7 years without you. Seems like forever. Still miss you amd LOVE YOU as much as ever. ALWAYS AND FOREVER MY BEST FRIEND AND LOVE OF MY LIFE.

Dad, love you and miss you always. My fishing and crabbing buddy. Take care of Alex.

Happy Birthday dad. Remember not to rub Alex's tummy. He hates it. Lots of love and missing you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY in Heaven Bob. I still miss you as much as ever. I hope you are having a wonderful celebration. Love you Always and Forever. Oh. Since Jane is there now and she makes fantastic cakes, maybe she'll bake your cake. 

Te Adoro Roberto/

Six years since you went to Heaven. I still love and miss you as much as ever. So much has happened this past year. My dear friend Jane who was with me when you died, went to Heaven in February. Malachy's other grandpa, called "Bupar", died in March as did Phil O'neil Malachy was pretty devastated when Bupar passed. He was so instrumental--along with Kari's mom--in being a wonderful influence and guiding light for Malachy. Kari and John are the best parents ever. There was just a special bond between Malachy and Bupar. I will always love and miss you. Still wear my wedding rings and that beautiful ring you bought me. I am still married to you in my heart Always and Forever Bob.

Another Christmas without you. It truly doesn't get any easier. Love and miss you so much.

Forgot to tell you that Kari and the 3 kids came down and spent a few days in June. The entire family flew out to celebrate a surprise 60th birthday for one of Kari's uncles in Washington. We had a wonderful visit. Went to Florence and the beach and dunes and up the coast to Newport. Went to the light house in Agate Beach. Can't go in unless a guide is on duty. I remember we used to go in anytime by ourselves. Went through the park and showed them the tree we used to spray paint with '67 our class year, the bayfront and watched the fat sea lions that have taken over the wharfs. Malachy is a great young man. Smart, plays football and competed in cross country, plays the violin and golfs. He is a Packer fan to the max and attends one game each year with his grandpa either at Lambeau or out of state. He's 17 and a Junior in high schoo;. Works parttime at WalMart and has his own car. Plans on going to college after graduation. His 2 sisters are adorable beautiful Princesses. Love them to the max along with Hairy Monkey Arms. Remember when Malach would call and you 2 would tell each other you had Hairy Monkey Arms? I still call him that. 

So I'll close. All I can say is I love and miss you with all my heart. Oh! Diane and Jeff who came up to pray with you the last time have moved to Florida and came to town for a visit. Got together with them and had a fun time. And my friend Jane that I worked with and who was with me when you went home to Heaven is in town. She and Brad moved to Costa Rica and own a B and B. A bunch of retirees got together with her yesterday and had a fantastic time.

Hope you're enjoying all of the pets we both had all our lives and the ones I've asked Father God to give you. Always and Forever Bob.

I miss you every day dad, I will always cherish you holding till I could get to the hospital so I could say goodbye. I will love you till I join you in the afterlife.

Love you Always and Forever Bob. Miss you with all my being.

love you dad

Five years without you. Always and Forever Bob.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to my Best Friend and Love of My Life, So miss you Bob. Will love you Always and Forever.

Yesterday would have been our 39th wedding anniversary. It's still hard without you. I miss you so much. I remember how you used to talk about how we'd get to celebrate our 75th anniversary.

I love remembering how when we walked out of the Wedding Chapel in Reno a parade went by, church bells rang and the Blue Angels flew overhead. It made our day so special just as our marriage was. I was so lucky and blessed to have you in my life. I will love and miss you forever.

Hi dad, wish you were here with all of us. Happy Birthday and I hope Alex is being a good boy. I Miss him. FYI you will have a zoo by the time mom sees you again. I met a wonderful man named Steve. Kids are doing fine. Harper reminds me of you. Your love and compassion. Love you always.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY in HEAVEN. So miss you Bob. Love you forever with all my heart. You will forever be my Best Friend and Love of My Life.

Dad I miss you every day, as you know Alex is now in heaven with you. Please take care of him until I can see him again. Love Kristi

HAPPY BIRTHDAY in Heaven to the Love of My Life. So missing you today especially. Next month would be our 38th wedding anniversart. I remember how you always talked about looking forward to our 75th anniversary! How I wish that could have happened. I miss you so much my Beloved. Always and Forever!

