Hey, Son after 15 and a half years, I quit Big Lots!!  I have moved to New Braunfels to be with Heather and her family.  So far there has been pros 'n cons for me, but I really think it's a good decision.  The hardest parts of the move are leaving Justin behind although he's doing the best he's done ever and he is allowing himself to be happy, also not having a weekly paycheck to help with bills and necessities is just plain scary.  I don't want to be dependent on Heather for my needs.  I have managed to put aside some money, but I don't want it to run out before my life does.  Now I can go to your memorial site more and maintain it and add to it.  Gotta learn how to get there on my own tho.  Gotta find a life purpose now so I don't fall into depression.  I love you and I will never stop missing you and will forever carry you in my heart.    Love, "Ma"

I took off July 11-15 to go to Heather's while Trinity & Tristin were there to spend more time with them and out of the blue, J, Kristi &Tyler showed up too! They stayed Thur-Sat. All the cousins had a blast together.  It was great watching them interact.  They were all so good to Tyler and he had a blast!  Most everyone went on the river several times.  On Fri. we went to your memorial and added a couple items as your girls, J, Kristi & Tyler had never been there.  We took pics and went to eat at MOD Pizza.  The whole weekend was wonderful!  I think it's the best gathering we've had since we lost you.  I brought the girls back home with me on Sunday.  I somehow felt your presence.  I saw cardinals several times.  The only way it could be been better is if Ed had come as well and if you were physically there as well.  We love n miss you, Son!           "Ma"

I remember when you were in jail in Paola, Ks. and we were writing almost weekly.  You sent letters in beautiful envelopes with your artwork on them!  You were always so talented.  We also talked atleast once a week.  During one of those calls, you asked if I heard the song "Looking for The Light" by Rick Trevino.  I said no and you asked me to go buy it and listen carefully to the words and it would tell me how much you loved me.  I did and it really brought tears to my eyes and still does today.  The song ends with him being with his mama when she passes away and I always thought you would be there for me on my last day, not knowing I would lose you before then and I wouldn't be there for you as you passed away.  Life isn't fair and it's taught me to love now and don't expect a tomorrow.  Here's that song as a tribute to you, Son, and the love that still remains!  "Ma"

I've always been a huge fan of Conway's and his song "Hello Darlin" always brought tears to my eyes.  I remember being at your house, in the kitchen, and you put on your playlist and there among all your songs was "Hello Darlin".  When it started playing, my eyes got misty and you started dancing with me.  I really didn't expect it to be for long, but we danced the whole song!!  Now that song is even more precious to me and I have a beautiful memory to hold onto.  I miss you so much, Son !

I remember when you were here for Ike and Katrina.  It was comforting to share those events and have you and the family safe.  Now it's 2017 and we got hit hard with Harvey.  Everyone in the family here is effected in some way with this storm.  It will take months atleast to get thru this.  Your girls are ok but their home had threatening water level.  They have a 2nd story so that was a blessing.  So with all that's happening, all we are dealing with, your absence is very much felt!  We love and miss you, Son.  "Ma" 

Today is monumental, for Jaden and for both sides of the family!  No one on either side has made this accomplishment!  Altho I can't attend, he has my heart and pride this day and always!  I know if you were here Scott that you would be proud as well and that you would be there.  Events like this just make your absence more noticeable. I had to share this day with you because to me you are still very much a part of our lives.  Love you, Son.

This isn't a story, it's more of a shared experience.  I just want to say that I pray daily, sometimes many times, but always I ask God to bring you to my dreams because I miss you so.  It doesn't always happen, but it has several times and last nite was one of them.  When you visit, it's always a deeper sleep, I feel happy, but I never know you are there until I wake up and then I try so hard to return to sleep for more time with you, but once I awaken, you're gone and it's sad, but I do feel blessed that you were there and that God listens.  I will always be open to the next visit, because it helps me go on and and strengthens me.  But the saddness is always there.

