This memorial website was created in the memory of our loved one, Shandi Griffin, 18, born on October 18, 1986 and passed away on September 28, 2005. We will remember her forever.
Our broken link
Shandi Rae was born on October 18, 1986. She came into this world kickin and screamin,, She was my 3rd child and the wildest, spunkiest of all.. She was happiest when she was making someone laugh. She cared for everyone she met and gave her friendship to many. Not that it always stayed that way if you crossed her. Her friends knew her as the one that would scrap with the biggest, as long as she was getting her point across. She was not scared of anyone or anything.. This included her brother and sisters. Her smile and laughter was what kept us all going in tough times. She brought a beautiful baby girl into this world one year before her passing. Camrenn Carol. This little girl lives on in her mother in every way shape and form. Her face, her smile, her voice, her walk, her smell.. It is like Shandi all over.. She will never get to know her mother and know how wonderful she was.. Cami watches her memorial video over and over with little tears flowing. Grandma.. when will I get to be with my mommy? As a grandmother, my heart breaks knowing she will never get to enjoy special mommy moments, birthdays, 1st day of school, mothers day and giving her mommy that plaster hand that says I love you mommy, her prom, boyfriends, a wedding and her children. Her mommy will have to enjoy her from Heaven.
Shandi's life was cut short on Sept 25th, 2005 when she was shot by a meth addict, drunk that she thought was her friend.
She stayed with us for a few days where we had to watch the life in her slowly slip away. Now came the time for choices... the choice a mother should never have to make.. a choice that no mother could ever imagine. It was the worst slap in the face a person could have. It was right in front of me. Knowing Shandi's life would never be the same as she would never wake up, she would never laugh again, she would never cry again. She would never be able to enjoy her daughter. I could have her body..but not her beautiful living soul. Her baby daughter would have to watch her lifeless body stuggle to stay alive because I did not want to give her up.. I could never watch her live this way so I had to make the decision to give her back to God. As much as I was swearing at God for doing this. I knew I did not have a choice..I could not battle God over her as he was taking his child back to fulfill his plan.. THIS WAS NOT MY plan damn it !!!.. He should not be taking her from us.. Its not fair..Again.this was decision a mother should NEVER have to make...We made sure some things were taken care of before I would have to watch them pull all live saving measures from her. She had a special visit from her brother before she went to be with God.. The last memory of them together was him bending down to kiss her knowing it was the last time he would ever see his sister.Her friends came to see her, Jason made sure the song "One more day" was playing for her.. as that is what we wanted.. Just one more day...NO. !! not one more day.. I wanted a lifetime with her. But this was not going to happen. The donor team was called in to make sure she lived on in others but Shandi saw things a different way. She was not going out easy.. Even with her body slowly slipping away she was not giving up. That last breath was not coming. She was not going out this way. The next morning she was still fighting.. I knew then it was time to take her home. She wanted to be at home with her family. She was not going to take her last breaths in this hospital. I made arrangements to take her home. Normally this is not what hospitals do but at this point they had no choice. I was taking her home one way or another. They complied. I was told they did not think she would make it on the trip back to Helena but I had to take that chance. I rode with them praying all the way.. It seemed like the longest trip ever.. We made it..As we approached Helena I told the guy, could you please put the sirens on.. Shandi always wanted to make an entrance wherever she went so this was her going to be her final entrance. They were happy to do this. Watching the whole town pull over and move out the way for her was almost honoring.. We arrived at home at 3:32pm. When we pulled in I saw my newphew standing on my deck with a huge angel carved out of wood, He chainsaw carved my girl. There were ballons, and streamers saying welcome home Shandi, All the kids and my friends were waiting for her.. She was HOME !! Her sisters and I spent the day with her, painting her fingernails, putting make-up on her, Just laying with her letting her know we were all there with her. Her nephew Braydun, covering her with flowers.. Knowing her time was short, there was not a minute we wanted to be away from her. Watching her slowing leave us was the hardest thing in life anyone should ever have to go through. At 10:30 pm her breathing starting getting more labored but she was still hanging in there. At one point I walked back to my bedroom to just sit alone for a minute as I knew her time was short. I made it to the bedroom and sat down when the kids started to scream at me. I ran down the hallway. "she is not breathing mom.. help her, mom save her.. please mom." those screams were like knives.. those words echoed in my head and still do.. All I could think of was to hit her chest.. It worked.. She was breathing again. I again walked down the hall. to get my breath, to try to get my wits to me, I spoke the words.. "There is going to be a time when I cant save her". Those words barely got out of my mouth and the screams from the kids started again. I ran down the hall once again, Her she was breathing was still there but only a breath here and there. As I approached her, I looked at her and the kids. I knew in my heart this had to end. I knew she was slipping away. I knew it was time we let her go... let her go to her other home. I told the kids.."its time,, its time to let her go. She needs to go... We all covered her with out bodies, Telling her how much we loved her. She took her last breath, Our hands on her heart.. We felt that last heart beat.... She was gone.. Its not possible... This is just not possible.. My beautiful daughter was gone.. At 10:55, That would be an hour that as her mother will never forget.,10:55 is etched in my heart.. Now came the time I had to call the ambulance and coroner. This was even harder as I knew they were taking her forever.. they arrived... Watching them wrap her in a white sheet.. OMG this was not happening. But it is... Our final goodbye seemed like it lasted forever.. Waching from the deck, Her being loaded in a ambulance... Our hearts were being torn apart.. As they started to drive out of the long driveway, Her sister Jerika starting screaming and running down the driveway.. She wanted her sister back..Her falling in the driveway to her knees.. watching her sister being carried away.. This site also etched in my mind forever and I am sure her's also..
Our lived changed forever that day.. A day we will never forget every second.. every word, every smell.. etched in our memory ... FOREVER... As a mom, I remember when I felt her 1st heart beat.. and then her last.. My heart went with hers... We miss her so much words could never explain.. She is always in our hearts..Her memory will live on forever. We love you Shandi Rae..
Tributes
Leave a tributeI pray that you are happy in Heaven.. I know that you are dancing just like you danced here on earth. I know you are making people happy and have them laughing just like you did here.. They are so lucky to have you.. I only wish it were me.. Love you with all my heart my angel.. Missing you more and more. Save a place for me right next to you as someday my wishes will come true.. Love, ALWAYS AND FOREVER... MOM..
Leave a Tribute
The greatest sister anyone could ask for
Sissy, I was going to leave you a message for your birthday but I talked to u and u were there to celebrate with us and showed us that u are our light. I miss you more than words can say and I wish u could meet my beautiful baby boy Jordan Riley. He is just like his daddy. He is so wonderful and wish u could be here to watch as we all grow older. Sissy were almost in the 30's. I never thought I would have to dream about you to see you and it hurts. Sissy I could use your guidance through life and help me stop all these tears I cry for you. I still go to our spots and tell everyone about u. U are my light and my angel. Give my dad hugs and kisses and tell uncle bob and grandpa that I love andiss them a lot also. Keep dancing and know I will never let our memories and dreams go. I love you with all my heart. Keep dancing in heaven my angel. Please guide me. Love always....your brother