It's been months since I've written anything. So much has happened. I've moved, holidays and Special Dates have come and gone and you weren't here. Today marks the 3rd anniversary of you going to Heaven. A very painful yet happy day that you are no longer in pain. I love you with all my heart Always and Forever my Bob!

Missing you so much today. I found your dress Army jacket and burst into tears. I know your hat is in a tote that hasn't been unpacked in years. I didn't know that in addition to being the first Mr. Touchdown for Harrisburg High, you were also Homecoming King! I knew about Mr. Touchdown but not Homecoming King. Roxie sent me pics of you being crowned. How cool. But you've always been King of my Heart. I cannot express how much I miss you! I will love you forever.

I'm late writing HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to you. I bought green balloons and sent them up to you from the spot on Kelly's Butte where you proposed to me. It was very hard to be there without you.It was early morning on our anniversary and so beautiful and peaceful. How I miss you. Ann and Maw came over 2 weeks ago as Ann wanted to help me organize the totes. That was on Wednesday. Saturday Ann called to tell me she was talking to Maw on the phone and Maw dropped dead. I've been so broken hearted but am glad she's in Heaven and you've probably been visiting with her. Donnie's in the nursing home you were in off of Coburg Rd. He'd been in Sacred Pocket Book and then sent to a Seattle hospital where they zapped stones in his Pancreas. He can't get around by himself so he's being rehabbed. We had a good time visiting and laughing about stories of you. Stayed several hours and then Loretta and I went to lunch. I miss you as much or more as the day you left. I will love and miss you until we are together again. Then I'll never have to miss you again. Always and Forever, Bob.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Best Friend and Love of My Life. Went with balloons up to where you proposed to me on Kelly's Butte, talked to you for awhile and sent the balloons with love and wishes from me and Donnie and Loretta up to you. Love you with all of my heart and miss you as much as ever. How lucky we had the time we had together. You were truly the best gift I ever received. Love you my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love.

Missing you so much Bob. Tomorrow is Mother's Day. It was 14 years ago the police came to the door and gave us a note to call HR in Idaho. That's how we found out Greg had died. So much sorrow. But you gave me strength to live through that. Now you're gone. How I miss you! Love you Always and Forever.

It's been 2 years since you died. How I've lived without you I will never know. It was like a horrible nightmare I can't wake up from. Yesterday was Patty's Memorial. It was so nice. The church was full. I sat by Carol and Kayla in the family section. Driving to Harrisburg was so hard. Going past all the fields you loved to show me where you used to farm. How I HATE driving anywhere without you. It's just so hard. Everything reminds me of you--we went everywhere together and to have to go to those places without you hurts so bad. I will love you forever Bob.

I bought a paper today and Patty's death notice was there. It's so real now. It's weird how you are told someone's gone and then you see it in print and it becomes truly a fact.
This is the month you went home to Jesus 2 years ago. So hard to believe I have lived without you. It's like I've been living in a "Walking Coma." I'm slowly coming out of it.
Went to the Blood Suckers today---without you. I HATE having to go to any thing medical. Reminds me of ALL the appointments you had to endure as a "Science Project" for the medical profession and it makes me cry and want to vomit. I hurt so bad for you when I think of all the useless crap you had to endure.I am so sorry Bob.
I love you with all of my heart and will forever.

By now you know Patty is in Heaven. I'm sure you were there to welcome her home. My heart is so sorry for your Mom. First she lost you. Then Gene. And now the baby of you kids. She called yesterday to let me know. She said she can't cry. She is such a strong woman. And poor Ken. I had no idea Patty was as sick as she was. My heart breaks for him and the life he will now lead learning to live--or try to--without the Love of His Life. It's all so hard and heart breaking. Saying good bye to your Best Friend and Love of Your Life is the hardest thing to try to live through. I love and miss you so much. Always and Forever, Bob.

Today is 23 months since you died. It seems like forever and yet the night you left is still so vivid. Nothing has changed: I still miss you beyond anything you could imagine. And I love you with all of my heart. And I always will. Always and Forever, My Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love. There will never be another you. Ever.