Every day without you, since you had to go, is like summer without sunshine and winter without snow.

I wish that I could talk to you, there's so much I would say. Life has changed so very much since you went away.

I miss the bond between us.  I miss your kind support. You're on my mind and in my heart and every Christmas thought.

I'll always feel you close to me and though you're out of sight, I'll search for you among the stars that shine on Christmas night.

I love you Son and miss you more.  You are forever a part of me.  "Ma"

I thought of you today, but that is nothing new.  I thought about you yesterday, and days before that too.  I think of you in silence, I often speak your name.  All I have are memories and your picture in a frame.  Your memory is my keepsake, with which I 'll never part.  God has you in His keeping, I have you in my heart.  Forever and Always,  "Ma"

You'll meet me in the light, I know that you can't see me.  Altho I'm up in Heaven, my love for you stays near.

So often I see you crying, many times you call my name.  I want so much to kiss your face and ease some of the pain.

I wish that I could make you see that indeed Heaven is real.  If you could see me run and play, how much better you would feel.

But our loving God has promised me that when the time is right, you'll step out of the darkness and meet me in the light.    

Sometimes I catch a glimpse, in softened waves of blue; My child, my heart....when I see a smile, I can't help but think of you.

Sometimes these waves fill oceans, and feelings string on every shore, a collection of each memory and every day I wish for more.

Sometimes I watch for answers because each day I call to you; I ask for faith and courage and strength to help me through.

Sometimes I ask for bravery, like dolphins in the deep, because time moves so slowly and sometimes the road is steep.

Sometimes I want to scream; this was not what I planned!  Why you ever suffered, this mom can't understand.

Sometimes I hear your laughter and remember you at play, but, my child, I always miss you, not sometimes, but EVERY DAY!

Momma loves you Son and I hold you forever in my heart♡♡

Dear Son:  Christmas has come again and I still feel your absence.  If it weren't for my long, crazy work schedule, I don't know how I'd make it thru.  It keeps my mind busy, but on the way to and from work, my thoughts drift off to you and the tears flow.

People shop regardless of the economy.  Most shop themselves into debt, thinking they will figure it all out after the holidays.  Families will gather to share this day, food, drinks, gifts and memories.

Christmas in Heaven must be glorious!  There the true meaning of Christmas is celebrated.  Christ was born to save those who believe in Him and accept Him and want eternal life.  I've accepted Christ many years ago.  As I age, I get more anxious to come Home.  I've asked God to let me see Justin settled in life with a good job, a car, a home and his family with him, then I will be happy and my time here will be complete.

Your girls are doing well.  They are beautiful, strong, happy young ladies.  Both are doing well in school.  I don't see them as often as I would like to,  but when I do, I always feel your presence.  Although I wish you would have raised them, they are going to be fine!

I donate twice a year to a local animal shelter in your name.  I remember how dedicated you were to animal care and how you tried to save the unloved and impaired ones.  It makes me feel good and I hope it pleases you.

As this holiday runs its course, I want you to know how much I love you, miss you and live to see you in Heaven.  I hold you forever in my heart and always look for my shining star in the sky.  Merry Cristmas my  Son.  Happy Birthday, Jesus!  God Bless us.   "Ma"

My angel up in Heaven, I wanted you to know, I feel you watching over me, everywhere I go.

I wish you were here with me, but that can never be, memories of you in my heart that only I can see.

My angel up in Heaven, I hope you understand, that I would give anything, if I could hold your hand.

I'd hold you oh so tightly and never let you go, and all the love inside of me to you I would show.

My angel up in Heaven, for now we are apart, you'll always live inside of me, deep within my heart.

I wish I could see you one more time come walking through the door, but I know that is impossible; I will hear your voice no more.

I know you can feel my tears and you don't want me to cry, yet my heart is broken because I can't understand why someone so precious would choose to die.

I pray that God will give me the strength and somehow get me through as I struggle with this heartache that came when I lost you!