Love Love Love
My Dearest Beautiful Sister,
I was trying to distract myself by playing Candy Crush, level 235! now, but something told me to get up out of bed and write this to you.
I know the end is near and you may not even read this before you have to go.
It’s OK.
I am so wonderfully thankful you were my sister, in my life, part of my life for this time around. You have had such a full adventurous beautiful life! When I asked you if there was anything left you wanted to do or somewhere you wanted to see or be before you go, you couldn’t think of anything. That’s a good thing. Look at all the things you’ve done and accomplished in your life. But that aside (because does it really matter now?) I want you to know that you have been a guiding light in my life and I will miss you.
You know you will never be gone in any of our lives – all the people you have touched and shared your life with. We have all been so lucky, especially me, I mean, you are my sister!
Most of all I will miss our skype calls on Saturday – I miss them now. Instead I will cherish all the long hours of conversation we had, but at least we had them!
I told you I had written something and I didn’t want to share it w/ you earlier on, but I am including it here. I told you a little about it when I was in BKK w/ you. It wasn’t something I wrote to you but about you.
I will find your ball of energy somewhere else, I’m sure of it, since I know we will never be far apart from each other.
I love you my little sister. You will always be with me.
Here it is.
February 14, 2015
I remember she told me about a psychic who told her this was going to be her last reincarnation, that she wouldn’t be coming back in human form. I told her that I didn’t want to come back either, that wherever she went I was going w/ her.
”Don’t leave me”, I said. Of course, at the time we were laughing about it, but it doesn’t seem funny now.
And what if she does leave? What if her journey takes her somewhere else? To other places I can’t even imagine, what then?
Is it true we are nothing but balls of energy floating around looking for something…else?
Maybe I’m not so in touch w/ my ball of energy, I have no place I want to go or so it seems. I only know that I am inextricably tied to her and her ball of energy. She can’t go, she’s too young, we have so much more to talk and wonder about. Who will be my person?
I was her older sister but in many ways she was the one I followed. I had so much fear, she had so many adventures to go on. I could only follow sometimes physically, sometimes virtually. She has touched my life like no other person. She will always be with me because she is in me.
The agony I feel is unbearable, but it is nothing compared to hers.
But in the end if she needs to go, I have to let her go - it is always harder for those of us who stay. She will have other adventures, I will have to live my “life”. Oh boy.
I will see you when you land in CA.
More love to you than you’ll ever know,
K