It's hard to believe that it is three years today that Niel earned his angel wings.  If you would have told me that I would still be here three years ago, I would not have believed you.  I didn't know how to survive a day without my sweet Niel, let alone three years...but here I am with tears running down my face...wishing my sweet boy a Happy Angelversary.  I miss him every day.  We all do.  He had a way of seeing everyone and making them feel special.  His smile...his laugh...his sense of humor...they all brightened this world with a special warmth...and they still do!  Niel is still with me...every day.  I feel his presence and hear his voice in my heart and in my head.  I guess that is how I have made it three years without him here...in truth...he never left.  He is right here...always.  He gives us beautiful signs and synchronicities that let us know...I'm right here Momma...it's all good!  The grief waves still come and take me down.  They will never stop, but I have found a way to let Niel hold me through them and help me stay afloat.  What once felt unbearable, is now a sacred process of missing my boy and letting him shelter me through the tough days.  Thank you to all who remember our boy and speak his name to us.  I love it when you share a memory or tell me that you felt Niel close to you.  His sunshine shines on and so does his love.  So...Happy Angelversary sweet man...I love you to the moon and beyond!  Mom XOXO

Today is Niel's 3rd Heavenly Birthday and I still ask myself...how can this be?  Every day he is missed more than words can say.  Each day I talk to him and feel his presence near me.  He has walked us through every heart-breaking moment and has celebrated any bright day that has helped us heal.  Niel was...and still is...pure sunshine!  On his birthday this year we celebrate all the JOY and LOVE he brought into this world...and still does!  Nick and Melisa had a wonderful BBQ yesterday filled with yummy food that Niel loved.  We had funfetti cookies...we mixed it up this year and I know Niel gave us two thumbs up!  Niel loved to celebrate his birthday and he loved good food and funfetti birthday treats!  We also released two dozen butterflies into Nick's garden again yesterday.  It is always such a magical thing to hold a butterfly in our hands and whisper a message of love to Niel for the butterfly to deliver.  This year the butterflies lingered on our hands and went nose to nose with Abbie and Leroy.  We had a wonderful time of celebrating the day this world was graced by Niel's beautiful soul!  We love you sweet man...to the moon and back!  Happy Birthday Buddy! XOXO

There is a new angel in Heaven now...our beloved Papa has joined Nana and Niel.  I'm sure they were there to welcome him with open arms on February 6th when he left this earthly plain.  Papa was such an amazing grandfather and father.  We will profoundly miss him, but we are comforted in knowing that he is with his beloved wife, his grandson, his parents and brothers and sisters who proceeded him.  Until we see you again... we love you Papa!

Today marks Niel's second angel-versary in Heaven.  How can it be?  How did we all survive?  How has life gone on without him?  Well...it hasn't.  It hasn't gone on without him...life has gone on WITH him.  Every day he is with us.  Like my tattoo says...I carry your heart in my heart.  Yes, I carry Niel with me in my heart every moment of every day.  Niel had a special light inside of him when he was here...he brightened our days and made us feel special to just be with him and be able to soak up his goodness.  He had the best hugs!!!  Now he shines his love and brightness on us in a new way.  We still feel it...we still know he is here with us.  Niel watches over us...shelters us...comforts us...loves us...surprises us and gives us beautiful signs to let us know...I'm still right here momma!  Being his mom has been such a treasured gift.  The amazing memories he left us with will keep me smiling until I see him again.  Feeling his love from across the veil is a continued gift that keeps us all moving forward through our lives with him tucked lovingly in our hearts.  What a special angel we have!  I love you sweet man...to the moon and back times infinity!  XOXOXOXO Mom

Niel LOVED his birthday!  He LOVED holidays and hanging out with the "Fam".  On this, his 2nd heavenly birthday, I am missing him more than ever.  Last year we had his Celebration of Life with his friends and family, and it was so very special!  This year we are going to celebrate with just the "Fam".  We will be releasing more butterflies to send our messages of love to Niel in heaven.  Nick planned the day so we will have a BBQ (Niel LOVED BBQ!) and of course...FUNFETTI CAKE!  I even found Funfetti ice cream!  We will be looking through his scrapbooks, playing corn hole on the Seahawk boards Nick made for Niel (GO HAWKS!), and we will be thinking of him each moment of the day.  Happy Birthday Buddy!!!  We love you and miss more than words could ever say!  

