I love and miss you Mom.

I love and miss you Mom

I wish i could call you today. I have a lot I want to say.So many questions left unanswered. Missing you hurts even more since we know that you were taken before your time. We are still fighting for some kind of justice. I try to live as happy and full a life as I can. While still remaining thankful for each day i have. If I learn nothing else from this than that we are not guaranteed anything so enjoy and be thankful for the time we have. At least that's something. This time of year is so sad and difficult for me. I can still remember every second like it is still happening. I remember Aunt Paulette got in a wreck and i saw it on the news. I called to check on you. Mike said to hang on you were sleeping. You hadn't been sleeping well and were finally resting in the chair. I remeber him trying to wake you up. I could hear it in his voice that something was wrong. I started screaming for you to please wake up. But you couldn't. I got a pocket dial from Mike. I could hear the EMT's saying how long you had bern gone. I just kept thinking I should have called sooner. Then maybe I could have saved you. I was putting my kids on the bus while you were dying. I just keep thinking how much i hate myself for not being as close to you as we were when i was growing up. Maybe if we had been. Maybe if i had paid closer attention. Maybe if i wasn't wrapped up in my own life. Maybe just maybe i could have saved you.I am do grateful for my family and the life we have. The life I hope you can see from heaven. But at the same time I miss you and want my Mom back.

I love and miss you mom. I really wish you were here to share in all of the new memories we are making. The kids are getting really big. You would be so proud of them. Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say but then I can't put it into words. I don't even really know where to start. I love and miss you Mom.