Today marks 22 months since you went to Heaven. It seems like yesterday and at the same time like you've been gone forever, Miss you so much and always will along with loving you with all my heart. I follow a blog on FB about this senior grizzled old hard luck cat who was adopted by a vet and his wife. Barnaby, the cat, is now dying. He's had 3 wonderful years since being rescued from his street life by these wonderful people. So I hope that when he gets to Heaven you could watch over him till his adopted parents get there. I know all our fur babies are with you along with your beloved Gretchen and your other dogs. Also my dog and cats I had as a child. So you are surrounded with lots of fun. And I bet Mister is still ruling the roost with Bit trying to boss you like she did down here. Can't wait to see you and all of them again. Love and miss you Always and Forever my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love.

Happy Valentines Day in Heaven my Love of My Life. So miss you Bob. Yesterday I had my nails done and Sylvia gave me a long stemmed red Carnation for Valentines Day. It's so pretty. Then I bought a floral arrangement with lavender Roses and other fragrant flowers. I'm Pretending they're from you. You always gave me Roses or a poem and always a card. How I love you for that, It's been almost 2 years since you left. I hate it. I miss you so much. Always and Forever, Bob.

Watching bits of the NFL game between the RAMS and the SAINTS. Brandon Cooks, a former one of our BEAVS wide receiver plays for the RAMS. He's really good. The SAINTS have Drew Brees as quarterback. He played with Chris Frank at WASHINGTON STATE. Had Greg had the right math class he would have played there, too. He was offered that scholarship. First game I've watched any of since you were here.
Still miss you with all my heart. Another birthday without you. Went to lunch with Donna, Jane and Jane's sister, Karen. Had a real nice time. We laughed and howled so much. Our waitress wanted to come sit with us cause we were having such a fun time. Debbie and Carolyn had come over the day before with gifts and cards. Your sweet mom sent a card with a gift enclosed. It was so special she remembered me.
I can't help but think what our lives would be like if you had gotten well and lived. We had so many dreams and plans. I will love you forever, my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love.

Happy New Year in Heaven my beloved. Another Christmas and New Years Without you. I miss you so much! I was remembering our first Christmas together. You made a Blackberry pie in honor of Jesus' birthday where you carved the words "Happy Birthday Jesus" in the crust. That was so sweet. I still have a very hard time remembering the past. It hurts so much to know we will never have those times again. And I hate it. Heard from Kari. Malachi turned 13 in December. They've all had the flu and Malachy has Strep Throat. I'm meeting Donna and Jane for lunch on Friday. Haven't heard anything from your family since Donnie's birthday in October. So you see nothing has changed -- just like when you were alive. Love you and miss you forever.

Today is 20 months since you left. I miss you so much Bob! Some days are so hard. I just can't believe you are really gone. Forever. It's almost Christmas and you won't be here again. I love and miss you so much. I know I should be so grateful for the 34 years, 7 mos and 19 days and I am. I just keep remembering the plans and dreams we had for growing old together. I love you!

Another Thanksgiving without you. Hardly seems possible you've been gone almost 2 years, Patty sent me your Harrisburg High Senior necklace. I carry it with your wedding ring. It was so nice of her to do that. Your mom called to tell me that Ruth and Patty are going to plant a fruit tree in Gene's memory. What a wonderful thing to do. Christmas will be here in 20 days. I will miss having a tree with you. I just miss everything without you. I don't see how my dad went on 14 years without my mom. It is hard! You were my life. Always and Forever Bob.

Today is exactly 19 months since you went to Heaven. Time has passed but seems like only yesterday I was holding your hand while you breathed your last. That memory will remain with me the rest of my life. How I wish it was a really bad nightmare. I will love and miss you Always and Forever Bob.