Today is the first Angelversary (anniversary) of Niel's passing into Heaven.  I wonder how we have made it through each day of this last year without our sweet son.  How have our hearts kept beating?  How have we kept breathing?  How have we gone on without him with us?  I don't know how...but we have.  Somehow...some way, we are surviving this unbearable pain.   We feel him near us each day as we piece together our shattered hearts.  Niel sends us signs that are so precious, and he sends them right at the times we need them the most.  Niel is walking us through each day...he shelters us and guides us through the waves of grief and the many lonely hours of missing him.  Love bonds us to our precious son and that love will continue to keep us connected with him until the day we see him and hold him again.  We love you Buddy...to the moon and back sweet man!  Love Mom and Dad XOXO  

On Sunday May 30th we celebrated Niel, and his life, on his 39th birthday.  Bruce and I are so very grateful for everyone who came to be with us.  We cried happy tears, sad tears, and hopeful tears.  Our hearts are full of love for all who came and for those who reached out to us but could not make it here.  Niel is an exceptional soul and we were able to share our memories...our stories...and our pictures with the people who love him most.  We were also graced with memories and stories of Niel from his friends and family who attended the celebration.  Kathy, Niel's birth mother, traveled from Arizona with Niel's cousin Jenny.  We bonded as moms who loved Niel like only a mother can.  She gave Niel life and I am eternally grateful for the gift of being Niel's momma.  Josh came from Florida and my sweet sisters flew in from Utah.  We were beyond touched by all the love for Niel.  

The stars aligned and the weather was perfect!  We released butterflies to send messages of love to Niel on their wings.  Some butterflies landed on people's hands...it was a magical moment for us all.  It was especially touching to learn that the only tattoo that Niel's birth mom Kathy has is a butterfly tattoo...it made it even more special.  We shared the foods that Niel would have LOVED and been chowing down on!  We had his most favorite birthday cake...FUNFETTI!!!  The cupcakes reflected his personality...tons of fun and lots of flavor!  I had set out all of Niel's baby books, scrapbooks, and yearbooks.  Everyone got to sit and look through the books that showcased his life.  It was heart warming to see Niel's friends sit with Nick and find their pictures...and even their Dad's pictures (Ryan, Justin, and Brandon) on so many pages of Niel's books.  The friends of Niel's, who are now grown, embraced us with so much love!  Thank you!  We received beautiful orchids and cards from others.  Again...thank you!  We reenacted taking pictures on the stairs like we did for proms and other dances with "the kids" we watched grow up.  Seeing the boys who are now fathers hug Nick again like they did twenty years ago, gave us so much joy!  Thank you all for loving Niel, Bruce, Nick and me on this special day.

I had bracelets made for everyone with one of Niel's favorite sayings.  "It's all good".  Niel was an eternal optimist and could always lift our spirits with a smile and a...it's all good momma!  We hope that everyone will take his special outlook on life and let him live on through you in your lives.  I feel like he is with us and watching over us each day.  It made my heart happy to see people wearing the bracelet as they were leaving.  Thank you...you made this momma so happy. 

We thank all who came or reached out to us.  We are eternally grateful for you all...you are family to us...and you helped make Niel's birthday celebration a day we will cherish forever.  Much love always, Bruce and Tammy

Niel called his family "The Fam".  His love for his parents, brother and sister, grandparents, aunts and uncles, and cousins was epic.  He loved going down to Utah and hanging out with his beloved "Grandpa Baby".  My dad would say..."Well hello Nielly Baby!"  Niel would say back..."Well hello Grandpa Baby!"  Their love comforts our hearts knowing they are together again.  I hope there is fishing in heaven because those two would love that!

