ForeverMissed
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story of thanks

January 8, 2014

I am afraid I didnt get to have the chance to know Sally Harris, but I have had the pleasure of being friends with her LOVELY daughters over many years. So this is my story of thanks to you Sally Harris for raising such a lovely family and teaching them how to be such kind friends. I have been the lucky recipient of the love you clearly passed on to them ( as they give so much kindness to others- such as me) I am sure you  live in their hearts and in their actions. I have enjoyed this BEAUTIFUL memorial page. God bless you - as you must be a twinkling star up in heaven. Keep sending your angel dust signs to your loved ones down here on earth. Thanks for being a special person. Rest in peace.

Afterwards

April 28, 2012

I am Sally's daughter-in-law, but I might as well be part of the family.  I look like Sally did when she was young and many people mistake me as her daughter.  But, still, I am not part of the family.  It is odd to be a daughter-in-law.  I married her son 24 years ago and we were dating quite a while before that.  I would say this second half of my life has been much better being in the Harris family.

The story I share about Sally is recent.  Four and a half years ago, Bret, her son and I moved back to be near her, her brother and my family now in North Carolina. We live in Charlottesville, VA, about half way between the two addresses.  Bret and I met and married in Washington, DC as bicycle messengers, so those streets there will always have meaning to me.  Every other week since our move back in 2008, I would stay with Sally while I worked as a therapist in the city.  I had a practice there many years then moved away, then moved back.  It was a blessing to be with her.  She was a great companion and I was glad to get to know her after all these years married to her son.  Those of you who know her also know that she is a private person.  It takes a long time to know her, and you get to know her in small deed and thought over a long period of time.  I would say I got to know her, and she me.  Quite a thing for a daughter -in-law.

Before she went for her surgery I stood at the threshold of the kitchen about to go out to work. I said, I think I should say good bye you know.  We have not really talked about this moment.  She looked at me and said, well, everyone has to go sometime.  I said, well, you have prepared well for this moment.  And we just looked at each other.  We often talked about her preparations for end of life.  The sentences were never long.  It was always practical.  She was not long on poignant moments.  However, it was deep and connected.  Can you all understand that?  It was refreshing and sad and true so clear and clean and uplifting, too.

That was the last moment I saw her in the house.  She died four months later.  Bret and I had the pleasure of caring for her at her daughter, Alison's house.  It was wonderful to care for her.  Bret and I would playfully argue over who got to massage her next.  She and Bret sang together.  It was hard when she died.

Later, I stayed in her house, still. I kept working.  It was very hard.  For several months I could not really sleep in the house.  Sally was not there.  Finally, after she died, I went and sat where I used to sit when we talked together.  She always sat in her blue chair in her room.  I usually arrived around 9 or 9:30.  We often sat and talked until 11 pm and then continued in the morning before I left for work.  We told each other many many things.  I heard all about the church, and the process there, about Liz the minister, the book group, the Red Hat ladies (mainly what you did and where you went and all the plans).  I heard about her plans, her travels.  We talked about our kids, hers much older, mine much younger.  I told her all about my work, my clients, my troubles, the richness of my life.  She helped me think through my difficulties.  I always admired how she could thread the difficult needles with good sound advice that always worked.

Sitting there without her, I felt so sad.  Then I heard her voice as if she was there but not there really.  She said, okay, you can be a little sad but don't dwell there.  There is so much more to do.  It sounded like her.  So, when I feel sad, I think of what she said then.  It is true, Sally would not indulge in too much feeling.  She was always even keel, practical and thoughtful.  Traits I find that continue in her son.  How wonderful to find that is with me all the time.

Thank you Sally.  It has truly been an honor to be your daughter in law, and your friend, too.  I know I will think about you often until I am gone, myself.

