As I fell asleep, a little after midnight, I tossed and turned feeling uneasy while I slept.

Then all of a sudden and just like that I was sitting next to you in your black pathfinder SUV with a bag in my lap. We were in a five story parking garage and you were driving around in circles up the ramps. The parking garage was completely empty and I asked him "what are you doing bro, where are you going? There's absolutely nothing here"! And you replied "I need you to get out now,"! I looked at him and said "why?". He replied " where I am going, you can't come with me". I looked at him as he looked back at me with seriousness and proceeded to open my door. As I got out of the car he handed me my bag and said goodbye. I closed the door and he kept driving up the parking garage. I started walking downwards to the ground and as I exited the garage I looked up to see where he was and he was gone.  Bam, in the real world my phone goes off and it's my brother texting me. He informed me that Ralph had gotten into an accident. Then and there I knew something had happened. I had a dream at exactly the same time this horrible accident happened. I was the last to see you that past labour day, of all the cousins. But I'm glad I had a chance to celebrate life with you before leaving us and heading up to paradise. Of all the cousins you and I were the closest. We had our fights and arguments and disagreements, but we also had our fun happy joyful times. Miss you lots bro. Till we meet again.  

I've been wanting to write something on here for a while...just didnt know what to share. I have so many memories of my big cousin Ralphie! But I finally have something perfect to share! Im a little hesitant to share because some may think that what I am about to say is crazy, and it is, but I feel compelled to share this because I believe it has a strong message behind it. I apologize in advance for the length of this.

Not too long ago, I had a dream. But it didnt feel like I dream, I was more aware, I could actually feel! It took place at my house in Toronto. Ralph had survived the accident. He was resting in the room Doris and my aunt sleep in. Our whole family was waiting at his door, just waiting for him to come out so we may greet him, feel him, see him, and make sure hes okay. He finally came out! Smiling of course! Everyone rushed to him hugging and kissing him. I was at the back of the crowd. It was finally my turn and I embraced him the hardest I could. I felt his warmth once again! I looked up at him and said "Ralphie! What happened to you man! You okay! You're hungry! Lets go eat! My treat!" He was tired but he accepted my offer. So I took him out to eat! I told him to order what ever he wanted. It was about time he had a good meal. But looking into his eyes I could tell that he knew something that we all didnt. It felt like he only survived to say goodbyes, to make sure things were okay before he left us. He knew he was going. I asked him " tell me the truth, are you okay Ralph?" He said. chuckling "Im good Vanessa! Dont worry!" Then he got serious. He asked me "How my mom? She okay? and Doris, how she doin? Shes alright?" I couldnt understand why he kept asking about everyone but himself. He was the injured one, he was the one that just had the accident. I mean it wasnt all that surprising, Ralph was selfless, but this sincereity in his voice, I couldnt shake off. The questions of 'is everyone okay' continued... I havent shared this with many...

Couldnt help but think, is Ralph really okay...he's really is more worried about those he left behind! I was truly blessed to have this dream. An overwhelming sense of peace! I believe Ralph is still amoungst us. When my cousin Moussa and I went to see him one last time at the funeral home in Canada to say our last goodbyes because we couldnt make it to New York...we were obviously crying, because the thought of saying goodbye was unbearable. When we went back downstairs, as we were wiping our tears away, Moussa said "We're crying but Ralphies probably laughing at us right now thinking that we're crazy." Now I know, he's always with us! I dont understan why this dream came to me, there are others who needed him more than me, but I guess I was just the messanger.

Ralph and Doris; My New Yorkers! My cousins! As a kid, when they came to Canada and left, it was the worst. I cried for days because I didnt know when I was going to see them next.

Ralph I missed you long before you were gone. You'd always ask me if I was going to miss you, or if I missed you!  The song I attached takes me back to when you drove me to airport, you sang every word, and emphasized that "I hope that you miss me a little when Im gone" ...and we all do <3
 
Love, your little cousin, Vanessa  

(Miss Me- Drake) 

I remember the summer you spent a whole month in Lebanon with mom(2011). I was at home and attending classes. I remember your return home. It was a warm sunny day in September. I ran outside the house to greet you. I had missed you soooo much and couldn't wait. You were wearing a salmon colored shirt with khaki shorts, both were slightly baggy on your newly slimmed bod. Your walk was uneven since you held your heavy gucci carry on duffle bag in your right hand(your fav bag). Your smile, your face, your teeth glistened. You had an amazing tan, the perfect touch of sun bronzage. I remember saying “Woooow you look sooo amazing”. You smiled and looked to the side and then said “really?” and then began to laugh since you already knew that before I even told you. That was really the best I have ever seen you..