July 7, 2013 - My Mom
Saroj Bala Bansal
  • 75 years old
  • Date of birth: Sep 14, 1937
  • Place of birth:
    Mawana, Dist. Meerut, U.P., India
  • Date of passing: Sep 8, 2013
  • Place of passing:
    Fitchburg, Wisconsin, United States
"Forget I ever had Heartache; Remember I had lots of fun.."
"I'm the beat in your heart
I'm the moonlight shining down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there until the end"

Dear Friends and Family, this memorial website was created in memory of my dear Mummy, Saroj Bansal.  She was born on September 14, 1937 and passed away on September 8, 2013 from complications arising from Congestive Heart Failure.  She will live on in our Hearts forever.

Please take a moment to visit with her and share some of your thoughts and memories.

She was born in Mawana, in U.P. State of India to Maaneshwari Devi and Ved Prakash Kaushik. She was the 6th of 8 siblings (3 brothers and 5 sisters).  Her mother suffered from High Blood Pressure and became paralyzed because of a stroke.  My Mom was only 18.  She took care of Naniji for almost 2 years when she passed away.  So she knew the meaning of hardship from a very early age.  She was married to my father, Sushil on December 25th, 1958 - an arranged marriage.  We lived in Meerut with my paternal grand-parents for most of their married life before moving to the United States.

We came to the United States on September 3rd, 1977.  My father worked as an Accountant for the Embassy of India.  Both of my parents worked very hard to make a place for us here.  Without them and their efforts, we would not be enjoying the good life that we have.  She mostly managed a Gift shop in Virginia until she was diagnosed with Endometrial Cancer in 1993.  Cancer would recur twice again, both times in her lungs.  The treatments put cancer in remission but left her with diagnosis of Congestive Heart Failure and Type II Diabetes.

She was last hospitalized in June of 2013 for complications related to her Heart.  She spent 12 days in ICU before being sent home with Milrinone to be administered via a Portable IV to keep her heart pumping. It made her heart work so well and she felt good and healthy in a very long time.  For the first time in years, she smiled and asked for food and sang!  She wrote a long message for the ICU nurses and insisted we go to UW and deliver it.  Those few days were the best in ages!  She was so proud of the fact that she walked out of hospital on her own two feet rather than in a wheelchair. For me these were a gift.  It was such a happy thing to have her ask for more food that the Hospital Staff thought they were allowed to give!

She was very independent minded and did not accept help easily or happily. 

But this reprieve was not to last very long.  She came home on July 2nd and the medicine slowly stopped working as well within 2-3 weeks.

She knew it was time and she made a call to someone she trusted – to make sure I didn’t fall apart without her.  Chris told me later - 'You thought you were taking care of her; she was looking out for you!'

On September 7th she said she wanted to go for a drive with me, came home and later during the morning hours between 4:30 and 5:00am on September 8th, slipped away just when we turned the lights off to let her sleep.  My father was next to her on bed and I was at her feet; her son and daughter-in-law close. This is the way she wanted to go, with her family around and in her own bed.

She was a very strong and smart lady. Even her close friends did not know how ill she was until the end. She never talked about it. Whenever I or anyone else talked on phone with her, she always sounded cheerful and well. She was very determined. The only thing that terrified her was the thought that she may end up in a Nursing Home.  Even when she was getting Chemo, she would go to her craft class next day and they only realized her problem when they saw the loss of hair. She loved to knit and sew. She used to make all my clothes when I was a child; embroidered her saris and shawls. I remember watching her do that in fascination. She continued that almost until the end. She used to do quilting for the Senior Center. She was very active - never wanting to sit in one place, always on a move.  Cooking was her passion.  She was a wonderful cook and loved to make all kinds of dishes. 

She is survived by her husband, Sushil; her daughter and son-in-law, Sandhia and Christopher; her son Ashish, his wife Gauri and two of their daughters, Priya and Pramita; two brothers, Narendra and Upendra; and one sister, Vimla. 

Memorial Tributes
This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 17th January 2018

"Dear Mummy

4 years, 4 months and 10 days today...  So long since I saw you last and took that last car ride!  I can still hear your faint voice 'left', 'right' when I asked you to give me directions where to go.  I can still feel you close.  You are close in my heart and you are somewhere close helping me.  But I need you here with me so we could go for a walk... fight again... so you can make kheer for me; I need Papa so I still have a place to go; so I still have a parent.  I don't know how to do this - don't know what 'normal' is.  Where is that 'happy, happy...' song you would sing out even in those last difficult weeks?  I can still hear it when I pay attention.

