A song
Shadow
you are my baby
Shadow
you are my honey
Shadow
you are my sweetie now
And forever
Listen listen listen to my story of a long time ago
Now he's gone I can't go on and I will cry if I want to
cry if I want to
Shadow
you are my baby
Shadow
you are my honey
Shadow
you are my sweetie now
And forever
Listen listen listen to my story of a long time ago
Now he's gone I can't go on and I will cry if I want to
cry if I want to
Shadow was always hungry. He would sit on the back of the sofa and as I ate my Subway he would reach out with his long, long black arm (this arm could tap you on the shoulder if you were in Montana) and somehow try to swipe some tuna. He would do it in slow motion assuming that I would not notice. He was so cute. Then he would dig in the wrapper for a scap or two. I would always throw some food down so he could eat it.
He also loved yogurt. He would like the top of the container and the foil lid and push them all over the house trying to get one last lick in. I finally put a spoon of yougurt out for him so he could really go to town.
He would always want to jump on my lap to see me work on the computer and then would wander over to food I had to get a nip or two. I discovered that he would drink out of my water glass when I was not looking. I loved him so much that swapping spit with him was no big deal. I would French kiss him if his tongue was not so scatchy.
He of course ran for Tuna or Salmon at a moments notice. We loved feeding him anything he wanted. He would kind of growl and purr as he chomped down his food.
He could not stomach food well and puked a lot. Baby food....turkey with turkey gravy was a last discovery. Oh he loved that baby food. After all he was our baby!
i greet the dawn in a blur of tears
how will i get thru the years
without my angel
to quell my fears
and prepare me
as my death nears
each changing path
each road that veers
i see you face
in passing mirrors
as our hope
disappears
I now measure my life
every movie I saw
how old my kid was
was trip we were on
using the life of my beloved cat shadow
my son was in 4th grade
when we got shadow
i was busy but my beautiful little buddy was always in the background
all the way
loving me patiently
and always telling me to slow down
now i think i hear his voice
i imagine him on the window sill
i have a pounding headache and tear stained cheeks
the silence without his voice
is killing me one heartbeat at a time
i do not know how I am going to live
to put one foot forward
to smile
to work
to laugh
or sing
ever again.
Shadow
I will have to remember you
invoke you
commune with you
meditate with you
love you
feel you
sense you
dream of you
see you
hallucinate you
invest in you
talk about you
write about you
and reach out for you
i saw the moon and stars last night
and autumn spoke of your name
now that you've gone
to the golden light
nothing here will be the same
i hold a pillow to my chest
and squeeze it tight to hold you near
i know my hurt will never rest
until somehow you come back here
these empty days and silent nights
echo the shadow of your smile
i dream of you and sweet delights
and long so dearly all the while
but you are gone and I am lost
the endless days without your love
you are my treasure and now my cost
i doubt i will ever rise above
as autumn leaves dance out your name
and winters promise edges near
i know i have myself to blame
for not somehow keeping you here
i hurt inside each aching breath
the memories flood my lonely soul
it is so hard to deal with death
nothing will fill this deep dark hole
the wind it laughs at dancing rain
it twists and turns the shimmering leaves
the branches bow to greater life
as new buds grow
and old things go
I can not believe all the days and hours I could have been with you
and was not
I felt restless and unsatisfied
so I passed you by
and sometimes ignored your love
you were there for me with each turning page
but I was searching for lies and smoke
and now you are gone
I have lost it all
and life is now
an aweful joke
The ghost of my cat will always be in this house
our spirits will merge as we long and hunger for each other
this has been sacred ground
for the true comfort we have always called home. I would almost ignore you
as I struggled thru my life
but you were always there as by ground of being
my endless support
you were the common denominator of my life
that soothed my aching soul
when I slowed down enough to catch your buddist ways
of calm, peace and love
all the things that mean most in this world
Thank for the blessing of you
May your spirit dance with mine forever
Heaven would not be heaven without you
S. Rouch
You slipped into the black, unexplained night of eternity
today in the blaze of an Autumn noon
I longed for you to be glued to the window
whimpering at birds and squirrels
as they danced in the drunken Fall leaves
Oh to hold you to my chest
and have you massage my chakras with your
purring Volkswagen motor
as you growled out vowels and words
and intimate thoughts
to me....your best buddy
My arms ache for you forever
You ears cry tears
to not hear your voice
to hear the endless chatter
as we converse on every subject.
You're my greatest gift from God
and now God have unveiled your perfect precious value
to me so dearly
with the endless pang of heartache/
you disappear in a fading memory
only to twirl and prance and bat at moths
and stampede with your brother thru out this house
I have always wanted to put you and your brother
in my saddle bag and head West to the forever frontier
you with your cowboy hat and holster would be my scout
as we travel on our adventure
Now we will be in your cat dreams
we will melt into the marmade sky
and search for the promise
of always being together
till the end of time
S.Rouch