Six months ago, I woke up really early and really really sad. It was a Sunday morning and I was so so sad. I hadn't heard from home so as had become my daily ritual, I called Mummy to ask how my Nana was. She lied. She said you were fine. But I was still so sad. I was crying and I didn't know why. My heart was so heavy and uncomfortable. Until the person they'd sent to deliver the most painful message I've ever received came to me. He was already crying. He never met you Nana, but he was crying. I didn't/couldn't/can't/won't believe it.I cried like a baby! My eyes were red and swollen. We'd been praying for you Nana. That Sunday we were fasting. I still didn't eat, I couldn't. Eat for what? What did I need food for? I dressed up and went to church like I'd never done before. You didn't need to look at me twice to know that something wasn't right. I sat like a zombie throughout service. I still couldn't hold back the tears  (and you know how I hate for people to see me cry). I was broken! Frank spoke to me that day like he never had. He reassured me, gave me hope again. No one knows the whole story even to this day. I don't know how I slept that night. People tried to make me feel better but no one could do the only thing I wanted, bring you back. I know you wanted to come by in the summer. Summer has ended, it was too hot even. It's Autumn now, cool and windy I'm still looking forward to that visit. I still cry. I miss you so much. Call and ask about the weather again. Come back if you can. I love you my brother, my Angel, my rol-model

6 months ago , on the 25th I was more than optimistic, I couldn’t even see u as I’ll, I kept telling everyone and smiling “can’t u see he’s getting better”, I had no doubt in my head , everything in me was super hopeful.. when I accompanied u to the washroom u said “ I’ll tell u something when I’m much better”...

U thanked me n said to go n rest , we’ll see each other in the morning..I didn’t get home n mummy Called me to come back, I still didn’t ever think u had left me..

Till I climbed the stairs n saw our mother sitting on the floor screaming you name...

Damn ..

Couldn’t move , couldn’t talk, couldn’t think...

Oh God , my kid brother , I came in to speak to u but u didn’t answer.

I dunno how I drove home dat night...

Things are not the same Nana.. nothing can be the same without u Paul..

I hv said n I’ll say again that if I can switch places with u, I will die for u to live.

Wherever u are , Frank loves u, I think about u everyday.. I still cry..

Come back if u can

I still cannot believe this. Maybe I never will. I can't accept it either. Some thoughts and memories come to mind sometimes that I just don't know how to deal with. I miss you so much, so badly, so deeply, so painfully. But sometimes I wonder how it is for you. We all miss you but you're just one person, how is it for you, the one person, to miss each one of us? (I probably made zero sense here. It makes so much sense in my head though). Sometimes I stop myself from posting on here, but not posting doesn't take away the feeling, the thoughts or the memories. There's so much to tell you. I miss our WhatsApp and Skype calls. I miss your face, your voice, your sense of humour, your love and your many abilities. God really blessed us with you and I know He won't stop blessing you. You're missed sorely!❤❤❤