I know you wouldn't want me to brood and miss you this much.  But I do - you know how I am...

I still have your email where you said "I won't give up".  

Love you and miss you.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 15th January 2018

"Dear Mummy

Show me the way... show me the way to go on and not destroy you sacrificed so much to give me.  I miss you so much; and papa; and babaji ammaji - all of you are now gone.

Stay with me and guide me.
Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 10th January 2018

"Dear Mummy

Aaj Papa ki Tehravi hai!  Is it all a nightmare or have I really lost all three of you?  You know I tried so hard to keep you two a little healthier so we could be together for a while longer.  I am kind of numb and can't even cry because I don't feel like it.  Even Belmont's room is now gone.  That was the last 'home' like place when Papa was there.  I saw him last on October 21st as I said GoodBye and left him sitting in the Belmont lounge.  He looked so sad...  I hated to leave him but what could I do?

Now he is gone; you have been gone for 4 years, 4 months and 3 days.  In my dream last night I saw you.  You didn't want to come and stay with us because you thought Chris didn't talk to you!  Don't know why I had this dream.  He cared and cares about you.  

He told me only last Saturday about a visit he made with you and Papa sometime in late 90s after we met for the second time.  He said that he visited with you and Papa in my absence at the Greenbelt house because he wanted to make sure that you were okay with him being with your daughter - him not being Indian...  Neither you nor Papa ever mentioned this to me - probably because he did come to talk to you specifically when I was at work.  He tried his best to stop you from going on that cruise in 2010 when you were not well enough for it.  And I know that you cared about him.  Why else would you call him in July of 2013, just before...., and ask him to take care of me when you were gone.  You were so worried about me when you were the one who was so ill.  

You and I...  we will always be together.  I always carry both of you and Babaji Ammaji with me.  Always in my heart...

Love you and Miss you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 8th January 2018

"Dear Mummy

You left me in Chris's hands and he takes good care of me.  Don't worry.  I still need you - all four of you.  Somehow never thought I would be all alone.  Miss Papa...  He didn't even call me - just went away...  Now I can't even be angry with him.  

He wanted to be with you.  Take care of each other and talk as much as you want.  Don't allow him to get on computer :-)

I will see you some day...  Did Papa give you your birthday card?  My letter to you and Babaji-Ammaji?  Tell Papa that I still needed him and do need him.  Need you.  Miss you.

What should I do now?  I couldn't keep you here and I tried...

Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 6th January 2018

"Dear Mummy

I haven't talked to you in 8 days.  Still trying to make sense of this and how Papa left without even calling me or texting me...  of how to go on without you and him.  First time, since we have been in the States, both you and Papa are gone and not coming back.  You live in my heart, yes, but I so want to see you, touch you, talk to you...  So want you to tell me "hamein baandh kai rakh legi kya?" - I tried... I tried my best.  But all four of you are gone.  But I know you are looking out for me... I think you called Papa to you seeing how much he missed you and suffered; I know you are still trying to protect me.

Always stay with me as long as I live.  I miss you so very much.  Miss Papa so very much.  I wish I came this Christmas to spend your anniversary with him.  But I didn't... I hope Papa is not upset with me... I hope he doesn't think that I didn't need him.  I did...  Will you tell him that for me?

Visit me with him one day in my dream.  I will wait...

Love you and Miss you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 1st January 2018

"Dear Mummy

Once again a New Year has begun without you.  I am afraid it is not a Happy New Year for me.  It begins without Papa; without any older person from my childhood.  Papa is with you now and I miss him very much.  Miss you very much.  Miss Babaji and Ammajii very much.  I need to see you in my dream tonight.  Help me...  Help me live without you all... Help me to learn to appreciate what I still have enough to not miss all that I have lost so much.  Help me learn to smile again; to laugh again without reservation.  How did you do it?  You lost Naniji so early in your life.  How did you make a life for yourself; for all or us and never let us see the pain you had in your heart?  Teach me to go on.  I feel so lost today - not sure what to really do now...  Don't have to do any more research; don't have to call doctors; don't have to yell at Papa.  

