I wanted to let you know we miss you as much today as we did nine months ago. I also wanted you to know I thought you were a very good step father to Jessica I know you loved her as if she were your own child, since no one else took the time to wish a Happy Fathers Day. I wanted to do that for you. I also wanted to tell you, you were a wonderful Father,Husband Son,Brother and a Friend to be proud of. You  were always  considerate and kind. I am so sorry what happened to you, I would have gladly have taken your place if I could have. I am sure that any Mother would feel that way.
I am just truly sorry that some people in your life have been nothing but inconsiderate and uncaring, you deserved so much more
 than that.  So rest in peace knowing you were loved dearly. Mama.  

Since September 17th  I have felt such an unsettling in my spirit, after our being linked  together spiritually and physically for so long, the disappearance of that link has been unbearable at times.I believe there is a journey a person makes when they pass.

On December 21st a wave of peace and warmth swept over my heart and spirit. When I woke that morning I knew immediately that you had completed your journey and found your place among the stars (in Heaven).

Farewell my precious love . You are in my heart forever and now I know you are at peace. Your wife, Kathy

Christmas was always a big production with us and decorating began every Thanksgiving weekend. Though you were a gentle spirit and a generally happy person, when it came time for Christmas, your spirit was lit from within and you shined your brightest.You filled the house with laughter and happiness. You took such joy in watching your grandsons excitement when they saw the tree and opened their gifts.

This year I dreaded the approaching holidays and swore I would let Christmas come and go unnoticed, other than the wrenching absence of my precious Paul. After Thanksgiving and I brought home your ashes, the time had come when you and I would have begun to "Deck The Halls". True to form,Thomas showed up ready to pick up where you left off. He would not let me set idle by while the house was begging to be decorated. Every year he came and you both were so happy putting the lights on the trees in the back yard. Our Jennifer came over and she and Thomas went thru every strand of lights and pulled out all your favorite knick knacks and notions. Jennifer put the tree next to your urn and brought your boys over to help put the ornaments on. When I plugged in the lights and stepped back, I was overwhelmed with love and thankfulness that I was blessed by your life. In that moment and many since, I know I feel your warmth and presence, I can hear your laughter, as I look upon the lights and your legacy you left behind. Merry Christmas, My Love, Your Wife, Kathy.

When Kathy said she wanted one word to describe Paul, I thought that was an excellent idea. My word is unique.Paul you may not have thought that the world needed you but it did. For you were unique, like no one that has ever been before or will come after.No one can speak with your voice, say your thoughts smile your smile. or shine your light,No one can take your place for it was yours alone to fill, If you are not here to shine your light. Who knows how many will lose their way as they pass by your empty place  you have left a lasting unique place that will be  impossible to fill.

I remember first meeting Paul back in late 1984.  I had just started working for Continental Cablevision in the converter repair dept. on the westside of town.  Paul drove over in his brand new flashy Camaro.  He loved that car.  He came by to show it off to the guy I worked with. Later I was transferred to the main office on the southside of town where Paul worked.  I got to know him much better then.  He and his boss picked me to be his assistant.  We started going to lunch together most every day...always went to Stan's Sandwich Shop on Philips Highway to eat.  We always ate the same thing...Paul ate turkey sub with cheese and an extra pickle slice.  I went with roast beef sub and chili cheese Fritos.  Those were some great days.  I sure do miss him.  More to come later...stay tuned for more memories.

While sitting on my back porch and thinking of my beloved husband, Paul, I wanted to find one word that best described this dear sweet man.  My neighbor gave me the word I was looking for, that word is equanimity. The quality or characterstic of being calm, even tempered and the epitomy of composure, a class act. To quote Albert Einstein, " Few people are capable of expressing  with  equanimity opinions which differ from prejudices of  their social enviroment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." .Paul was a rare person in that he forgave and understood other peoples feelings and always found the best in everyone.

 In April when my Uncle found out he had cancer he filmed this video before his surgery and I spent about 4 hours with my Grandma cutting and editing the video to make it what he wanted it to be. He wanted so badly for my Grandma to get that video up on the internet no matter what. Though I don't know if he ever got to see it. I tried to post it everywhere I could. This is the link to it on YouTube.com for those who haven't seen it yet. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7zElg5UNl8U