Dear Ralph, another year passes as we remember your passing. We miss you so. Every family gathering we miss you. You and Kathy were a great team! Mary Beth

Ralph, we are within a few days of being the same age, and I thought you would journey with me, and all of us, for many years. Your passing left a big hole, one we can never fill. And so, we are sad on this day of your passing but at the same time uplifted by the many memories we shared with you. We continue, as we must do because, in so many ways, you are still with us.

Dear Cuz, another birthday has come and gone and unfortunately I am a day late wishing you a Happy Heavenly Birthday. If you only knew how much I miss you, it hurts.! Life is going on without your laughter, your garden, your phone calls and so much more.
I will always love you.
Elaine Stamper

Dear Ralph,
   Happy birthday. Today marks five years that we haven't shared December 17 together. I am still keeping up our tradition of decorating the house and tree, and erecting the Village by your birthday. I am running a day short this year, as I am moving more slowly than ever, but I promise all will be done by the end of the day. I just have one small tree now, and I will make it beautiful in your honor.  Last night, while getting into bed, I looked at your bedside photo and tears came so suddenly.  I wondered, without any hope of an answer, why you were gone. Although you are not here by my side, I have so many beautiful memories of our life together that will always keep my torch for you burning. I will always love you!

Whenever I think of Ralph, he is always smiling. His smile was the real thing because it went deeper than a smile; his whole being radiated a warmth and a generosity of spirit. 

Across the miles, I have a desire to console my precious sister knowing how she yearns for Ralph’s embrace. 

I recall a poem (excerpts) by John O’Donahue that tells me how I can best honor Ralph. 

    Whatever you enfolded in your gaze
    Quickened in the joy of its being;
     You placed smiles like flowers
    On the altar of the heart.
     Your mind always sparkled
     With wonder at things.

     May you continue to inspire us:

     To enter each day with a generous                         heart.
     To serve the call of courage and love
     Until we see your beautiful face again
     In that land where there is no more                          separation,
     Where all tears will be wiped from our                          mind,
     And where we will never lose you                          again.
By John O’Donohue

‍

Ralph, I'm still here among the living and the many folks who knew and loved you. I was born two weeks before you, but I would gladly share with you the position of patriarch of the extended family. God knows we need all the wisdom and guidance we can muster in this dark time. I can't say that we will be joining you, but I can say that our journeys are moving closer to the answer to that question. I hope the fond memory of your life will serve as an inspiration for all of us who are still here to open our hearts, forgive our past differences, and recognize that all we have left at this time in our lives is the bond, the kinship, the love and the unfettered support we can give each other. I wish it were easier than just writing the words. I wish you were here with me to say the words.

August 12, 2023

Ralph, Today is my birthday. It's 12:34 AM, and I've been reading the stories, and the tributes and looking at the photos of places we visited, our yard on McCrady, our kids and grandkids. I'm missing you so much right now; losing you left a big hole in my heart, now covered with a scar that won't go away. Remember how you always made this day special for me, taking me to an upscale restaurant. How I enjoyed the pageantry of those evenings -- the check-in (you always made reservations), following the hostess to a table with white linens, the elegant ambience, the waiter offering the menus and taking our drink order, perusing the menu for what might be the best entree, and the well-served dinner. How I loved those birthdays with you. How we would talk and talk, never running out of things to say to each other. After paying the check, you would escort me to our car, always opening the passenger door, making me feel treasured.

In a little while, I will be having lunch with Laurie at Hoffstot's in Oakmont. She will make it special for me. I'm 81 now and glad that I can do this and enjoy time with my daughter.

Good Morning, my love!
Kathy

Dear Kathy, it is with a heavy heart that once again I leave a tribute to my Dear Cousin Ralph. I miss your phone calls with your pet name for me and of course at the end of the call you would say hey thanks for calling, and I would respond you called me, oh did I.of course he knew he did!! Oh how I wish for one more phone call Ralph. You were so loving and caring about family and especially the love you had for Kathy. Oh so many times I want to tell you something or ask a question that only you would know the answer, whether it was how you made your salads or how you grew those awesome tomatoes or about someone from school or something about our neighborhood growing up. Your humor, your crazy jokes . I miss all of those things but especially miss you with every fiber of my being. Love Always Your Cousin Elaine. AKA H.

