ForeverMissed
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This memorial website was created to commemorate the first birthday of our loved one Paul David Gillen, who was born on March 28, 2010 and died later the same day.

Please scroll all the way down to light a candle for little Paul, and write a message so we'll know you came by.  (Then click on "leave a tribute.")

I also hope you will do Paul the honor of watching the video of his life by clicking "Gallery" above and then choosing "Video."

Thank you so much.  Your taking the time to visit means a lot.

Love,

Shana 

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 About the Pictures: A Note from Paul's Grandma

I realize that some people may find a few of the pictures on this site unsettling. Here's a perspective that may help you with viewing them.
 
There are few people today who haven't viewed ultrasound pictures of fetuses at various stages of development. We are not disturbed by these pictures of tiny developing babies. Expectant moms share them on Facebook or in online photo albums. Family and friends view them eagerly and happily. I, Paul's grandmother, cherished his ultrasound pictures, just as I did those of his cousins before they were born.
 
Some of the photos on this website are in fact ultrasounds, and others were taken the day Paul was born. What makes the pictures of Paul after he was born any different from ultrasound photos of him or any other baby at his gestational age? One factor may be that ultrasounds are not in color. If they were, you would see that the skin of all little babies of Paul's age looks dark red, as Paul's does in the color photos. This is because the skin is still translucent at that stage and the body has no fat in between the skin and blood.
 
The fact that Paul was too small, born too early to survive, is incredibly sad, so his pictures rightfully make you sad. But you needn't turn away from them. Look at them as if they were ultrasounds of a perfect little boy at 18 1/2 weeks gestation. Pretty amazing, aren't they?

 

March 29, 2020
March 29, 2020
Xoxoxoxo, Shana ❤
March 29, 2020
March 29, 2020
Dear Shana,

It’s amazing to think that our 2 angels are hanging out in heaven together.
March 29, 2020
March 29, 2020
Another year without you...

Hugs for you, Shana!!
March 28, 2020
March 28, 2020
Dear Shana,
Paul's life was a blessing, His memory a treasure. He is loved beyond words, missed beyond measure.
Love and Hugs,
Dawn Timmons
March 28, 2020
March 28, 2020
So much has changed in the world since your brief time with us, little Paul. But the precious memory of you is with us always. Grandma loves you to the moon and back forever.
March 28, 2020
March 28, 2020
Thinking of you and your family today. Hugs, Sue
March 28, 2020
March 28, 2020
Dear Shana,

Thinking of you and Paul today, and always, with love.

Deb Allen
March 28, 2020
March 28, 2020
Thinking of you and Paul today. Love Amy, Louisa, & Rosalie
March 28, 2020
March 28, 2020
Thinking of you and Paul!! Love, Zoe, Andy, Andrew and Meredith
March 28, 2020
March 28, 2020
Shana,

Thinking of you and Paul this morning with prayers and love. Paul is remembered, and so are you my friend.

Love,
Dawn
March 29, 2019
March 29, 2019
Shana,
Thinking of you and Paul. Sending you a hug and lots of love. Deb
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
Paul is forever remembered. Love you Shana!
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
Thinking of you and your little one, Paul. "Those we have held in our arms for a short while, we hold in our hearts forever."
Hugs,
Dawn
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
Shana
Thinking of you and Paul today.
Frances
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
My precious grandson Paul, forever loved, forever missed, forever in our hearts, today and every day.
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
Thinking of you and Paul on this beautiful day. ~~hugs ~~ lisa
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
Shana,
With love to you and Paul today and always.
Love, Zoe, Andy, Andrew and Meredith
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
Thinking of you and Paul today ❤️
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
Remembering you today, Paul David, and honoring your short life here on earth, rejoicing that your soul rests forever with the Lord Jesus Christ.
My thoughts and prayers are with you, Shana. May you have overflowing peace.
Dawn
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
Thinking of you and sending hugs, Sue
March 28, 2019
March 28, 2019
Hugs as always to you, Shana! <3
March 28, 2018
March 28, 2018
Thinking of you today. Love and miss you xoxo
March 28, 2018
March 28, 2018
Thinking of you and Paul David and saying an extra prayer.
March 28, 2018
March 28, 2018
Thinking of you today, Shana. Lots of love! Xoxoxo.
March 28, 2018
March 28, 2018
Thinking of you and your whole family today, and sending hugs.
March 28, 2018
March 28, 2018
My beloved little grandson, you are in my heart today and every day.
March 28, 2018
March 28, 2018
Thinking of you and missing Paul today.
Love, Andy, Zoe, Andrew and Meredith
March 28, 2018
March 28, 2018
Shana, Thinking of you and Paul today. Sending lots of love. Deb Allen
March 28, 2018
March 28, 2018
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends. Thinking of you and Paul today. Hugs, Dawn
March 28, 2018
March 28, 2018
Thinking of you today Paul David. Love and Prayers, Shana.

