Sharing a night out 6? summer years ago almost to the day. Tuning in for performance of a local gone international musician friend Nik respected and admired the talent of once again, and on this great evening. Thanks for being there Nik-san, while here with us really tuning in, now from everywhere.

Story title One: 
Four Decades of Life, Connecting

Story Two:
Amelie, and Nik

Written June&July 2015 or so- with added edits enough now to share.

Before telling a story I call: "Amelie, and Nik" (I'll share here soon, so warning to readers-- this next rambling of Nik remembrances is the longest yet), I want to first say a few things, and about the beginning few decades of life I didn't know you Nik, and how very proud I am, you made it, to 40. 

"Four Decades of Life, Connecting"

Nik, you shared so much, and from, and of all those days too of your first memories, reminiscing with me.  So I want to say how your every picture, experience of your words and actions, and early memories that your sis showed me first in that precious album and to your slight eyes-rolling amusement!, memories you forever created with your family since a toddler, with others after and since your school daze, and also with me, brings to my mind, how many thankful times you rose to see the day, and how proud I am you made it to 40.  

After hearing the voice messages left to me, on the early morning after you passed, from each member of your family, cousin, one by one, and since you and I shared all, your ups and your downs, these times of yours shared came to me thought by thought, and as I returned each call.  As I prayed for you over that morning now etched in my memory and the entire day, and continued praying each day those next weeks, and months, and for each special family member of yours too - I only started to comprehend the reality that was.

Over these days that had then begun to seem to really blend together, beneath my inner screams and not wanting to believe tears, I would soon too, naturally, and at times with some relief, find my thoughts
turning to other realities: of how  fun.  real.  passionate.  loving.  restful.  and searching you were, and feel, that while here, you lived a life full and fulfilled.

Over all those years of yours, I am proud of what I know, and the more I know. 

In the days and years we were together, both our longest partners relationship over which years we nurtured it and it grew, and as you brought me more to understand and love you even more, you told me how in every sunrise and sunset you see me.  And in those last months, that no one knew would be so, you had let me know no matter where you are, and what may occur between us, that you want to see my smiling face, and that we love and enjoyed and would always bring each other smiles. 

While here in NYC-NJ while traveling those last months, and while not here, in simple but meaningful things like in the Depeche song you sent me, and your deeply thought of words, you continued to let me know how you do enjoy your days, the good people with whom you travel and people you meet while I worked, and that who you meet are friends, not more you wanted me to know in your way of looking at things, and that you truly enjoy the days of the good company of good friends to you. 

Pausing the way you do, you peacefully told me wherever and with whomever you may be traveling, you reminded me of your seeing me, as you know I see you, in each of our sunrises, sets, and stars, contemplating to yourself that I can see these in the same sky too, and at the end of every day with who and wherever you are, you long to be with me. And so I will continue, to see you, in the vastly brilliant and same time soothing celestial rotations of life and energy around us.

You are now physically so far than I would have imagined, and for decades to come you would be, yet "for four," here you were with us, while you shared with me and all whom you enchanted.

I have seen you then, and now in this different way of your memory, and within too what you have given of yourself-- and every day.  
For it is each day of my life, that the many gifts from you, that are as meaningful to you as you have told me, and the pictures and places we have visited, come right across my path. For too, you have changed my life for all years to come.  

So too come the words, the thoughtful words, especially the nightly words, sometimes while our looking for the moon as we both liked to do before or when resting, and come the looks and expressions, and deep love that you have given.  
We loved not first to have fun, but we did have fun, nor for sorrow, but sorrow came around us and we supported each other through. We loved each other true, in a connection you told me more than once that you felt you knew (another story) before we physically met, that day we did.

For the years I know of directly from you, and of what I have heard from you and also from others, I have treasured and so felt all those years -- meaning each year from when you were small to present.  And this reminds of when you said, so many times, and of our talks about how you thought we have always been before we even outwardly knew, and we would always be connected, and now that we found each other.  

I feel sure that all you loved and love you, can feel in some ways the years you shared when you interacted with your family, others, and me too. Through all kinds of times, through so much, for the way you interacted, I and many will never fondly never forget you. I feel and I hope, I'll say again Nik, you continue to smile, brightly, and on us all.

---
Here's to another story, or really stories that seem like they're mostly related to biking, or hiking, that I've tried to weave in, but really related to living, when loving what you are doing.
This story I call:

"Amelie, and Nik"

Nik had brought me to his apartment on the front side of his two-family house now more than 8 years back.  He had wanted and asked if it was ok with me to meet his mom, so one of these times visiting back then was after "passing the test" with his Mom Eva.  Beyond how profoundly he seemed to react to my test passing, little did I consciously yet know, how much more meaning filled this was to him, until after that day.  Happy however I was too, for I knew how much I already liked Nik, and then his Mom too, after our first meeting.  With Eva and some others of his family members, cousins, and others, he would after, so sweetly say, I knew she/he would like you, just had to check. But any of my family, who I choose to introduce you, would -- so he had thought, and so comforting to me to say. 

