New
February 6
February 6
Dear Mummy
I had a very distressing dream of you last night. I hope you are smiling wherever you are. The dream woke me up and it took a while for me to realize where I was.
I could use a hug like the one you gave me few years back...
Wish you were here so I could tell you things.
Wish you were here so I could ask you about so many things you never talked about. You never talked about, until that one time toward the end, about Naniji. I don't know much about her. Wish I wasn't such a worrier because then we would have talked about many more things than just about your health and food - because none of those talks did any good and probably only harmed.
This morning I sat in the room looking at your pictures and watched the sunlight travel through your face. One of the pictures is the one of you with Priya when she was 3 or 4. You had such a beautiful smile on your face as you looked at her. You had such a beautiful smile until someone stole it. I hope the ones who stole your smile and tore your heart in two will suffer in the end. But in my experience so far I see mostly bad people live a good happy life and people who wouldn't hurt a fly suffer. Why else would 7 out of 10 of you would have suffered so much in the end? All of you were the best of people that I know of. Is there a God? If so, why all this? Both you and Ammaji wondered about why God would do such things and play such games. Ammaji had faith that God would not punish them and allow Babaji to get better enough so that we could all once again live together. But that faith wasn't rewarded... And same with the rest of you who went through such emotional and physical pains and why? -- I ask. But there isn't an answer, is there?
I miss you so much and wish I could take the pain away that cannot possibly be taken away now that it is all too late.
I can only love you until my last breath and I will always.
Love you
Your daughter
I had a very distressing dream of you last night. I hope you are smiling wherever you are. The dream woke me up and it took a while for me to realize where I was.
I could use a hug like the one you gave me few years back...
Wish you were here so I could tell you things.
Wish you were here so I could ask you about so many things you never talked about. You never talked about, until that one time toward the end, about Naniji. I don't know much about her. Wish I wasn't such a worrier because then we would have talked about many more things than just about your health and food - because none of those talks did any good and probably only harmed.
This morning I sat in the room looking at your pictures and watched the sunlight travel through your face. One of the pictures is the one of you with Priya when she was 3 or 4. You had such a beautiful smile on your face as you looked at her. You had such a beautiful smile until someone stole it. I hope the ones who stole your smile and tore your heart in two will suffer in the end. But in my experience so far I see mostly bad people live a good happy life and people who wouldn't hurt a fly suffer. Why else would 7 out of 10 of you would have suffered so much in the end? All of you were the best of people that I know of. Is there a God? If so, why all this? Both you and Ammaji wondered about why God would do such things and play such games. Ammaji had faith that God would not punish them and allow Babaji to get better enough so that we could all once again live together. But that faith wasn't rewarded... And same with the rest of you who went through such emotional and physical pains and why? -- I ask. But there isn't an answer, is there?
I miss you so much and wish I could take the pain away that cannot possibly be taken away now that it is all too late.
I can only love you until my last breath and I will always.
Love you
Your daughter