ForeverMissed
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Pretty sure this is my old friend.

January 14
I’m quite sure this is my Scotty from around 1966,67,68 time frame.  He was in Greenwich, CT when I met him.  I have to agree with you, Jon, Scotty was intelligent, funny, and a loyal friend.  He, l, and my then boyfriend Bill, had a really fun relationship during that time.  He went off to Rochester and we lost touch.  I often think of Scotty warmly. I was so sorry to learn he had passed.  Scotty was a true friend and I’m so glad to have known him.  Could you confirm that he was in Greenwich around the time I mentioned, please? ctctilley@gmail.com.  Thanks so much.

My best friend

March 29, 2015

Scott was one of the brightest , knowledgable and talented  individuals that I have ever known. He was resourceful and could be laser focused on any any goal he set out to accomplish.  

His loss leaves a void that can never be filled. He truly was my best friend. We shared many experiences both good and bad. Our friendship began at Alfred and spanned over forty years. No matter the length of time we did not speak or be able to see each other - we could always pick up where we had left off.  

The photos of Scott shown here bring all the memories of him rushing back and show the passing of time in both our lives. Often I will click on this site just to hello to my friend and have moment with him. Tears well up and  i know he is still with me.  

We came from vastly different backgrounds and but found a kinship in the joy and pain  of our lives.  Through the time we spent and conversations we had there was a bond forged that could never be broken. Through thick and thin he was always there.

His death was a shock and was incomprehensible. In the last few years we spoke very often. We covered the past, the present and truly got to know everything about each other. There were very few stones left unturned.  We laughed , we cried and were each other's rock. 

Scott is a man that I truly respected, admired and loved. He will be forever missed.


Happy Birthday Big Brother

September 9, 2014

Today would have been Scott's 65th birthday.  

One of his favorite memories of me was when I was a toddler living in Cleveland, and he took me onto the frozen ice of Lake Erie, in my little white fuzzy coat and white snow boots.  He said he took my cold little hands and put them under his coat, next to his stomach, to keep them warm.  

I think he liked that memory because it showed the true essence of who he was--someone whose greatest gift in life was in taking care of others.  He was a caring therapist to the many students who came through his door for thirty years, a generous husband, father, and friend, and thoughtful son and brother.

I will--and do-- miss him terribly--his funny stories, his sense of humor and good nature, his wonderful cooking, and especially his generosity.  Not only with material things, but his generosity of spirit--in the way he spoke to my children and always took what they said seriously, always gave them the same consideration he gave to adults.

We laid Scott to rest on August 22nd, near his beautiful home on the Shallotte River.  My brother David and his wife, Paige, my husband, Tom, and I took Scott's boat up the river so that we were in sight of his house, and spent some time toasting Scott with glasses of champagne and reminiscing.  Then Dave and I spread his ashes in the river, where he always had the view of the shrimp boats going out to sea.  

When Scott would go on a trip, he would email us to let us know that he had returned safely, and this is what he would say.  "The Kiwi has landed."

What I will remember

August 10, 2014

I went to a funeral for a colleague recently and a number of people spoke and shared stories...but when I left, I realized I didn't know this man in that same way--I didn't have stories I could tell and laugh about.  Not so with Scott.  There are so many memories, thoughts, details and images that have been rushing through my mind lately, since I heard about his passing a few days ago.  Little things, many of which go back to the year we shared a house on Pine Hill Drive in Alfred, NY while he was in graduate school and I was living there transitioning to post-college life and trying to figure out how to become a writer.  I remember all the odds and ends we scrounged up for furniture and painted in pre-shabby chic faux wood grain style; the asparagus fern he hung and fussed over in the kitchen; the culinary debates because he LOVED his garlic and I liked paprika (we both came to appreciate the value of each); Scotty would blast Jethro Tull's prized new album, "Aqualung" (which reminds me of him to this day whenever I hear it), and it became his/our weekly ritual to watch "Kung Fu" with David Carradine (in its initial run, not reruns).  I was fascinated by Scott early on because he was everything I wasn't--blond, blue-eyed, cleft chin, straight hair, prep school, Greenwich Ct...he was the first person I knew who wore Addidas, which may not sound like much in this post-Nike world, but back then it was ultra cool and different--something Scott never really tried to be.  I also remember driving with him to Niagara Falls so he could buy a Hudson Bay Blanket coat with its red, yellow and black stripes...it became a signature look and I have to say I have never known anyone else who wore one, or who wore one so well.  I think of Scott and see his smile, hear that laugh--deep, warm, resonant.  Funny to think that in Lew Gluckstern's Alfred production of "Bye-Bye Birdie," Scott had to make his voice crack comically to play the goofy Harvey Johnson in the "Telephone Hour" number.  I remember a lot more than that...not all of which can be repeated here.  Those were good days, better than we knew then.  And they were better in part because of him.  it was easy to be Scott's friend then.  And I was always grateful to have had that time with him.  Years later, in the '90s, I was in Alfred for a reunion and he drove down from Rochester to meet me.  We hadn't seen each other or talked in years.  We drove to nearby Almond to a favorite spot called The Ledges, where a lazy creek tumbled over tiered layers of rock.  At first we couldn't find it; it was no longer visible from the road.  In the intervening years, there had been a flood and the land had been mounded by the roadside and hid the creek from view.  But we climbed up the hillside and looked down and there it was.  And we sat on that hill  and talked for hours...something we had always been able to do.  In the fall of 2003, I took my younger daughter, Monica, to Alfred for a college interview and, after, we met Scott at the airport in Rochester.  I brought hoagies from the Alfred Sub Shop (did I mention Scott's passion for Mountain Dew?) and we sat together for an hour before we had to board our plane and fly home to LA.  He showed us photos of some puppies--Goldens?  I'm not sure.  We talked, we laughed, and then we were gone.  That was the last time I saw him.  But those are the memories I will hold on to forever.  I am listening to Ian Anderson belting out "Aqualung" right now as I write this, and I can see Scotty's smile and hear his laughter...and, for the moment, everything feels good.  