I passed another "FIRST" a week ago. I actually went out to Donnie and Loretta's for their annual Harvest/Donnie's birthday party. Loretta gave me such great directions I found it right off. It was soo hard seeing all the fields you used to farm and share with me. How I missed you! I called Roxy, with both Donnie's and Loretta's OK and invited her and she came. It was wonderful to see her again. Haven't seen her since she was at the hospital with you and me. I found out that not only were you the first Mr. Touchdown for Harrisburg High bit also Homecoming King. Met your Homecoming Queen, Loretta's Aunt. She told me that she was the one who crowned you Mr. Touchdown and you can see her doing that (just her arms) in the yearbook. Roxy made me a copy of that along with other pics of you. Also sat with Kenny Crowson's first wife, Jackie, and her daughter. Your mom came with your one remaining uncle, who is now 98! Ruth and Harry brought them. Katie Jean and her husband and all but one of their 8 kids were there. Katie is so beautiful and so are the kids. Her husband Mark still has that lovely Australian accent and was so nice. Hard to believe Katie has a daughter in college.Donnie has stones in his Pancreas and will be having surgery in Seattle to remove them. Guess the Dr is a specialist at this type of surgery. Donna is retiring the 16th of this month and Jane still works there but is out on medical leave. She and her Honey flew to Costa Rica to look into buying a bed and breakfast. I so hope it works out for them. Just want you to know I still miss and love you with all my heart. Always and Forever my darling Best Friend.

My Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love. Today marks 18 months since you went home to Heaven. How I've made it without you I'll never know. I feel like I'm waking up from a Walking Coma. That's the only way I can explain it. I miss you so much and will never understand why you died first. I will love and miss you the rest of my life. You were my Best Friend, Love of My Life and my Husband. There will never be another. I love you Bob.

Having a hard time today. Another song comes to mind. It's called "Something Always There To Remind Me."  Some of the words are: How can I forget you? You'll always be a part of me! Always something there to remind me. So true! Watched a Waltons rerun tonight. One of their cousins came to visit. Her husband BOB died. She was talking and crying that what if there was something she could have done to prevent him from dying. I know just how she felt. I keep going over in my mind how could I have done more to make those specialist Dr's listen to your symptoms and have the care and the compassion to help you. I only know that when the hospitalist pronounced the death sentence over you ---that was the end. You gave up. I know you were in such horrid pain and you begged me to have them stop hurting you when they had to turn you and I could do nothing. I am so sorry. I have so much guilt over not being able to do something. I will love you and miss you all the rest of my life and cannot wait to be with you in Heaven. Always and Forever my Love.

HAPPY 36th Wedding Anniversary to you my Beloved Roberto! How I wish you were here to celebrate together. I bought an anniversary card and your Mom sent us an Anniversary card and a birthday card for me to send with my card. Bought 10 beautiful green balloons and went up to Kelly's Butte where you proposed and sent them off. A few moments ago there was a knock at the door and it was a Springfield City Worker. He'd been working on Kelly's Butte and found my balloon bouquet stuck in a tall tree/bush. Evidently I didn't black out our address dark enough cause he brought them to me. He said he practically broke in to tears when he read my envelope addressed to you in Heaven. He kept saying how sorry he was and I burst in to tears explaining today was our anniversary and I was sending you cards and balloons to Heaven. He asked me if I'd like them as he'd brought them with him. I took them and now they're sitting in the living room. I'm so sad that they didn't go way up. It was kind of him to bring them to me though. I miss you so much Bob! These special days are so hard without you. Always and Forever my Love of My Life.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love!! Spoke with Donnie the other day and he asked if I would mind if he sent a birthday card for you to me. Told him not at all. Then I shared with him how I have wanted to go up on Kelly's Butte where you proposed to me and send a card attached to helium balloons up to you in Heaven. So I offered to send his with mine. He sent a card and so did Patty. So I bought 4 green and one blue balloons and sent them up. I parked next to the grassy part where you proposed to me. Then I let the balloons go. I will go back on our anniversary next month and send you more. I think I'll get out and sit on the bench they have there near your proposing spot and think of you and probably sob my guts out. I will never forget that precious night. I love and miss you so much Bob. Always and Forever my beloved!

