Happy Birthday sweetheart. You left us far too young, so on what would have been your 50th birthday me and the kids will all be together and thinking of you. Love you always
Matt xxxx

May God bless your soul with lots of Light

Nicola,

May God keep your angel soul

Clovis

Nic, you are a truly amazing Soul.
Thank you for still being there for me and so many others. Whether they know it or not, like me, they are blessed.
Your ever loving earth dad

From Clovis

May God keep you in peace

Hey Nic

Gosh yet another year. We would have been trying to arrange a day for the four of us to meet up, with you being difficult as usual. But there is no Nic to be difficult so we have to rely on our memories. I hope wherever you are, you are having a ball. Miss you so much.

Nicola may you be together with the good and serene souls of Heaven.
May God keep you with much peace.
Clovis

Well here we are again Nic. The day you left our lives forever. Nevertheless, your passion, spirit, zest for life, love, compassion and your cursing will remain in our hearts forever. Love and miss you so much. Taken too early from us but your memory and legacy lives on. Take care my friend until we meet again.

May God always bless you. Clovis

Another year Nicola and you're not here for us to celebrate with you. I have another grandchild you'll never get to hold. It doesn't seem fair. If I feel this way then I can't imagine what it's like for your parents, Matt and the children. I hope that wherever you are you are looking down and smiling. Keep the cursing to yourself. I miss you so much it hurts. Thinking of you always xxx

I can't believe that you have gone and left our lives. It's hard to meet up as a group and know that there are only 3 of us when there should be 4. I know wherever you are you are bad-mouthing someone, hopefully, it's not us. Nic we miss you so much. A light has definitely gone out of our lives. Continue to rest in eternal peace.

Love you always XXXXX

May God always bless you

Woke up this morning remembering it was your birthday. I must admit to shedding tears this morning and even now whilst writing this. I can't believe you are gone and that the Hendon 4 are now the Hendon 3. I can't visit the site as much as I want to because it is too painful knowing that your physical body is no longer with us. I loved you in life and love you just as much in death. You brought so much to our lives, your vulgar language, your weak awful tea, your rudeness, sarcasm and that is just the good bits. Truthfully though, you were such a kind and sensitive soul. You cared about everything and everyone. I rarely heard you say a bad word about anyone and even that would be an excuse for why they behaved they did. I miss you so much Nicola and so do the other members of the Hendon 4. We can't meet to celebrate your birthday yet again but we will all separately toast you. You are truly forever missed XXXXXXX

To mum

I am so sorry that I have not written anything on here yet
I have been reading through these messages posted about you and your amazing personality
Some of these messages brought tears to my eyes
And some of them made me smile as I remembered what an amazing person you were
I am sure you are still an amazing being on the spiritual plane that you travel on

I want to express my love for you on this message

Mum, I love you more than life
You were an amazing person to everyone around you
You helped countless young people who struggled in life and you helped these people turn there life around for the best.

I miss you so much mum
I didn't know it was possible to have a void so big left in my heart, but I'm so glad that I could be a part of your life and I regret not spending more time with you when you needed it
Like when you would spend lots of time in bed as you couldn't be more active than this
I should've been there with you much more than I was
And I'm so sorry for this

I remember when you would drive me to school and we would play zombie by Jamie T and we would sing along together
This is a memory I often think about,
When I think about this I am greatly sad but I am also happy because of the great time we would be having together

Another memory that we shared that I cherish is when you would walk me to school in the morning and back in the afternoon, You dedicated so much of your life to helping others
I will always look up to you mum
Your my hero
You battled with your illness for years longer than the doctors anticipated
You are the strongest soul I have ever and will ever meet

I love you so much mum
Xxxxxxxxxxxxx❤❤

Nic, i'm thinking of your fresh smiley face and missing you so very much but also feeling so priveliged to have known you at all. You're forever in my heart. Love you always.
Uncle Billy x

I wanted to say the following at Nicola's funeral but couldn't due to the emotion and sadness I was feeling, I have thought about it regularly since then.

I contacted Matt to pass on the following and he also told me about this site where it made sense to also share.

