ForeverMissed
This memorial website was created in memory of our loved one, Ronald Keller 29 years old , born on March 4, 1975 and passed away on February 10, 2005. We will remember him forever.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on April 3, 2020
For some strange reason this year has been especially hard for me. Thoughts of you have been surfacing a lot more than they normally do. I am unsure of why all this is happening. Maybe it si from the years I refused to "feel" this pain, this loss. I miss you so much Ronnie. It makes me want to cry sometimes. I have copied parts of a song for how I am feeling right now from "Halsey" that really puts into words what I cannot.

I can feel your heart hanging in the air.
I’m counting every step as you climb the stairs.
It’s buried in your bones.
I see it in your closed eyes turning in.
This is harder than we know.
We hold it in the most when we’re wearing thin.
Coming like aaaaa

Yeah and I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been holding on to things that I know are gone.
Every day I really feel I’m losing track of time.
I’m in hell I’m lost.
And I know what’s it like to be alone. To feel like you have flown so far away from home. I feel so distant from everyone I’ve known.
Yeah lately I’ve been broken. Yeah at least I’m being open. Yeah at least I’m being open. Yeah and is gotta count for something. Yeah, that’s gotta count for something.

I can feel your heart hanging in the air.
I’m counting every step as you climb the stairs.
It’s buried in your bones.
I see it in your closed eyes turning in.
This is harder than we know.
We hold it in the most when we’re wearing thin.
Coming like a a a a a
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on March 4, 2020
I miss you so much sometimes Ronnie. I remember all the fun we had. All the times you just aggravated me to no end. All the times I wish you could see me now, and my children growing up. I miss your smile and the way it lit up my life with happiness. You were my brother then, you are now. Even though you are gone, you will never be forgotten. I will never forget the way I fell apart at your memorial. My tough and strong exterior just couldn't take it. The pain of your death was so intense for me that I just fell down in agony. I will never forget how my best friend picked me up and held me as I cried for you. Today is your birthday. You would have been 46. A day normally set aside for celebration is now a haunting reminder of the loss of you. I miss you so much, Ronnie. These words are inadequate for how I really feel this pain every year. To take the time to remember our fun, our tragedy, our hope, our friendship. You helped me, you took care of me, when I was lost and without hope. You were the strong one. When you left this world a part of me left with you. Like this song says.....you were gone too soon my dearest brother. I love you. Happy birthday. Goodbye.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 13, 2019
Well, here we are in the 14th year since you left this world and left this huge hole in my heart. A hole that can never be filled. I miss your laughter, your smile, you annoying me, you being my friend through all of life's pains. There are many times when I say to myself that life sure does go on but no one can really understand what it means and how it feels to lose someone so dear to them in the way you left this world. Ronnie, you were my best friend. You helped me when no one else would. You told me the straights about everything. I trusted you. I know your pain must've been so unbearable to take your own life, but I wonder sometimes if you knew how much it would leave a scar as it has in my heart you would have done this to yourself. I miss you. A sister should never have to bury her brother. Suicide leaves a scar, a hole, an irreparable mar. It never goes away. The pain does subside with time as life goes on and responsibilities take over our lives, but missing you will never end for me. Your anniversary is the only time I allow myself to feel the loss. I can't afford to show my children the pain I am in over missing you. Your light is gone in this world, and the next because you committed suicide. I will never see you again when GOD calls me home one day. So when you left me, you really did leave me. I miss you and love you so much Ronnie. Rest In Peace my dear brother.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on March 4, 2016
It has been 11 years since you left this world and found peace. For that I am thankful. On the other hand I still get sad at the thought that you will never meet my children. See their smiles or hold them in your arms. I miss you Ronnie. Sometimes when I talk about you I smile, other times I cry. Being a suicide survivor is difficult. You see you caused this pain in me because you took your own life. While I can function now a days, When your anniversary comes around or your birthday, like today is and you would have been 41 years old, it is hard for me. I miss the fun you put into my life. I miss the crazy things you did, but then I miss the sentimental you that not too many people knew about. This song I put on your website here says it all, really. "Here one day, gone one night. Gone too soon." I love you Ronnie, I miss you, and you will always be in my heart. Forever missed, never forgotten, always loved. Goodbye my dear brother.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 10, 2015
Well, today my dearest brother is the 10 year aniversary of your passing. I miss you so much sometimes. Now, while the pain of you leaving me is settled and I can breathe now, I still miss you. You were my brother, my best friend, the one person who really cared about me. In a life where I was neglected, abused, and hurt, you always helped me through those trials. We suffered together as children, but you still managed to laugh and crack a sarcastic joke through it all. When you took your own life you took a part of me with you. I love you so much. Gray would get so mad at me for mourning your death for as long as I have, but for all those out there who have not lost their brother, and best friend growing up, they could never understand what it really feels like. When a loved one takes their own life you feel so many different emotions and sometimes all at once. Anger, guilt, deep sadness, crying fits, numbness, lost faith, everything. I have felt all these emotions and multiple times. I remember when I sold my Grand Prix. I felt like another stab to my heart. We rode in my car together, you aggrivated me about the radio and changing the songs repeatedly. Seeing the car drive off without me in it was heartbreaking. Knowing it was gone, you were gone forever, it really hurt me all over again. Long story short, I just love and miss you my brother. I remember when I could not get a hold of you to invite you to my wedding. I so wanted you to be there. You called Mom the day before my nuptials. I get to the church that day all dressed in my beautiful gown, hair done, make-up and nails and I looked so pretty you were standing at the door of the church, waiting for me. I picked up my dress and ran towards you. You were there for me once again on one of the most important days of my life. You said, Katie you look so gorgeous. I was so happy. I was marrying the man I loved with all my heart, and my brother who I could not send and invite to and wanted to be there, was there. My day was laying out so perfectly. You got to see me marry Gray, you got to fiddle with the songs that were picked for the reception and pay them (which you loved doing), and you got to see me the happiest I have ever been. I have so many memories of so many things. I miss you Ronnie. Goodbye my dearest brother, I love you.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 12, 2014
