happily

Shared by Michelle Harrigan on April 10, 2017

This woman, who is an alleged practitioner in mental health, knows that suicide is not a choice for several. And, it's sad to think that she, who has a mental health disorder as well, helps individuals supposedly from mental  health diseases. I hope none of her patients ever see that post because if they do, they should run. Her anger is off the chart. 

Deana -- everytime I have disagreed with you, this is the stance you have taken. As if no one is allowed to have difficulty in life other than you. No one is allowed to have a different opinion than yours. You are not responsible for my life (thank God) and I'm not responsible for yours. And, shame on you for shedding hatred on your mother's memorial page. However, I will leave your post because Uncle Bob was right about one thing. Your angry and seriously skewed opinion on how other people should live their life is missing many things. You have the inability to see your own defects.

Mental health diseases are not a choice and that is a medically proven fact. I guess you missed that part when you got the label Dr.

I am not alone. Far from it. The love that I give is also returned in authenticity. Of which is seriously missing in your life.

You face your own karma. However, there is one thing that I promise you. Your words no longer hurt and they no longer have meaning. Mostly because I know that you have a serious mental health disorder that has caused you to lash out this way. I wish you would get the help you deserve because there is a beautiful person in there that isn't seated in so much anger and hatred. You sit in your own stigma of the ones who you alleged, for a long time, to defend. 

Hear this...I am talking to one of Mom's friends. She says your posts are exactly how Mom talked when she was ill. Take the time. Get the help. Mom didn't and she suffered. 

NH is beautiful people whom have given me more than I ever imagine. I'm not rich nor are they. And, for that, my life has been enriched. I stand with them in solidarity because that's what its all about. Snow and all. It's beautiful here.

Get the help. 

Not alone in Ohio

Shared by Deana Couture on April 10, 2017

Stabbing yourself in your belly fat and not needing to go to the hospital is attention seeking not a suicide attempt. Life is all about choices. That was a choice, getting cancer wasn't, nor was the 2 million dollars it cost or the disability that comes from cancer of the spine. I made a choice to help you and you repaid me by turning your back on me when I needed you. I didn't turn my back on you when you could have been homeless. Good for you, you are alone too. I have  my husband, son and some really great and supportive friends. I know where my mental health stands so don't make accusations you can't prove and you have no one left to back you up. Please stay closed and gone, we done need your crap here. 

True colors

Shared by Michelle Harrigan on April 9, 2017

Let those true colors come through sister dearist. I didn't mention your name in the post. Your anger is clear in your writing. You also suffer serious mental health issues that you never faced. You, Deana, are the same person when I shared I attempted suicide. You tossed it aside as a meaningless act and I never heard from you again until you got cancer. Cancer is not more serious than suicidaility and you should know that more than anyone else. What you didn't know is when you got cancer, I was also fighting for my life and you assumed that I had the energy and the where with all to support you. Your anger is off the chart but, I'm learning to grow at peace with the past which is why I wrote the truth. But, with you, the truth always hurt and you don't like people giving you the mirror. I am not alone and you would never know that. But, my support is with honesty, integrity and authenticity. My life is not more valuable than yours nor is Mom's or anyone elses. 

I don't care about the memorial because Mom's spirit doesn't reside there.She has soared. Your post in the truest revealing of the anger and mental illness that resides in this family. I wish you would get the help you need because until you do, you will always reside with the life long anger that had obviously ate away with you when you talked to Mom when she was dying. That anger will cause for the aloneness that you allege exist with Mom and I.

Good luck and I suspect we will meet again when we both rest in peace. I wish you love and nothing else. I wish you peace with your life and nothing else. I don't hate you but you obviously hate me. I truly hope the universe rains peace, love, light and happiness with you and the removal of all that angst so you truly see what life and love is really all about. You have lost all sense of value.

And, for note, $50K is $36K more than I bring in. Can't have a penny when there is nothing from the turnip.