I managed Nicola in her role as a probation officer. Nicola was a wonderful person to manage because she really cared about her job and the people she supervised. I have supervised many people in my career and these staff (in this profession) are worth their weight in gold (and unfortunately quite rare as well). She did talk and moan about the same things that can drive us all mad (the IT, the processes, the bureaucracy etc) but she still got all the work done, to a very high standard, on time and with a real deep understanding of the nature of working on a 121 basis with difficult, damaged people.

I have no doubt that Nicola had a great, sustained life changing impact on the people she supervised – we will never know which ones (which can be the most frustrating part of the job at times) as we don’t measure success as well as we do failure. However, there will be people reflecting on their life story and thanking the time that they were supervised by Nicola as it helped change their lives for the better.

Happy birthday my beautiful cousin miss you xxxx

Sorry it's taken me so long to write this up here Mum, you know what I'm like (chief procrastinator)! I love you more than I could possibly express through numbers and distances to space and back! xxx

To Mum:

A best friend to ask for advice,
A sister with shoes in my size,
And a Mum that I love more than life.

My favourite person to laugh with,
My favourite person to cry with,
My favourite person to spend all day and night with.

Lover of trips to the garden centre,
Red wine and Sunday roasts,
You took double dares as seriously
As swearing an oath.

Mum the Scrabble champion; with an innate competitive streak, that wouldn’t ever allow you to let us kids win!

Mum the Cleaning queen; sofas weren’t for sitting on when I was growing up, you had always just plumped up the cushions! Chairs were always symmetrical, colours always perfectly co-ordinated and even the tiniest speck of dust couldn’t survive longer than a few seconds before being eaten alive by your friend, Dyson.

Mum the Animal Activist; Protector of all creatures, no matter how great or small. You could often be found rescuing flies from our cat’s water bowl and you were so sad when one didn’t make it. You’re the reason that so many people I know are vegan today. So many animal’s lives spared, thanks to you.

You had me at 19,
You were there to raise me
And still you got two degrees,
Show off if you ask me!

You stood for justice;
Defending those that couldn’t defend themselves,
Helping others before you helped yourself.

You stood for equality
And treated everyone fairly,
This humanity is what you taught me.

A provider of friendship to many;
A soul to confide in,
A shoulder to cry on,
A friend to rely on.
You loved to sit in the dark and you didn’t need a light on,
because your presence was enough to light up the darkest of rooms.

Hilarious and quick witted, fluent in sarcasm; you complimented your friends with the most creative of insults. Your own special way of letting people know how much you loved them!

Countless people telling me how sad they are to see you go,
Many names and many faces I don’t even know,
And the turn out today well it just goes to show,
What an impact you had on so many lives,
You’re incredible Mum so it’s not a surprise.

You told me not to have kids because I’d love them too much,
And I know that’s how you felt about us.
You’re my soulmate, my princess, my hero too,
And Mum, that’s exactly how I feel about you.

So I’ve been thinking, and you already know how much I will miss you and why because Pascale was kind enough to share that with you for me! Instead, I’m going to tell a short story of something that I think represents you perfectly. I always remember you saying to me that life is about compromise and how everyone in life has to comprimise no matter what!
Your analogy of comprimise however was what was so true in its representation of you and in comprimise as a definition:
Please remember that Nicola’s definition of compromise will most definitely not be found in any dictionary!
“In life you have to comprimise, I mean look at me for example! I comprimise every bloody day. Im a vegan and I think eating meat is disgusting! Like why would anyone want to eat a poor little animal, I think it’s horrible and I don’t agree with it at all! But I comprimise and talk to people who do eat meat because why? Because, if I didn’t I wouldnt have any f*#%~!g friends would I, that’s why, so yea you have to comprimise even when you don’t want to because that’s life” 
This always makes me smile because for the context and how much we were laughing and It will be one of my most cherished memories of you. Among other countless sarcastic, gross, borderline offensive.....scrap that.....offensive comments and witty remarks. Miss you everyday and I’ll love you forever xXXxXXx

Nic, i’ve been struggling to articulate exactly how much you’ve meant to me, but more so how much i’m going to miss you. Growing up, your home was as much a part of my childhood as my own, sleepovers at yours were a ritual I treasured deeply. You were a constant symbol of strength, love and confidence for me, and as a young woman I will never be able to thank you enough for that. Your ability to outwit most in a conversation is a trait i’ll truly always miss and envy but never be able to master like you, i don’t think this will stop me though. Its a comfort to know so much of you resides within Pasc, Dylan and Eden, their strength more than anything, I’ll forever love and miss you more than you could know. ❤️

