I really wish I could have another one or even two children soon!!! Grandpa please watch out for us and send the right person and the children to me soon - I have faith it's all gonna work out

I know there are still a lot of things to take care of and lots of issues to face but I gradually feel I am now in a place to finally face and tackle them than I was before. I know perhaps I should have been more brave but I was in a dark place and unfortunately I have needed to take baby steps to get better. Please bear with me and let me work these things all out. Now I have changed my outlook, instead of thinking negatively I believe all can work out eventually.

Hi Grandpa, I know you are watching over us. I can not believe I only created this memorial 2 months ago, it certainly felt a long time ago. I thought perhaps I created this at the beginning of this year as at the time I was still in a very dark place and feeling downcast. The past couple of months have been good. I have been more organised and productive and I have learned sewing which is a great way to express my creativity as well as creating useful garments! I have also got a contract(somewhat) and can finally start to plan the short term future. My energy level has been transformed and I think I now emit more positive energy. I think reading, psychology, sewing and the earrings business are ultimately what saved me and lifted me out of the dark place. I need to learn to love myself and until I can do that properly no one else would.

Please take care of yourself and do not worry about us. I feel I have hit rock bottom and from now it can only get better and going upwards! Please be assured that I think about you often and will not forget my responsibilities.

Dear Grandpa, it is very hard to even imagine that we would not even see each other again in this world, not even having had the chance to say the last goodbye. The last time we saw each other was in April 2018 when everything was still good. Many things/events have happened in the past 3 years and I have not really had the courage to properly face and accept the realities. In my heart, you have never left and I know you will forever be watching me/us over from the sky.

Even though we didn't get chance to speak before you left, I know what you would tell me and I will take this responsibilities seriously. The past year has been very hard on me, an accumulation of a long term heartbreak and stress boiling over and everything just fell apart. I needed some time to get myself together and find my courage and strength again. It really has been a very difficult period of time but at the same time I feel proud of my efforts to pick myself up and attempting to move foreword. I am afraid I do not have many good things to share but I hope for the next anniversary maybe there would be some more positive news.

Please be assured that I know what my responsibilities are even though I may seem reluctant to commit to them. Please allow me some time to heal and find my strength again. I am sure you will be well looked after in heaven and have everything you need because of the many good deeds you did over your life time. Over this period I thought about you often and I tell myself that it is ok to be an introvert who just enjoys staying in, reading and do my own stuff, that is just me and I should not feel about this.