May be I will see you one day?  

Couple of days before Christmas this year when I was just not sure how to deal with situation with Papa, you sent me something...  That was one of the worst days for me and I found comfort in knowing you are somewhere looking out for me.  Papa was so sad for not being able to send you a balloon on your Wedding Anniversary and I couldn't help him and it made me very angry - I took that anger out on him and I feel so sad now; So very sad...  I hope he knew how much I loved him - just like you knew.  I wish he would give me a sign.

Oh, it is hard!  Much harder than I thought it would be!

Missing you.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 29th December 2017

"Dear Papa

I will always need you.  You told Mummy that only one thing keeps you here and when you thought it won't need you, you would go to her.  I hope you didn't imagine that I didn't need you.  I miss you very much.  More than I thought I would; more than you probably thought I would.  It hurt me to see you in Nursing Home.  It hurt me to see you suffer so much and not be able to help you.  You were very stubborn - just like Mummy.  I failed you because I wasn't able to get you back on your feet again and I was very angry with myself; with you.  

It is still not real that I am writing to you here - on Mummys' Memorial Site but I know you would want to share it.  You were hanging around yesterday in your room at this time.  Geri told me at 6 that you were okay; your test results were good; you were able to keep food down and that you napped.  So, it was a shock and still is.  It feels very unreal to not have any of the four who brought me into the World, made a home for me; made me feel safe and oh how frustrated me!

I need you.  Come back.  I was planning to come in March when it was a bit warmer and both of us had had a little break.  I miss you.  Are you with Mummy?  Babaji, Ammaji?  One day I will see you all again.  But first I have to get used to the idea that you are not there in Wisconsin.  It isn't real yet.

Love you.  Love your paintings.
Yours Gudia"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 29th December 2017

"Dear Mummy

Take care of Papa.  

Love you both
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 25th December 2017

"Dear Mummy

Missing you on this day - your 59th Wedding Anniversary.  Miss the sound of your voice.  Miss everything that is now gone.  

Thanks for the Rose Petal - I needed it and it made it a little bit easier to know that you are looking out for me.

Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 7th December 2017

"Like a butterfly in flight,
You drifted off to Paradise.
              - By Unknown Author

Four years and Three months today...
Missing you every day...  
I can always feel you near me and feel the way your hands felt... and your feet... whenever I think of you.  That is how I know you are always near me.

Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 27th November 2017

"Dear Mummy

It is our day and I miss your voice calling me or just waking me up to wish me the day...  I miss you so much.  Come and hug me in my dream tonight.  Some day I will see you...  

Love you always and miss you until then.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 27th November 2017

"Dear Mummy

It is our day and I miss your voice calling me or just waking me up to wish me the day...  I miss you so much.  Come and hug me in my dream tonight.  Some day I will see you...  

Love you always and miss you until then.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 7th November 2017

"Dear Mummy

Four years and 5 months today since we sat together.  I didn't think I could live one day without you!  And without Babaji and Ammaji...

Still I can see all your faces as fresh as yesterday and that is a blessing.  I can still feel the touch of your hands... your feet...  Chris says he can feel his Mom's.  Today is Mom's birthday...  Hope you are all together somewhere.  I want not to be sad because you won't want me to be.  You were not a brooding kind...  But I miss you so very much - more than I can say.  But I know that you know - just like Babaji knew my heart.

I love you.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 29th September 2017

"Dear Mummy

I miss the fuss you used to make - even though I used to be annoyed then...  -- You know what I mean.  Miss you so much.  Every morning I think of that last day we sat together and I can feel you so close... so close...  

Love you
Your daughter."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 14th September 2017

"Dear Mummy

You are 80 today!  Five years ago we were at Bahamas for your 75...  That was a difficult cruise for you, wasn't it?  I am glad that I was there for your last birthday before...

Missing you more today than ever.  Love Always.
Sandhia"

This tribute was added by Radha Sijapati on 8th September 2017

"Thinking of you and treasuring your love and warmth today and always!

With much love,
Krishna and Radha Sijapati"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 8th September 2017

"Dear Mummy

Forever in our Hearts... Missing you always...
Four years and 50 minutes...

Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 7th September 2017

"Dear Mummy

Four years!  And yet I can feel you sitting next to me whenever I think of you.  I feel your presence and so I know you are with me.  Wish we had few more years together; wish I could have taken away your troubles; wish you and I went on vacation together...

May be in another lifetime...

Missing you so much.
Love, your daughter."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 6th September 2017

"Dear Mummy

It was the Friday today...

You always worried how I would go on without you.  You were looking out for me when I thought I was doing that for you.

You gave me one of the best gift even in your darkest hour.  I will treasure it always...

Love you and miss you.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 15th August 2017

"Dear Mummy

You looked so well in my dream last night.  You were happy and were talking with friends - Laura and someone else - I don't remember who.  You also touched my mala, the one with your fingerprint and put it in the pocket of a suitcase.  So, I feel like now I have your real print on it.  I am so happy for the dream and hope you are somewhere looking over me.

Love you and miss you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 8th August 2017

"Dear Mummy

I miss you every day and you are in my thoughts almost every minute.  You will live on as long as I live - never forgotten and always missed.

Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 7th July 2017

"Dear Mummy

3 Years and 10 months since you took a ride with me...

Remembering you always...
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 12th June 2017

"Dear Mummy

Yesterday morning (June 11, 2017) I saw you in my dream.  I went to bed that night imploring you, Babaji and Ammaji to help me.  I didn't see them but you were there, a little thinner.  You were going to say something and I just reached out and gave you a hug.  I thought you started to cry a little.  But I actually felt you in my arms; could feel your touch!  It was very real.  I know now that you are close in spirit and may be a little sad at how I have been feeling.  I know what you would say to me but I cannot help it.  I miss you so much.

I will always remember this hug!
Love you and miss you every day.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 9th June 2017

"Dear Mummy

I can still go back to the last day when we sat on the bench together and in my mind feel your presence.  I can still feel the touch of your hand; your feet when I think of you.  I miss talking to you.  I wish I talked to you more about my life because you wanted/needed to hear it but I was too single-minded about getting you better that I made you miserable.  I was thinking the other day about the last time I left you in July - that night and in my mind I gave you a big hug, but you weren't quite there for me to touch and that's what I needed with my whole being.  Miss feeling the safety of home now that you are not here for me to see.  But I know you are with me in spirit always.  

I miss you every day.
Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 14th May 2017

"My Dear Mummy

Yet another Mother's Day and no way to call you.  But may be I don't have to because now you are always with me.  

Still I miss you; miss taking walks with you; miss your cooking; and most of all miss your voice.

Love you and miss you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 13th May 2017

"Dear Mummy

"Now I know why you always told me to be strong...
Because you knew...
You knew that one day
I would need the strength
to bear your loss".

Did you think I could?  Come back just once Mummy and help Papa.  Help me help Papa, help me to learn how to manage the stress of watching papa become weaker every day and watch him deal with blow after blow that just keeps coming.  When you were here, even though so fragile, you were someone I could lean on; you gave me strength.  You were my Home.  Come in my dream and give me strength, tell me how, what to do.  He is suffering so much; help him or just take him to you so that his suffering could end.  

You always were the strong one.  You knew how to accept things the way they were.  Teach me how...  I am so lost.  Do you, Babaji and Ammaji think that I am doing all I can or have I let you down?  

Show me the way...

Love you and miss you so much
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 26th April 2017

"Dear Mummy

Today is Babaji's Day... But you already know that.  I hope that somewhere you, Babaji and Ammaji are together and that I will see you all again.  Babaji has been gone for 37 years now but he is in my memory as fresh as ever.  When I look back at my life, I am very thankful that I had the three of you in my life.

I miss you so very much.  Wish you would call me just one more time... Mother's Day is coming soon.  Who would I call?  I miss your voice and your smile.  Looking at old photos, you always had a wonderful happy smile on your face and that is how I want to remember you.  I know that is how you want me to remember you too.  But I miss you... Have I already said that?

Love you forever.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 8th March 2017

"Dear Mummy

I can still feel you, the feeling of safety, home, the touch of your hand, the way your feet felt when on those rare occasions you let me massage them...  I can feel all this whenever I want.  I can see your face and smile when you were happy...  Same as with Babaji and Ammaji.  

