As I fell asleep, a little after midnight, I tossed and turned feeling uneasy while I slept.

Then all of a sudden and just like that I was sitting next to you in your black pathfinder SUV with a bag in my lap. We were in a five story parking garage and you were driving around in circles up the ramps. The parking garage was completely empty and I asked him "what are you doing bro, where are you going? There's absolutely nothing here"! And you replied "I need you to get out now,"! I looked at him and said "why?". He replied " where I am going, you can't come with me". I looked at him as he looked back at me with seriousness and proceeded to open my door. As I got out of the car he handed me my bag and said goodbye. I closed the door and he kept driving up the parking garage. I started walking downwards to the ground and as I exited the garage I looked up to see where he was and he was gone.  Bam, in the real world my phone goes off and it's my brother texting me. He informed me that Ralph had gotten into an accident. Then and there I knew something had happened. I had a dream at exactly the same time this horrible accident happened. I was the last to see you that past labour day, of all the cousins. But I'm glad I had a chance to celebrate life with you before leaving us and heading up to paradise. Of all the cousins you and I were the closest. We had our fights and arguments and disagreements, but we also had our fun happy joyful times. Miss you lots bro. Till we meet again.  

I've been wanting to write something on here for a while...just didnt know what to share. I have so many memories of my big cousin Ralphie! But I finally have something perfect to share! Im a little hesitant to share because some may think that what I am about to say is crazy, and it is, but I feel compelled to share this because I believe it has a strong message behind it. I apologize in advance for the length of this.

Not too long ago, I had a dream. But it didnt feel like I dream, I was more aware, I could actually feel! It took place at my house in Toronto. Ralph had survived the accident. He was resting in the room Doris and my aunt sleep in. Our whole family was waiting at his door, just waiting for him to come out so we may greet him, feel him, see him, and make sure hes okay. He finally came out! Smiling of course! Everyone rushed to him hugging and kissing him. I was at the back of the crowd. It was finally my turn and I embraced him the hardest I could. I felt his warmth once again! I looked up at him and said "Ralphie! What happened to you man! You okay! You're hungry! Lets go eat! My treat!" He was tired but he accepted my offer. So I took him out to eat! I told him to order what ever he wanted. It was about time he had a good meal. But looking into his eyes I could tell that he knew something that we all didnt. It felt like he only survived to say goodbyes, to make sure things were okay before he left us. He knew he was going. I asked him " tell me the truth, are you okay Ralph?" He said. chuckling "Im good Vanessa! Dont worry!" Then he got serious. He asked me "How my mom? She okay? and Doris, how she doin? Shes alright?" I couldnt understand why he kept asking about everyone but himself. He was the injured one, he was the one that just had the accident. I mean it wasnt all that surprising, Ralph was selfless, but this sincereity in his voice, I couldnt shake off. The questions of 'is everyone okay' continued... I havent shared this with many...

Couldnt help but think, is Ralph really okay...he's really is more worried about those he left behind! I was truly blessed to have this dream. An overwhelming sense of peace! I believe Ralph is still amoungst us. When my cousin Moussa and I went to see him one last time at the funeral home in Canada to say our last goodbyes because we couldnt make it to New York...we were obviously crying, because the thought of saying goodbye was unbearable. When we went back downstairs, as we were wiping our tears away, Moussa said "We're crying but Ralphies probably laughing at us right now thinking that we're crazy." Now I know, he's always with us! I dont understan why this dream came to me, there are others who needed him more than me, but I guess I was just the messanger.

Ralph and Doris; My New Yorkers! My cousins! As a kid, when they came to Canada and left, it was the worst. I cried for days because I didnt know when I was going to see them next.