I thought of you the other day. It is hard to believe how fast time passes. I have kept your plants alive as a tribute to you. It will soon be time to replant the elephant ears, as always, I will be asking for your help with that. Mike and I had a great conversation about you and your ideas of a true union. You were part of the great generation who shaped how the working unions should be and if you were here today to see how they are operating you would be fighting like hell to make it better. I miss you. Kathy we love you hang in there on this tough day.

Ralph, I solder on as patriarch of the extended Cook family. I wish you were still with us and could be my second-in-command. This is not an easy time. We could use your wisdom and sense of humor to help us on our last journey. I have so many things I could have shared with you, and with that, not feel so alone. The shadow of your passing does not darken our collective memory of your shining presence. Sleep well.

My heart aches today for my sister Kathy. She misses Ralph every single day. A True Love Story they had together. They made each other so happy. It is always a pleasure to hear her reminisce about there life together. It is heart warming to know how much Kathy was Loved.
Mary Beth

Hi, Kathy,
I enjoyed reading the stories about you & your beloved Ralph. We think of you quite often and reminisce about the fun we had playing cards and just talking and laughing with you. Ralph had a talent for making people feel happy. We do miss him. Love You!
Toots & Frank

“Among men and women, those in love do not always announce themselves with declarations and vows. But they are the ones who weep when you’re gone. Who miss you every single night, especially when the sky is so deep and beautiful, and the ground so very cold.” – Alice Hoffman

I know my dear sister grieves every day. But I have also witnessed how she swells with gratitude that Ralph entered her life and awakened within her a degree of joy she never anticipated, never expected and never took for granted. I honor her memory and recognize it as sacred. 

On your Birthday I want to honor you. You and and Kathy had a Beautiful Love Story! Kathy tells me how much you loved each other and what a good man you were. We miss you so much.
Kathy’s sister, Mary Beth

Ralph, it's morning and it's your birthday. Last year, I wrote you that the decorations were placed and the tree trimmed. We always had that completed by your birthday; it was the way we celebrated your day. I've been sick this past week and moving slowly, but the decorations will be placed by the end of the day, and maybe I can get to the tree. I want to continue our traditions for as long as I can. I love you so, miss you so much, and wish you were here with me. You are my good man, my forever sweetheart. You loved me and that love was so great that it spilled over, wicking into the lives of everybody in my life. Thank you.

Dear Kathy, I want you to know I didn't forget about my beloved cousin on the anniversary of his passing. I miss him every day and wish I could hear his voice on the phone with his favorite greeting he had for me!!!
R.I.P. DearCousin
Love You Always,Elaine

We think of Ralph and remember him fondly at every bocce game. It was such fun playing with him and Kathy whether it be on the courts or the back yards. He was the nicest guy we knew and enjoyed his and Kathy's company.

Text by Jeanne Watson: Ralph, simply put, was a good man. This may sound simplistic and in sufficient , but during my long life, I ask myself just how many men I've known I could describe this way. Actually, no one, which seems unusual and remarkable to me. Goodness came easily for him; it was his life's blood, and he remembered the tiniest things about one. He always called me Jean the bean, my nickname from childhood, and never forgot my admiring goodbyes as he whisked my sister off for the evening. He cared about me and always asked about my health and wellbeing. He loved and respected my beloved sister, and I believe he loved me as well, asking my opinion about the many things we were curious about. During my lifetime I had experienced not alot of love, except from my siblings. And so I soaked in his laughter and Intelligence. It was an honour to sit at the dinner table and talk about everything from religion to Politics. Sometimes we would disagree, but always kindly, despite his strongly held opinions. I loved this man with his huge heart, intelligence, and compassion. He is a man I find impossible to forget. A Good Man is a rare being. He never truly died for me, but, lives always in my heart. I draw comfort in the way he adored and respected Kathleen. Though their time together was brief, I believe they were the happiest years of Kathleen's life, a period when she could lean on someone for a bit, as she had been independent, doing very well, but having to be responsible since the age of 18. Always working so very hard since her childhood. Ralph was a present given to so many many of those who loved him. I love you, Ralph. You enhanced my life and my heart. Missing you always and thanking you for being here. JEANNE THE BEAN.

