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A Meeting in the Woods

December 12, 2011

I met Pam on the Carter Nature Preserve by Morgan Bay in Surry while she & Tom were hiking. It's curious to think that one can KNOW someone so well after only a few minutes of conversation. Perhaps because we share the same Irish background or for other reasons not clearly understood. Pam struck me as an inquisitive, open-minded engaging person. With Morgan Bay in the background & the sun shining through the trees & the winding trail with its roots protruding & the meandering plank bridges over which we were walking Pam managed tol give an air of strength & determination & in so doing brightened the day for me. Sometime later I attended her funeral & was deeply impressed with the determination Tom showed in getting just the right black slate headstone carved & lettered in stark loveliness. I was honored to have been invited to the gathering of relatives & friends. A mysterious woman in a red dress was standing in the shade as I spoke & by a curious happenstance I ran into her at a farmers market the following week. She told me that she had known Pam while growing up near her house in Brooksville & had kept contact by mail while she & her husband were traveling through Ireland & that she considered Pam a major influence on her live. Such are the synchronistic pathways that a person such as Pam knits together even following her passing.   

January 25, 2011

Gretchen Siegler

I met Pam in college. We shared a love of anything having to do with the outdoors, camped and cross country skied, and danced the night away to bluegrass and old time country music. We also drove old cars and lived in tiny cabins with plastic on the windows and smoky wood stoves. Pam moved to a little place on a bay, knew the habits of all the sea birds, and had a house full of plants. She had this amazing spatial ability, could find anything, any where, and had this amazing memory for detail. I moved west and Pam remained on her beloved Maine coast. She became one of the early women pioneers to work her way up in the construction industry. She fell in love with Tom. More then five years ago we reconnected. By then she was fighting cancer, traveling the world with Tom, immersing herself in the study of mules, and planting amazing gardens near their beautiful home—still on a bay. We camped in red rock Utah, got lost in the fog sea kayak camping, and planned a mule trip near the Mexican border. She was one of those rare old friends who would always be a friend, until the end.

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Ellen Poole

There are so many good memories of Pam, it will take some thought to select just one or two.  Perhaps foremost in my mind is how generous she was and how well chosen her gifts.  I am especially thinking of all the plants she shared with us.  She would dig from your gardens and help me plant them at camp, select the perfect spot for it, then she'd dig in.  Sometimes the digging was more than expected.  She would not give up-just keep digging- and digging up very large rocks sometimes.  That was the case when she brought an elderberry plant to camp for me.  The plant has thrived.  The birds, that Pam loved ,feed on them.  One year Pam made elderberry jelly with me.  It was her first time for that.  I will miss Pam greatly and often- and always when I harvest elderberries and make jelly.  I loved my daughter-in-law.  She brought much happiness to our lives.  Were my husband alive he would say he loved their political debates!  Rest in peace and know you lived life well.

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Ruth Macolini

I don't think Pam would mind my sharing this story.  In facing her illness Pam demonstrated the same spirit and determination that she had as a child.  When she was 12 or l3, Pam's parents brought her to a camp on Cape Cod. The camp, besides the usual camping experiences, focused on weight loss.  This meant lots of exercise and a nutritional and strict food diet.  Pam and a fellow camper quickly tired of the limited daily fare.    One evening the girls surreptitiously left the premises and walked down Rte 6A to a variety store. (The location of the store had been noted during one of the camp trips.) A good supply of sweets was purchased.  But the girls' absence had been noted and upon their return their parents were called and advised that dismissal was immediate.  (And the entire
camp fee was forfeited.) The next morning Pam's Uncle Joe and myself drove to Brewster.  She was not at all unhappy to be leaving the camp.  She was always a spirited young girl and woman.

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Chuck Fitzpatrick 

I first remember my cousin Pam when I was about 4 years old; our families would rent a cottage together for a few weeks during the summer. The first summer I recall was in Wareham Mass. My brother and Pam's brother had someone to pick on (me),  but Pam and my older sisters always covered my back.  As Pam's family moved, so did our vacations; one year we must have driven all day to make Levittown PA. (Do you remember when cars had no A/C, and more kids than seat belts?) That vacation was the first time I remember going fishing; we even fished the Pennsylvania canals.