Today is August 4th. This was the date of our second date where you took me to the Scandinavian Festival. We had such a nice time. How could the time have passed so quickly? In 20 days you would be 67. How I wish you were here and in perfect health. My best friend Ann turns 70 on the 7th. She, Yokum and I are incredulous that we have gotten this old. We still call ourselves the "Beauty Queens" and think of ourselves as still being 18. I've been having dreams about you almost every night. I am so happy in the dreams and then I wake up expecting you to be next to me and you aren't there. I will never get used to living without you. And I will never stop loving you.  You were truly my Best Friend, Love of My Life and Gift from God. Before we ever met I had made a list of the attributes I wanted in a husband and God gave me every one and more. Hey! I actually cooked something from scratch last week. Made chili and it turned out really good. I've made BLT sandwiches but stick mostly to cereal---I'm a whizz at pouring that in a bowl----and celery with peanut butter. You collected so MANY cooking utensils and other stuff--I don't know what half of them are for. And in that one cupboard there are enough beans and rice to thrill old Tim Taylor. Remember at the Y2K terrors he was telling everyone to stock up on bags of both. He'd be proud. I think we've had all that stuff since we moved to our home in 2001. Talked to Kari and Malachy last week. He starts 8th grade this year and plans on playing football. He's really tall and lanky and a very handsome young man. Kari shudders at the thoughts of him playing as it's tackle football and she's a mom. But he's also involved with golfing. Goes to his grandpa's everyday and they go play together. He has his own set of clubs. We haven't seen him since he was 4. I love talking to him. He knows everything about Green Bay and loves to regale me with stories about the players. I still plan on giving him all your Green Bay stuff as I know he will appreciate and treasure it as it came from you. All the other stuff will go to Kari, John and the girls. I know Kari will take care of all the family heirlooms. You can tell how much I miss our talking as I've run on and on. Love you forever my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love. Still can't go to many of our old spots as it hurts too much
Maybe some day I'll be strong enough to do it. I miss you so much Bob!

It's been a while since I've written to you. Lots going on. You probably know Grandpa Gene died. You probably met him at the Gates. I love and miss you. Your Mom called the day he died to let me know. She said it hadn't sunk in yet. My heart breaks for her. Losing the Love of your life and Best Friend is the most hurtful experience that's ever happened. But Gene is whole and well like you. And that is what matters. I cannot wait to be with you. I miss you so much. Always and Forever my Hunka Hunka Burnin; Love!

It's been 14 months 4 days since you went to Heaven. How I miss you my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love. I found some pics tonight of us at Sandy and Ryan's wedding and reception. How handsome you are! And I could look at them with love and joy and no tears. I still can't go most places we used to go as it hurts too much. I still haven't washed up the dried leakings from your swollen legs that rubbed on your side of the car. That sounds sick but I know that you once sat in the passenger seat. How I miss you! 2 more kids in my class have died. I grew up with both of them. I'm going to watch "Meet Me In St. Louis" now. I recorded it. I know how much you loved that movie. I'm kidding, of course. So I say Good Night the Love of My Life and Best Friend. Always and Forever Bob. Can't wait till we're together again!

When I retired Jane and Little Dawn packed up all my personal stuff. Most is still in totes in the garage but on envelope box of pens is in here. Went through it tonight and found 3 cards from you when you sent me flowers at work. I can't stop crying. I miss you so much Bob. It is still like a horrible nightmare not having you with me How I wish our lives had ended up so differently. Sylvia's husband John died May 20th. She's having a terrible time. They were best friends like you and me. My heart breaks for her. Being in this situation is the worst thing ever. How I wish I could talk to you and hold you again. The house crap is still going on. The guy who was going to buy it backed out so it's back on the market. I HATE this crap. I am so sick of it. You always told me everything would be OK. I wish I could hear you say it to me again. I love and miss you with all my heart Bob. Always and Forever!

Saturday at church all mom's were given a long stemmed carnation. So beautiful.  Yesterday I noticed your Joseph's Coat of Many Colors rose bush was blossoming. Found a bud that hadn't opened and picked it and put it in water with the carnation. It opened today and smells so beautiful along with the carnation. You always picked the first blossom of the year for me. I couldn't bear to even look at those roses last year as it hurt so much reminding me of you being gone. But I was able to not only look but pick one now. I still hurt and miss you beyond description but am able to do things that remind me of you a little bit. I can't wait to be with you in Heaven. Always and Forever, my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love!

Hello my Beloved Bob. Today marks 13 years since Greg went to Heaven. Hope you 2 have been having joyous times together. And May, Rod and Rosie And Red and Edith are there and your Grandma. You are so lucky to be with all of them. I'm missing you so much. I hope my mom and dad and grandma are there. If so we can play Pinochle with my mom and dad again. We used to have so much fun with them. I can't wait to be with you again. Always and Forever Bob.

