My Mother – In the End She Did it her Way
My mother, mummy, mom, IyaJebu, Iyedede, GranmaLuton, young grandmum, mama, mama Wale, was small, tiny yet tall and mighty. She came across tough on the outside, however soft and loving on the inside with a heart of gold. She was dedicated and faithful to her family and friends alike. Even at 80 plus, carried herself with the poise, youthful exuberance, and the energy of a 30yr old. She was feisty, tough, fair in judgement, loyal, dependable, hard-working, honourable, regal, beautiful (inside and outside), decent, a leader, loving and a very rare gem of a mother you could count on at any time. She was a people person who loved hosting, loved a good party and if you don’t want her to grace your occasion, you better not invite her as she would be there! I would sometimes lock horns with her, when I feel she was exerting herself, get frustrated with her for thinking she is in her mid-30s and for refusing to slow down. Each time we had discussions around slowing down, she would tell me as the head of the SS Tobun descendant, she was duty bound, and she owed it to her late father to fulfil his wishes. My mother was so vivacious, so full of life, full of zest, she had integrity, was no push over, as she had a mind of her own, God fearing, she had a heart of gold, she impacted everyone she came across positively. She lit up every room she walked into; she had a presence which belied her small, tiny frame. I could never find enough superlatives to describe her and her impact on my life. Her belief in my abilities and her support was unwavering, even when I felt an issue was insurmountable, she had this knack of making you achieve what you thought was impossible. She instilled in me the benefits of hard work and dogged steely determination.
Sharp with a witty mind – She not only remembered all her Children’s birthday, but also all her grandchildren, she never forgot to send cards and presents for each. She even coined a nickname for each one of them! Until her illness, she was as sharp as ever, she would follow up on anything you had mentioned was on your mind, it did not matter how flippant or how mundane! How did the meeting go, how was your first day in your new role?
Family and friends meant a lot to my mother, she could never say no and would go that extra mile. She was always full of confidence and instilled that positive disposition into those around her as she always had a pragmatic advice and solution to most issues. Growing up in GRA Ikeja, my parents both working as civil servants, our house (2-bed Flat at the time} was a conveyor belt and a constant hub of relatives (relatives from both sides}, passing through and staying with us. How she did it back then and managed the home without any fuss, I honestly don’t know!
Frugal, however with a penchant and taste for the finer things in life - She loved fine dining, travelling (in style – she would tell us don’t even think about buying economy class ticket for me), and was a classy dresser - fashionista, she knew her worth. Her belief and her Faith in God was unquestionable – No matter how tedious or boring, the children would often reach out to her for advice and she would always proffer wise words of encouragement. She would always tell me not to settle for second best and not to fear, whatever I ask God for, it is done! Such was her infectious positive and spiritual energy. She was so fearless!
She would give the modern-day feminists a good run for their money, as her toughness and uncompromising demeanour in a male dominated Federal Civil Service was legendary. Her professionalism and dedication shone through, she was never fazed by any challenges she encountered in her 35yr career at the Federal Ministry of communication, where she rose to the post of Senior Assistant Postmaster General at NIPOST, GPO Marina.
The grandkids knew to comport themselves whenever she is around on holidays. She would not tolerate bad behaviour, tardiness, or indolence. They knew she was not your typical elderly easy-going grandma – yet she would spoil them and reward them with cookies, sweets and chocolates, just like any grandma. She loved each of them uniquely and each one was special to her.
My heart was always heavy at the end of her holidays with us, her presence was larger than life – I knew like clockwork 6weeks to her departure – let the shopping commence, each day she would sneakily travel around London from one shop to the next, returning with bags of items she had purchased on her travels. Her bedroom would be filled up to the brim with items she had bought as gifts for her friends and family in Nigeria. My living room would resemble the scene of a bomb blast in the days leading up to her travelling, with suitcases ready to go to Nigeria. I would typically ask her (days leading to her travelling back to Nigeria) each night before, “mom, what are your plans for tomorrow”? Her answer was always, “Just staying home, might just pop out to the local Tescos” I would constantly berate her by asking her, “how many of your age mates would go round with this amount of luggage”? However, she would get back home, and cook, my friends would often wonder where she gets her energy! Even post 80, she would write me a list of the meat parts to get her from the butchers, and she would work her magic. I have watched her cook several times – sad to say her stew is unique in its taste, as I was never able to master it. No other cooking comes close! No one has been able to replicate her cooking.
I remember at the height of the pandemic, I called her in Nigeria to plead with her to stay home, and also that this virus was particularly unforgiving to people of a particular age group. She told me bluntly, “Ehn awon arugbo ni yen now” That is for those old people and she was not one of them! I was speechless.
I am heart broken and in pain at her transition, and her passing has left a void incredibly hard to fill, I am however comforted in the belief that she is in a better place and with the angels. They say Angels sometimes walk on this planet; I truly believed my mother was one of them. She was special. She was amazing, one I am proud to call my mother. In the end Mother, you did it your way!
Till we meet to part no more, Rest Well Mom. You will forever live on in our hearts. Your light will shine forever.
Your Loving Son “Papa my Papa” as you fondly called me.
- Wole Oke
