ForeverMissed
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His Life

Jan's Message to Ned

September 20, 2013

Twenty four hours ago you were still with me.  Now you are gone.  But I know that your love will be forever with me.  And though I may not see you, you are watching over me and taking care of me.  I know that you are waiting for me in God's house, and when the time comes for God to call me home, you will be there waiting for me, to always take care of me in our new home just as you have always done in this one.

As I always told you, I love you Ned Walter Lindemann with every fiber of my being. You are my other half, you are my life.  I love you

The Final Chapter

September 20, 2013

Jan healed and was once again mobile.  She and Ned could start again doing the things they loved.  Cruelly, that was not to be.  In October, 2012 Ned was diagnosed with.Stage IV lung cancer.  After all he had been through, one would think Ned would have been devastated with this diagnosis.  But not Jan's Ned. If chemotherapy was indicated, then Ned would have chemotherapy.  With his usual optimism and positive outlook, this was just one more disease to be conquered on the way to Jan and Ned's happy ending.  He used to tell Jan that they would be together for 2,464 years, then go to the next world together.  He promised. For nine months the chemo kept the cancer at bay, and Jan and Ned continued to do things together, to laugh together, to love each other.  Then the chemo stopped working.  Further treatment was not an option.  Ned began suffering. Yet his overriding concern was still Jan doing too much for him.  He would say, "you do everything for me. That isn't fair".  However, he began to understand that Jan cared for him, not out of any sense of obligation, but out of deep love, as well as a lot of selfishness.  He had promised her 2,464 years, and she wanted him to keep that promise. It was not to be.  On September 19, at 9:10pm Jan helped Ned go to bed.  She helped him get undressed, secured his oxygen mask, adjusted his pillows, turned on the tv,  and told him she was going to the kitchen to put food away. She closed the door behind her.

At 9:30 she went back to the bedroom to see if. had gone to sleep and to kiss him goodnight.  When she walked into the room Jan could see Ned was not in a normal position.  He was slumped over to his side.  She went over to him and shook him, crying for him to wake up.  She kept yelling, "You can't leave me.   Just wake up!"  

He was not to awaken.  God had taken Ned home.  There would be no more pain for Ned.  But the pain for Jan was just beginning.  

 

In Sickness and In Health

September 20, 2013

Jan and Ned said traditional vows at their wedding, the ones that include in sickness and in health.  Unfortunately, for Ned there turned out to be much more sickness than good health after the move.

First, his right hip had to be replaced; then the left.  But, in between those two surgeries, Ned was hit by a cab and had to have knee surgery.  Then, a couple of years later, he developed an aortic aneurysm requiring  yet another surgery.  In 2010, cancer in his jaw required removal of the jaw, but through the miracles of modern medicine, the doctors built a new jaw for him with bone from his lower right leg.  The surgery and radiation took nearly a year of Ned's life, but the cancer was completely cured.  

Through all of this Ned never lost his love of life.  He never let any of this get him down.  Ned was that rare person who smiles through adversity and cheers up those around him.  His only concern through all of these illnesses was for Jan.  In his mind, Jan was having to work too hard to take care of him.  That was wrong in his world.  Although Jan assured him that she loved taking care of him, and certainly did not consider it work, he wanted to take care of her.  That was the natural order of things.

He got his chance.  While Ned was still receiving radiation, Jan started to develop osteoarthritis in her right hip.  By the time Ned was declared cured, Jan was barely able to walk.  Ned indeed began taking care of her.  He cooked, she ate.  He cleaned, she messed things up.  Complete role reversal, and he loved it.  He was taking care of Jan. 

NYC

September 20, 2013

Ned, who had often told Jan he didn't like New York, offered no objection.  If Jan wanted to move to New York, then he would move to New York.  As always, Ned spoiled Jan rotten.

A funny thing happened to Ned after the move.  He discovered he didn't dislike New York at all.  In fact, the longer they were there, the more he liked it.  After a while, when talking to others, you would have thought the move was his idea. And Jan didn't object one bit to his taking credit for the move.  After all, he moved for her, and she loved him for it.  

Everywhere Ned & Jan went together, even if it was only to the grocery store, they had fun..  They never ran out of things to talk about.  Now this is not a fairy tale.  They fought.  All couples fight.  But the fights never lasted and they never went to bed angry.  Above all, they were in love.
 

Chicago

September 20, 2013

Within weeks Jan & Ned were a couple, and, by February, 1996, they were husband and wife.  After a magnificent Mexican honeymoon, they settled down to domesticity. Jan cooked, Ned ate.  Jan cleaned, Ned messed things up. Pretty typical for a middle aged white male.  

However, Ned was never typical.  On the day they moved into their first apartment, Jan turned around and said "where's Ned?"  A friend who was helping them move grinned and said "He escaped!".  A half hour later in walks Ned with a dozen long-stemmed red roses with a note saying "Welcome to our world".  He signed it H.I.T. (husband in training). Jan burst into tears--tears of happiness.  That set the tone for the rest of their life together.

They bought a loft, and Ned let Jan design it exactly as she wanted.  As usual, he spoiled her rotten.  Jan certainly realized she was about the luckiest woman in Chicago.  He drove her to work and was always right on time to pick her up. When she didn't want to cook he'd say, "No problem, we'll go out". And off they would go to one of their numerous "favorite" restaurants.

Then Jan decided she wanted to move to NYC.

 

The Meet

September 20, 2013

June 6, 1995 was a beautiful day; a day that cried out to all to get outside and enjoy the weather.  Ned did just that; He attended a Cubs game with a group of friends. Although the Cubs lost--Ned said he never saw the Cubs win--his attendance at the game would be the catalyst that changed his life--and mine.

He and his friends walked into a bar called Yvette's to drown their sorrows. Sitting at the bar was a redheaded friend of the bartender, who also happened to be a Cubs fan.  The redhead turned to the last of the group and asked "who won?"  " Not the Cubs" came the reply.  The redhead smiled, said thanks, and the straggler joined his group.  Sandy, the bartender, finished serving the group,  and then returned to the redhead to continue their conversation.

The unaware redhead suddenly heard a voice next to her ear saying "Sandra, you must introduce me to this beautiful woman".  Thus began the 18-year wondrous journey of Jan & Ned!