"Mom, I know it's almost the end of the school year, but I have a long weekend and I think I'll come home to visit you."
I was so happy to hear these words. We had all already our first Covid vaccinations and riding the bus seemed safe. Filipek was supposed to arrive on Thursday evening, April 22nd. Without any hesitation, I asked for a day off from work. We haven't seen each other for 3 months. The holidays and Piotr's 50th birthday have passed, we were waiting for him so much. Phillip came home on Thursday evening. I was a little afraid that he would walk alone at this time. Finally we decided that he would take the subway and then we would pick him up closer to the house, so that he wouldn't have to wait long for the bus. It was after eleven o'clock when Piotr went to pick up Phillip. I was standing and guarding the parking lot :) Of course, someone wanted to park and I heard a few unpleasant words, but soon my baby arrived and I was so happy. We talked for a long time, and when we went to bed, Phillip as usual, started playing his favorite game. Behind the wall you could hear the tapping on the keyboard and his hushed voice. It seemed as if everything had fallen into place. I could fall asleep peacefully. On Friday, we were scheduled to collect bags of soil for the garden. Phillip offered to help, as usual, but we didn't want to wake him up. When he got up at 2 p.m., he was a little embarrassed that he had slept so much and didn't help us, but we were so happy that he was finally home. We wanted to enjoy him as much as possible. That afternoon Phillip went to the garden, not to sit but to take a few photos. Spring had already arrived, tulips, daffodils and crocuses were blooming and he was taking photos of the flowers.
I asked what he would eat. Phillip's tastes were simple and traditional, chicken cutlet, pizza, pasta. I wanted him to eat something tasty and home-cooked. I promised tiramisu, but I ran out of time. During the weekend Phillip called all his grandparents in Poland and made plans with Matt for Sunday. We watched Hell's Kitchen and some movies. He usually spent a lot of time in his room, but this time he spent a lot of time with us. He even went with us to Home Depot to buy flower baskets. On the way, we commented on the beautiful blooming trees and talked about his school. While walking, I told him that I needed to buy him new shoes, but Phillip insisted that the ones he still had were good. On Saturday evening, when Piotr went to bed, we talked for a long time. Until 3 in the morning I guess. He talked about his classes, some interesting and some not so much. He talked about new friends he met at school and that he finally felt like he had friends there. He described the house and the rooms he would live in next year and who he would like to live there with. We talked about stupid and serious things. He said, among other things, that he would like to have a big family and he dreams of spending Holidays with his family, with us, his future wife, her family and Matt's future family. All together. He told me that his friends were at the party now but he didn't regret coming home. He said he needed this, a break before the exams. We also agreed that I would wait for him to celebrate my birthday. And we will celebrate my 50th birthday together. Then I will also make the promised tiramisu.
Matt arrived on Sunday afternoon. Phillip was very happy that he decided to leave Princetown sooner and have dinner with us. He was so excited waiting for his brother. I can still see us sitting on the sofa and them talking about some hockey league that I have no idea about. When Matt got into the Uber, going home, Phillip hugged us tightly. It was so good to see them together that evening. The weekend passed so quickly. That evening, I packed some food for him to take with him to Cornell. He also managed to help me find something on my computer so that I could make a presentation to a Polish school. He was our go to person at home regarding internet and computers.
He was supposed to return home soon, in 2-4 weeks, depending on how the exams went. On Monday morning, before leaving for work, I went into his room to hug him again. He looked up sleepily and said "I love you mommy"
If I had only known that it would be the last time I would see him... I would never have let him out of my arms.
Since that weekend, three long years have passed without you, our beloved son. And it still seems to me that you will come home soon, you just have to pass your exams.
"Mamo, wiem ze juz jest prawie koniec roku szkolnego, ale mam dlugi weekend i mysle ze przyjade do domu was odwiedzic."