Dear Nic I know you are reading all these messages, so here goes, ohh and I know as an angel you are not allow to take the mick about my english. where I come from we believe in magic a lot and we believe that when a child is born they are given gifts that will guide them through life. Nic your gift was to make people feel loved safe and happy. My memories of you will always be of happiness and laughter, even when you didn't like something I say you will make sure not to hurt my feelings. when i met you, i was in a really bad place emotionally and physically but you knew something was wrong . the worst part was that i didn't speak a word of English and you spoke no Spanish but that didn't stop you. if you found me crying you will hug me and you will defend me like crazy is some one said something mean to me. Nic you were so young when i met you ,but you knew how to make me feel part of the family . I could never thank you enough but you would always will tell me not be silly that i was your aunty and i didn't need to keep thanking you. you took the pain and loneliness that was on my heart , and make me feel whole.
Nicky you were the queen of sunshine and happiness, your laughter was contagious and your sense of humor disgusting but so funny . you were so sensitive and soft that sometimes i wanted to put you in my pocket where you were safe. but what no one knew was that underneath all that love and laughter hide a woman of power and strength. Nic, that is what you show us in the past 3 years you show us the dignity and the courage that you walk through life with. To me you are not gone because you left a big part of you in your wonderful children and the way they behave is you. They got all the beautiful things. Nic i miss you so much but i know that i will see you again. when your dad told us what you wanted for your good bye i was glad i wanted to celebrate you life not mourn it. I know you never saw the place where we said the last good bye but I know you would love it, the views and the gardens are just beautiful. Honey so many of the people that you touched one way or another came to say good bye and thank you. All the the poems and memories that people read where so beautiful. and I know you heard what Paski wrote for you, it make us laugh and cry at the same time. Nicky you will always be on my heart I love you so much till I see you again honey from aunty ada

Nicky, I don't even know where to start.
From the moment I was born you've played such an important role in mine and my sisters' lives. You were Jennifer's best friend and ally, had Pascale a few months before I was born, and Dylan a few months after Amy, so we lived at each other's houses and you were a fixture of our childhoods. You loved and defended all of us fiercely and I don't have the words to articulate how much you are loved back and missed; there will forever be a vital piece missing from our lives and family.
I wish I could tell you how much I looked up to you growing up, you are the epitome of the strong, funny and wildly loving women our family is made up of, and I'm so immensely proud of you for the perseverance and courage you have shown over the last few years.
It was an honour to have known you, and I will love and miss you for the rest of my life.
Love you billions,
Gabby xxxxxxxxxxxx

Nic, from your earliest days you were always a kind, considerate loving niece who always made me feel so special in your company, that was your gift.
I loved and admired your thoughtful, caring, funny. stylish and fragile nature but it is only in the last three years that i recognised the courage, strength, determination and fight that you possessed in abundance.
Your passing left a great hole in me that can never be filled, i miss you so much. The day of your service though was so special that it helped me to begin to heal, the words spoken by family and friends, the beautiful location, the sunny day, the peacefulness of your final resting place, were all the things that you deserved and everyone there that day will never forget the experience.
I experienced so many emotions that day but to be asked by Pascale to read a beautiful poem at your graveside made me feel so privileged and honoured and special that its clear you managed to pass on your gift to your wonderful children.
Nic, I will keep you alive in my heart until the day that i die.
Your loving `Uncle Billy`

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
(By Mary Elizabeth Frye)

Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, i do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glint on snow.
I am the sun on ripened grain.
I am the gentle Autumn rain.

When you awake in the morning rush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circling flight.
I am the soft starlight at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

i couldnt believe it when i heard the news. many memories when you visited the family when i was growing up and from being friends with paula. thinking of all the family at such a sad time. rest in peace nic. lots of love sam xxx

Nic my beautiful cousin who I will never forget. You will be forever in my my thoughts and in my heart I know you mum mag and Nan will be having many games of scrabble up there looking down on all of us helping us through the tough times for now Nic God bless until we meet again xxxx

Nicola has won this disease for many years. Now stand in Heaven helping our fight here on Earth.
Clovis

From Dad

Three years ago this month some of our lives changed forever.

