It has been exactly a month since we lost you.  I think about you everyday and it just doesn't seem real that you are gone from this earth. I will never forget you and I won't let Addi and Ansley forget you either. Everyone makes mistakes and I am so glad that you got a second chance to rebuild your relationships with your family and friends.  I may not have agreed with all of your choices but I love you no matter what. You are my only brother and I will always look up to you.  We are still trying to process the fact that you are gone. Mom is handling it especially hard. We have been going through old pictures and reminiscing.  I hope that you were happy with the way your funeral went and how everything was handled.  We were very proud of the way that it turned out.  We wanted to celebrate your life and I hope you know how much everyone loved you.  I hated to see you suffering so much; that was the most difficult thing to see.  I am glad mom, Christina, and I were with you when you took your last breath.  We all tried to comfort you and help you so you wouldn't be afraid.  I hope that you are without pain now and back to your old happy self.  I know that you are looking down on us because it seems that I feel your presence quite often. I love you with all of my heart brother...

My journey with Ryan began in high school. We hung out and ran around the same crowd. He was fun, happy, and crazy. He didn't meet a stranger. Over the years we dated on and off, until April 2014 when we put our relationship back together and I was by his side through out his illness. We married September 5, 2014 and I lost him December 28, 2014. My lover, my husband, my best friend. Gone too soon.