ForeverMissed
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This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Shandi Griffin, 18, born on October 18, 1986 and passed away on September 28, 2005. We will remember her forever.

Our broken link

Shandi Rae was born on October 18, 1986. She came into this world kickin and screamin,, She was my 3rd child and the wildest, spunkiest of all.. She was happiest when she was making someone laugh. She cared for everyone she met and gave her friendship to many. Not that it always stayed that way if you crossed her. Her friends knew her as the one that would scrap with the biggest, as long as she was getting her point across. She was not scared of anyone or anything.. This included her brother and sisters. Her smile and laughter was what kept us all going in tough times. She brought a beautiful baby girl into this world one year before her passing. Camrenn Carol. This little girl lives on in her mother in every way shape and form. Her face, her smile, her voice, her walk, her smell.. It is like Shandi all over.. She will never get to know her mother and know how wonderful she was.. Cami watches her memorial video over and over with little tears flowing. Grandma.. when will I get to be with my mommy? As a grandmother, my heart breaks knowing she will never get to enjoy special mommy moments, birthdays, 1st day of school, mothers day and giving her mommy that plaster hand that says I love you mommy, her prom, boyfriends, a wedding and her children. Her mommy will have to enjoy her from Heaven.
Shandi's life was cut short on Sept 25th, 2005 when she was shot by a meth addict, drunk that she thought was her friend.
She stayed with us for a few days where we had to watch the life in her slowly slip away. Now came the time for choices... the choice a mother should never have to make.. a choice that no mother could ever imagine. It was the worst slap in the face a person could have. It was right in front of me.  Knowing Shandi's life would never be the same as she would never wake up, she would never laugh again, she would never cry again. She would never be able to enjoy her daughter. I could have her body..but not her beautiful living soul. Her baby daughter would have to watch her lifeless body stuggle to stay alive because I did not want to give her up.. I could never watch her live this way so I  had to make the decision to give her back to God. As much as I was swearing at God for doing this. I knew I did not have a choice..I could not battle God over her as he was taking his child back to fulfill his plan.. THIS WAS NOT MY plan damn it !!!.. He should not be taking her from us.. Its not fair..Again.this was  decision a mother should NEVER have to make...We made sure some things were taken care of before I would have to watch them pull all live saving measures from her.  She had a special visit from her brother before she went to be with God.. The last memory of them together was him bending down to kiss her knowing it was the last time he would ever see his sister.Her friends came to see her,  Jason made sure the song "One more day" was playing for her.. as that is what we wanted.. Just one more day...NO. !! not one more day.. I wanted a lifetime with her. But this was not going to happen. The donor team was called in to make sure she lived on in others but Shandi saw things a different way. She was not going out easy.. Even with her body slowly slipping away she was not giving up. That last breath was not coming. She was not going out this way. The next morning she was still fighting.. I knew then it was time to take her home. She wanted to be at home with her family. She was not going to take her last breaths in this hospital. I made arrangements to take her home. Normally this is not what hospitals do but at this point they had no choice. I was taking her home one way or another. They complied. I was told they did not think she would make it on the trip back to Helena but I had to take that chance. I rode with them praying all the way.. It seemed like the longest trip ever.. We made it..As we approached Helena I told the guy, could you please put the sirens on.. Shandi always wanted to make an entrance wherever she went so this was her going to be her final entrance. They were happy to do this. Watching the whole town pull over and move out the way for her was almost honoring.. We arrived at home at 3:32pm. When we pulled in I saw my newphew standing on my deck with a huge angel carved out of wood, He chainsaw carved my girl. There were ballons, and streamers saying welcome home Shandi, All the kids and my friends were waiting for her.. She was HOME !!   