After a serious road accident, you were diagnosed with a brain tumour, or more precisely a glioblastoma. How terrified we all were by the statistics; a median survival of less than 15 months!

Now, looking back, I don’t think about my fears and anguish, my stresses and struggles or my sadness and raging despair. I think only about your extraordinary spirit and the incredible journey that you took us all on. This journey taught us so much about you. Not just your vulgar sarcasm, but your amazing courage, your resilience and determination, your empathy and your compassion.

You transformed your one-time sense of terror at the thought of death into a growing spiritual awareness and the calmest surrender imaginable.
You also helped us to nurture some of our neglected powers... the power to take the focus off ourselves and instead see the enormity of the challenges faced by others... the power to change rapidly and to do things differently... the power to practice love and forgiveness... and, not least, the collective power of positive thought and prayer. Thank you Nic for carrying us on this journey with you.

What I miss most about you NIc is your devilish sense of humour [such as when, during awake brain surgery, you tricked the neurosurgeon by resisting your arm movement when he was carrying out delicate brain function tests! ]... I’ll miss your lightening wit, your obscene put-downs and your sarcastic, expletive-laden WhatsApp messages. You had us all joining in these rhetorical shootouts.

And I will miss our competitive and fun-filled games of Scrabble. My mum gave us the Scrabble bug many years ago. And we seldom played a game without remembering Nanny Kelly and how she would often say “I’ve got my next word if you don’t pinch it on me”, which of course we usually did! Even this year, with your brain affected by neurological damage and numerous medications, you still managed to win your last game and so retire as the Scrabble champion.

My darling Nic, I wish I had been a better daddy during your adorable infant years. Thank God you had such a close relationship with Rob. You were such a sensitive little sweetheart. I remember singing and playing a song to you, which I had made up about an “unhappy teapot”. You cried for that poor teapot each time I sang it - and then you beamed the sweetest of smiles when the lyrics changed to “happy teapot”!

Your troubled teenage years coincided with the time I was forever travelling and obsessed with my business. I wish I knew then what I know now. But I hope that during the last 25 years or so, I have been much more the kind father that you have always deserved.

From the mid-nineties, after Pasc was born and before you met Matt, for several years we spent a lot of time together. This was a period when I tried to be there for you... and this was the time when I became Pasc’s Dandy. It was also a time when you studied for and obtained two degrees. But, above all, it was a time when you became my best friend in the world.

Alas, we would soon need to let go of one another, so that you could build a new family with Matt. Pasc became Matt’s daughter and Matt her loving and enthusiastic dad. Then you delivered two more wonderful grandchildren; your boys, Dylan and Eden. I also began a new life with Marcella and we were blessed with Anna, but I will never forget those precious years we spent together.

During these last three most challenging years, we would become extra-close once again. Your mum however, was always there for you. Diane has been the one constant throughout your entire 44 ½ years. And how you enjoyed spending time with her and Rob down on the Dorset coast, even when walking became so difficult for you.

And Pasc has been your closest ally. When she heard that her mum had been involved in a serious car accident, she immediately returned home from her life in Australia. From that moment, Pasc was never far from your side. She remained selflessly dedicated to your every need: administering your countless treatments and medications, preparing your special meals and eventually becoming your full-time carer.

After a year of unconventional treatments sourced from around the world, we rejoiced at the MRI scan, which showed that the tumour had shrunk to the point of disappearing altogether. We were filled with hope that your life would go on for many years to come. But, sadly, things soon began to go wrong and the tumour came back.

During recent months, tired of your daily ordeals, you seemed resigned to letting go of this material world. You tried to find peace with everyone, even confessing to some of your teenage misdemeanours [such as the huge phone bills you landed on me, making premium calls in the late 80s!].

You also upped your campaign for veganism. And personally, I will be eternally grateful to you for inspiring me to become a vegan, after more than 30 years as a vegetarian. It’s one of the best decisions that I ever made.

The last 10 days of your life, when many of us lived and slept at Barnet Hospital, was quite incredible. [The staff at Barnet Hospital were truly amazing and the facilities and support provided were way beyond our expectations].

It was a very long goodbye, as your body held on, even without sustenance, until finally, you chose your moment to go: at exactly 2.22 am on the 22nd, at the age of precisely 44 ½.

