I’m not sure anymore about anything that I am supposed to be doing or anything else either, I am sure that I can search for the rest of my life and never find anyone else that would come close to you and what you have always meant to me,, I am sad that you aren’t here to see everything that has changed and our kids are now mother’s, I would give anything to just be able to have a chance to talk to you about everything, I often have wondered why you had to go and not me, I would change places without having a hesitation about it,!! Please just watch over our kids and grandsons , I love you and miss you so much,!!!

TThere's so  much I could tell you that I know that you would have a fit about,  but I know that you are looking at it so I'm just going to say that I really appreciate the opportunity to be in your life and that I could use a good stiff talk from you rt now telling me to be strong and be the best I can be and let it all go , and know that I have done all I can I miss you so much! !!!! 

I start out everyday in someway thinking of you, i see everyday the hurt in our childrens face ,my heart is tuely broke, i didnt loose an x husbnd but my closet confident, i wanna do things with th kids but its empty bc no matter what you always tried to be there .I pray everyday that somehow you mend my hurt and theirs, and i pray you send me small signs im not going wrong . I  miss the days we would laugh and the days you'd cuss me out . i truely miss you , more than i can write snow days are the hardest, it seemed i always got stuck at your house in it ! and i've missed you being a big kid playing in it  but i know you are here around us ,so,,,,,,just know that the last day i saw you ,i know and others that were there know what was said and done , I MISS YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the day his son was born he was the happiest man , he never put him down i dont think for weeks .  jackson would kick and you could see his foot ,rob would .say lil sammie you ready , and when he did arrive i saw him cry a sweet tear ,and he held Jazzman close and said i love you tootie rudy , now we have a brother to teach to ride your dirt bikes and four wheelers and to play ball . and that they did , little things matters in life , they may seem silly or nothings to others but when you remeber them at a time like now they matter , and they become bitter sweet moments ,