You would be 22 years old now. I can't help but wonder and image what you would be doing now. You would be grown. Would you have chose to go to college or would you be working ? Maybe even both. Would you be living out on your own or home with me still ? You would be driving. Would you have preferred cars or trucks ? I wonder if you would be into racing, fishing, sports. What your hobbies and interests would be. I imagine you and your brother hanging out, spending your free time together. I'm sure the two of you would have been close. I wonder if you would have a serious girlfriend, I'm sure you probably would.
Wondering and trying to imagine what you would be like, what your life would be like is so bittersweet. Picturing you as my own mental image of what you would look like, trying to put together my own vision of what you would have grown to be and what you would be like as a grown man. Those kind of things make me smile just thinking of what it would be like if you were her. Until reality sets in and I realize that it's all just visions and dreams in my head. They are dreams that disappear when I open my eyes that can never come true. It is my mind drifting off to a world that doesn't exist, a world with you here with me. A world where you got to become a toddler and learn to walk. A world that I got to send you off to your first day of school. You got to make friends, go to dances, have your first date, graduate high school. A world that will only ever exist in my dreams, in my mind. When the visions start to fade and the real world becomes clear again, when reality sets in... That's when my heart breaks all over again. It breaks not only for what I lost and long for every single day, but for all the things that you never had the chance to do, to experience, to see, to learn. Even though the reality hurts, I will forever wonder and imagine. Because even if only for a moment, in my visions, in my mind, you are with me.
I miss you so much my sweet Angel Baby I love you Nickocie Allan Reed

It has been 21 years since I've held you in my arms, kissed your little cheeks, tucked you safely in at night. 21 years of missing you every single day. The years keep passing by but my heart still aches for you the same as the day I lost you. The emptiness I feel is a void that is impossible to fill. I can remember your smile, your laugh and the sound of you saying "Mama" like it was only yesterday. Some days it feels like only yesterday I held you close to me, yet other days it feels like it has been so long, (which in reality it has been). I still dream of you and imagine all of the things you should have had the chance to do throughout your life. I wonder what you would be like now that you would be grown. You would turning 22 this year. It still breaks my heart that you will always be my baby, forever 8 months old (just 5 days shy of 9 months). The many things that you never had the chance to to do, never got to see or experience in life. It feels like I lost you before you had the chance to live. Though I will never understand why you had to leave us so soon, why you couldn't stay here with me. I believe that God had bigger plans for you. I believe that you were an angel all along. What little time I got to spend with you, that almost 9 months, I will forever cherish that time. I will carry each memory with you until the end of time. I've learned that the pain will never go away, but I've learned how to live with it. So until the day that we are together once more I will carry you on my heart my sweet little angel baby. I know that you are safe in heaven with your Daddy while I'm here with your brother.
I love you so much KocieBug