Good luck and peace be with you.
Michelle 

Misunderstood

Shared by Deana Couture on April 9, 2017

I have always been aware that the events of my mothers life mad a lasting impact on her mental wellness. She had been abused in relationship many times and had a verbally and emotional abusive  relationship with her father. This resulted in her emotional compass being faulty, a true psychiatric disorder that forever damaged her relationship with others, including myself. My sister has forgotten that it was I who prevented her from being homeless. I fed her, paid her rent, , insurance and many vet bill for her ailing cat. I relocated her to Vermont for a job at my own expense. I invested nearly $20,000 over a year and a half supporting her and her former fiancé. With never a second thought. Yes our mother died and I have had no grief because I didn't like the person she was and how she treated others. When I myself was diagnosed with Cancer 8/3/15 my sister turned from me when I needed her most. I never spoke to her again after November of 2015. The money I spent on her became a great hardship for us during my illness. From missed time from work our income dropped by over $50,000 in 2016. I know because I just did my taxes. I did the best I could with my mother. We had many good time before she took ill. She went on trips with us, I bought her a bicycle and we went on rides nearly every weekend, she weekended at my home every week but my sister has forgotten the good times. My mom became a different person when she was sick and that is not my fault but I am blamed. My mothers head stone is finished that I gave solely paid for because that is what my sister wanted. It has been sitting for two years because I have not been well enough to arrange a memorial and have it placed. I regret that my sister has the same emotional issue as my mother and can't accept that others are not at fault for her choices. That door can forever stay closed with all of them who think I killed my mother and am a villain. I did the best I could in a difficult situation and gave freely of everything I had. When I was ill and needed them they were not there. I do hope my mother finds peace in death and my family finds peace in life. Life is about choices and don't blame others for how yours turn out. "Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted". My mind is a peace because I know I did my best. For those who still dwell on it move forward. You are poisoning you future happiness which is what mom did and she died largely alone. 

3 year mark - The truth behind her death

Shared by Michelle Harrigan on April 9, 2017

We are at the 3 year mark since Mom passed. I’m not sure with time passing if things have become easier. I do know there are many things surrounding Mom’s illness and death that continue to disturb me. I love my Mom very much and what I’m about to write doesn’t negate that. However, I’m also aware that many family members come to this site. I refuse to sit in silence any longer.

Mom was an incredibly independent woman. She was an incredible professional accomplishing many things. She was a great Mom but had her issues with personal things that happened in her life. Within this family exists a darkness that has caused pain for many people. This is not mutually exclusive to one person. The emotional stability of the entire family whether aunts, uncles, cousins, siblings, in-laws, etc. contributed to many decisions I have made and Mom had made. There were times when Mom and/or I went into seclusion from the family because of the negativity and opinion about life’s direction. Their comments were frequently borderline abusive and certainly became abusive during Mom’s illness and death. Mental illness runs deep in this family and something that I am no longer afraid to admit nor afraid to face. However, that mental illness has caused serious and unnecessary hardship through Mom’s life and as her child, mine. I dealt with many of the things that happened during childhood. However, a person who was supposed to be a partner during Mom’s illness, did not. The person who did not deal with his/her childhood issues contributed to an incredible amount of disturbing conversations when Mom was ill. This person was/is also in psychiatry and his/her lack of understanding surrounding Mom’s mental illness is disturbing to say the least.

