My son.

Nithin Elijah Naidu.

We were overjoyed when we found out we were pregnant, and we were very surprised we were having a boy.

I cherished every moment of my pregnancy. Nithin was a very active baby - he was constantly moving. I loved playing with him as he moved inside me. I loved my child deeply, and couldn’t wait to meet him. 

The day came, and it was very different from what we had planned. We couldn’t have imagined that we would only have 8 days with our son. 

I don’t understand why God chose us, why He chose Nithin. I felt abandoned by The Lord during these 8 days. I prayed for a miracle for my son, but my prayer wasn’t answered. That's when Ramu and I were faced with the hardest decision we had ever made, and all I could ask for was God's mercy.

The day came, and Ramu and I spent the whole night holding our son's hand -praying, singing praise songs and telling Nithin that it was ok for him to go because Jesus would be waiting for him. 

Our son is now free.
He is in Heaven.
There is no more pain.
He was made whole.

My prayer was answered. God was merciful and allowed Ramu and I to deeply love our son and "walk" him to heaven to be with The Father. 

We miss our beautiful son, We miss the future we will never have. But we rejoice knowing that Nithin Elijah is in the arms of JESUS.

-Veronica 

At first, I wasn't sure I was going to say anything, but last night, my thoughts were more clear than they have been in the last few days. I didn't want to miss an opportunity to cherish my son’s short life.

Many of you may know his story, but for those who do not, I would like to explain it as it also helps me move through this process.

Veronica and I were thrilled to be pregnant again, especially after having gone through the pain of a miscarriage and the surgical procedure that followed it. We found out he was a he, and for some reason, we struggled to come up with a name. But we landed on Nithin, which means moral or ethical in Sanskrit. Elijah was chosen because we wanted something representative of the God we worship in all of our children's names. Yahweh is God. It was a strong name.  

At 38 weeks, our strong, very active child wasn't moving in the womb. Our OB wanted to see Veronica immediately and then thought it best to do an "urgent" C-section.

He was beautiful…weighing 7lbs and 11oz, measuring 23inches in length. He became so real. My love for him became so real. My hopes and dreams for him became so real. And so did my desire to protect him. Because from the moment they took Nithin from the womb, I suspected something was wrong -- I just didn't know to what extent. He was pale, not crying and not breathing on his own.

In a matter of hours Nithin was packed up, transferred to another hospital, and admitted to the NICU. His little body was depleted of blood by what we later learned was a fetomaternal hemorrhage. He required significant blood transfusions, he struggled to clot his blood, and because of a fear of injury to his vital organs, he was treated with a hypothermic protocol.  They cooled his body for 72 hours then re-warmed him over the course of 6 hours. Everything looked good and most everyone was very optimistic.

Per protocol, the next day Nithin had an MRI of his brain done. It revealed the damage was severe. Very severe. Further testing revealed that his little body was consistently seizing. His prognosis was poor. Everyone, including his medical team, was very disappointed. Veronica, myself, and all those who had walked so closely with us were heartbroken.

After many tears and numerous discussions, we made the most difficult decision we had ever had to make up to this point in our lives. And just 8 days after he was born, I found myself with the medical team, taking off EKG leads, removing tubes --- basically removing the technology that was keeping my son alive up to this point.

Veronica and I spent the next 9 hours cradling, praying over, and loving our little Nithin. We were able to have a dedication ceremony with some of our closest family and friends and had photos taken of his last moments with us.

At 5:20am on May 2nd he breathed his last breath.

The events of his birth and death just seem wrong. In fact, they point to something deeper.

Evil.

In my world, I think about and struggle with the problem of evil. The problem of pain. It is real and is most evident in things like this.

But something else emerged for which we are very grateful. I called it the virtue amidst the evil. The medical care Nithin received was outstanding. They cared for and protected him as if he were a part of their family.

People literally dropped what they were doing to be with us. They stopped work and drove for hours to be at our side. They paid exorbitant amounts to fly in to sit up all night with us in the NICU waiting area as we waited for updates. Some put their lives on hold to basically orchestrate our lives: buying groceries; making breakfast, lunch and dinner; running interference as needed; helping keep life for our beautiful Isabella as normal as could be with mommy and daddy in a distant frame of mind. All to give Veronica and me a chance to try to think clearly. This is the Christian community we have been blessed with.

For the entirety of my son’s life, he was prayed for. The prayer net went out all over the country and even into other countries. We prayed for the miraculous, and ultimately, the answer was "not this time." Yes, that was heartbreaking. His eight days were short in some ways and really long in some ways. But the love our family, including little Nithin, experienced was overwhelming. For this we will always be grateful.

-Ramu