Precious Robert. 10 years have passed since you left us. I thank God for you and the 46 years we had together.  I love you!

I did not know you. But watching you and Thomas on KQED the history of the Castro moved me. I looked up your name to say thank you. But you are no longer here. So, Thomas if you are reading this I am sending you a smile.

Dearest one! Your 85th Birthday yesterday was not forgotten. I was filled with memories of the love we shared. I miss you daily and I will always love you!

I just watched your interview on "The Castro" from 1997. It left an indelible mark on me, inspiring and comforting my understanding of the rich history of the Castro neighborhood and our lgbtq brothers and sisters. May your legacy continue to shine brightly in the hearts of those touched by your story.

Merry Christmas in Heaven dear husband. My heart is full of love and gratitude for all you did for me and us. I miss you so much!

Today is your 84th Birthday! Happy Heavenly Birthday dearest Robert! I think of you, dream of you and experience your real presence with me occasionally. It's unreal how I sense your presence and each time it is a gift. I love you dear husband and cannot wait to be with you again.

8 years have gone by since you left us. There is not a day that goes by that I don't think of you with gratitude and love for our 46 years together. I miss you! I love you! We will be together again!

Happy Birthday dearest Robert. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss you. I ❤️ love you eternally!

Christmas 2021. I think of you daily, feeling very keenly your presence in my home. I'm half asleep when I feel you most and I find myself talking to you. I believe you are comforting me and letting me know that you will be there when my day comes. I love you dear husband!

My dearest husband, 7 years have passed since you left us. There is not a day that goes by when I remember your beautiful Spirit and the gift of our 46 years of marriage. I love you and will be with you again.

Dear Robert, You are sorely missed. I think of you so often and believe you gave me the gift of kindness. I have never met more gentle and kind souls until I met you and Tommy.  Look over me and permit me to pass your gentle spirit to all who I meet. Love and hugs to you Dear Robert.

My dearest one. Today is 6 years since you left us. I think of you daily and miss you all the time. I will love you into infinity till we meet again. Yiur loving husband, Thomas

My dearest Robert. Today is your 81st Birthday. I visited you in the Cemetery this morning, but you already know that. I celebrate your life daily but in a special way today. I miss you daily and think of you daily. We will be together again. I love you with all my heart. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Dear Robert. So many days since you left, yet it feels like yesterday when we had some laughs. It was always so fun to see you and Tommy love one another, as if it were the newest of relationships. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Yesterday, June 3 I celebrated 9 years of continuous Sobriety. You were right. You said I would be surrounded by love and that is exactly what is happening. I miss you daily, think of you daily and love you completely.

Today it is 5 years since you left us and it seems like yesterday. My heart yearns for you dearest one. I miss you so much. I will be with you again.  I love you dear husband.

Happy 80th Birthday dearest Husband! I sang Happy Birthday to you this morning at 5 a.m. looking at your picture. I had to speak to the Residents at the Treatment Center this morning and I told them that it was your Birthday and then I told my story of Redemption through AA to the men and women going through treatment. It went very well! I considered it a Birthday Gift to you to share our story with them. How you were there and supported me during early Recovery and your illness and passing. There were many tears to go around but it was a powerful morning! I had you on my mind all day. I MISS YOU so much. There is never a day that I don't talk about you. I pray that you celebrated in Heaven today. I will love you forever. Happy Birthday my precious Robert.

Today, March 13, 2018 marks the Fourth Anniversary of your passing into Eternal Life. There is not a day that goes by when I do not think of you and your precious loving Soul. You gladdened my heart for 46 years and I am forever grateful that you were my husband. I will join you someday. I love and adore you! Your Thomas

Dearest one, Happy 79th Birthday. I had a Mass said for you today and I was asked to read the Scripture and Psalm of the day. I sang Happy Birthday to you. I will celebrate your life today knowing how much we loved each other.  I miss you dear husband and some day we will be together again. I love you! Thomas

Oh my dearest Robert, 3 years have passed since you left all of us. I think of you daily and I miss you each and every day. I had a Mass said for you yesterday at St. Bron's and I along with Diane (Noah), Michael and Jodi and the kids and Daniel Steffenhagen were there. I lit a candle in your honor and then I took every one to Brunch to celebrate your life. Miss Alice, Dennis and Jonathan miss you too. I am so happy that we found these three cats together and shared them together. Their presence in my life today is a constant link to you. I love you and cherish you always. I think of what you said to me the day you died. "I am not worried about you, you will be surrounded by love!". I am my dear one and I feel your love for me always.