Yesterday was your mom's birthday. I called her to wish her Happy Birthday. She is sick and has the flu and sounded horrible so we didn't talk very long. Also mailed her a card. The anniversary of Greg dying will be in 5 days. It will be 13 years since he died. I so miss him. And I can't express how much I love and miss you. I truly cannot wait to be with you in Heaven. We'll never again be separated Always and Forever my Best Friend. Love of My Life and my Husband.

A year ago tonight at 10 minutes of 8:00, you took your last breath.All I can say is that this has been the worst year of my life and I love and miss you with all my heart.

A year ago today you went into the hospital for the last time. You never came home. I listened to the voicemail you left telling me you were being moved to ICU so they could monitor your irregular heartbeat more closely. Little did we know that your big heart, so full of love, was worn out and could not be fixed. One thing I've felt so bad about is that you asked if we could have lasagna for dinner the next night and the next night at home never happened. I hope you have had Lasagna in Heaven along with all the bacon you want. I still feel like I'm in a nightmare--I never imagined life without you--ever. And now it's happened. I so love and miss you with all my heart, My Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love.

Today is Easter Sunday. Last Easter I was so sure we would have an "Easter Miracle" and you would recover. But, it wasn't to be. Several friends came to see you that day and to pray for you. Little did we know we'd only have 3 more days together. I so miss you. I so understand how my dad never remarried, People ask me if I ever would and the answer is NO!! I truly believe we were Gifts to each other from God and there could NEVER EVER be another that I loved so completely as I love you. Even though you told me it was OK with you if I remarried, I never will. I will wear my wedding rings and the beautiful pink Tourmaline ring you bought me until I die. The house is so quiet without you. Several times I think I hear you talking to me and wake up asking if you're OK but you aren't here. I still sleep with your jacket/sweatshirt and have kept some of your colored T-shirts to wear as nightshirts, Makes me feel close to you. I read and re-read the books people write about their visits to Heaven and I can't wait to join you there. I know all our cats and our other pets we had and loved are with you. Can't wait to hug them again and meet your Gretchen. Love you Always and Forever
my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love.

I looked at the yard today. Every single bush, plant and lavender has died. All the Rhodys, too. It's as if they all knew you were gone. It looks so barren and lonely. I remember how beautiful it looked when we moved in. You had such a green thumb. You built the raised beds in the backyard and grew such beautiful vegies. You always brought me the first tomato or radish to taste. They were so perfect and delicious. Now the beds are rotting and decaying.It's as if they all know you are gone. It is still like a nightmare to me. I keep wanting to wake up from this nightmare. I know you are having a beautiful time in Heaven--out of pain and in perfect health. I am so happy and grateful for that. I know how much you suffered the past 10 years. I just wish something could have been done for you. I love and miss you with all my heart my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love! Always and Forever, Bob.

Tomorrow will be 11 months since you died. Hardly seems possible. I miss you so much. I absolutely cannot go anywhere that does not bring back memories of having been there with you and it makes me so sad cause you're not here. Debbie came by the other day and we drove out Marcola Road and took the cut off that ends up near Coburg, How many times we drove that way! Went into Coburg and looked at all the new homes being built. How I missed hearing you point out your old memories of farming, etc. We truly did go everywhere and did everything together. I have an app't with our new DR tomorrow. ICK! She's located out at the ski lodge where the ER was. Gross. Am not looking forward to it at all. How I wish you were going with me. You know how I can't stand doctors. Puke! It took me 6 times to go in for that Ultra Sound test at the heart/vascular joint. Went there so many times with you for DR appt's, tests and you being in that ucky hospital. But I did it. I miss you my Hunka Hunka Burnin' Love. Can't wait to be with you in Heaven. Love you forever!

The 19th was 10 months since you died. I can't believe you've been gone that long. Read emails I sent to our Dr prior to you going into the hospital the last time where I told her about how your shoulders and arms were causing you such severe pain. I'd told the visiting nurse that same thing several months before along with the horrid trouble you were having breathing. No one listened. I often wonder if things could have turned out differently if they had. IF is such a big word If you'd have told me how much pain you were in maybe something could have saved you. It about drives me crazy thinking of all the "IFS." I hate it. This is truly a nightmare of the biggest kind ever. There are some days I feel like I can't go on. I miss you so much.