August 10, 2014

Scott embraced adventure, and was generous in sharing his experiences, wishing others to enjoy life as much as he did.  His passions included horses, downhill skiing, cooking, gardening, and all things about the water (sailing, jet-skiing, powerboats, snorkeling).  He touched many lives as son, father, brother, uncle, husband, and friend.  The posted pictures chronicle glimpses of happy times shared with others, and enjoyed by all.  Scott seemed most at peace while on the water, particularly when sailing.

Fair winds and following seas, Scott.

August 10, 2014

Scott was always excited to share his interests and self with me and my family.  Memories of working together, sailing, fine foods and wines, outdoor grilling,  apple cider pressing, his humor, his kindness and generosity, and wide ranging conversations will always be cherished.  As for his golf game, that was a whole diferrent story.  Whenever water was anywhere in sight he would tee up the oldest discolored golfball from his bag stating, "It's a water ball".  Consistent (stubborn?) in his ways, he would refuse to use the new "over the water" ball I would offer to him and proceed to hit his "water ball" ,yes, into the water.  Then he would say, "I told you".  Jokingly I would tell Scott, "The day you beat me I will quite the game".  So many poor shots, so many laughs, so many good times you will be missed, but never forgotten. 

August 9, 2014

 

When I first met Scott, he was a TV-watching twelve-year-old. Over the years, I watched him become good brother, wonderful father to Nicole, and fine man. I'll miss his stories and even his rants.  Here is a poem I wrote for his father, but it fits Scott as well since each was his own man who wanted to live life in his own way.


When He Closed His Eyes

he moved into another world.
Waves of color streamed

around him, bright and dark--
northern lights he could navigate by,

his body floating on open ocean,
channel markers behind.     
 

       

 

Thoughts of my buddy

August 6, 2014

These past few days have been filled alternately with anger and sadness at  Scott's demise and imense gratitude for the forty-six years we were friends. Realizing,however, that I had to make a choice as to how I was going to process this transition, I’ve decided that as the ensuing years unfold, I will think of Scott as that lone seagull that swoops up and away from the rest of the flock , spreading  his wings for upward flight, circling ever higher and higher, more surely and steadily until he becomes a mere speck in the sky and then finally is lost from sight altogether. Although beyond my limited human range of vision, I know Scott, like the seagull, is still going on and on . That his activity , strength, vigor and laughter is still being expressed  -  even though I can’t see it.

Enjoy the flight Scotty- Godspeed! 
(Passing of the Seagull, CSPS 1927) 

August 5, 2014

Now.. this picture DEFINES Scott...
 
About 10 years ago, Scott and Robin got Emma.  They both worked closely with Emma, training her and teaching her to be the great dog she was.   Scott was a very good Dad, to both Nicole and Emma, and so here's Emma, recently acquired, being taken care of in Scott's lap.     

Notice the Bill's tshirt?   In another random pic from the series, there's a Carolina Panthers - St Louis Cards game on TV in the background.    

How about the paint on his pants?  Seems like he was always painting something.

Comfortable, slip-on shoes...  Music channel playing on the TV for background music...
  
  

Growing up with my brother

August 4, 2014

My sister and I grew up with our family near Pinehurst, North Carolina.  Scott was 19 years older and lived 700 miles away and yet he made a generous and conscious choice to be involved in our lives.  He would use his limited free time to come visit us;  many of the pictures I have posted when Scott was younger were taken during his Christmas and summer breaks.      

Every visit was a special event to me, because we had such limited time together and because he treated me like a person rather than a child 20 years his junior.  

Scott was incredibly thoughtful with gifts.   He bought me my first serious scale airplane model ... and proceeded to tease me by holding me back (in the blue chair you see pictured in the gallery) before letting me unwrap my present.  I still have the magic storage box, the Galileo thermometer and the kaleidoscope given as Christmas presents. 

Scott showed me that carrying two suitcases (one with each hand), while heavier, is easier because it balances you out.   During a rare family trip up to Rochester, Scott introduced me to a coffee grinder and fresh ground coffee;   unfortunately I was twelve without my own source of income, so going back to Maxwell House and Yuban was a real let-down. 

Certain intense memories are about very physical things and very short moments in time;  I remember his brown Oldsmobile, me sitting in the front passenger seat, driving down to the beach with him, listening to Janis Joplin.  I remember the watch with a large leather strap that he wore for years.  It's now August, and pre-season NFL football is now on TV - I think of Scott's Buffalo Bills sweatshirts and then his Panthers sweatshirts.   I remember being captivated by the rose "Scott" tattoo on his arm..  with colors fading over the years.
  
Water was a huge factor in our interactions.  My sister and I would swim for hours with him, and I can remember how he would routinely drag us through the strong currents to get to a sandbar or stay positioned relative to the beach.  He taught me how to body surf, how to watch and feel for the right wave that would take me furthest.  He helped me learn how to sail.  As I grew older and became an adult, we would swim and surf and talk about life's pleasures and challenges.  He helped me navigate difficult waters.  

I miss my brother.
     

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