Ralph I missed you long before you were gone. You'd always ask me if I was going to miss you, or if I missed you!  The song I attached takes me back to when you drove me to airport, you sang every word, and emphasized that "I hope that you miss me a little when Im gone" ...and we all do <3
 
Love, your little cousin, Vanessa  

(Miss Me- Drake) 

I remember the summer you spent a whole month in Lebanon with mom(2011). I was at home and attending classes. I remember your return home. It was a warm sunny day in September. I ran outside the house to greet you. I had missed you soooo much and couldn't wait. You were wearing a salmon colored shirt with khaki shorts, both were slightly baggy on your newly slimmed bod. Your walk was uneven since you held your heavy gucci carry on duffle bag in your right hand(your fav bag). Your smile, your face, your teeth glistened. You had an amazing tan, the perfect touch of sun bronzage. I remember saying “Woooow you look sooo amazing”. You smiled and looked to the side and then said “really?” and then began to laugh since you already knew that before I even told you. That was really the best I have ever seen you.. 

Today I went going to get coffee from the local tims (canada) and it was snowing. On my way out walking over to the car I felt a cold refreshing wetness gently lay on my bottom lip. It was a snowflake. I thought it was strange that a snowflake would fall and kiss my lip since my head was faced downward. I was looking at the ground in front of me when it happened. I then looked up and another snowflake hit my left cheek consecutively followed by another snowflake on my right cheek. I smiled  and felt sparkly . .. Then I  remembered the week of the accident we were talking about Christmas and gifts. I remember the sparkle in your eye and the smile you held back when I asked you what you wanted from mom and dad for Christmas. You shook your head no as though you didn't deserve anything. I miss that hidden smile and sparkle that hid your humbleness,,, or perhaps you knew perhaps you knew and there were signs that this Christmas 2014 would be very very different. 

Ralphie, Ralphie, Ralphie.  Almost every story I remember of you makes me laugh.  The remaining few proved what a sincere gentlman you were.

I remember the MYA picnic 2 summers ago.  Doris couldn't make it to the picnic, so she called me and asked if you could get a ride with me.  I told her I wasn't driving, but that he can come with whoever was.  She gave me your home # or your Dad's cell, because something was wrong with yours.  I called you, you and you said you were going to get a haircut and promised to meet us at a certain time.  I didn't hear from you for a whlie, so I called you, and you said you were leaving now, but didn't have a cell.  There was some change of plans...we switched from meeting at my house to meeting Susan's (I think), and I needed to tell you that.  So, I called your house and spoke to your Dad.  He told me you were still cutting your hair, when you had told me you were finished and were on your way!! Haha.  So, then we just sat outside Susan's and waited and waited and waited.  We called you again, since you took your Dad's phone, and all the girls were complaining that we are already so late, and where were you?  You said you're here, just turning the corner to her block.  10 minutes passed, and you still weren't there.  When you finally arrived, we decided to have you sit in the middle in the backseat as a "punishment" for making us so late, AND so you wouldn't be able to reach a window to smoke in the car (it's unhealthy!).  We laughed so much, as the biggest and tallest, and only guy in the car, had the middle, back seat. But, you were a great sport about it, as you were with lots of things.  You didn't mind sitting between "two beautiful girls," as you said.  Always a gentleman!  Your parents raised you right :)

Ralph was always so proud of me. He was at all of my birthdays including my actual birth. ( he was special and was allowed to stay)
For my 25th birthday we had a ton of fun. He made a toast in my honor and the excitement and jubilee in his eyes could like light up the sky!. I love you.  I got to do it alone now. 