Here it is 9 years since you left this world and us. We will always miss you Ronnie. We all loved you so much. Your anniversary came and went this year. I did not share this with Gray, I just went on about my day aggravated and bothered. Brothers have this special place in their sister's heart, you surely did in mine. You did some things to make me really mad, but you also did things to make me laugh really hard too. You just had this way of making me feel accepted in this world of no tolerance and no acceptance. You loved me, and I could tell you genuinely cared about where my life was going and what I was doing. Missing you sometimes is so hard, even when I try NOT to think about that. You now have Aunt Tessie and Mom up there with you. Mom left us a little over a year ago this past October (a week after my b-day she passed away). When I see your pictures that I put on your memorial I am reminded of how much we really meant to each other. I will never forget that picture of you, me, mom, and Tory at my house for turkey day that year. You came in the kitchen after everyone had eaten and I was cleaning up to help me clean up. I loved that. You were unselfish about showing me how much you loved me and gave me a hand. It was those things you did that had such a positive impact on me. Those things, no matter how small, really do matter and make a difference. I love you my brother. Eventually we will meet when it is my time to come home. But until then, I miss you and love you very much my dearest brother. Goodbye. Until we meet again, I love you.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 11, 2013
Hey Ronnie. Yesterday we went for a drive on New Smyrna Beach. I remembered you as I watched the waves crash. Much like we used to do together as teenagers. I miss you my brother. Even after all this time and forever, I love you. Goodbye.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 10, 2013
Hey Ronnie. Today is your aniversary. I miss you so much my dearest brother. My life has gone on and the daily tasks of life do not leave much time for thinking of you. I am reminded today though that missing you never goes away, it just lessens in pain. Today I think of all the fun we had and I miss those times. I know you are with Mom now and I love you both so very much. I miss you.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on March 4, 2012
Hey brother dear. Today is your birthday and I am missing you again. I wish you were still here so I could call you to say happy birthday brother!! I miss you so much on days like this. I am thinking of you and I love you Ronnie. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! GOD bless you brother dear.
Posted by Victoria Mullins on February 10, 2012
I love you myone and only brother I will never have here in this evil world.You made our hearts alway's shine with your funny and always' sarcastic comments and the things that you always did to make us laugh, cry and be so darned mad at you. I truly can say that I LOST MY TRUE BESTFRIEND and NOONE could ever come close to that.I promise I will never forget about you and that is TRUE!!
Posted by Victoria Mullins on February 10, 2012
Were so sorry we never got to say our goodbyes, but I know in my heart and soul your in a better place and we will all unite as one Very SOON!!!!!! Keep shining on us cause I always feel your near. Never to far to know whats dear Thank you for showing me what is truly real in this world that has a lot of gloom. Your awesome and I'll never FORGET YOU Always will love you RONNIE!!!!XXXOOO!!!
Posted by Victoria Mullins on February 10, 2012
I miss you soooo BAD RONNIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-(
and noone will understand till they actually have lost a true brother and friend like no other. I pray you watch over all of us like I already know you do. So thank you true friend you'll always be remembered until the end my one and only true friend like no other to ever be replaced I promise I will love you till the end!!!!! XXXOOO!
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 10, 2012
Today makes seven years Ronnie since you left us all. I miss you so much. I will never forget the way I crumbled at your memorial. When you died I lost something very important from my life. My brother, my best friend, my confidante, my tell it like it is guy. You really were such an awesome person. I love and miss you so much my dearest brother. Rest In Peace my brother. Goodbye.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 10, 2012
I was thinking about things I realized that you died on a Friday, and today is Friday, Feb. 10th. Exactly the way it was the year you passed. I miss you so much brother. No one who has not lost a brother could ever know this pain or sadness. I miss you so much some days. I have your picture on my desk here. Justin has asked me who that is and I tell him "That is your late Uncle Ronnie".
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 7, 2012
I miss you and love you, my dearest brother.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 1, 2012
Hey Ronnie. Six years ago today we lost Aunt T. When you died she took the news really hard. She loved you so much. Everyone who really knew you loved you so much. You were like the light in life. Like the theme song says....Gone Too Soon....you truly were. I love and miss you so much my dearest brother. Gone but never forgotten. I love you.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on January 17, 2012
Hey Ronnie, I'm thinking of you today. I love and miss you very much my dear brother.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on January 14, 2012
The aniversary of your death is comming very soon. We all think of you often my dear brother. I was going through the closet and doing some clutter removal and cleaning when I found your paperwork from the police report, to the autopsy, to the 911 tape. I have it all you know. I loved you so much Ronnie. You were far more to me than my brother. You were my best friend. I love and miss you.