Tak bardzo ucieszylam sie na te slowa. Wszyscy bylismy juz po pierwszych szczepieniach na Covid i jazda autobusem wydawala sie juz bezpieczna. Filipek mial przyjechac w czwartek wieczorem wiec bez zadnego zastanowienia poprosilam o dzien wolny w pracy. Nie widzielismy sie od 3 miesiecy. Minely swieta i 50-te urodziny Piotra, tak bardzo czekalismy na niego. Filip przyjechal do domu w czwartek wieczorem. Troche sie balam, aby nie chodzil o tej porze sam, ale stwierdzilismy ze podjedzie metrem a pozniej odbierzemy go juz blizej domu, tak aby nie czekal dlugo na autobus. Byla juz prawie jedensta kiedy Piotr pojechal po Filipka. Ja stalam i pilnowalam parkingu :) Oczywiscie ktos chcial zaparkowac i uslyszalam kilka nieprzyjemnych slow, ale zaraz przyjechalo moje baby i bylam taka szczesliwa. Dlugo rozmawialismy, a kiedy poszlismy sie polozyc Filip jak zwykle zaczal grac w swoja ulubiona gre. Za sciana bylo slychac pukanie w klawiature i jego sciszony glos. Wydawalo sie jakby wszystko wrocilo na swoje miejsce. Moglam spokojnie zasnac. W piatek mielismy zaplanowane odebranie workow z ziemia do ogrodu. Filip zadeklarowal pomoc, jak zwykle, ale nie chcielismy go budzic. Kiedy wstal o 2 po poludniu byl troche zazenowany ze tyle spal i nie pomogl nam, ale my bylismy tacy szczesliwi ze wreszcie jest w domu. Chcielismy sie nim nacieszyc przez te kilka dni.
Filip jak zwykle poszedl do ogrodu, nie tyle posiedziec ale zrobic kilka zdjec. Wiosna juz zawitala, kwitly tulipany, zonkile i krokusy a on robil zdjecia kwiatom. Jak zwykle kiedy przyjezdzali, czy Filipek czy Mateusz, pytalam co by zjedli. Filipa gusta byly proste i tradycyjne, kotlet z kury, pizza, makaron. Chcialam, aby zjadl smacznie cos domowego. Obiecalam jeszcze tiramisu, ale juz jakos zabraklo czasu.
Filipek zadzwonil do wszystkich najblizszych w Polsce i umowil sie z Mateuszkiem na niedziele. W ciagu dnia ogladalismy Hell's Kitchen i jakies filmy. Z reguly duzo spedzal czasu w swoim pokoju, ale tym razem wyjatkowo duzo czasu spedzil z nami. Poszedl z nami nawet do Home Depot kupowac koszyki do kwiatow. Po drodze komentowalismy kwitnace pieknie drzewa i rozmawialismy o jego szkole. Idac powiedzialam, ze trzeba mu kupic nowe buty, ale Filipek stwierdzil ze te co ma jeszcze sa dobre. W sobote wieczorem kiedy Piotr poszedl spac jeszcze dlugo rozmawialismy. Chyba do 3 rano. Opowiadal o swoich klasach, niektorych ciekawych a niektorych nie za bardzo. Opowiadal o nowych kolegach poznanych w szkole, o tym ze wreszcie czuje ze ma tam przyjaciol. Opisal mi dom i pokoje w ktorych bedzie mieszkal w przyszlym roku i z kim chcialby tam mieszkac. Rozmawialismy o glupotach i powaznych rzeczach. Stwierdzil miedzy innymi, ze chcialby miec duza rodzine i marzy mu sie spedzac swieta rodzinnie, razem z nami, jego zona , jej rodzina i rodzina Mateusza. Tak aby takie spotkania byly wesole. Powiedzial mi, ze jego koledzy sa teraz na party ale on nie zaluje ze przyjechal do domu. Stwierdzil ze tego mu bylo potrzeba, oddechu przed egzaminami.Umowilsmy sie rowniez, za poczekam z moimi urodzinami na niego. I moja 50-tke bedziemy juz obchodzic wspolnie. Wtedy tez zrobie obiecane tiramisu.
W niedziele po poludniu przyjechal Mateusz. Filip byl bardzo szczesliwy, ze zdecydowal sie wyjechac szybciej z Princetown i zjesc z nami obiad. Wyjatkowo czekal na brata. Do tej pory widze jak siedzimy na sofie a oni rozmawiaja o jakiejs lidze hokejowej o ktorej ja nia mam zielonego pojecia. Kiedy Mateusz wsiadal do Uber Filip objal nas mocno i usciskal.
Weekend minal tak szybko. Wieczorem spakowalam mu jedzenie, aby zabral ze soba na Cornell. Zdazyl jeszcze pomoc mi znalezc jakis program w kompuyerze abym mogla zrobic prezentacje do polskiej szkoly. Do domu mial wrocic niedlugo , za 2-4 tygodnie, w zaleznosci jak uloza sie egzaminy. W poniedzialek rano przed wyjsciem do pracy weszlam do niego do pokoju aby go jeszcze raz usciskac, Zaspany podniosl glowe i powiedzial "I love you mommy"
Gdybym tylko wiedziala, ze widze go po raz ostatni...nigdy nie wypuscilabym go z ramion.
Od tamtego weekendu minely juz dlugie 3 lata bez Ciebie nasz kochany Filipku. A mi sie wciaz wydaje ze zaraz wrocisz do domu, Musisz tylko zdac egzaminy.