Niel and Nick shared the same initials and when Nick was 18, Niel gave him the gift of matching tattoos.  Niel had moved to Charleston SC but he flew home to surprise his little bro for his birthday.  We all showed up at Nick's school with pizzas, cake, and his big brother Niel.  Nick was so happy to see his brother because he had missed him so much!  We all did.  It was typical of Niel to do something special for his little brother by surprising him on his eightenth birthday.  Niel was an awesome big brother to Nick and took him everywhere with him when he was growing up.  They were eleven years apart and Niel was in the delivery room when Nick was born.  The bond between them was made of pure love.  Niel adored Nick and Niel was Nick's favorite person.  They both have the same crazy sense of humor...listening to them both laugh and joke was one of my greatest joys.  Niel looked out and watched over his little bro man...I know he still is.

When Niel was in Charleston SC he got Max...a black French bulldog who was so like him in many ways.  If Niel were a puppy...he would have been Max.  Both were full of personality and impishness!  Both snored too!  Niel loved his sweet puppy Max and Max adored his daddy Niel. 

Niel grew up playing sports like baseball, basketball, soccer, and football.  He was a Federal Way Hawk when he was a young boy and participated in any sport he could (Go Niel!).  He was the quarterback on his middle school team (Go Braves!), but gave it up when he kept getting blind sided.  He played all these sports until high school when he then settled on being the mascot for the football team at FW High (Go Eagles!)  He would later in life play on a softball team that he absolutely loved (Go Unicorns!).  He lived for football games in college and in Seattle. Besides loving his Cougar football and basketball (Go Cougs!) and his Seattle Seahawks (Go Hawks!)...he LOVED going to any game of Nick's (Go Nicky B!).  He was Nick's biggest fan!  Niel made it to every soccer game, baseball game, and football game he could.  Niel was the ultimate sports fan!  He will be remembered with every sports season and every game we watch.

Niel's friends meant the world to him.  He never met a stranger...everyone was a friend.  We have the most wonderful memories of all his friends here at the house getting ready and taking pictures for many high school events.  It was paparazzo central for Senior Prom!  Niel shared his friends with us and we shared ours with him each summer at the lake.  I will always remember the weekly Rook games on Thursday nights with Niel, Brandon, and Justin, and the hair bleaching sessions for Niel, Brandon (or was it Justin?), and Josh.  So much fun...so many close relationships made and enjoyed.  We feel like Niel's friends are our family because we watched so many of them grow up with Niel.  We treasure these friends and the memories we have of them and our sweet son.  

Niel graduated from Washington State University in 2005 with a degree in Criminal Justice.  He would use it in his career at Boeing working in Security.  To say he loved WSU would be a huge understatement!  He was a Cougar through and through!  That made UW his nemesis.  He once lost a bet to Ryan and had to wear purple and gold in a picture.  That hurt.  He was fiercely loyal to his beloved Cougs...win or lose!  I can still hear him yell...GO COUGS!!!

We got a Sea-Doo when Niel was ten and the love of water and boating was born!  Bruce and Niel took their first maiden voyage with the Sea-Doo at Redondo Beach on the Puget Sound.   It started out a sunny day with calm waters so they motored over to Tacoma and Gig Harbor.  They were having a great time until the weather changed and it ended up a stormy day with choppy seas.  By the time they made it back to Redondo, they were soaking wet and freezing!  I still remember them showing up with their teeth chattering and looking miserable!  That was when we invested in wet suits and stuck to playing at the lake.  We eventually graduated to a boat and for years, we spent our summers on Lake Taps with friends.  We have so many wonderful memories of those days.  Niel and his friends spent many days tubing, wake boarding, swimming, rope swinging, and enjoying the boat with our family and our friends.  We celebrated each of his birthdays at the lake with his friends.  May had chilly water but that didn't stop any of us! Niel continued to love the sun and boating for many years.  He left us with treasured memories of such great times and so much fun!

One of Niel's biggest passions was traveling!  He went to Korea, Costa Rica, Australia, Puerto Rico, Cambodia, Canada, and Thailand.  He loved adventures and seeing new places.  For his senior trip, him and his friends all went to Hawaii.  He was a fearless traveler and made many friends where ever he went.