There are friends and there is that friend……….
I passed by a security guard at my client’s office after work today and noticed the lady was looking tired and stressed out. I said to myself, hmm let me pull a Dolu on this lady. So I mentioned that she was looking pretty stressed and asked her to take care, then offered her the bottle of cold water I was holding. As that moment I looked up at the sky (well, the roof) and said to myself. This one is for you Dolu Fashina.
You should see the smile on my face right now as I type this. It’s probably contrary to the mood which I should have when writing a eulogy (I put an eulogy oh but Microsoft kept changing it to a eulogy, who am I to argue). Dolu Fashina! How can I explain you? You were a huge piece of Jesus in that small body. I wonder if you are taller now in heaven lol!
Let me tell you 10 things I have learnt from Dolu’s life.
1. Love people from your heart (and tell them often too)
Dolu was a lover. Very mushy and romantic somebody. She just loves, it’s probably a reflection of how close to the One who is called Love himself. If I got a dollar for every time she said “I love you”, I could open a BDC business. She just loved, selflessly and wholeheartedly and she didn’t keep the love to herself, she let it all out.
2. Learn to go the extra mile for people (even when it’s not convenient)
I remember a phone call where Dolu expressed her worry about not knowing where to draw the line between helping others and being exploited. You see, Dolu is that person that would bend over to help others without expecting anything in return. Even few months before she passed she helped out a mutual friend to arrange her references just so she could meet up with the deadline for submitting her PHD. In sickness, in health, Dolu would still do her best to help others without them asking.
3. You can only give what you have
Hadassah Oluwademiladeogo Kukoyi asked me once “Sade how did Doluwa do all this?” That question haunted me for a while until I realized, it was no longer the human Dolu that touched lives so effortlessly. She had spent so much time with Jesus that he started to reflect on her. You know when they say married couples look like each other after a few years of marriage… Yup that’s exactly what happened to Dolu. She had spent so much time seeking the heart of the Father, she started to look like him.
4. Christianity is so much more that church doctrines
Dolu has attended about four churches (if I'm correct) while she was alive, each with distinct codes of conduct and rules but the Christian within her never wavered. Whether she was in Nigeria or in the UK. Many times on this side of the world, we are so bogged down with church doctrines and it starts to replace the real weight of God’s word or even hinder our relationship with him. As Christians, the most important thing is having a relationship with God. Not to say that church rules are not important, most times they guide us, but it should never cloud or hamper our relationship with God. (Honestly I don’t know where this point came from)
5. Beauty isn’t all about physical appearances (common its way deeper than that!)
In moments of openness and vulnerability, Dolu would share some of her insecurities with me, “oh Sade, one eye is sleepier than the other, me and my shortyparker self, or my front tooth overlaps….” But I would just smile and tell her, Dolu if I was a guy, I would marry you ten times over. You see, many times we (ladies especially) focus on out physical appearance at the detriment of our soul. If everyone could take a picture of their soul, what would it look like, I’m pretty sure Doluwa’s soul selfie would be stunning to look at! A picture of grace, kindness selflessness and love.
6. The world needs more hugs and kind words (say something kind to someone today)
Doluwa was a hugger!! (and pincher too). It’s amazing how a kind word and hug can go a long way to lift up someone’s spirit. Doluwa impacted the world, one hug (and pinch) at a time. Remember, people will always remember how you made them feel.
7. Stay true to your calling (that gift God gave you is not for decoration, get to work)
Dolu was an amazing writer (Hello, “ITS THAT SIMPLE”). She realized this gift early enough and used it to the glory of the Father. She writes amazing love letters too! I still remember mine from 2005. Her devotionals touched lives in ways that she could never fully grasp.
8. You can have it all!
Dolu Fashina is brilliant, diligent, a good cook (have you tasted her fried rice?), a sharp dresser (with her small body), very neat and tidy, a somehow good dancer, a great friend, very cute, infectious laughter, generous (she once dashed me 50 pounds just because :)... she lived life to the fullest all to the glory of the Father.
9. You don’t have to mount a pulpit to impact lives.
Doluwa is a walking signboard with the words (JESUS LOVES YOU) boldly written in orange (her best color). Do people see Jesus when they see you?
10. Life may be full of adversity, but your response to the challenges determine the quality of life you get to live
Many people may know of Dolu’s battle with cancer (Devil you lost!). But you would never tell. She churned out devotionals from hospital beds, in between chemo sessions, after getting negative reports…. No matter how hard the devil tried to strike, she never lost her praise. Doluwa was always thankful, always grateful for each moment. True there were moments of weakness and despair, but it never lingered for too long. In her words “I am praying from a place of victory”. What is your reaction to that current problem you are having are you throwing tantrums and complaining rather than staying in the place of prayer, faith and praise?
11. He that hath friends must showeth himself friendly (yes…I know I said 10 things)
If you introduce your friend to Dolu, not only will she be good friends, with the person, she would make more friends with your friend’s friends and bring you back more friends…. Multiplier effect!
Mosadoluwa you once accused me of not being able to give a decent speech when asked to talk about you. Well, I hope this makes you smile. Folake Alade mentioned that you are probably disturbing Paul in heaven now. Say hi to him for me please.
I’m praying to God for the grace to live my life so well that I see you again. I know you are among the cloud of witnesses now (as per saint and big girl things), I will do my best by His grace not to embarrass you. Biko please use style to ask Jesus when he is coming back (looool).
I love you soooo much Dolu. I sure you know that already and PS…that protein diet didn’t work :(
Till we meet again my darling.