Mom was diagnosed with stage 4 brain and lung cancer. She had 23 lesions on her brain. At the time, I was working in another state and with an employer who refused to approve my FMLA until I resigned. My ex-fiance and I moved to be near Mom to care for her at the end of life. The move was done with nothing but love in intent. While caring for Mom, I began to have serious reactions from her chemotherapy including blistering rashes and bloody noses. I was told by a physician to stop caring for Mom because I had an active infection and because of the strain it was placing on my body. This was around the same time Mom had dismissed my partner who was helping me care for Mom. That dismissal was based on two people who both had mental health issues that solely came out in anger and words of destruction. I tried to tell Mom about the blistery rashes and bloody noses and she pretended like she didn’t hear. She became verbally abusive. I was grieving, very ill, living in poverty, dealing with a verbally abusive ex-fiance, and a cat that was about to die from having terminal cancer. I asked for help on the phone to one of the elders in the family. The response I received was, “If my sister wants to die, then so be it.” I got no help except, “I will come and take your Mom out to lunch.” Panic ensued. An attempt was made to get in-home health care for Mom which she angrily and forcefully denied. It was left up to me to care for Mom under my own physical health restraints and no help coming from anywhere I turned. I shut down. Completely and utterly shut down. I broke. The bloody noses became so bad I would have them in my sleep. This was around the same time keeping a roof over my head and food on the table became very difficult. Mom wanted me to do all of this without a job and a way to support myself. Homelessness was becoming a very real option.

I received a phone call from Mom’s neighbor who said that she was hallucinating in the front yard. This scared me and I called 911. My then fiancé had the car so I ran the two miles to see what I could do knowing that an ambulance and law enforcement were on their way. By the time this was over, Mom became so angered and verbally abusive and it was the last time I saw her.

I received multiple text messages from Mom. The last text message I received from Mom was, “Happy you kill your mother.”

I became aware of Mom’s passing because the funeral home called my sister letting her know that Mom had passed on April 13, 2014 and arrangements needed to be made. We found out later that arrangements had already been made. This was an angry and manipulative move on the family’s part and nearly terminal for me. I became suicidal. The family did not put me nor my sister in the obituary because they believed we treated her horribly but never asked either of us what had happened. They assumed and also believed a woman who had serious mental health issues along with 23 lesions in her brain.

I was never asked. The family never asked for the truth. They went directly into a force of hatred towards me. However, I realize now they also have the mental health problems that my Mom suffered from her entire life.

After my sister and I thought arrangements needed to be made, I knew there was a health insurance policy in Mom’s name to cover the expenses. We went to her house and the family, with the assistance of the neighbor, tried to have us arrested. Several weeks later, I was able to get my things from Mom’s house to only be ignored nearly the entire time. Most of my things taken except for clothes and few odds and ends. I stood as my uncle gave me his opinion about how things transpired. Again, he never asked what happened. Just assumed.

I have moved away since and the family door will forever remain closed.

This is the whole truth. Take it as you will.

Mental illness is not something to be ignored, played with, trampled on, judged, stigmatized or manipulated. Unfortunately, help never came to Mom so her end of life would be less frightening. This family has also judged those who are different. I have always been viewed as the misfit and judged highly for it. I have a cousin who was verbally tortured for being gay. And, people wonder why the end was not great.

I just hope for Mom that she is at peace. I hope that she didn’t stay to watch what happened after she passed. I love her and lean often on the times before her illness. I actually do believe that once the chemo and radiation started, Mom stopped comprehending reality. She had no idea what was happening. Therefore, what she gave was a result of 23 lesions. I have also done my research about brain cancer and lesions to understand fully the effects.

So, this is my newly written obituary for my Mother on the 3rd year anniversary of her death.

Patricia [Beatty] Harrigan – mother, daughter, animal lover, hard worker, fiercely independent – passed on April 13, 2014. She was deeply loved by her daughter, Michelle Harrigan (who knew nothing about personal agendas or hatred). Patricia lived her life the best she could and did an incredible job raising her children under severely difficult times. Her tenacity for survival and “get her done” attitude is a gift given to her children. Patricia loved easily but didn’t share that with many people. She had a growing respect in life for nature and the parts of life that weren’t easily understood. She loved manatees and would sit in silence for hours watching them; fascinated by their simplicity. Patricia never meant any harm to anyone although there may be some who disagree with that. She deserves to rest in peace by those who still live.

