One year ago today I was lucky enough to sit down to dinner and go shopping in Boulder with Owen and his amazing Mother. I'm so grateful for this memory.  We talked and laughed and shopped and ate dinner at a little Italian place. Owen loved his Italian food. I think we had Italian food all but one night we were there. Sitting there listening to Owen talk about his plans and laugh with Whitney about stories they shared from there past will stay with me forever. At the end of dinner they brought out a little cake with a birthday candle in it and we sang happy birthday. Happy Birthday Owen we love you!! 

I have a few indelibly special memories of Owen to share.
1. He is 11, and stoically sitting for my son Jordan to cut a 5 minute silhouette portrait of him, backwards baseball cap and all. He is doing it because his mom wanted it.

2. He is 13 and we're celebrating en masse a family reunion on Spectacle Island. I teach him to play Quiddler, a word card game, and he picks it up like a whiz and beats me and his grandad first time around. I'm impressed and tout him to the others!
A day later everyone takes the boat to another island for picnicing, swimming and hiking. Owen is the last off the boat, saying he'll swim in to shore. He treats us to an astonishing backwards flip off the boat! I'm doubly impressed!

3. It is a couple of days before Christmas, 2021. A long box arrives at our house in Charleston. It is from Owen and contains two leis from Hawaii! Mine is gorgeous purple orchids. I am blown away by his gift and wear it out to dinner before I sing my concert. John's lei is the indelible kind, and has been hanging up where I can see it every day since, reminding me of his generosity and loving spirit.

4.Last summer. We are all gathered for his cousins' joint birthday party. Forest is turning 8 and Anders 6. Owen comes right over to John and me and gives us giant hugs. As we talk I feel a well-spring of joy bubbling up over the transformation of the diffident, sullen teenager with a tendency to find trouble, now having become a charming, warm, outgoing, well spoken, confident young man who knows where he's heading and what he wants. He said, "yeah, I've learned a whole lot from my mistakes in  the past!" Not an easy thing to admit. We were so proud of him.

One or 2 days later John and I were walking around Rockport Harbor and left the road to head for our favorite area of great rocks to sit on and drink in the view. As we sat, I glimpsed a young man with his back to us, leaning against a big tree and reading a book and thought "how nice." It was an unexpected treat when he got up and came to us! It was, of course, Owen. More happiness-inducing conversation. How I wished I'd had my cell phone on me and snapped a bunch of pictures. It was the last time we were to see him. Throughout the year ahead he was to have many lengthy phone conversations with Grampy, all of which meant so much to John.

I wish I had known him all his life, as John did, but he'll always be in my heart and an inspiration to me.

I will never forget the first night we met.  You took off to go on a Tinder date. A bit later Mom and I snuck off to "hang out" in her new truck. When you got home you went to lock her truck up for her... we were all very surprised lol.  You said "OH" Mom yelled "Nope". You were inside the house in the blink of an eye.  Sorry buddy, didn't mean to scare you! one of many memories I will never forget Owen..

Not long after Forest was born, we all went over for a visit to auntie whits house. Owen was eager to hold him, change him, be around him in any way he could. Forest was still fresh into the world and I was having trouble learning how to nurse him appropriately. It was painful and a struggle and I was incredibly self conscious. After all, Whitney had a le leche league sticker, so I could only assume she was an expert. I was floundering and didn’t want an audience. 
I slipped away to the back room of the house and snuggled up on the brown couch back there. A few moments after I settled in, Owen came back to join us. I was nearly in tears from the pain and the hormones and the new life that needed me so badly but I couldn’t quite understand yet. Owen seemed to be aware that the moment was tender and somehow sacred. He didn’t say a word. He watched for a moment, and then climbed up next to me. He placed his silent hand on forests head and watched him closely. We sat that way for the entire time. Me feeling vulnerable and raw and afraid, and him somehow telling me I had it and we’d be okay ❤️

It was August 2022, so a little over a year ago now. Owen and I were both visiting Camden before heading off to school for the fall semester. I had just turned 21 a few months earlier, so of course Owen immediately asked me to buy him booze. He didn’t want to lose another fake ID. I agreed because why not. So around 9pm we both load up into his new Toyota Tacoma and we drive to Hannahford so I can buy my 18-year-old brother drinks. The whole way there his music was blasting, his bass was of course all the way boosted. Camden is a very small town so we definitely drew attention to ourselves. While driving he pulled out his vape and filled the car with the sweet smell of artificial fruit. I remember asking him what the hell terrible flavor he had now. He said it was blueberry “in honor of maine.” I laughed and made fun of him because he doesn’t even like blueberries. I took a hit. It tasted vaguely of artificial blueberry syrup, not at all like actual blueberries, but he had the spirit I’ll give him that. 