Life was a great adventure for Pam, and it's what I remember most and loved most about her. From fishing canals to deep sea fishing off the Cape, with her it was always 'take on the challenge'.

Pam was lucky enough to find someone to share in the adventures this world offers, in Tom, and to me it seemed that no person could have a greater love and devotion for her. As our families grew older and gatherings became less frequent, I would look forward to hearing about their latest travel adventure or kayaking news on the shores of Maine. I could listen for hours about the farm and the deer that run amuck through their gardens. Pam faced her final and greatest challenge with the spirit and determination she was famous for.

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Carol Fitzpatrick 

I first met Pam several years ago on one of her visits to Boston to see Aunt Ruth and family.

We watched old home movies on an ancient projector, and it was my first glimpse of the MacKiernan/Fitzpatrick cousins as very young and happy children. When Pam learned that Chuck and I loved to camp in Eastern Canada, she told us about the trip she and Tom had taken to Newfoundland, and encouraged us to visit that beautiful place. Her visit this past summer included  home stories about her burros and her garden, and kayaking stories about her recent camping trip to Isleboro, Maine. Pam's love of the outdoors and a sense of adventure is what I will remember about her.

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Susan Debacker

Pam and I were close in age, but growing up I remember her as so much older, wiser, and more worldly.  It was Pam's disposition that made the difference!  She was more courageous, open, and daring than anyone I was related to, and I soaked up the stories of her adventures with awe.  

Pam lived life - all of her life - full of curiosity and courage.  Coming back from a trip to Morocco with Tom she carried a tagine (one of the first I had ever seen) because she was anxious to cook in that style.  

Pam met interesting people everywhere she lived, worked, or visited.  Other intelligent people were drawn to her calm and reflective style.  She really listened, had a great sense of humor and a laugh that made you join right in. 

Pam has been a great influence on me and I will miss her dearly.

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Sarah Wilson 

I will always remember Pam as my aunt from Maine. Her love of the outdoors and all things that Maine offers was something that she shared with me and everyone she met, as well. The times I visited Aunt Pam and stayed with her I remember picking blueberries, hiking (sometimes more than I bargained for) and visiting with all of the people Pam had connected with in the small Maine communities that loved. As a nature lover, Pam loved all animals; from dogs to horses, donkeys, mules and even a pet raccoon. But, one of the unique things about Pam was that she loved people and animals alike. She was always open to connecting with people and made friends and acquaintances of everyone she encountered. Pam was admirable in that she truly cared for people and was always willing to make a connection with them, sharing her love of nature, animals and all things Maine with everyone she met. I consider myself lucky that I am Pam's niece and that she was willing to share her love of Maine, people and animals with me too.

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Pat Horton 

Pam had given me some printed information about an oncologist from Montana who chooses to live and practice in a rural setting.  In the packet she gave me were some quotes this woman included which are pointed at living with cancer.  One in particular struck me as being a mantra that Pam could easily have adopted throughout her ordeal.

 

"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival."

Winston Churchill

Pam did not ask for pity while living with cancer, rather she found many opportunities to educate herself and others about the experience. She was generous, thoughtful and looked to the future.  These qualities proved vital to enduring what she did for the past seven plus years.

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John & Nonny Ferriday

 

WHAT WE REMEMBER

We remember introducing ourselves to our new neighbors upon the completion of our house and the completion of theirs. Pam showed us around with a restrained but deserving pride even though not all of the electrical fixtures were in place.

We remember her love of horses even though she was thrown and suffered a broken wrist, not once but twice.

We remember the arrival of the burro and her denial that it was for riding but she showered love on Oreo for being just a companion.

We remember her giving up Oscar and getting Ellie, a rather thin mule that was for riding. In fact Pam preferred the mule to the horse for riding.

We remember her love of Ottis and admiring our Corgis and asking to be introduced to the breeder. The introduction resulted in Pam's acquiring Olive, and a love of the breed that passes all understanding. Pam's last Corgi, Onslo, was a constant companion to the last moment.

We remember her offering freshly squeezed apple juice from apples grown on the property.

We remember Pam dropping off salad greens and informing us there would be more if we so desired.

We remember the dinners and parties at her house and the parties at ours with fondness.