Big love,

Kate 

Reaching in

April 14, 2012

I missed Sally's service today ~ not wanting to grieve on my 50th birthday.  Sally so vibrant and healthy one day, then so quickly removed from us .... has me wanting to enjoy this day & rejoice in the precious grace of all that we've been gifted - living & being and.... dancing & singing & loving & grieving & serving & learning & laughing & connecting with spirit & joy & the universe itself, just like Sally did.  I can't picture Sally's beautiful, smiling face without seeing her supporting me ....cheering me on in following my adventurous plans for today of hiking & biking ~playing in the sunlight & all of nature with my husband & children & friends. I shall remember & honor Sally's spirit today as I drink in the beauty of the trees, & hike on the rocks.  I’ll feel her joy & love as the breeze washes my face & the sun's energy strengthens & warms my soul. I am ever grateful to her for all she taught me, the gifts she gave me during our inreach meetings at church, in sharing her life stories & her adventures of her too brief stay on this planet. Peace, Serenity, and Joy are only some of the lessons I've learned from Sally.  Despite my resistance, grieve her today I do, and deeply. Sally, I miss, love, thank & honor you for all you were & all you gifted us while here.

UUCSS

March 12, 2012

A note from Mom's good friend Noni Barker:

Sally has been among my circle of dear friends for over 40 yrs.  I will miss her!  There is an empty chair at church, at Book group, at Red Hat luncheons, and at Creative Aging.  She contributed so much.  I think that out of all of the people I know, that Sally had the most straight-forward, good-humored, down-to-earth commen sense.  Only one of the many reasons I miss her. 

Ocracoke

March 12, 2012

A letter from our dear family friend Mollie Weinert:

I'll miss seeing Sally.  She leaves a hole that no one else can hope to fill.  She was always my model of living a full life.  I loved hearing her stories of her trips and admired her independence.  The last time we were in Ocracoke, she let me watch her paint and patiently answered all my questions, which I'm sure she had heard a hundred times before.  It was just one small example of her kindness.  Mollie

India

March 12, 2012

An email my Mom sent out after her trip to India with Joyce, Beverly and Carolyn:

The trip to India was wonderful. We visited Delhi, Jaipur, Agra, Varanasi, and a national park where we looked for tigers but found none - we did see sloth bears, various deer, birds etc. We camped for one night in a tent camp. We took a balloon ride over the city of Jaipur, visited many temples and mosques and ended in Varanasi where we took a small boat on the Ganges River to view the burning ghats and an evening ceremony called aarti. The most exhausting part was the plane rides.

 I bought silk scarves for all you women to give when I see you.

Sally

Scandanavia

March 12, 2012

From an email from my Mom on her trip to Scandanavia with Janet Coffin:

Finally, I have got my notes together and I can write about my trip.

On September 9, Janet Coffin and I flew to JFK and then overnight to Helsinki, Finland. THere were a group of Orthodox Jews on the plane flying to Rumania to celebrate the Holidays at a special religious site.

Helsinki is a smallish city, easy to walk around. There was a daily market along the waterfront where we ate fairly inexpensively. We also went to a concert at the Sibelius Academy and visited the Museum of Contemporary Art to see an exhibit of Post Soviet Russian Art - very interesting, lots of moving images across large walls.

   Two days later, we flew above the Arctic Circle to Ivalo, Finland. We had dinner at a typical Sami restaurant - log building, circular going up to a pointed roof with a large raised center fireplace (10' x 6') where the food is cooked. We had reindeer stew. The Sami people are who we know as Lapplanders. They prefer the name Sami and they are the owners of the reindeer. We were to drive on to Saariselka after dinner but our bus was very late - a Russian truck had hit a reindeer and slid off into a lake. A rescue truck with a crane was pulling the Russian out, blocking traffic. In Finland, if your car hits a reindeer, the government will reimburse the owner. In Norway and Sweden, if you hit a reindeer you are responsible and must pay the owner. In those countries, drivers take out "Reindeer Insurance" with their car insurance.