We rolled up to the grocery store. We wandered around the aisles a little bit, reminiscing about when we were kids and would eat pumpkin muffins while mom pushed us around in the cart. We found the alcohol aisle and he picked out: a bottle of titos, a 6 pack of mike's lemonade and a 12 pack of twisted teas. I gave him so much shit for his sugary drink choices but he just insisted that they were “da shit.” As we went to check out he stopped suddenly and started loudly asking- to no one in particular- where the condoms were. “You think they got extra large here? I need extra large. Where the extra large condoms at?” I kept smacking him because he was practically shouting, it was so embarrassing. He was cracking up the whole time. He ended up finding condoms (no, they did not have extra large), and then he made me go buy everything, because he found it funny how mortified I was by the whole ordeal. Altogether it was like 80 bucks, which he did not pay me back for. I didn’t mind though, I figured it was an appropriate college send off gift for my little bro. 

That night was such a good night. We ended up playing beer pong with mom, Matt, and Adrian. Owen and Adrian of course kicked all our asses. Later we tried to watch a family movie, glass onion. We didn’t even make it halfway through because Owen and Adrian would not stop going on and on about Madelyn Cline. They would rewind the movie every time she came on screen and make us watch it over and over. It drove me crazy. Eventually, Adrian passed out on the couch and we called it a night. Owen kept poking Adrian's sleeping face so I literally had to push him upstairs. It's memories like that that make me smile. Who knew a trip to the grocery store would mean so much to me.

 The ironic part was that he didn’t even end up bringing the drinks with him. His vodka sat in mom’s freezer for months, and he left some lemonade and tea on the shelf. They are still there today, because no one else drinks those sugary things. Now i’ll make sure to pour one out for him whenever I can. Owen, wherever you are, I hope you’ve got all the twisted teas you could ever want. 

Buying Plants at Home Depot

It was Thursday, August 3rd. The day of his death. I replay that call over and over until my headaches and my stomach hurts. 

He called me. He was happy. He was at Home Depot. He had gotten out of class early and was excited to be moving into his new apartment in Boulder with Zeke and Lenny. He called, I answered, saying, hey buddy, what's up? "Do I have any money in my account?" (This is an account he has had since he was little and I rarely put money in it anymore for him, because he works so hard for his own money). "$26 dollars and some cents", I said. Owen was buying plants for his new apartment. He said it was a new year and he wanted it to be lighter. He wanted to buy this $80 plant that looks kinda like a palm tree. I smiled and laughed. Of course, Owen wanted the biggest, most tropical plant he could find at a Home Depot in Boulder, Co. He asked me to turn on FaceTime and look at the plant. We were doing our usual banter. We are light-hearted with one another and give each other a hard time from time to time as well Owen and I get one another. I asked Owen, with a smile on my face and in my voice, why can’t you buy a smaller, less expensive plant that will grow into a bigger plant

“Mom, that won’t be the right aesthetic. I know right where I am going to put it.” I laugh. We continue on FT. We talked about how to pick out a healthy plant, what to look for (he didn’t know what an aphid was), and how to take care of it. I told him about how his older brother, Andrew bought me a moisture gauge because I am not great at keeping plants alive. Owen asked me if he needed to buy something for under the pot. He was worried about the newer floors in his new apartment. We picked out a cork circle thing for under the plant.

If I had known what would occur just a few hours later, I never would have hung up. Owen said he was checking out and that he would call me back in like 10 minutes. I had a client in exactly 8 mins so I couldn’t talk then.

I will forever wish that I had canceled that client appt and talked to Owen again and again and again.

That was it. Our last FaceTime. Our last conversation was about plants and his new apartment. He was happy. He was in such a great place. He was wearing his black and red Spartan College collared shirt.

I know we said “I love you” to each other. That’s how all of our phone calls and Snap Chats end, I love you, buddy.

I will always love you.

Oh! We packed the plants up and flew them all the way back to Maine with us. See photo below.