We remember her tenacious fight over the last few years to over come cancer. Through it all she was always positive, up beat, and determined. She showed a resolute positive outlook that was always present no matter the circumstances. An attitude that could be emulated by everyone.

We will remember Pam as fondly as if she were a family member. With love and remembrance, John and Nonny Ferriday

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Brian Wilson

I will remember Pam as a true adventurer and one of the toughest women I have ever met. The stories she told of her travels always amazed me. I remember once looking through a photo album of a trip her and Tom took to Egypt I believe it was, and looking at the pictures while she was telling the stories about the trip. I will also always remember a day hike we took to the Isle au Haut. This trip required both driving and a ferry to the island, and then a full day hike with just water bottles and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. The day was perhaps a little more than some of us with her were expecting, but it was just another day's adventure for her, and she probably could have kept going longer than the rest of us could have. Distance and time never seemed to be a problem for her, from traveling great lengths for work or leisure. I have seen many people in my life get very comfortable with not having to leave their own town, the security that provided them, but not having a real understanding of what the world had to offer. This was not Pam. She was always willing to take the risk, knowing very well of the rewards that experiences in life can provide. Each of these experiences built on one another over her lifetime, and what that amounted to was a very strong woman. And this is how she was going to live right up to her passing. I was truly amazed on how active she wanted to be and how much she wanted to accomplish in a days time on a recent visit from her. It was clear her health was not good, but she was not about to pity herself for an instant. Most people would not be able to put themselves aside and move past their own issues in the condition she was in. But she still had more energy than most of us, and it was evident that her spirit was strong, and that was what was fueling her fire. Even though her life was shorter than some, she was able to do, see, and experience more than most people could do in two lifetimes, and that is how I will remember her. Strong spirits do not fade.

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Alisoun Kuhn

There has been a lot of cancer in our neighborhood in the last decade. Since 2001 I can think of four friends who have died, and at least that many who are fighting a good fight and learning to live with the disease. As Pam fought hers so valiantly for the last seven years.

After Pam's diagnosis she focused all her formidable energy and intelligence on learning every aspect of ovarian cancer, and treating it – combating it – every step of the way. She never seemed to give up hope or even get discouraged. She and Tom seemed, instead, to get more out of their life and experiences than ever before.

Their beautiful home and gardens are evidence of this capacity to seize the day and make life meaningful. They came back from their travels with Moroccan and Portuguese recipes, and cooked them with their own vegetables. Pam stopped working 14 hours a day, poured her interest into her horse Oscar, the pretty mule Ellie, and Oreo the little gray donkey. They kept bees; Pam made the very best skin creme from beeswax and honey, she gave me the recipe.

Our neighbor Stewart Beach – Judi's husband, died of myelodysplasia in the late fall of 2002. When Pam was diagnosed a few months later, Judi felt a close empathy with her and volunteered often to drive her to EMMC for chemo treatments. I was no longer working full time so I went along several times, because Judi's car had heated seats that cold winter and Judi loved to drive, I think the three of us enjoyed those trips more than we ever guessed. When Judi died- so swiftly – of liver cancer five years later, I realized how significant that bond had been for all of us.

This last November Pam dropped in for a visit when we had a friend there for lunch. She offered him a dozen bales of much hay to bank his house in Castine. A few days later Mike and I drove in his pickup truck to get the hay. Pam had talked about Ellie the mule and Oreo the donkey and she was eager to show us how Oreo loved to jump. She set the barriers up and put Oreo on a lead, and he jumped – shy but proud- like he had wings on his little feet. It was a lovely sight.

It is hard to lose a friend and a neighbor. I'm glad Pat Horton and I had a little time with Pam before she died. And, I'm so glad Tom was right there, holding her and talking to her, when she went.

It's all we can do. It has to matter.

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Bill Turner

I remember a quiet determined woman whose motto if it wasn't, might have been; “ I shall overcome”.

I remember a quiet evening in the kitchen where she made the only real homemade Pizza I have ever eaten.

I followed her sure footedness through the tangle of roots and vines on the rain forest floor and out into the open of the sea and the only tombolo I've ever seen. It is the only one I've ever encountered in my whole career as a geologist.

An adventurous spirit if ever I knew one.

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