Her sisters and I spent the day with her, painting her fingernails, putting make-up on her, Just laying with her letting her know we were all there with her. Her nephew Braydun, covering her with flowers.. Knowing her time was short, there was not a minute we wanted to be away from her. Watching her slowing leave us was the hardest thing in life anyone should ever have to go through. At 10:30 pm her breathing starting getting more labored but she was still hanging in there. At one point I walked back to my bedroom to just sit alone for a minute as I knew her time was short. I made it to the bedroom and sat down when the kids started to scream at me. I ran down the hallway. "she is not breathing mom.. help her, mom save her.. please mom." those screams were like knives.. those words echoed in my head and still do.. All I could think of was to hit her chest.. It worked.. She was breathing again. I again walked down the hall. to get my breath, to try to get my wits to me, I spoke the words.. "There is going to be a time when I cant save her". Those words barely got out of my mouth and the screams from the kids started again. I ran down the hall once again, Her she was breathing was still there but only a breath here and there. As I approached her, I looked at her and the kids. I knew in my heart this had to end. I knew she was slipping away. I knew it was time we let her go... let her go to her other home. I told the kids.."its time,, its time to let her go. She needs to go... We all covered her with out bodies, Telling her how much we loved her. She took her last breath, Our hands on her heart.. We felt that last heart beat.... She was gone.. Its not possible... This is just not possible.. My beautiful daughter was gone..   At 10:55, That would be an hour that as her mother will never forget.,10:55 is etched in my heart.. Now came the time I had to call the ambulance and coroner. This was even harder as I knew they were taking her forever.. they arrived... Watching them wrap her in a white sheet.. OMG this was not happening. But it is... Our final goodbye seemed like it lasted forever.. Waching from the deck, Her being loaded in a ambulance... Our hearts were being torn apart.. As they started to drive out of the long driveway, Her sister Jerika starting screaming and running down the driveway.. She wanted her sister back..Her falling in the driveway to her knees.. watching her sister being carried away.. This site also etched in my mind forever and I am sure her's also..
Our lived changed forever that day.. A day we will never forget every second.. every word, every smell..  etched in our memory ... FOREVER... As a mom,  I remember when I felt her 1st heart beat.. and then her last.. My heart went with hers... We miss her so much words could never explain.. She is always in our hearts..Her memory will live on forever. We love you Shandi Rae..

September 28, 2021
September 28, 2021
Here we are again my baby girl. Still missing you like I have been for the last 16 years. Still seems like yesterday. My heart still is empty without you. Your sisters and brother are so wonderful but they miss you so much. I so wish you could know their kids, they would love auntie Shandi.. Cami is so beautiful, she is so grown, so YOU! . Everything about her is you..I know you watch over her.  She is your twin.  You would be so proud.  I love you my angel, I miss you so much.  Until we meet....I love you and watch over all of us❤
September 28, 2021
September 28, 2021
It’s hard to believe 16 years have gone by…you are not forgotten!!!
September 26, 2020
September 26, 2020
Goodmorning beautiful girl, here we are again, 15 years later, my heart still the same...lost and broken . Your memory etched in my soul. I sit here thinking about you . Your in my heart and in my mind. The what if's have never went away. Every word, every thought, every second of 15 years ago is ingrained in my soul. Some days are better than others but all in all, your on my mind in everything I do or say. "Shandi would have loved that", "shandi would have done this or that".. i know that you have had a part or had a hand in everything that has happened in our lives. You have had a hand in saving your sister and brothers life more than once. You have made sure the others had beautiful lives. As you know, I ask you for help when times get rough. Your always there..❤❤ you give me answers when I am weakening and want to give up. Everyone thinks I am such a strong person.. i can put on a good face because deep down you know how weak I really am. You give me strength, you give me hope. You give me dreams. Your memory gives me all that I need in life to keep going on. My kids are my life❤❤❤ you are my life. ❤ I pray that you are always watching over us, I pray that you are happy, dancing in heaven with Jesus, talking care of the loved ones we have lost. Your daughter Camrenn is so beautiful, she is your twin. Everything about her is YOU❤❤ I AM SURE YOU ARE SO PROUD. We are!!!! I think God gave usCami, just so we could see you every second that your not here. I remember today 15 years ago so well,  sitting at the end of that hospital bed, praying that you could just wake up. Today was the day that man brought me a daisy, telling me that some little girl that he didn't know walked up to him and said " give this to shandi's mom, she's going to be just fine". No one knew this little girl or where she came from. You knew her! It was you!! You were sending me a message i would someday figure out. As you know I put that flower on your chest, it layed there never being touched again until I saw that it was dead. All wilted and shriveled up. I picked it up, and tossed it in a glass of water that was going to be thrown away. I didn't throw it away, I forgot about it.  