 About reindeer.  There are no wild reindeer. Every reindeer is owned by a Sami. They roam in large areas, fenced now and then. The Finns don't want their reindeer roaming into Russia or Norway. The reindeer are marked with identifying cuts in their ears so everyone knows who owns what animal. No one can own more than 500 reindeer. In the spring the herds are rounded up and put in pens where the calves are identified and marked, and some animals are designated for slaughter. Reindeer meat is very expensive. More costly are the horns. About 5% of reindeer are lost over the winter, mostly to cars.. The Sami take their herds up into the high areas in the summer to escape the mosquitos, and bring them down in the winter. Herding is done using ATVs and Snowmobiles. Often helicopters are used to locate animals.

 Finland is a beautiful country, full of lakes and evergreens. We were there when the birches were changing color. THe weather was chilly but mild. The Sami look like everybody else - jeans, Nikes, cellphones. One evening we had dinner at a special family restaurant where the owners dressed in their traditional costumes and played and sang local songs. They used a drum that had to be heated now and then over the large center fireplace. The family kept quite a few reindeer in a large pen. In the winter they have a business where their animals pull tourists (mostly other Scandanavians) through the snowy landscape using special sleds.

Our local guide was a Sami woman - blond, blue eyed, with very high cheekbones. She ran a dog sledding business in the winter.   At kirkines, Norway, we toured a local iron mine that is not presently used. During World War II, the Nazis were camped all over northern Scandanavia and ruined most towns when they retreated. There is a long tunnel at the mine where 3000 Norwegians hid for months.10 children were born in the tunnel.    We boarded the Costal Steamer at Kirkines and started on our 5 day trip along the fjords. The ship,and others like it, are the way the small Norwegian towns along the water get their mail etc. They are working ships that take passengers, cars and even dogs. (there are special cabins for dogs and their owners). The coast was lovely, the little towns had brightly painted houses to cheer things up when it snows. As we got farther south, the  towns got larger and less colorful. We got off and roamed several places.

 We got off the boat at Bergen, the old capital of Norway. A few days later, we took a small train over the mountains, then a small boat along a fjord, before bussing into Oslo. Oslo is a city that is tearing down a lot in order to put up modern buildings. Some of the old areas are untouched but we had a hard time feeling c omfortable. It is just another city.

Our last place to visit was Copenhagen, a charming city with canals, boats and copper roofed buildings.

We enjoyed walking around. Scandanavia is a very expensive area to visit. A beer costs $10. and a rather ordinary meal $35 to $40. The dollar does not go very far. We ate sandwiches when possible. It was a wonderful trip. I really enjoyed the Sami area and the reindeer. If you look at a map, you can see how far north we were.

Love  Sally-mom

 

 

Full Cirlce

February 29, 2012

My mom had me at the ripe old age of 37 and she said all the time in nursery school and early elementary I used to complain that she was sooooo much older than all the other moms. I'm sure she beared my complaints with a few "uh huhs" and "tough, kid". Fast forward quite a few years and Io and behold I had my youngest child at the age of 40. My now 4-year old son has recently started telling me that I am old. All I can do is smile at him and think of mom - for things have certainly come full circle.

Of course, the truth of the matter is that the older I got the more timeless my mother became. Through all her aches and pains, she lived such a full life and was such a smart woman that she never ever seemed old to me again. She will remain ageless in my mind forever.

Always Ready

February 28, 2012
02 One Thousand and One Nights

My mom was adventurous right from the beginning. She and my dad were going to Guatemala then Peru for 2 yrs (USIA). Yet (gasp) airlines at that time couldn't cope with the fact that she was 5 mon pregnant so she had to stay back in DC.

The labor pains began when she was packing- so in a very Sally matter-of-fact way she said, "time" then paused, counted the contraction, and continued "that needs to go in that box, and this box needs to be labeled- "time" pause "ok, now that needs to go in the big box, and be sure to...  "time" Unbelieveable!

Needless to say I had a passport at age 1 mon, and 2 yrs later my brother had his- also at 1 mon. This was so she & my dad could live and work in India for another 2 years. TransAtlantic travel at that time was arduous, loud and slow, with many stops to refuel. I can only imagine traveling with a rambunctous 2 yr old & a 1 mon old baby!

Adaptable, flexible and uncomplaining are some of the words to describe Sally.

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