Nik would tell me, in careful and care-full speech, a story or two, and of each person mostly before meeting them.  These stories were like a synopsis of his observations, of events and experiences, and of why these people made marks on his life and outlook.  He did this regarding the next and next person of his family, and his family-like friends, and who know so well who you are, and those who had stuck by him over the years to decades, and also a few other people before I met them with whom he spent quality time, admired, and felt affiliation.  

I was shy with Nik still then, so mostly listened, enamored, with his consideration of each person and each related event he decided to impart, listening then and over time, so many times of how many different and good people have impacted him. 

So toward the end of the year, in getting to know more of each other, I was asked by Nik if I'd also be interested in watching a movie he kept there at his home.  He described the movie.  I replied I'd like certainly to watch the movie and very much so, because of my interest I already had in what I thought the movie was about. 

The movie scene I remember the most, we both enjoyed almost with laughter. I still remember while Nik was sitting next to me.  With a large and at these same moments a humble smile, we watched during one scene, the woman in the movie title, with a man while they were biking together, really exploring, all over some quaint town.  I was impressed and gave the movie a sure thumbs up, later finding it was a most meaning filled movie to Nik.  It was only later that I found how much he related to himself in that one movie, and so had wanted to show me it and to see my interest.

Biking myself since 14 years old, enjoying feeling the wind thru moving thru it, I biked some distances but it was with Nik I biked my first 50 mile+ tours. So now I'll digress to a couple of biking stories in our life outside of the movie.  

I do recall the first extended tour I finished.  We found I did on average about 10 miles per hour overall on these longer distances, and Nik, no surprise under that.  So in knowing Nik, he'd always find a map and plan a little ahead for these tours.  We loved looking at maps, he had said happily finding I did too, and happily too that I had the patience to do so while he studied a map.  

In his breaking up a long ride into parts, we could decide where we'd ride together and also had meeting places.  I definitely took extra time than estimated for sure by the end of the route on that first 50 miler. But I believed I could finish it, since I trained myself to gear up toward doing so, and as he who I was sharing this experience of this day, supported me to do so too. 

The last two miles of one of these town to town tours was where one last spot was pre-decided to break and then remeet.  So at this point, we both left to meet at the finish line.  Nik came back he had said, several times, to the finish line cause he knew he'd find me there. This is the kind of person Nik was. If you believed in yourself, and did the work to get there, he believed in you too. He was so happy and proud when he saw I made it there. Later we found since the last part was hills, I mean more like a first hill, a tiny break, and then up, a tiny bit down and then one, continuous, high hill that went up a 45 degree angle up and up before a short run sharply down to finish, my gears had just not been up to it, at all. So I had biked with the gears that didn't work on these hills-- until we shopped.  

I did eventually get a new bike, of course after Nik checked out all along the way and all the parameters of why we should lean toward getting that particular bike. We bought it at a town icon favorite bike shop where Nik lived (which is another story, in of itself that day).  After all this said, it's no surprise it's the bike I still have today. 

The 50 miler+ stories, like the one place we got to where Nik and I vacationed in a small coastal town we drove to and then boated to way down south, and where we called a friend of his who lived there (but unfortunately was on his own vacation that weekend), do bring to mind other short stories.  There's also the long in distance, but "local" bikeride --in uptown Manhattan, where Nik after NJ, next and also lived, and when going to the George Washington Bridge and back biking story.  This time was with Nik, I, and friend Fran, who I'm happy to say did make it to experience one of our and this longer ride with us (and rode with us in Central Park too). 

You who have seen the GWB can picture how high it is.  There's a back road path, going up and up and up to the bridge.  So one Saturday, the 3 of us decided to conquer it.  And up and up and up on our 3 bikes, we did ride, past the Fairway market, past the Little Red Lighthouse (where Nik&I spent another one of our monthaversaries across the view to this landmark), past the boating docks, and more. ... I wouldn't mind doing that again with Fran and/or any of Nik's biking buddies, one day, and some years later when I can bike once more, in Nik's memory... and recalling I'm also reminded ....

There was a time with that same buddy Fran when I was working again, and Nik made it to Cali again with him, that Nik mentioned to me that there's reasons he wouldn't exercise out there as he liked. So on one nightly or the night arrival call, I said why don't you go hiking that you like so much to do?  He said he did know of one place, possible and not so far, but hilly.  Well I don't know for sure if I'm thanked, by both of them for the suggestion, but the story is from Nik that he chose and did go to this place. Nik was actually weary this time for his friends sake, once they started out with its confirmed on-site big hills. It is one time he saw his buddy behind him, and did wonder if he would make it.  But he, and they did make it, on that hike too!

This too reminds me of during my years with Nik when he told me he was going to try and he learnt for the first time ski-snow kiting and water kiting. I remember him confiding to me after a first trial he wasn't sure this time he could get these concepts to do the kiting, at first on snow.  And I would say: But Nate, (who was teaching him, and who I knew Nik took the weight of his opinion heavily), Nate believes you can.  And kite Nik did. .... which too reminds of Nik's mom and dad.  They would tell me how Nik had all these talents, believing in him throughout all his years too.  Probably impressed through all the years I'd imagine, they saw how he would and could do, one new thing after another, as they encouraged A, B, and C, as they saw he liked.  Like clarinet playing that his mom could tell a short story of too, computer building he did on his own, running and that he restarted while with me in races I attended or drove a bike through until he made it all the way up to mini-marathons, and electric work and with dad, and that his dad, I know cuz of hearing "electric" stories from Nik, that "dad Baba"?sp could tell a short story or two. And he did more, and during those younger years I didn't mention here--yet never that when I saw Nik as he was accomplishing all, that he did with any boastful manner.