The next day, I was standing at your side talking to you, I turned away, I needed to look at the sky to take a breath and pray.. i looked down in that cup of water. There was that dead daisy standing tall and beautiful. Standing straight up in the middle of that cup. Nothing holding it up. It was alive, it was standing on its own. It was in full bloom...just like you... You gave me a message that took some time to sink in. You gave me a message that you knew I needed to know.. a message I needed to know to be able to survive this horrible loss. . Even though in our eyes things die all the time but they really dont... they are there, to make our hearts happy, to let us know that even though your body was physically not going to be with me, that your spirit was.... those daisies are now tattooed on my arm. I carry you with me every second. You will never leave me❤ i love you my beautiful daughter. I miss your beautiful EVERYTHING! 
September 25, 2020
September 25, 2020
Sissy another year without you. Not a day goes by that your not in my thought and prayers. I miss my side kick and my best friend. God had a better reason for you. I wish you could be here to see me walk this great road finally. Thanks for kicking my butt when I was doing wrong. I love you more than the world its self . One day we will be back together again and our chain wont be apart anymore. Keep flying high sissy and know that I am in hods hands. Love you to the moon and back. Love always and forever sissy.
October 18, 2018
October 18, 2018
Happy 32nd birthday beautiful girl.. I can't believe you are 32 years old. Time passes so quickly. Yet time drags on when it comes to being able to see you again. I wish everyday that I could see you and be with you again. Until that time comes, watch over your family and your daughter. I love you and miss you my girl. Mom
September 26, 2018
September 26, 2018
Hey baby girl, Here i am again 13 years later, with the exact same feelings as back then. Life has changed so much as you already know.. so many more people have come in and out of our lives. Your sister and brother battled with demons and overcame them..I knew all along you were by their sides keeping them alive.. A new man came into my life, but as you know me... a person that never really needed anyone to make me strong,,, I let go... but I know, you being you, knew what and who I really needed in my life, You put us back together... I tell him all of the time that he would have loved you so much because you are a lot like him in the humor Department and in the heart Department. I only wish you were here for him and his children to love you like we do. Your brother and sisters have grown so much.. they are all such beautiful loving people, and they all have such beautiful children. Braydun remembers you and still thinks of his Auntie Shandi.. I believe that is why he draws to auntie shi as much as he does is because she is just like you. Cami has grown up to be such a beautiful strong girl. She really is your twin. It is really hard to look at her some days without crying because it is just like looking at you and hearing you. She has your same voice your same walk, your humor..Everything about her is you. I try so hard not to cry everyday, just like you tell me to do in my dreams. You tell me all of the time you are okay and not to cry, but there is no stopping These Tears because I miss you more than any words could ever explain. This hole in my heart can never be filled again. I look forward to the time that we can be together again which makes me not fear death anymore. When this time comes every year I remember every single second of what was said and what happened 13 years ago. It is etched in my mind and it just hits replay over and over. My life is very good and I am thankful for everything that I have and I am sure that you have had a hand in it all. Always making sure that my life was happy. My life would be much happier if you were in it but I know that is not possible ...Please stay in my dreams. I love you so so so much.  Dance with Jesus.. Mom❣❣
September 25, 2017
September 25, 2017
I was there on the other side of things. Helpless and watching. Holding my daughter as she grieved for your daughter. So many tears she cried for Shandi. My daughter had to stay away from your family when all she wanted to do was hug you and tell you she hurt inside and how sorry she was what happened to Shandi. She was helpless. The whole thing made me sick inside. I really liked Shandi. She was a very giving and loving girl. I feel for her daughter not growing up with a mommy. Most of all I feel for you Connie. I can only imagine what it is to loose a child. No mother should have to go through that. Someday I hope you reach out to Kimberly. She would really like that. There is not a time that we do not think of Shandi. She will be missed. Hugs to you and your family xx.