I am lucky to have had all of you and I want so much to just think of it and be happy - the way I know you would want me to be.  I am but I just miss those times so much and wish I took more time to spend with you.
I thought we had more time...

Miss you so much - on this day and always
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 23rd February 2017

"Dear Mummy

I wish I had your strength... strength to always smile and breeze through difficult times with great dignity.  Help me... help me to be able to live my life the way you did - you know what I mean, don't you?  

I miss you so very much.
Love you, your daughter."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 8th January 2017

"Dear Mummy

I am watching 'I Love Lucy' - a coincidence that I should find this program just before I was going to write to you.  You used to love watching it; and 'Wheel of Fortune'.  That was your favorite.  

Today was the day, 3 years and 4 months ago, when you went away - well, just in body.  You will always be in my heart.  Sometimes I just like call out 'Mummy' just to remind me of how this most beautiful word sound.  

You used to sit where I am sitting now and I wonder what you used to think about.  Coming home on Friday, I was thinking of the days when you used to be here.  It was nice to have you two at home when I opened the door; though we argued a lot, didn't we?  But you knew how much I loved you and that means everything to me.  

'Dil dhoondta hai phir wohi phursat kai raat din... Jaadon ki garam dhoop mein aangan mein beth ker...' - Now I know the true feeling behind this song.  Miss those days...  Miss you.  

I saw you in my dream last night.  I was going to take a path dotted by something like bread crumbs to go for a walk and you kept calling me, I think to have lunch :-)  Come take a walk with me...

Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 3rd January 2017

"Dear Mummy

Waited for that call that won't be coming.  'Happy New Year'! - you used to call and say.  I wish I could dream of you - and Babaji, Ammaji more...  This is my wish for the New Year.

Hope you all are looking down on me from wherever you are.
Love and Miss you
Your daughter."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 25th December 2016

"Dear Mummy

Missed your call today. I was hoping to see you in my dream today.  
Papa and i miss you very much always, but specially today on your Anniversary.

We would have gone out to lunch today somewhere to celebrate your day.

Wishing you a Happy Anniversary and Merry Christmas , wherever you are.

Love you and Miss you
Papa and your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 7th December 2016

"3 years and 3 months since we talked!  And it all seems like yesterday...

Missing you
Your daughter."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 5th December 2016

"Dear Mummy

Tumne keha tha 'baandh kai thodi rakh legi!'.  Mein kehti thi 'Rukh loongi'.  Per kehan rukh paayee?  Chali gayi haath chuda ker...

Send me another sign..  I need it...

Love you and missing you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 27th November 2016

"Dear Mummy

I miss you every day, but specially today...
Wish you were here...

Love you and miss you.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 12th November 2016

"Dear Mummy

Will you walk with me on my birthday?  I miss those; and I miss you.

Love you.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 7th November 2016

"Dear Mummy

You said to look out for Papa.  I need your help as I do not know how to help him.  I saw you yesterday in my dream that you had a stroke but you were still running around as best as you could cooking and taking care of Papa.  I need some of your strength.  I need to know how you held on to your dignity until the very end.

We are in such chaos now that I am glad you are not here.  It would have been too much for you.  At the same time, I wish you were here for I could lean on you even in your frail condition.

Missing you.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 16th October 2016

"Mummy -- How to do this without you?  I don't have the strength.  Help me...  You were so calm and collected and were able to keep your dignity.  Teach me how.  I am lost without you and don't know how to do all I have to do.

Miss you so much.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 25th September 2016

"Dear Mummy

Wish you were here...  11 years ago, we were together at the Savage Mansion, happy and enjoying good food.  First and last time you and I had our hair done together :-)

Love you and miss you on our day
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 24th September 2016

"I saw you in my dream today - just for a moment.  You were sitting in a very high window in a house and I wondered how you weren't afraid to be looking down, because I was afraid.  

Tim says that you are with me; that I should believe you visited the bench on your birthday when papa, Jill and Laura were there, through that butterfly that hung around.  He said that he met you when you and papa went to talk with him about the class.  I did not know that he had met you.  Somehow it is important.  He cares a lot about papa - may be he gets inspiration through you.  I want to believe in all this; a part of me does; a part wonders...

But that is okay.  I know you are always with me.  Just like Babaji and Ammaji.  After all these years when I look at their picture sitting in front of his rook on a nice sunny day, I can smell the day.  I can feel the touch of your hands.  Chris says that he can feel the touch of Mom's hands when he thinks about it.  So, I feel not so alone in all this.

