A Tribute To Our Beloved Ah Ma

To the Pok family especially for her grandchildren and great grandchildren and all who knew and loved Lim Choon Ying, this eulogy was written to honour the life of a woman who has left an indelible mark on my life shared on the 17th of October 2016. (translated on that night by Pastor Steven Wong in cantonese)

 

In the 1960s, my Dad came to Singapore, met and married my mother and they made Singapore their home. This move meant that in order for Ah Ma to see her son and his family, she had to make trips to see us and she did this at least once a year. Her visits always meant that we would see her busy with all sorts of activities in the home and if you know my grandmother, you would know that she couldn't sit still very well. One of these activities was sewing. I would always marvel at her skill with the needle and sewing machine making us clothes and especially quilts or blankets, made with all the remnant cloth from their tailoring shop. I soon came to associate the sound of the clacking of the traditional foot pedaled sewing machine in my home with her visits. She was an early riser and always up before us. We would wake up to see her doing tai chi in the mornings and later on when she was in her seventies it was with a sword, even balancing on one leg! Her catching and killing cockroaches with her bare hands or climbing trees to pick mangoes, hacking it with a parang and driving nails into the tree trunk to get more fruit is legendary and it gave us a suspicion that she was trained in the army!  As my father shared last night, we would drive  7 hours to visit my grandparents during Chinese New Year every year and after the long journey, we would be met warmly with her preparing the hakka reunion dinner almost single handedly at the shophouse. This always included the slaughter of a live chicken which, in my young urban and sheltered mind, was another one of Ah Ma's amazing (commando worthy) domestic talents. There was nothing, nothing that Ah Ma couldn't do in our young impressionable minds, she was brave, fearless and strong, she was our Hakka Wonder Woman.

 

But apart from Ah Ma's talents and capable hands, the quality that stood out the most to me and my siblings was really her love, humility, and servant heart. As she was always ready to serve or help us when we asked. Whenever she did housework in our home, I would feel embarrassed and offer to take over but she would always refuse to let  me and just told me to go and study. During her stay with us, she would sleep in my room and despite my plea and offer to her to sleep on my bed she would always insist on sleeping on the floor. Her nightly ritual before going to bed was always the same, she would kneel on her mattress and pray aloud for the whole family in hakka, a dialect that was sadly not spoken much in my home except for when she came. She would speak hakka only to dad but mandarin or cantonese to the rest of us. As she prayed, I would lie there in the dark listening but not understanding. I would hear our names mentioned and knew that she was praying for protection and blessings.  As a child, this was my first glimpse into the Christian faith and witness a clear reverence for God. I didn't know it at the time but the way Ah Ma prayed, always leading us in grace before meals and praying out loud in public whenever we were about to embark on our long journey home displayed and modeled a God fearing and a spiritual discipline that was deeply imprinted on me. I did not know that being a chinese Christian in Malaysia in her generation was not so common and being a small chinese woman who was a tailor by trade, not highly educated, who could pray out loud in public was even more remarkable and impressive as I now can appreciate this an adult. Life was certainly not easy for my grandparents especially my grandmother. She went through much hardships and the pain of losing her children and even a grandson but has always been courageous and resilient. I attribute this to her strong faith and hope in God. I may not have seen much of her day to day lifestyle in KL but nothing spoke of her character more than how she took care of her precious daughter, 7 ku who was born with water in the brain. A condition that made her completely dependant on her parents for the rest of her life.  Ah Ma kept her close to her side and I never ever heard her complain about looking after her. As 7 ku grew weaker and more frail in her late 50s, Ah Ma was there taking care of her daily needs like bathing and feeding and praying for her every night. Such was the love, faith, obedience, selflessness, devotion, tenacity and persevering spirit of my grandmother. She was truly a pillar and a stellar example of motherhood to us all. To this day, I will always share this admirable quality about Ah Ma with my friends.

 

Being a grandmother and great grandmother many times over gave her much joy and she held all her grandchildren and great grandchildren with pride and blessed us every time she had the chance to see us. I have not known her to ever beat, scold or judge us as grandchildren. After having 10 children to raise I think she probably needed a well deserved break ! Even though the language was a barrier between us, she was always very direct with us about believing in God and Jesus. And she will be thankful to know that all of us are believers by the grace of God. She only had kind words and encouragement for us and we were all her precious treasures. Her bao beis. Hers was  an unconditional love, a Christlike kind of love that in turn endeared her to us so that we would never think of being rude or rough with her. She was well respected and loved by all of us. Each one of us has distinct memories of personal experiences with her and these are memories we will cherish now that she is gone. There is a passage in the bible  from proverbs 31 that I would like to share with all of you. This is how it describes a wife of noble character :

 

“An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land. She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.” Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.”

Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV

 

Even though this is a hebrew poem which maybe a gold standard for wives and even husbands, Ah Ma, you resemble that proverbs woman to me and I praise God for your life and everything He did for you and through you. God has been sanctifying and refining you with all the hard times and trials that you went through so that you will become more and more like Christ. He did not test you beyond what you could bear. He gave you a long and healthy life to see your grandchildren beget great grandchildren and He took you home when your body could bear it no longer. You have been a good and faithful servant and I know you are now in the room that He has prepared for you in His mansion. We rejoice with heaven and the angels as you walk through its gates into Jesus' arms. Rest in God’s peace, your children, grandchildren and great grandchildren love you, we bless you and because we put our faith in Jesus, we will see you again in God’s time.

 

Ah ma, zhoi geen !