September 25, 2017
September 25, 2017
Today us no different than12 years ago. I miss everything about you. There is never a day that goes by that I don't shed a tear thinking about you. Your daughter Cami is a twin of you. She is beautiful, just like you... She even sounds like you. I can't wait to see you, to hug and
September 28, 2016
September 28, 2016
I love you my angel. Another year is passed and I still hurt the way I did when you left me. Keep dancing with Jesus. Watch over me and your family and your baby girl Camrenn. She is as beautiful as you are. Live you to the heavens and back.  Mom
September 27, 2015
September 27, 2015
Connie I remember that day u brought shandi home. I was on Canyon Ferry Road when the ambulance passed me. Was it last year we were in your garage talking and a feather fell out of nowhere! She's still with you and Cami from heaven! Love ya lady!!!
September 25, 2015
September 25, 2015
I never met you, I know that you are loved a lot. Your mom is such a devoted mother keeping your memory in everyone's hearts.
September 25, 2015
September 25, 2015
I am so so sorry!!!!!!!! I love you... peace and love from lea
September 25, 2015
September 25, 2015
It's hard to believe it has been ten years. The last time I saw Shandi was Christmas Eve in Helena at the little convenience store adjacent to McDonalds off North Montana, the year before she left this earth. What I do remember about that brief encounter is that she was happy and that her life was going good. I didn't recognize her at first. She approached me and wanted to share with me. Looking back, I wished I had spent more time visiting but it was late and I was driving back to Great Falls. Not much comfort in these words now I know. To her family, I am thinking of you today and always.
September 25, 2015
September 25, 2015
It seems like only yesterday you came to see me at my work Shandi, it's still hard to believe your gone. 10 years it's been since you left your wonderful loving family and friends, it still weighs heavy. I've seen pictures of your daughter, although I've never gotten to meet her in real life, she seems to have the same fire in her that you always did. I miss my childhood friend, the friend I used to build forts with and sing to songs on the radio. I will always remember the wonderful times we had and I'm hoping one day we will meet again my friend.
September 25, 2015
September 25, 2015
I love you my angel.... Until we meet again...  MOM...
September 24, 2015
September 24, 2015
Here we are once again. A Place that I visit every year. A place that never in a lifetime I would have thought would be how where I would have to talk to you. As of tomorrow it will be 10 years since I have seen your beautiful face, heard your voice, smelled your beautiful perfume.. Part of my life ended that day and nothing has ever been the same..Yet I had 3 more days to watch you slowly slip away and there was nothing I could do to save you.. There is never a day that goes by that I don't think about you.. something you did, how you made us all laugh and even the times we cried together. There is never a day that goes by that I don't question God, with no answers... I question myself every day of how I could have changed things to prevent this from ever happening. There are no answers.. Just more questions and constant tears.. I don't think this will ever end. I have found that the "what if's" eat me alive sometimes.. I know that you send me little signs to show me that you are here.. but I just want MORE... I want you here.. Here to see what your family has become.. Here to see your beautiful daughter growing up. Here to hug her and tell her its all right... I look at her and its like looking at you. She is more like you that you could ever imagine.. She needs her mommy and I cant help... I try to make sure your memory is never forgotten with her. Its very hard hiding the tears when I look at her and imagine you and what could have been. You would be proud of her.. You would be proud of your brother and sisters and how their lives have progressed and what they have become.. I had to realize that your passing has a lot to do with how they are now and what they have become. We have all learned how to love deeper and not take life for granted. I think back on the very moment I got the news you were shot. My friend that had to inform me, told me that the color drained from me. I know now, that was the life in me.. My life was taken when your life was stolen from you. I never imagined in a lifetime that I would have to watch you take your last breath .. to feel your last heartbeat.. No mother should ever have to endure this.. Its not supposed to happen this way.. Although nothing can be changed I still wish and pray it is nothing but a mothers worst nightmare,, I still wake up and its real, nothing will ever be the same.. I have seen other mothers go through the same and it brings it all back because I know what that mother is feeling.. I know how her heart is hurting and I know her life will never be the same.. If I could just take it all away for them.
