Since Paul didn't want to ever go to the doctor's when he started feeling sick, I one day said Paul you aren't eating your throwing up, and your so pale, it's gonna get to the point where I will have to call 911, He said "No I can't go because I don't want to hear the words from the doctor "you are dieing" so he must have known for awhile, b4 we ever even met he had problems that just worsened (when Paul told me that he knew what the dr. would say I tried telling him well maybe they can catch it and you wont have to die, he said no) So October 13,2005 I was asleep and I woke up late to find Paul walking back and forth in the living room holding his head and just pacing and pacing, I knew something bad happened I asked him, He said he had just thrown up blood and what looked like shredded wheat, (the stomach lining we later found out) I said "Why didn't you wake me up?" He said "oh, No I didn't want to worry you" I was like, omg, Paul pleeze know you are important i don't need to be asleep throughtout your crisis that's what friends are for silly, He let me take him to the E.R. He apparently was having chest pains, and very very pale, we get to the E.R. and I explain what's going on, they take him Right away and the doctor said he needs blood he needs to get to the hospital right now they called an ambulance (because they were just a med clinic) to drive Paul to the Hospital I followed as best as I could they were going fast on the freeway, but I knew where he was going but, he didn't want to be alone so I ran into the back with him, and they said you have to be related I said not by  blood but I am the only person he has in his life, so they let me go with him, they gave him like 6 pints of blood and he started to breath better, and the doctor said it's most likely a bleeding ulcer and he would be fine, (how could they say that without knowing for sure??) I felt releived as Paul did. however it wasn't a bleeding ulcer, they kept him for more tests, they sent me home, I just cried alone without Paul.  Then the days got blurry and so much I can't recall, Like denial I recall visiting him with a friend and he said he hated being in the hospital they gave him blood, fat, and IV's then they did a probe procedure on his intestines they put a camera down his throat throughout all his intestines, and found a huge tumor in his stomach, they tested the tumor and it was of course malignant so thy then didn't tell me a whole lot because they figured I wasn't a blood relative (well Paul was a little quiet and a tad passive so he didn't quite understand what was going on I didn't either) they said he needed surgery right away to cut out this tumor, they ended up taking his whole stomach out and tieing his lower intestine to his asphagus (I will never understand why I think they shortened his life by alot but since I was noone legally what or who do I go to or think at the time I was thinking they knew what they were doing well, after 5 years, and during I knew it made him much sicker) he couldn't eat or drink anything always nasiated so so skinny Paul was 6'4 wighed atleast 280 lbs. when I first met him (not heavy not skinny just right) he started to shivel away so fast and then he had 3 doctors I cant recall why, one doctor told me he is going to die very soon, let him do what he wants smoke go places I give him 2 months, I was so confused, then his oncologist said no,  if he get's chemo he can live for another year atleast so of course I took him to get chemo and sat with him while he received this treatment, one chemo only he was worse than ever (people warned us but he wanted to try it) all his hair fell out in one day he was sicker than ever that was the ending of November, then thy told me to call hospice there was no way he take anymore chemo, (all that they did to him killed him so much faster I beleive i did homework after I knew cutting his stomach out was wrong but, no doctor would talk to me, I recall picking up Paul from the hospital and I saw that one first e.r. doctor who said he would be fine it was most likely an ulcer I stopped him by the elevators and he said that when they went in to remove the tumor it was the worst he and they even called in other surgeons the worst and biggest tumor any of them had ever seen they had to remove his stomach he said because it was his whole stomach.?? and he said sorry then the oncologist said stage 4 (I had already looked up stages in the computer so I knew that was the worst one) she sent him home with a soft diet lots of pain pills and nausaeu pills, anti anxiety pills, so after She gave him Chemo at the end of Novemember he had hospice and nice nurses it got to the point where I couldn't take care of him alone so they gave us 24/7 nurse at home Paul died 3 months after his diagnosis there is just so much I wish I could've known or would've been smarter I feel they made his last 3 months hell , I wish he would have never gotten chemo I wish that his cancer wouldn't have spread to all 14 Lymph nodes, and I hate cancer, I have lost many friends and family to cancer. we need to find a more humane way to deal with cancer Paul suffered horribly, but he didn't die alone I promised him I wouldn't ever leave his side and I didn't I told him to say Hi to Charlie and Grandma and to please look over me and my kids and I told him he would be one of the best angels up there ever, at first he was confiding in me and told me how afraid he was to die, and I talked to him and straight from my heart to his I made him not be afraid, and i am not afraid of death anymore either, he went into a coma I woke him once to see his ex wife Kerry, after he died in my arms, I dreamt him that night waving bye to me smiling so Big and kerri sitting on his bed while he was waving and smiling like thanking me for calling kerri and letting me know he would always be with me that was my only dream of him I have ever had and it was that night he died on Jan 19,05, I will never forget that dream it was Real it was though I was really seeing this I was looking at him smiling back and waving in my dream and when I awoke to his empty hospital bed I had to get out of there and I did.  Paul its valentines day and I am glad I wrote this story about what happened to you I will always have you in my heart and thank you for looking over me and my kids, your best friend forever, Cindy 

Well Paul there is so many funny things you did, you constantly made me laugh you had the best sense of humor, I called you Pinky from that movie of Pink Flloyd, Get off The Tracks Pinky, get off the Track Pinky: I made you laugh too.  that movie was the Wall based on Pink Flloyd we always shared cherry twizzlers and you bought me my first kitten, "Starla" I know you are taking care of her. well I am happy to have had you in my life especially right when my angels sent you wasnt doing so great without my kids and you rescued me I even got u to listen to my Tupac, you left to heaven with his cd released right after he was killed remember Paul. all my love to u pinky 

Thank You so Much for being a Earth Angel My Best Friend you gave me hope again in people, I had only known Jerks since Charlie had died and you came out of nowhere and saved me from my self, I will always know Charlie sent you to me, u even shared the same birthday as my gramma "Heaven knows when we really need an Angel to come back in to our lives" Please give everyone a hug for me til I c u all in heaven, keep up the good work, precious Friend.  Always, Lulu (I called u pinky and u called me LUlu I tried to remember and it just popped in my head boy we were so silly just like little kids a breath of fresh air, love, Lulu