I miss you, Robert. I think of you every morning when I walk in and see my Eames chair and know that you're frolicking at a pool party in the beyond, with no need for an office or email or the internet. Watch over us; we need it.

Happy 78th Birthday my dearest Husband! I miss you every day and so do Alice, Jonathan and Dennis. You are always with us, in our hearts. I had a Mass offered for you yesterday on Valentine's Day and to commemorate your Birthday. I know I will see you again and I cannot wait for that Glorious Day. I love you with all my heart! Thomas

Dearest Husband, yesterday was 2 years since you passed and I spent the day celebrating your life! I thought of only positive aspects of our 46 years together and offered gratitude for the love you had for me and I for you. I miss you every day and look forward to being with you again in Eternity. I love you my dearest Robert......

Thinking of Robert with his big smile and sweet soul. Out of arms reach but forever in our hearts..

Happy 77th Birthday my dearest Robert. I miss you everyday. I love you and you will always be in my heart until the day I join you. HUGS and KISSES from your loving husband, Thomas

Robert, you and Thomas were among the wonderful IBM friends I made during my career. I'd joked with both of you that YOURS was the most expensive Executive Interview I conducted while Branch Manager. You and I discovered our mutual love of the holidays and Christmas decorations. You convinced me to sign up for Franklin Mint Commemorative ornaments. Well, it was expensive, but I think of you every year when I decorate my tree.

Yours and Thomas' was a deep love and you pioneered the way for many couples to be able to express their devotion to each other. You didn't need the Supreme Court to "bless" your commitment. However your courage and tenacity for legal recognition of your vows to each other is finally the law of the land....

With great affection for both you and Thomas. He continues to miss you; but as you predicted, he has many friends to love and support him.

Wow - do I miss you? Yes, you were such a sweet, happy and gentle person - loved to see you and Thomas at Mass at St. Theresa's You and Thomas were and (ARE) a great couple - Just miss you a lot - know that you are missed and loved so much...One great big HUG for a wonderful guy!!! -Love you!

Robert you are truly missed by everyone you touched. Thomas is doing very well and he misses you most of all.

Robert was a wonderful person that I was fortunate to have known for many years. He was a blessing to Uncle Tom and they were very fortunate to have had each other in their lives to share all that life has to offer. God Bless.

Robert is my dad's little brother and his only sibling. Since we never had a big family, our family members have always been very precious to us. We are so appreciative of the friends and wonderful support Robert and Thomas have in their circle of "adopted family" out in California, people who loved, cared and supported them through the good days and the very bad ones. Everyone should be so blessed to have a support group of such wonderful people as Robert and Thomas have had. So, to any of his CA family who read this note, we have always thanked God for you and for how you have touched the lives of the people most dear to us!! We know that Thomas, with his giving heart, will continue to give back to the community with his volunteer work. And, that is truly our mission here on earth, to show the love of God to those we come in contact with. God bless!

So, where does one begin so that we relay what is in our hearts but not write forever. We so remember Robert for his amazing intelligence and ability to take on any project that he and Tommy pursued, including Robert's amazing ability to choose, build and renovate their beautiful homes. But more importantly, we remember Robert because of the love that Tommy and he had. They had such a passion for one another and even though Robert was usually the quiet one, you could always see how much he loved Tommy and, of course, how much Tommy loved Robert. Tommy, you always showed us how much you loved Robert and life in general, and we so love this. We think Robert did too.
Tommy, it is our wish that everyone find a soul mate like you did in Robert. We love both of you and know that Robert would wish you to celebrate life to the fullest before you are again joined as soulmates forever. Big hugs, Butch and Chris

I will always remember the model he made of the house in Pewaukee. What a cool house it was. An intelligent and caring man he is. I will remember him always. He is just around the corner. Love to Thomas and Robert Van Etten.

Robert, we have so many good memories of the times we visited you and Thomas. We remember the sightseeing trips we took, enjoying your delicious cooking, meeting and enjoying your friends, etc. We still regret the fact that we didn't get to see you in the several years before you left us but we want to say that we spent a wonderful week with Thomas in March and that must have made you smile.  We were able to meet some of your friends as well and we are grateful for that time.  Thomas will bless many with his hours of volunteering. Your house is beautiful and reminded us once more of your many capabilities.

