April 23, 1976 I had a beautiful little boy weighing 7 lbs. 14 ozs, 21 inches long. It was the happiest day of my life. 

(8 years old) I started receiving notes from my sons teachers at Field Elementary School in Canton. The notes said Raymond seems to be falling asleep in class and is very tired all the time. Could he not be sleeping enough at night? I knew that lately Raymond had been looking very pale and going to bed early and sleeping a lot more than usual. 

I began taking him to the doctors and they told me nothing was wrong the first time we went. Maybe increase his diet fruits and vegetables. You see, Raymond was never a very good eater. He kept looking paler and paler and illnesses like the flu, strep throat, colds, fever and fatigue kept coming into the picture. 

I noticed one day a very large bruise on one of his feet. It was huge and I asked him how this happened. The bruise started to hurt him, and being the persistent mother I was, I took him back to the doctors even though they kind of thought of me as a nuisance. 

This time we tried a new doctor and things seemed to be very different. This time he seems to be very concerned and serious looking about everything I told him. He took an X-ray of Raymond's foot and some blood samples, and after a while came back into the room. He seemed to be very uneasy and nervous. He started talking and things seemed to start whirling around. I finally caught up with him. 

The words were "I must take my son to U of M Hospital right away", they were waiting for me and him as we spoke. That day my mother and I took my sweet little Ray to the huge U of M Hospital. She seemed very upset I was so unaware of what was to come. My mother is wise, her heart was clear, (she knew). I still don't know how, but she did, and she was there for me. God Bless her, I am so glad. They admitted him and I still not knowing what was going on. The doctors told me they were going to do some tests. 

I was told they would like to test his bone marrow. After a few hours they called me and my family together to give us the results. December 6, 1985 I will never forget that day. Sitting in a room waiting for the doctor to enter, I bit my nails and prayed. When he entered I could see in his face this was going to be the beginning of are nightmare. Raymond was diagnosed with Acute Lymphatic Leukemia. 

He proceeded to tell me about treatment options and how they were going to fight this deadly disease. His protocol was good and they seemed to think we could beat it. I went in to tell Ray myself and would never forget the look of wonder on his little face. I tried to reassure him we were not going to give up on him and that I would be there for him every step of the way. 

I tried to let him keep up with life as much as he possibly could. He played a season of Baseball and Hockey while undergoing treatment. He had his good days and his bad but somehow I knew he should not let life pass him by. I worked as much as possible in-between doctor’s appointments and the days he was ill. 

Raymond seemed to be doing well with the chemotherapy and luck seemed to be in our corner. He would get a spinal tap each month as part of his treatment. One month Oct 27 1987 after his spinal he had more pain than he usually had after this procedure. 

The doctors contacted me not long after that they told us we had lost the first round in this battle. Raymond had relapsed in the Brain and Spine (CNS). He would have to have radiation to his brain, and spine and started a new plan of treatment. This protocol was not as bright as the first one but we were still in the fight. It was harder on him this time. The radiation seemed to zap the life right out of him. He looked and felt very weak and frail. 

After the radiation was over and the protocol was restarted, and almost completed he started to regain some of his strength. Each day that passed he seemed to get stronger and take on the look he once had as a healthy child. The end of his treatment was nearing and we talked about having a big party. Girls, girls, and more girls! 

The last step in completing a formal diagnosis of cure was a testicular biopsy for males. Even though they told us this was just procedure in this treatment plan, I had a very uneasy feeling going on in my mind. We were scared. But the doctors kept reassuring us they got it all... 

After the biopsy was over they came into the room that same look in their eyes as I had seen before. This day, Dec 6 1990 they found Leukemia cells in the biopsy. I felt myself slip into a state of shock and I felt so scared for my Ray. After I put myself back together they talked to us about Ray’s last chance for survival. This procedure was called a Bone Marrow Transplant and was very risky and expensive. But never the less, It was our only option left if we were going to keep up this war against Leukemia. 

I worked throughout this whole process, but now it was time to call out for help. I did just that and the response was wonderful. The surrounding communities that heard of our needs came running, and donations came in from so many caring people. 

The donor search is a very expensive and sometimes long process. As the search began, they tested our family members for a potential donor and also went into the national donor search program. After a while they called me with the news of two possible donors two people one of which was to give Ray a second chance at life. 

We met at the hospital to talk about the best donor for Ray. Something that felt like a bolt from heaven came into our life. Because to my surprise I was one of the two donors! I had five of the six antigens in my marrow to match up with my sons. This is very rare for a parent to be able to donate for their child. So I felt as if God was giving us the go ahead to continue fighting. 

The transplant was approved-everything was set up, and the green light was go. On April 24th 1991 the day after his fifteenth birthday, he was admitted into Harper Hospital and the procedure to kill off his bone marrow began. First round is high doses of Chemotherapy following large doses of Radiation. After this is done, you lay waiting for that life saving liquid from your donor.(Known as Bone Marrow) 

On May 2, 1991, I was admitted to Harper Hospital to have this life saving marrow taken from me and given to him for his second birth. This procedure has a few discomforts, but to save a life the risks are very small. After a few hours, it was done and Ray lay patiently waiting. Not for the marrow as much as the news his mom was OK! 