So returning to the biking movie, it makes me smile even now too. Recalling this movie seems to bring forth in a snowball-like way our own adventures with Nik.  As this movie ages, and it's becoming if not already a classic, I think it's a movie that would make most anyone smile, reflect on their life, experiences with others, and on joy too.  I had since, all this time after forgotten about the movie.  One day, all these years later after I was first introduced to it by Nik, Meryl Weintraub Samouhos reminiscing about Nik at her home following the life celebration for Nik when we in 2015 gathered and after-gathered, referring to Nik and his love of different things, brought up in conversation this movie.  I was swoosh transported back as I was reminded of its title, Amelie.

Nik related to me what gave positive energy in his house the day of that movie viewing, and many days since, and because of a selective few things, like that movie he said he had kept there and that meant a lot, and how this positive energy therefore had passed through that space.  Particularly how he related these many things of what he told me, to the people he loved, have always stood out in my mind .... like the fish tank of his brother so dear to him and where the tank had stood, as if he could see it there on the day he described this to me and the fish too.  I recall how after too, when we caught each other's eye, and in such an affirming way of what is good, smiling some more from these thoughts, and how these moments were so meaningful to me too then and now. 

I still hear in recollection when Nik was telling me the first times about his older nephews--his younger sister Elena's children were not yet born, but    .... when first heard of his sister's first born baby girl, I recall his reaction, and his call to me, and his plan begun of how and when to visit her in the hospital. He wanted to figure out, with my work and his, how to go together to the hospital, but I told him you go now, today, tomorrow, as you are who's first important for Elena to see, and I will follow. I remember the visits after as E's first and oldest grew, and how very important we made it to his niece's first birthday, the transitions from their NJ apartment home and a Fourth of July visit there and relaxing and chatting on their apartment porch balcony, and these visits too at their then new and present house.

For his nephews already born, Nik had told me that he had in the past babysat for them, pausing, as he so often would while speaking, while I awaited in quiet for his next and continued connected thoughts he shared.  While speaking, it was as if he could see his nephews in another good memory standing small in front of him.  During this particular story telling, he walked over to and opened a refrigerator for some kind of reference and told me how he made sandwich lunches, where he had kept the sandwiches awaiting his nephew arrival, and who he could take care of watching when visiting at home. Yet they- his eldest nephews- were both grown beyond that stage he had said, and then seemed to come out of his memory.  

So now (and back then), he would say so confidently, he expects both are making it and would make it well on their own. They are pretty much beyond preteens-teenagers I knew them from, already young adults, and for that they have done and are, Nik seemed, and clearly to me, to finally not worry about their growing up stages, and was proud -- and finding in the more recent years that boys who sit around enjoying together playing so many hours of computer games, that they finally forget about the time, and those who can put on a pretty good tune, on a CD or play one himself-- are indeed those same nephews he once babysat for.

So that's how I "first met" Nik's older nephews, and even though never could have met in person his other brother too, I could in another way through reminiscence of Nik's.  I decided then to myself, that a true confidant to Nik in my estimation, would do well to meet Nik's (then present-day) nephews and enjoy time with these two-- and happy for me, Nik promptly invited me to do so at a rather infamous annual back-then house party.  And so for Elena's children, (to come and over the next 7 years), it felt fitting while fun to take the opportunities to play with them, as these memories and times when these tots are young, quietly in his heart, I saw mean so much to Nik.  The nostalgic picture his eldest nephew posted some time ago of while so young and standing in Nik's boots, brings up for me some of these of Nik's stories. The cozy and fun times at and with Elena's home and children are forever in our hearts.

I suggest, if you imagine it would fit your tastes, and to bring up some of Nik's wide and colorful mind and ways, and for those who knew Nik who we begin to grasp, after years listening and listening to his thoughts, having fun, and loving Nik -- that even now, you may seek and find the joy in the movie "Amelie."  It is in parts about love, life, and the sometimes funny thoughts of how you get to the point to do the things you love in life, and for and with others too you care about.  My suggestion is to watch this movie with a friend, or someone in your family.... or as well, go on a bike ride if it's possible for you, or try a new sport or start a new exercise, buy a fish, or go fishing itself, jump upon a boat with your sibling for your birthday, yes Georgi?, or watch some model sailboat races if taking place at the neighborhood park lake (which is another short story of how we did just that, and on one super nice weekend stayover with E&E, Elena &Ev, and then their two eldest, with such surprise enjoyment) -- p.s. purposefully getting snowstormed at E&E's house is great fun too with her kids!, or hey, simply and literally, step into someone's shoes whose shoes are bigger than yours. 

The reason could be: just for fun, and too, in some more and in a little bit new or different way, recall, the love of Nik.