. Love you. Be in Peace.
love Tina.

10th January 2014, Ma spent it with us in Indore. Still remember how excited you were, we stayed at home but did lot of gupshup. Didi and Jeeju sent flowers and chocolates. You gave me tips to improve my garden. Told me how lucky I was to live in such a peaceful place with ample place to walk and stay healthy. You enjoyed the Sun while sitting in the veranda looking at the Bougainvilleas. We still do the same in winters. Miss you dearly here in Indore.

From Biswajit Basu:

A poem penned by her brother on the first Rakshabandhan without her.

Moon, you have relinquished your worldly status and left your friends, relatives, students and colleagues forlorn.  We, you left behind, will miss you sorely and we already realise how much.

Message from Sharda University, where she worked post retirement. 

Message from Noida International Institute of Medical Sciences, her employer till her untimely demise.

Remembrance Message by Child Health Foundation

Condolence message by Indian Academy of Cytologists