Still I miss you.  Tomorrow is the Anniversary of that Big day for me.  You used to cry and worry so much that I would be all alone when you are gone.  At the time, the thought of you being gone was so absurd.  I hope it gives you and Babaji Ammaji peace to see that I am with Chris, he being the best in the World!  You know I am well loved and taken care of.  

I wish we could hug once again.  I wish I gave you more hugs and spent more time with you.  But you were supposed to be here forever.  Even on that last evening on September 7th as we sat together, I meant it when I said that we would take that walk when you are better.  Somehow my Heart never knew you would be gone until you were.  But you will never be gone really - until I am.

Love you and miss you - especially today.
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 14th September 2016

"Dear Mummy

Papa went to the bench at the park to send off balloons for you on your 79th birthday.  Jill and Laura were there too.  

Jill says "It was a wonderful way to celebrate Saroj’s memory!  And as soon as we showed up at the bench a beautiful Monarch butterfly came.  It flew around us the entire time.  I am pretty certain it was your mom."

I believe you came;  Tim tells me that it must be you.  I am happy...

Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Navneet Bansal on 14th September 2016

"By Shradhanjali and swt memories ."

This tribute was added by Radha Sijapati on 14th September 2016

"You are cherished on your birthday and always for who you were and for your unconditional love, compassion, and kindness you left behind."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 14th September 2016

"Wishing you a Happy 79th Birthday, wherever you may be.  I wish I could call you; wish I could send you flowers; may be you can hear my heart calling for you...  I can still hear your voice at the other end of the phone when I used to call.  All those 11 years you were in Wisconsin, I never came for your birthday.  Wish I had.  Wish I was there for you more.  Wish...

Love you and miss you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Radha Sijapati on 8th September 2016

"Offering our sradanjali with fond memories!"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 8th September 2016

"Dear Mummy

Three years without you!  How is it even possible?  But then you are with me every second of the day - in my heart.  I want to remember your smile and happy voice and to forget your pain.  I know that is how you would want to be remembered.  I try...  But I miss you so very much.  Wish I could give you a hug one more time.  I hope to always be able to feel the warmth of your hand and touch of your feet - the way I do today.

You will always be in our hearts.
Love you and miss you.
Your daughter."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 18th August 2016

"Dear Mummy

I was just thinking of those mornings when you weren't feeling strong enough to take the regular longer walk.  You would go on a short walk and Papa and I would go in the opposite direction for the longer one.  I regret now why we didn't walk with you first and then went on for more after dropping you back home.  I used to turn around and look back at you then and think 'one day she will disappear' - but my heart never believed or imagined a World without you in it.  Not until you were gone.  Always live in my heart...

Love you and miss you.
Your daughter."

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 9th August 2016

"Dear Mummy

Wherever you were, there was home.  Somehow I can still feel a kind of security wall around me whenever I think of you...  I saw you in my dreams twice yesterday - very short dream - but you were there, once walking to a train station with me in a dark snowy night and in a hotel in second one.  May be you are still watching out for me.

Miss you so very much
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 7th August 2016

"Dear Mummy

2 Years and 11 months today since you and I sat together...  I remember your touch and your sound of voice just like yesterday.  I feel like you are so close, so close...  I saw you in my dream yesterday.  We were on a trip somewhere.  I need you to come and walk with me again.  I miss you so much.  Miss the kheer... Sel... your smile and just plain arguing with you...

Love you
Your daughter"

This tribute was added by Sandhia McLeod on 29th July 2016

"You were once my one companion
You were all that mattered
You were once a friend and Mummy
Then my world was shattered

Wishing you were somehow here again
Wishing you were somehow near
Sometimes it seemed if I just dreamed
Somehow you would be here

Wishing I could hear your voice again
Knowing that I never would
Dreaming of you won't help me to do
All that you dreamed I could

Passing bells and sculpted angels
Cold and monumental
Seem for you the wrong companions
You were warm and gentle

Too many years fighting back tears
Why can't the past just die?

Wishing you were somehow here again
Knowing we must say goodbye
Try to forgive, teach me to live
Give me the strength to try"


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Sandhia McLeod

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