Ralph was born two weeks later than I. It was Pittsburgh and WWII was starting. We were too young to feel the impact of the war, and only later experienced the aftermath. The dead relatives and broken lives. Of course, I didn’t know Ralph then; it was not until he married Kathy. But I can imagine his growing up in the fifties, with doo-wop music, DA haircuts, nickel cokes, and girls, girls, girls. Just as I did. We would have a lot of memories to share, but I never got the chance. Or maybe I didn’t make the chance. That causes me pause. I look back at the passing of love ones like Ralph and regret all those missed opportunities. I would have said to Ralph, “My God, we had a helluva growing up experience.” I wonder why I am still here, and why Ralph passed. The good part of all of this recollection is knowing how he found Kathy and they had 17 years of a fairyland romance. The tragedy of his (I call, “early”) passing does not in any way diminish my memory of the fine man he was. Ralph, EVERYONE misses you.

My sister’s loss…
“The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to.” — Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

My sister has shown me that when we feel grief, there remains a place within us that is capable of renewal. We come in contact with that part of us as we emerge from deep grief. A tenderness toward others who suffer is evident. A deep understanding of loss now enables us to give more freely, more deeply to those who are experiencing loss. We offer our time and sincerity with a more acute “knowing.” I’ve watched Kathy / knowing her insides were reeling from her loss of Ralph, show me compassion that soothed my soul. I admire how she has not fought off her grief but rather embraced it.  She is able to bring a greater depth of of kindness and understanding to those around her. It’s pretty wonderful. She’s pretty wonderful.
Christine

We love you and Ralph, and enjoyed our times together, playing cards:, just talking, just being together, liking each other's company.
 Love from Toots & Frank

As I look through the photos the word abundance comes to mind. Ralph added SO much to everyone s life. His love for you Kathy grew everyday! Love poured out of Ralph and his life was a lesson for all!
MB

Dear Kathy, My eyes are filled with tears as I viewed all the pictures of Ralph and you. I miss Ralph with all my heart. He was a very special part of our family and will always be remembered for his kind and gentle nature but his love for you was one like no other. Happy Heavenly Birthday Cuz.
Love Elaine

My dear Ralph,
   Your birthday has come again, and I remember you with tears because I miss you so. But, I also remember you on December 17 with a sense of wonder about the way my life changed when you loved me. I have all the Christmas decorations up and my little tree that you bought for me at Kraynak's lighted, ornamented and trimmed with garland. I wanted it all done for you by the 17th because that's what we did, as a way to celebrate your birthday.  So, Happy Birthday, sweetheart. I love you.

                 Kathy

Dear Ralph,
  Happy Wedding Anniversary. I hope you are remembering that beautiful, sunny and unusually warm March day that was made especially for us. I miss you so, and I was remembering our anniversary all day and how we shared that wedding day with family and friends.  I just wanted to say "Good NIght, my love.  I will always love you so.

Kathy, I went through memory Lane with you & Ralph. I cried though the whole 59 Pictures. You & Ralph were the perfect couple. So much in LOVE! We always saw Ralph at the Train shows, he'd update us on how you were. He always had a big smile greeting. You were his Pride & Joy! We miss you both. We were good neighbors, there wasn't a problem you and I couldn't solve. Love Karen & Bill        