We go way back. Raised in Brooklyn, moved to Staten Island around the same time and stuck by each other until high school. That didn't matter because we always cared about each other and always felt comfortable talking to each other. I don't know what grew us apart but no matter what you will always mean something to me. Everywhere I went and I saw someone who knew you, they would say "you're Ralph's cousin." This is how you saw me and now it hurts me that we didn't stick together. You have a distinct laugh which was awesome bc it made me laugh for no reason. I remember the time when you, my brother, your dad, and myself went crabbing at Gateway and you fell in the water, my brother and I looked at your dad and said Ralph fell in the water and your dad without even thinking , jumped into the water to save you but all along you were already back on the dock with my brother and I while your dad was still looking for you in the water. We started laughing hysterical bc we were young and crazy , but this shows how love trumps all. How your father jumped into the water out of love and I'm sure if Doris, Peter, and Lina were there they would have done the same. You were always good to me , always. I remember the last time we actually spoke and had a conversation. I was driving by your house on Hylan and saw you and stopped went in reverse on hylan and pulled up in front of your house to see you. You jumped in my car and we hugged and started talking. I asked you how everything was going and then we started talking about real estate and how you congratulated me on becoming a real estate agent. I told you to call me and come hang out with me, I'll bring you into real estate, you have the charisma, the charm, and let's face it , you're good at hustling. I never received a call from you but maybe that was my fault. Maybe I should have called you. You didn't have a cell phone when I saw you but gave me your house number and I wrote my number on a sheet of paper for you. You invited me to come to the church and hangout with your sister and all your friends there. You called me cousin. This paragraph is long and prob doesn't make sense but I don't really care right now. We love you Ralph and just like the priest said, "we know why you were brought into this world but we don't know why you left" one way or another you made people laugh, you took the negative and turned it into a positive for people. Always made everyone laugh. I have a few other stories but I don't think they are appropriate. Just one more actually.  I remember when we were at my old house on Richmond Road in New Dorp and our next door neighbors who lived in the apartment were two hot blondes ( I was prob 13 and you were 15) and we saw them leave and always wondered if they were strippers.  So we both decided to break into their apartment. You opened their window while I helped you get in by giving you a boost. After five minutes you came back out with the ladies bra and panties and said lets go nonchalantly lollll.  Too many stories.  I love you and your family. Remember it might not make sense now maybe ever but everything will be alright. Will always be alright, just have to stay positive. Knowing Ralph, he would want me to be positive about this and keep living my life. I love you Ralph

Its never the same without you partner :-) I know you remember what we did that day on Sunday :-) We brought it back like we were kids all over again and this time we laughed our asses off and got away with the impossible. As me and you both know we have our own personal experiences with the police and that day we were COPS. We played undercover, blasted the police radio, did routine traffic stops, pedestrians cleared the street corners and we got FREE Thai food because we told the restaurant we were on the JOB undercover. You called me Sgt. and I called you partner and we went back to my place and brought back memories of our bikes back on 13th Ave. We also knocked on my cousin's girl and tasted her cooking while it was still on the stove since we are so curious in the kitchen! This was no hangout Brother, this was love for one another, we have a deep appreciation for one another. Your last words before you went back to your car: "Richie, you help me think positive when you talk, I like that a lot about you Richie."  

Oh and one more thing: Your sister called and she wanted to pick up food for both of you on her way back in SI. She sounded like the older sibling as usual, however the sweetest thing you said before she hanged up: "I love you Sis" and I said: "I love you too Doris". ( Ralphie, Doris loves you as much and more than ever now than you can imagine ) Give her the strength and courage that you carried for your sister now and always +

By the way Doris, I do remember the Gallaghers down the block who me and Ralph hated so much that Ralph was so stronger than them he got so mad when he found out one of them stole my bike. Ralph made a big comeback at those punks!  
 

Hey Ralphy, the details of the accident are slowly coming to light. Im so sorry that you had to with stand the gross injuries. How brave of you, you were always so brave. Even times when you were scared, you hid it very well. I remember when you were younger, you must of been 9/10 year old, mom and I were picking you up from school in brooklyn. You were out in the play yard and an older boy who always bullied you and this day was hurting you. I began crying and begged mom to help you. He took you by your shirt and started to drag you. Mom didn't help you, instead she said your brother has to fight him and defend himself. I was in disbelief and was so upset with mom. You ended up throwing a rock at him and the older boy starting crying and then you ran away. I love you. Always were 2 steps ahead. I fear nothing now. Habibi . (richie you may or may not remember them they lived down the block).