Soon after your last heartbeat, at around 3.30 am, as I stood outside the hospital with Matt, Rob and Dylan, two improbable events occurred. Firstly, a robin flew down and landed on a tree branch immediately in front of us. Matt said “h-e-l-l-o” and the robin began to sing. The robin sang its song and then flew away [Later, I discovered that, at a similar time, a robin landed on the window ledge of the room where your body lay, surrounded by Di, Pasc and Eden. They also heard the robin’s song].

Secondly, soon after the robin departed, a beautiful young fox raced across the hospital car park towards us. As it got close, it slowed down and strolled by us. It then headed towards the hospital main entrance and walked right up to the main door, before turning around and strolling off in the opposite direction!

Wow! How brilliant are you Nic? We definitely got the message.

Yes, you were often seen as a bit scatty and naive [I heard the story about how you thought a hyena was a type of monkey!], but did anyone really understand just how smart you actually were? Before I began writing this eulogy, I was searching through some old hard drives for photos and other material when I came across some of your University essays from nearly 20 years ago. One essay in particular caught my attention and your final paragraph blew me away. You wrote:

“Should we try to educate those less intelligent to come around to our way of thinking? Should we force our opinions on others, or just accept that in life everyone is looking for different things? Maybe we should celebrate our differences. We are not all clones. We need the opportunity to make mistakes, because it is only through these mistakes and the ability to acknowledge them that we ultimately become nicer human beings.”

Mission accomplished.

Nic, I love you and I feel so proud and blessed to call you my daughter.

Dad x


Ted Kelly 12th October 2018

From Marcella

Nic, I miss you. It is strange to think that you are not here on this physical plane anymore, especially as we have been apart for quite some time. I wish I could have been there for you so much more. We can take for granted the precious people in our lives, as we fool ourselves into believing they will always be there for us. But I have learned how important it is that we live each day to the full, as if it were our last and enjoy each minute of this existence. We are all travellers passing through and the most important thing is the love we share.

I remember the first time we met, in Brazil. You were 13, so beautiful with your lovely blue eyes and delicate features, with a lot of energy, curiosity and enthusiasm for life. It seemed you wanted to live and experience things ahead of your young years.

I remember well when you gave birth to Pasc. You were like a little angel and seemed so frail, yet you had a lot of strength within yourself. Family and friends were gathering around as the hospital staff tried to deal with the ‘invasion’. Everyone wanted to be there in the room, with you and for you.

I have a fond memory of a night we went together to a meditation class at the Buddhist centre. We were learning a meditation in which you aim to develop love for each sentient being. When we were asked to think of someone we didn't like or some sort of enemy, you told me afterwards you had difficulty thinking of such person, as you couldn't pick anyone. This is a fine example of your nature, as you cared and loved all beings and simply couldn't keep grudges or have enemies.

Our difficult moments and arguments always melted away like ice cream. You knew that under any turbulent surface lay what really mattered, which was our love and friendship.

I remember you were afraid of death and losing your loved ones and you once told me that you didn't think you could bear losing your mum and dad. We never managed to understand why you were so afraid of dying, but I guess it is not an easy thing for any of us to come to terms with.
We don't know why some things happen in our lives and we don't know the purpose of some experiences we go through, but I believe you are at peace now and that you went through what you needed to go through and you did it with courage and love.

I would like to tell you that you helped me know myself better and become a better person. I thank you for being a part of my life. I believe we have a life after this one, so I think we will meet up again sometime in the future and I look forward to playing a game of scrabble game with you, as hopefully I will be over my fear of losing games by then!

Be at peace and surrounded by light. I love you Nic xxx

Marcella Ziliotto Rodrigues de Almeida
3rd October 2018

From your little sister Anna

I would like to send love to you Nicola, my big sister, also to your children Pasc, Dylan and Eden, to our big brother Rob, to your mum Diane, your husband Matt and our dad, who are all suffering and missing you so much.

I had faith that you would heal and stay with us and I was very sad when I was told that you had died. Even though we suffer your loss, I believe you are well and at peace now, as you are free from disease, pain and suffering.

I wish I knew you better Nic. I was little when we spent time together, but you will always be my big sister and I will always love you.

We all lost a big part of ourselves, but you will always live inside us, in our memories and in what we will pass on and give others. We are all connected and what connects us is love. And that will never die.

Anna Carolina Ziliotto Kelly
3rd October 2018