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Posted by Kathryn Feltner on April 3, 2020
For some strange reason this year has been especially hard for me. Thoughts of you have been surfacing a lot more than they normally do. I am unsure of why all this is happening. Maybe it si from the years I refused to "feel" this pain, this loss. I miss you so much Ronnie. It makes me want to cry sometimes. I have copied parts of a song for how I am feeling right now from "Halsey" that really puts into words what I cannot.

I can feel your heart hanging in the air.
I’m counting every step as you climb the stairs.
It’s buried in your bones.
I see it in your closed eyes turning in.
This is harder than we know.
We hold it in the most when we’re wearing thin.
Coming like aaaaa

Yeah and I don’t know what’s going on. I’ve been holding on to things that I know are gone.
Every day I really feel I’m losing track of time.
I’m in hell I’m lost.
And I know what’s it like to be alone. To feel like you have flown so far away from home. I feel so distant from everyone I’ve known.
Yeah lately I’ve been broken. Yeah at least I’m being open. Yeah at least I’m being open. Yeah and is gotta count for something. Yeah, that’s gotta count for something.

I can feel your heart hanging in the air.
I’m counting every step as you climb the stairs.
It’s buried in your bones.
I see it in your closed eyes turning in.
This is harder than we know.
We hold it in the most when we’re wearing thin.
Coming like a a a a a
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on March 4, 2020
I miss you so much sometimes Ronnie. I remember all the fun we had. All the times you just aggravated me to no end. All the times I wish you could see me now, and my children growing up. I miss your smile and the way it lit up my life with happiness. You were my brother then, you are now. Even though you are gone, you will never be forgotten. I will never forget the way I fell apart at your memorial. My tough and strong exterior just couldn't take it. The pain of your death was so intense for me that I just fell down in agony. I will never forget how my best friend picked me up and held me as I cried for you. Today is your birthday. You would have been 46. A day normally set aside for celebration is now a haunting reminder of the loss of you. I miss you so much, Ronnie. These words are inadequate for how I really feel this pain every year. To take the time to remember our fun, our tragedy, our hope, our friendship. You helped me, you took care of me, when I was lost and without hope. You were the strong one. When you left this world a part of me left with you. Like this song says.....you were gone too soon my dearest brother. I love you. Happy birthday. Goodbye.
Posted by Kathryn Feltner on February 13, 2019
Well, here we are in the 14th year since you left this world and left this huge hole in my heart. A hole that can never be filled. I miss your laughter, your smile, you annoying me, you being my friend through all of life's pains. There are many times when I say to myself that life sure does go on but no one can really understand what it means and how it feels to lose someone so dear to them in the way you left this world. Ronnie, you were my best friend. You helped me when no one else would. You told me the straights about everything. I trusted you. I know your pain must've been so unbearable to take your own life, but I wonder sometimes if you knew how much it would leave a scar as it has in my heart you would have done this to yourself. I miss you. A sister should never have to bury her brother. Suicide leaves a scar, a hole, an irreparable mar. It never goes away. The pain does subside with time as life goes on and responsibilities take over our lives, but missing you will never end for me. Your anniversary is the only time I allow myself to feel the loss. I can't afford to show my children the pain I am in over missing you. Your light is gone in this world, and the next because you committed suicide. I will never see you again when GOD calls me home one day. So when you left me, you really did leave me. I miss you and love you so much Ronnie. Rest In Peace my dear brother.
Recent stories