I pray that you are happy in Heaven.. I know that you are dancing just like you danced here on earth. I know you are making people happy and have them laughing just like you did here.. They are so lucky to have you.. I only wish it were me.. Love you with all my heart my angel.. Missing you more and more. Save a place for me right next to you as someday my wishes will come true.. Love, ALWAYS AND FOREVER... MOM..
September 13, 2014
September 13, 2014
I miss u shandi. Can't believe u been gone.
September 13, 2014
September 13, 2014
Welp, another year has come and gone, and like last year, missing u hasn't gotten easier, I'm just one year closer to seeing u again, I don't want to cry to much so I will finish my post with a memory, I remember the time you and I were in helmville and we were riding the riding lawn mower and the steering wheel got stuck on my belly and we went up the side of the hill and tipped over and then told dad we ran out of gas because it wouldn't start, or the time you and I painted the Helmville bar and wrote our names on the wall inside, or the time we drove thru East Helena with the dome light on so that hot guys could see that we were chicks, or on Easter when we were doing our hair at grandmas and I asked u if the blow dryer got hot and you said "I don't know, feel it, so I stuck it to my cheek only to get burned and still have scars to this day in the shape of a blow dryer!!!
September 12, 2014
September 12, 2014
Well it's that time of year again... I still miss you like it was yesterday.. I see you every time I see your daughter.. She acts just like you to! Love you so much baby sister!
October 18, 2013
October 18, 2013
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY ANGEL IN HEAVEN. We miss you more than words can ever express. As I sit here wondering what life would be like if you were here with us, I can imagine you smiling and laughing.. Making us all laugh with your crazy humor. I could imagine you playing with your daughter, We Miss you my angel.. Until we hold hands in Heaven watch over us Sweet Angel. Love you. MOM
September 28, 2013
September 28, 2013
Shandi, today marks the eighth year that we have had to move on in our lives without your beautiful smile! Oh my god what I would give to have you in Nikaylas life, she would love you! I die a little more every September knowing that it's just another year without you, it way have been 8 years ago but it feels like just yesterday! Honestly you feel like a long lost friend! I love you!
September 4, 2013
September 4, 2013
Love and miss you Shan!!! We think about you everyday!!!
September 4, 2013
September 4, 2013
Thinking of you today as usual. Shiann came across the woman that took you away from us so many years ago. I knew you had to be watching over Shi by helping her to walk away without making a big mistake that could change our lives forever again. We all knew this day would come. God helped us through it and I know you had your hand in on it. We love and miss you every minute. MOM
September 2, 2012
September 2, 2012
I hate it when this month comes... Knowing it will be 7 years since we lost you. God gave you to us on loan and wanted you back.. As hard as we all fought... God won... I hope you are dancing in heaven.. You loved to dance and you danced your way there.. We love and miss you more and more each day. I so wish you would visit me in my dreams every night.. I love you my angel... and miss you
September 2, 2012
September 2, 2012
Sis, My heart is left with emptiness without you. I always wonder where you are and want to hold you one more time. I need my little sissy back. It has been 7 years when god called you home but you took a piece of my with you. I miss you everyday and hope that you are in a good place, and that you check on me from. I still wait for your phone call just to say I love you. I miss you sissy.