Dawn
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Sending love and a candle to you, Shana, in memory of you precious son, Paul. I hope knowing that people are thinking of you both brings you comfort. Love you! ❤
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Hugs. Thinking of you and Paul today.
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Remembering your family today.
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Thinking of you and Paul today. I wish he was only telling you what he wanted to do for his big seven year old party in a few months.
Hugs,
Melinda
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
xoxoxoxo, Shana. Thinking of you!
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Thinking of you and sending hugs.  Sue
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Wishing you were here with us, little Paul!  Thinking of you both.
Love, Zoe, Andy, Andrew and Meredith.
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Thinking of you today, Shana! We miss you and love you. xoxo
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Remembering you today, Paul. You are not forgotten sweet little one, nor will you be.

Shana - hugs and prayers to you my friend. I pray peace and comfort for you.

Dawn
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Remembering precious little Paul.
March 28, 2017
March 28, 2017
Shana, Thinking of you and Paul today.
Love, Deb
March 27, 2017
March 27, 2017
Another year, another candle, another year of loving you and missing you and thinking of what should have been, my precious grandson Paul. ❤
March 29, 2016
March 29, 2016
I can't believe it's been 6 years. Shana, I think of you often and your sweet son Paul. He is not forgotten and neither are you. Happy Birthday Paul!
March 28, 2016
March 28, 2016
Shana, my thoughts are with you today, as always.
March 28, 2016
March 28, 2016
I can't believe it has been six Shana. I wish we were hearing about kindergarten tours instead. Thinking of you and Paul today and always.
Melinda
March 28, 2016
March 28, 2016
Thinking of you and Paul today. Peace be with you.
March 28, 2016
March 28, 2016
Shana,
Sending you love. Wishing you peace.
XOXO
March 28, 2016
March 28, 2016
6 years seem like such a long time yet have passed in the blink of an eye. Paul was only here for a brief time yet has impacted so many lives. Happy birthday Paul
March 28, 2016
March 28, 2016
In early spring we walk in the woods, hoping to spot those brief and beautiful blossoms called spring ephemerals. My beloved little grandson, you are the most beautiful of them all. I will never stop loving you and missing you.
March 28, 2016
March 28, 2016
Sending hugs from across the miles!
Page 1 of 4

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Recent Tributes
March 29, 2020
March 29, 2020
Xoxoxoxo, Shana ❤
March 29, 2020
March 29, 2020
Dear Shana,

It’s amazing to think that our 2 angels are hanging out in heaven together.
March 29, 2020
March 29, 2020
Another year without you...

Hugs for you, Shana!!
Recent stories

For Shana and Paul David

March 26, 2011

As Shana's close friends we were heartbroken to receive the call from Shana's mother that she had given birth to her little boy so prematurely. It was a phone call that we never expected nor wanted to receive. The three of us immediately dropped everything to be at the hospital with Shana and Paul David, nothing else mattered at that moment. It was heartbreaking for us to see her there cradling her precious son to her heart. One doesn't know what to do or say under these circumstances to comfort a friend, but we knew that being there for her and him was the most important thing.

There were many different thoughts and emotions: how unfair that this was happening to our wonderful friend that deserves more than anything to be a mother; compassion for her; sadness that Paul David's life was so short; disappointment and a sense of void for all the milestones we wouldn't be sharing with Shana and Paul.
 