Mom's Driving Habits

Shared by Kathryn Feltner on February 13, 2019

     You know the other day I was reminded of how crazy a driver our mom was. How we would say to each other, please GOD let us live through this as we held on tight to our car seats. So hard our hands were stark white when we got to where we needed to go. I instantly thought of you Ronnie, and the look on our faces as we went through another drive with mom. I remember being so scared. We would always be like, wheww we made it, amazing!! I had a good laugh with my husband as I told him the story. He said now those are the things to remember about him. I love you Ronnie. I miss you terribly you know.

Love;

Kathryn

The Day I Felt Your Physical Presence

Shared by Kathryn Feltner on January 17, 2012

      I sit here holding my daughter in my arms and thoughts of you come to me. I love and miss you so much Ronnie. I guess I always will. It was 2 months after your passing on April 14th. I went to my OB/GYN for a female issue to get checked out. They always do a urine pregnancy test at my doctor's office when you come in. When my doctor came in to talk to me she had said that we did the urine test on you and it came back positive. You are pregnant. I was so shocked by the news I was like I can't be pregnant. My period had ben absent for about 60 days but I thought nothing of it as I have gone 90 days without one due to stress and after the news of your death I just figured my menses were a no show.  Dr. DaSilva said we did the urine test on you and it came back positive you are pregnant. I again said it can't be positive. She then said you and your husband are trying for a baby, right? and I said yes we are. She then said the test is positive, you are pregnant Kathryn. She left the room and I just sat there with my bottom lip on the floor in shock. She came back in and told me to schedule my first OB appointment with the front desk and congratulations. I became happy for the fist time since you died. You see I was so sad over your loss that I started feeling like I was drowning and couldn't breathe. Like I swimming and swimming for the surface but just couldn't get there. As I walked out to my car I was walking slowly. Once I got there I called my BF and told her the news and told her not to say anything to anyone until I told Gray. As I opened the car door to get in the wind picked up from complete stillness and blew furiously. I felt the feeling of a warm blanket falling over my shoulders and it was then that I felt you near me Ronnie. It was a moment and a day I will never forget. GOD closed one door and opened a window for me that day. The day I found out I was going to be a mom. As I drove home I was so happy for the news of my unexpected pregnancy, and for the feeling of your presence so near me. It was a great day in my life. I miss you more than you will ever know Ronnie. I have dreamed of you, and woke up feeling the loss of you in my life all over again, but at least I get to see you in my dreams. I love you my dearest brother.

Memories of My Dear Brother

Shared by Kathryn Feltner on January 14, 2012

      Ronnie was born on March 4, 1975. He was always such a nice little boy my mom says. He was a funny brother and so much fun to be around. I remember driving him in my grandprix. Where he was agrivating me by changing the radio station repeatedly, trying to find the "right" song. That was Ronnie. I remember when I did not know where he was living and could not send him an invite to my wedding. I was upset about that. Then out of the clear blue he called Mom the night before I was to take my vows to the man I so loved and still do. There I was in my big beautiful ballgown wedding dress and my brother just casually walked in the church. I turned around, don't know why but when I did there he was, arms outstretched. We gave the biggest hug and I cried my first tears of that day. I said how did you know I was getting married today? He said I found out from Mom. He said I looked beautiful, and that he loved me. Even more tears came. Then my best friend said I would mess my makeup up and to stop. So I did. Ronnie was so honest and funny and helpful. I'm so glad I had the chance to know him and that I get to call him "my brother". I miss you Ronnie. I love you.