That morning of May 2 1991 he received the marrow which is given to the patient intravenously. The marrow has a homing device that knows right where to go. As its absorbed through the bones, It goes right to the center where the marrow will reproduce and take over as new. 

Now the careful time is 4 to 6 weeks isolation from all visitors and the human touch is vital now. The risk of infection is very high until the new marrow has time to graft and get stronger. In many cases, there is some complications from the donors marrow which involves Graft Versus Host Disease. This is a process where the donors cells start taking over and the patients cells resist. This can cause many problems. Ray's stay was a long and complicated transplant. 

On Sept 23, 1991 Ray was released but would still have to be very cautious. Two months went by and Christmas grew near. Raymond's (GVHD) flared up again and he had to go back to the hospital in November 1991. During his stay, he started having problems breathing and had to have a lung biopsy done to diagnose the cause. It was the CMV virus. It is a very common virus; 50-80% of the population has antibodies. He contracted it from my marrow. 

After the biopsy, one of his lungs collapsed and he was admitted to Children's Intensive Care Unit on a respirator. Ten days of fighting for his life, with machines all around him, medications pumping through his body and me holding his hand and praying for him to come through the crisis. He was hooked up to everything known to man and they told me his chances were almost nonexistent. But I never lost the faith, I talked to him and held his hand I prayed at his side I rubbed his head spoke soft prayers into his ears. He did make it thru. He told me of things he could not have known about, things in the ICU that he did not see. I do believe in out of body experiences he made me a believer. He was moved over to Harper Hospital to regain his strength and it seemed we were going to win after all. 

During the years of Raymond's illness I was there every one of those days. But I made it thru with the help and support of my family, especially my mother. She was strong Raymond really looked up to her his famous words were "Granny can fix anything". 
Time went by and Ray got better and better. He even got his license to drive and his life seemed to be going better never to look back on the scars of that terrible thing called Leukemia. We just lived day to day. Nothing seemed to be too hard for us to handle after what we had been through together. 

But as time passed things changed. Ray started having difficulty breathing. This really concerned the doctors, so they started adjusting his medications and considered doing some tests to see what possible problem might be causing this change. After a few pulmonary functions test. 

The results were in and he was diagnosed terminal with Restrictive Lung Disease a disease that has no treatment or process to change the inevitable. 

His breathing and pain got worse and worse. His medications for pain finally affected his driving privileges and life for Ray became harder and harder with each day passing. As I watched with a mother's eyes my son's body and spirits grew weaker and weaker. 

Then I met a man named Don Gonzales at a time when I was not looking. I told him of my son, and he came to me with open arms and offered his help and we took on a task I thought I would have to bear alone. 

For six months, Ray's health deteriorated. He was on 14mg morphine every hour 40mg valium a day, and was suffering a lot of pain. His oxygen machine was up to five liters and could not be turned up any higher. He still could not breathe very well. I would hold his hand and try to make it easier for him but, I could see in his eyes he had given it his very best fight and I was proud of him. I wished that night God would take him from this world and stop his pain. 

I called Martha Brown the social worker and wife of David C. Brown of Brown's funeral Home. She came over and talked with Raymond a long time about what his wishes would be if his life on this earth was to be no more. It really gave Raymond some peace of mind. 

Raymond died the day before Mother's day on May 7, 1994. We had talked the night before, we talked about some fears he had, he told me he over heard some doctors talking about him. They must have thought he was sleeping, when they said to each other this young man most likely will die in his sleep. 

He told me he was afraid to go to sleep and we talked about what that meant. I explained to him how much I loved him, and God loved him, and he shouldn't be afraid. I said I would take care of him always. Those were my last words to my son Ray. 

God knew I would need help more than ever now, and sent to me a person who would be there for me and Ray. A person who would not leave when we needed help the most. A person who was there the morning I went into Raymond's room to find him sleeping... the most peaceful sleep ever, a sleep only God can awake. As I screamed and cried and his arms were there to hold me... his words to comfort me. As my tears fell on his shoulders he just held me tighter. 

During my son's life, I worked hard to keep a roof over his head and supply food and clothes for him. I never really thought about him dying, and what that would mean afterwards I just knew I would do what I had to do. 

During Ray's illness David C. Brown Funeral Home of Belleville offered to help whenever I would need them. I kept in contact with them from time to time. I didn't have any money for Ray's burial and I was told they were going to work with me on this. I met David and Martha Brown and we talked about the services I would need for putting my son to rest. 

After all the plans were set and the bills were to be added up, they looked at me with very caring eyes and told me they would like to take care of the costs for me. They told me how they felt we'd suffered enough stress with this fight for a young man’s life. I thank them very much and I know God hears my prayers and will repay them in heaven one day. 

Raymond was scheduled to graduate on June 10th with the Class of "94" and I Anna Gonzales(Mom) and Wayne Stevens (Ray's Homebound tutor) from Belleville High School will be present to pick up his diploma and carry his cap and gown in hand with a proud smile on our faces. May he rest in the hands of God. I love you son !!!!!!!!!! May you rest in the hands of the Lord until I get there.