Shana asked us to attend the memorial service  at UNC hospital. Of course we wanted to attend to pay our respects to Paul and to support Shana, who was seeking more peace each day. The memorial service was beautiful - filled with songs, stories, and poems.  Many families shared their sad, sad stories and there wasn't a dry eye in the room.  In a time when one feels very lonely in dealing with such a difficult loss, this service was a way to feel not quite as alone.  We were glad that we were able to accompany Shana and her mom to this service - in an attempt  for each of us to begin to find some closure with the idea that Paul's life was taken so unfairly.

We were and still often are at a loss for how best to comfort Shana and show our support. We may be weak in our words, but we are strong in our love for her and baby Paul.  He is missed, and Shana, you are loved.

Love Jenn, Maggi, & Wendy

Paul David, you made a difference

March 25, 2011

Paul David Gillen

 

The first time I heard your name it made me pause. Paul and David were both mighty men of God; they impacted the world around them and they each made a difference in the lives they touched.

 

Little one, your life on earth may not have been long – but in those 18 & ½ weeks you impacted the lives you touched. You changed your Mommy in ways that will continue to reveal themselves. You see- to hold a human being in your arms that was created and grown inside your body changes a woman forever. The world becomes a different place, seen through different eyes.

 

Beautiful baby boy when I saw your pictures – I wept and I weep still, for your Mommy and for her arms that cannot hold you and her heart filled with love for you that you are not here to receive in person. Paul David your Mommy loves you very much and always will.

 

I wish I could do something to change things, to help your Mommy, but I cannot. There is no “fixing it”, no changing it, no making things better. Your Mommy will live all the days of her life loving you, until one day she passes beyond the veil and holds you in her arms again. You will laugh and dance then, and hold each other tight…. until that time, my prayer is that your Mom feels your spirit touch her every now and then. That when she looks upon flowers blooming, the sun rising, the ocean roaring…. may she feel your spirit brush her heart. May your Mommy find comfort and peace deep inside her soul. May your Mommy find the strength to keep on going, to live life fully, to climb mountains – may she impact the world around her and touch lives - for you, Paul David.

 

Shana – I am so honored and humbled that you shared Paul David’s passing and pictures with me; and now this memorial page with me. I am honored to call you friend. You and Paul David have touched me more than you know and this has changed my life, it changed my perspective and made me love and appreciate a bit more.

 

Paul David - you made a difference. You may not have lived long – but little one; you impacted the world around you, you changed lives and you touched hearts. May we each aspire to do the same in the lives we touch each day. Thank you little one for reminding us how to live.

Tom's Story

March 24, 2011

I am telling Tom's story because I know he will never tell it himself, preferring not to put himself forward. Paul was his step-grandson, and just as Tom loves Paul's cousins and they love him, he looked forward to welcoming this newest member of our family. 

 

After Paul was born and died, it became clear to Shana that she needed a special place to keep his Comfort Cub urn and other precious keepsakes safe from dust and from curious pups and kitties. Here was Tom's opportunity to express his feelings in a tangible way. In North Carolina, we measured and told him what was needed. In New Hampshire, he drew a design. He bought wood, carefully picking pieces with the most beautiful grain. He measured and sawed and sanded and routered. Day by day, Paul's cabinet took shape. Though Tom has difficulty standing for long  periods due to an old injury, he spent day after day on his feet in his workshop. Every detail had to be perfect. Every piece was fitted to perfection using a joiner, biscuits, dowels, glue, and clamps so the finish would have no imperfections.

 

When the cabinet was done, Tom asked his good friend Alan, a professional painter, if he would apply the stain. Alan, though he had never met Shana, had shared Tom's sorrow at losing Paul. Now Alan said he would be honored to help with the cabinet. For three mornings, he came to our house before work to apply successive coats of stain.

 

Then Tom added the finishing touches, and Paul's cabinet was ready for its journey to North Carolina. It was truly a labor of love by Tom, and also his friend Alan, two more hearts deeply touched by little Paul.

 

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