As a distant relative, I never spent much time with Ralph. Long before our first meeting the story of his visiting Kathy’s Nationwide Insurance office was well know by our entire extended family. It was a Cinderella story you only read about or see in movies. I knew I would like him, and our first meeting bore that out. You didn’t need much time with Ralph to know exactly who he was. He was never hesitant to state his opinion, and I call still recall the look on his face when doing so. And he made me feel free to state mine. How refreshing that was. We had a lot in common, our age, our military service, our interest in model trains (his continued in later life). I think of him as an old fashioned man, in a good way, that believed in telling the truth, being loyal, and showing respect for woman. Hard working and proud of his common sense, those qualities ran like a river throughout his life. The world needs more men like Ralph. I regret his early passing, speaking selfishly, and in bigger way, for the gaping hole it left in Kathy’s life. I salute you Ralph and aspire to be the man you were.

Ralph I still miss your laugh, stories, and beautiful gardens. Also your Salads!!
You were a great guy!

Kathy you are in my thoughts and prayers today. 

Love you both!
Ann

Sometimes our light goes out -
but it is blown again into flame by
an encounter with
another human being.
Each of us owes the deepest thanks
to those who have rekindled
this inner light. 
          Albert Schweitzer

Can I find words to express the joy I felt when I saw my sister so deeply in love and so deeply loved. And it was and still is a powerful love that shook the earth a bit, penetrating layers that had been dormant for some time. Thank you Ralph for trudging up those steps that one afternoon in Oakmont, curious to see if the name on the sign outside could possibly be the same Kathy you had fallen in love with as a youth. And so it was. 
I owe you the deepest thanks for rekindling my sister's inner light! 

In memory of a real Stand Up kinda guy!  Christine Green

This time of year is always the time I think of Ralph often. As I unpack the Christmas decorations, I think of how much decorating Ralph and Kathy did to get all the trains, trees and lights up. This makes me smile, because I realized I don't have near as much work to do, then I think what else can I do this year to honor Ralph's memory. I always find a Christmas item that Ralph gave to us and place it on the corner table he and Kathy gave to us. It always sits so well there! I also live with a train nut, so Mike sets up the trains we have, and we always talk about Ralph's display. Mike threatens one day he will create his own railroad display. I hope to show Kathy someday when it is complete. This was Ralph's season, I think even before gardening season started! We miss him everyday!

Ralph was one of the best humans I’ve ever known. Listening to others’ views was a constant for him. If he disagreed, he might do so fiercely, but no harm was ever intended. He was an old fashioned gentleman, considerate in all ways possible. And every day I want him back!

He loved my sister as no one ever had. They enjoyed every day of their life together. His enthusiasm was contagious. His heart was huge!

For me, he will always be across the dinner table holding forth—laughing.

Today, December 17, 2020, would have been Ralph's 81st birthday.

We loved Ralph!...His sense of humor, good heart, all-around friendliness and sincerity. Not another guy we enjoyed so much, especially playing cards with Him and Kathy!

We were so sorry to hear that Ralph had passed away...he will forever be missed in our hearts! We will always remember him for his beautiful garden and making our kids eyes light up both the youngest to the oldest with his trains. We loved his contagious smile and laughter and the sweet example he was of loving his wife well❤️

Ralph and I were shipmates aboard the USS Miller back in the 1950's. He and I traveled all over the world in that great old "tin can" and came back home safely. He was a good shipmate and a good friend. I'll always cherish the memories of our adventures together.

Ralph was my cousin and I miss him so very much.
He was such a hard working man who loved his garden and his trains.
He also loved Kathy with his whole heart ❤️.
They were the perfect couple.
Ralph could be so funny, we always enjoyed spending time together.
Oh lest I forget Ralph, made the best salad you ever wanted to eat.
Love and Miss You Always, Dear Cuz.

Dear Kathy, relatives, and friends of Ralph. I had no idea that Ralph had passed. I'm so sorry to hear of His passing, and extend to You My sincerest condolences and heartfelt prayers in this, a most difficult time for You. Although I didn't get the opportunity to get to know Ralph very well, You and He seemed like a member of My Family. Take care. Sincerely, Joe Cutler

Ralph gave me joy every day of our days together.

I loved him!