I love you Mom. It’s time for my life to soar again. I hope you watch over me and give me that ‘atta girl’ that you always gave me. I miss you with all my heart. I’m sorry that this could not have ended easier. However, it was not your fault. It was no one’s fault. No one is at fault. I love you and please….smile and go be with grandma. 

boiling an egg

Shared by Miles Harrigan on May 7, 2014

Who would have thought that boiling an egg would be so hard?  Have you ever tried doing it in a microwave?  Well...When I was in 7th grade Mom and Michelle went out for a while on a Saturday and George and I decided to watch some tv.  WWF wrestling...that was fun.  Well I had a craving for a boiled egg and I wanted it quick.  So with my ingenious 13 year old mind I decided to put it in the microwave. So here George and I are watching tv when all of a sudden I hear a loud bang from the kitchen...It scared me to death...I ran out there and opened the door and to my surprise...no boiled egg but instead a mass of exploded egg all over the inside of the microwave...NICE.  I scrubbed and scrubbed trying to get it clean before Mom got back.  Then i realized Mom had given a list of chores to be done while she was gone...boy was I in trouble if I didnt get started.  I used to get mad because of the lists of chores she left, but now I realize she was just trying to get me to be responsible.  I thank her now for things I didnt understand then.  

I am sorry Mom, that you had to suffer the way you did.  Nobody deserves to go thru that.  I can only pray that God has given you a new heavenly body and all the suffering you went thru is over.

Thank you for stepping up to the plate and raising me when my biological "mother" abandoned me.  That takes courage and compassion.  

Lastly I wish we could have spent more time together had my earlier years taken a different path.  I missed having you in my life.  I can only wonder what could have been.

Rest in Peace and know that you'll be missed by many.

Love,
Miles

 

Graduation Day

Shared by Michelle Harrigan on May 1, 2014

My Mom and my sister Deana at my graduation at the University of Richmond. This is the only picture with the 3 of us, Deana and I as adults, with my Mom.

May 11, 2013

Shared by George Harrigan on April 23, 2014

I was 3 years old when Patty met my father. They married within a year, and our family grew from 4 to 7 overnight. As a lot of familiy members do we all went our seperate ways as we hit adult hood.
 I`ve often wondered how she was, or what she was doing. I wish I could of let her know that I appreciated her trying to raise us 5 kids. I`m sure that was not easy.
My formative years were with you and I thank you. Rest in peace Mom
Love George 

Mom's joys

Shared by Michelle Harrigan on April 17, 2014

Mom loved animals, I think, more than most humans. She had her 21 year old cat named Chester, Munchkin, my 2 girls Yoshi and Toshi, and adored Deana's puppies. She loved feeding ducks and seeing wildlife.

Mom really enjoyed Celtic Thunder. We traveled often to see them and even went on a 2 week cruise with Phil Coulter so we could have an extended musical enjoyment experience. She talked about the New Barleycorn often. All musical entertainers that I will continue to enjoy. She also loved the space program and she got to see the shuttle lift off several years ago. 

The most recent joy was when Deana and Mom was there when I graduated college. It was fun time and the picture is in the gallery.

I think the hardest part of this experience was mom's diagnosis with cancer. I'm glad her suffering is over.

Shared by Deana Couture on April 17, 2014

In the year before mom's cancer diagnosis we had many great adventures. My family loves to ride bicycles and we have many but none of them would fit mom, she was too petite. So we went to Century Cycle and had her fit for an Electra Townie pick out and fit just for her. She loved that bike and a picture of her on it the day I bought it for her is in the photo gallery. She had not ridden a bike in many years but caught on quickly and her stamina increased. We rode many great places.


We also take an annual trip to Franenmuth Michigan every Novemeber as we have for the last 20 years. We go as a family, take all the dogs and stay in a hotel...total lovable chaos. Mom went with us in 2012, we walked around town with three Chihuahua's, went to Zehnders for chicken, stayed overnight, and shopped at Bronner's on Sunday morning before heading home. She talked about that trip often.


She spent every weeking at my home, even had her own room. We would make breakfast on Sunday (she always cooked the bacon). Then would would have great family adventures.


Rest in peace, Mom


Always take the high road. May you always have wind to your back and sun on your face.


Love,

Deana, Eric, and Cameron                

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