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September 28, 2021
September 28, 2021
Here we are again my baby girl. Still missing you like I have been for the last 16 years. Still seems like yesterday. My heart still is empty without you. Your sisters and brother are so wonderful but they miss you so much. I so wish you could know their kids, they would love auntie Shandi.. Cami is so beautiful, she is so grown, so YOU! . Everything about her is you..I know you watch over her.  She is your twin.  You would be so proud.  I love you my angel, I miss you so much.  Until we meet....I love you and watch over all of us❤
September 28, 2021
September 28, 2021
It’s hard to believe 16 years have gone by…you are not forgotten!!!
September 26, 2020
September 26, 2020
Goodmorning beautiful girl, here we are again, 15 years later, my heart still the same...lost and broken . Your memory etched in my soul. I sit here thinking about you . Your in my heart and in my mind. The what if's have never went away. Every word, every thought, every second of 15 years ago is ingrained in my soul. Some days are better than others but all in all, your on my mind in everything I do or say. "Shandi would have loved that", "shandi would have done this or that".. i know that you have had a part or had a hand in everything that has happened in our lives. You have had a hand in saving your sister and brothers life more than once. You have made sure the others had beautiful lives. As you know, I ask you for help when times get rough. Your always there..❤❤ you give me answers when I am weakening and want to give up. Everyone thinks I am such a strong person.. i can put on a good face because deep down you know how weak I really am. You give me strength, you give me hope. You give me dreams. Your memory gives me all that I need in life to keep going on. My kids are my life❤❤❤ you are my life. ❤ I pray that you are always watching over us, I pray that you are happy, dancing in heaven with Jesus, talking care of the loved ones we have lost. Your daughter Camrenn is so beautiful, she is your twin. Everything about her is YOU❤❤ I AM SURE YOU ARE SO PROUD. We are!!!! I think God gave usCami, just so we could see you every second that your not here. I remember today 15 years ago so well,  sitting at the end of that hospital bed, praying that you could just wake up. Today was the day that man brought me a daisy, telling me that some little girl that he didn't know walked up to him and said " give this to shandi's mom, she's going to be just fine". No one knew this little girl or where she came from. You knew her! It was you!! You were sending me a message i would someday figure out. As you know I put that flower on your chest, it layed there never being touched again until I saw that it was dead. All wilted and shriveled up. I picked it up, and tossed it in a glass of water that was going to be thrown away. I didn't throw it away, I forgot about it.  The next day, I was standing at your side talking to you, I turned away, I needed to look at the sky to take a breath and pray.. i looked down in that cup of water. There was that dead daisy standing tall and beautiful. Standing straight up in the middle of that cup. Nothing holding it up. It was alive, it was standing on its own. It was in full bloom...just like you... You gave me a message that took some time to sink in. You gave me a message that you knew I needed to know.. a message I needed to know to be able to survive this horrible loss. . Even though in our eyes things die all the time but they really dont... they are there, to make our hearts happy, to let us know that even though your body was physically not going to be with me, that your spirit was.... those daisies are now tattooed on my arm. I carry you with me every second. You will never leave me❤ i love you my beautiful daughter. I miss your beautiful EVERYTHING! 
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The greatest sister anyone could ask for

October 21, 2014

Sissy, I was going to leave you a message for your birthday but I talked to u and u were there to celebrate with us and showed us that u are our light. I miss you more than words can say and I wish u could meet my beautiful baby boy Jordan Riley. He is just like his daddy. He is so wonderful and wish u could be here to watch as we all grow older. Sissy were almost in the 30's. I never thought I would have to dream about you to see you and it hurts. Sissy I could use your guidance through life and help me stop all these tears I cry for you. I still go to our spots and tell everyone about u. U are my light and my angel. Give my dad hugs and kisses and tell uncle bob and grandpa that I love andiss them a lot also. Keep dancing and know I will never let our memories and dreams go. I love you with all my heart. Keep dancing in heaven my angel. Please guide me.    Love always....your brother

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