I remember Robert from his IBM days; he was very professional, knowledgeable and respected. I always admired the wonderful, long, supportive relationship that the two of you had. You were truly soul mates.

Robert is relaxing at the Great Naked Pool Party in the hereafter, and waiting to welcome all of us. Cheers, my friend. We miss you.

During the few times i had the opportunity to visit with Robert he gained my admiration and respect. I felt him to be a great role model for the community...his love for and commitment to Thomas. ....and his commitment and courage to make a difference for him and his husband and for gays in a time that relationships were still very much closeted as were gay men in general....I was excited and thrilled to hear him sharing some of his insights, he shared things with me that I had never heard anyone else share, things that I felt I had only thought of myself, which I gotta tell ya was way awesome and makes me right!! lol....so Robert my friend thank you for your insights and inspiration....i'm only sorry i didn't get more time with ya...peace

How does one describe Robert? He was probably the gentlest, most patient, tolerant, incredibly intelligent, talented, artistically and design gifted individual I have had the pleasure of knowing for much too short a period of time during our mutual 'Atlanta' days. And he loved, without condition or reservation, his devoted firecracker Thomas ... my 'sister'....Robert intuitively knew when Thomas and I were getting into trouble together, and could always be counted on to simply say "OH, THOMAS!!!" He then separated us by moving to the other side of the country;) 

The world is a sadder place without Robert. Thanks for being a friend.

I have so many sweet memories of Robert and how he came to meetings every day with Thomas and supported Thomas's new journey and along the way became supportive and friends with many of the other people in the room including me. It was a sad day when Robert stopped coming along and I felt his missing presence. I loved how Robert & Thomas dressed alike, down to the matching socks and sandals :) I was fortunate to hold Robert's hand, look him in the eyes and tell him goodbye the last day of his life in their beautiful home that Robert had done much of the work on. Robert was a gentle soul and a gentleman and he is missed by many.
Out of arm's reach, but forever in our hearts.

Only a few times in a lifetime are you treated with unwavering kindness and love. Robert radiated this notion, that all were worthy and had something to contribute. He made me a better person just being in his presence. I can honestly say, I loved Robert most when he interacted with Thomas. He demonstrated kindness and love in his most frustrating of times. Thank you Robert for your example. All my love.

My dearest husband of 46 years. I love you and miss you every day. You were the wind beneath my wings. You helped me soar in so many ways. You told me that you were not worried about leaving me as you felt I would be surrounded by love. It is your love and your prediction that makes my journey bearable without you. I will see you again.

I met Tom in 1981 when I started working for IBM and he was a force of nature - efficient and hard-working but irreverent, edgy and hilarious.  It was wonderful meeting Robert then who was none of those things and instead a very loveable nerd. Everyone knew who they were since they had the same last name which back then was unusual but with them, totally accepted.  Robert was a kind, sensitive, serious man who loved Tom so much that he let Tom take the lead on so many of their adventures. Anyone who got to visit the lavender Victorian on the hill got to know the wonderful man Tom loved with all his heart and soul.

I did not know Robert well. However, I was most impressed with his easy going personality. He just seemed to not get too excited about too many things. Well, there were exceptions when it came to some morons in politics! He made the planet a saner and happier place.

I miss Robert, he was so loving and I miss his smile and his laughter.
I instantly took a liking to Robert and soon after I loved him and he became a close friend. He shared with me his intellect and skills which were equally matched by his wit, I learned so much from him.
I am forever filled with gratitude simply for having had him in my life.

I ONLY KNEW ROBERT FOR A LITTLE MORE THAN ONE YEAR AFTER HE AND THOMAS MOVED INTO OUR PARK. HE TOUCHED THE HEARTS OF EVERYONE THAT HE MET. WE HAD A LOT OF GOOD LAUGHS AND SOME SAD TIMES AND I WAS BLESSED WITH HIS FRIENDSHIP AND BEING WITH HIM AT THE TIME OF HIS PASSING. I MISS ALL THE GOOD TIMES WE HAD TOGETHER. SAVE US A SEAT IN HEAVEN.